“No, Hyun. I’m not ok…,” replied the girl as the watershed of tears increased. “I have said, on more than one occasion, I broke up with the loser. Yet, you just don’t seem to understand that.”
“Well, what the hell did you expect, girl? How many times have you said just that in the past? Only you show up at school the very next day with the dude draped all over you.” Hyun knew her riposte was cruel, but she’d had it with the wishy-washy bullshit Kimberly had been laying on her for so long.
Kimberly wiped at her tears. She was angry now, but they kept coming despite all her efforts. “Jesus Christ, Hyun, you don’t think I already had that shit in the back of my mind every time I opened my mouth to say it?”
Hyun forced herself to not reply, curious now. This appeared to be a Kimberly that had not shown herself in quite some time. She was being honest with not just her, but with herself as well. She had not done this in years.
“I left him, Hyun. I said fuck-off and… I left him,” continued Kimberly, each word throaty and raw.
Hyun knew this girl before her. She was the one who spoke from the center of herself.
“He tried his stupid-ass shit on me one time too many and I left him. I told him if he tried anything - anything - like he had before, I was going to fucking kill his ass.”
Hyun’s brow furled. What the hell is she talking about?
“I warned him, you know. I told him no more pushing or shoving. No more meth. No nothing.” Kimberly did not stop. “As usual, though, he didn’t listen. He didn’t think I’d put my foot down and keep it there. Just like you, he figured I’d cave in like always and take him back regardless of what he did or what he said.” Kimberly brushed at a stray strand of hair that had become mired in the trail of her tears. “But, he was wrong, just like you are wrong now. I am done with all that crap, Hyun. I want to be myself again. I want to do what I like to do. I was finally doing just that when all this stuff happened.” Her mouth twisted. It made her look cruel. “Now I’m stuck here with monsters in every corner, fighting for life for real. No metaphor, no simile - for real – I’m just as frightened of that as I am of not caring. I want to care. I want to be a part of something. I don’t want the past to define me anymore. I am so done with all that stuff, Hyun. I’m tired of it, tired of carrying the burden around. I miss my friends… I miss who I was before he took it all away from me and turned me into a piece of trash.”
…A piece of trash? Kimmy, what are you talking about? No man can ever turn you into anything unless you let…
Oh, fuck…!
Hyun was so perturbed, she could not speak. In her mind, she knew her eyes were big. They would be gushing with the dread she felt welling in her heart. Oh god, please no…, was all she could begin to think. She kept repeating it in her mind over and over. She did not want to say the wrong thing. Kimberly had never even come close to mentioning why things between her and Sonny had deteriorated so far. What she was currently describing was brand, spanking new.
“Kimmy, I’m sorry. I did not know,” she said with quiet introspection, trying not to set the girl off. Inside though, her blood was beginning to boil. That son of a bitch made you didn’t he? That bastard beat it into you, so you would believe it all to be true – that you were nothing, that you were trash… She took a breath and held it. Oh, how I wish I could get my hands on you, Sonny! Oh, how sweet would that be. It was a calculated notion, perused and considered with cool detachment, like taking out the garbage. If Sonny had been anywhere near Hyun Jin Kwon, he would have run the other way in fright. It would have taken but a single glance at her face.
That was when she caught just a glimpse of Kimberly’s expression before she turned away from her. Her hand had been blocking some of it from view, but not enough to hide it altogether.
Haunted?
Was there something else?
“Kim?” Hyun scooted forward on the lawn chair to the edge of her butt, moving as close as she could without falling. She reached out to put a hand on the other girl’s knee.
Kimberly shuddered under her touch.
“You have to tell me. Whatever it is, you have to tell me. I can see it’s killing you to keep it hidden.”
Kimberly turned toward her, more tears gathering, threatening to fall.
This was not what focused Hyun’s attention to a laser-fine point. It was the stark fear written on the other girl’s face that stopped her cold. It made her heart leap into her chest.
Kimmy, what…? A fragmented though lost in silence made horrible with apprehension.
“Jesus Christ, Kimberly.” Hyun looked at her with a deepening scowl, her brain on fire. “What’s going on? What do I not know?”
Kimberly let out a fluttering sigh as though the action was beyond her control. She blinked her eyes in rapid succession, shedding tears. “He trapped me, Hyun…,” was all she managed before a strangled cry stifled whatever else she was going to say.
“What the hell do you mean? How did he trap you?” Her confusion turned to protective concern.
Kimberly was beginning to sob with small, helpless groans, welling up from somewhere deep inside. “He… h-he… he-e-e got real high one d-day a-about a year and a ha-ha-half ago. He said he was tired of w-wa-waiting for me to g-get the courage. He s-s-said he wanted to… y-yo-you know… to… to b-be with me…”
“My god, Kim, you were only thirteen then, what the fu -.”
“I know, Hyun!” She was not about to stop now.
Somehow Hyun knew this and shut her mouth.
“I know, bu-but he smelled so bad and looked like fu-fu-fu-fucking shit, and I was still a vur-virgin, so I said no.”
Oh my god! No Kimberly! No. No. No. Nonononononono! I don’t think I can stand this!
The Emo teen began to sob again. It looked as though she could not go on, but after a few huge breathes, she found her voice. “H-h-h-he got mad at me. He hit m-me w-w-with his fists. He knocked me down. I was s-s-so-so stunned. I-I… I didn’t know what w-wa-was happening until I felt-t-t him yank down my je-jeans…”
Hyun came off the lawn chair. Her knees struck the carpeted floor, but it did not register – her eyes, her mind, her body, her soul were all for Kimberly.
“…I-I-I promise, Hyun! I tried t-to-to fight him. But, my head was p-pounding an-an-and he was too strong-g-g. I tried, Hyun. I promise I did. It didn’t mah-ter-r…, th-though. He raped me on the floor of his bro-th-hers apartment. He turn-ned me-me into tr-tr-trash… He made me worth-l-le-less!” She cried in earnest then and could not continue. Her vile secret was out and with it came an absolute deluge of tears.
Hyun could almost feel the shame exuding from the girl in one palatable wave after another. It pissed her off. “You have nothing to be ashamed of, Kimberly. It was his fault not yours. He is the one to blame, not you!” she said as she surged forward, ignoring the tearing sensations, searing across her back. She was oblivious to the pain. Kimberly needed her. She surrounded the other girl with her arms, trying to hug as much of her as she could, holding her tight, though her back protested.
Kimberly continued to cry. Her own arms reached up and about Hyun, clinging onto her for dear life as if she was trying to keep from drowning. “Ever since th-then, I felt li-li-like I was nothing. So, I just let him do wa-whatever-er,” she mumbled into Hyun’s shoulder.
“If we ever get back home, Kimberly…” It was pointless to say the rest. There was no need.
They stayed like that for more minutes than Hyun cared to count, let alone remember. Clutching at each other, rebuilding some of what they'd lost, Hyun was suddenly filled with despair. She began to cry as well. Her own guilt multiplied by the second. She began to understand the real reason why her one-time friend had changed so much over the last two years. She was not the selfish bitch that Hyun made her out to be. She was not the heartless, shameless wretch. She was not some embittered teen who let her boyfriend beat up on some kid four years younger and fifty pounds lighter than him. She was not th
e person who did not care about anyone or anything. She was not the drugged out waste everyone thought she was. She was not the girl who was so stuck on her boyfriend, nothing else mattered. She was Kimberly – Kimmy - caught up in things that had spiraled so horribly out of control she had lost herself. She was lost. She forgot the mettle that forged who and what she was. She was a…
…victim?
Oh my god what have I done?
The word hit Hyun like the surging waters of a tsunami. It was a wave of loathing that kept getting deeper and stronger with every passing second. It so thick with debris and tertiary thoughts, the constant bombardment itself was just too much to comprehend. It was too much to process. All she could do was cry. Cry for the innocence her friend had once possessed. Cry for all the time they had lost between them. Cry at the fact she felt like a complete turd for not being able to see through all the bullshit. Cry for not being intuitive enough, brave enough, strong enough to help her friend. All she could do, all she could manage, all she could muster were tears. She would weep for Kim, weep for -.
That was when she felt it, a kind of deep, bone-warming sensation. First on her back, then throughout her entire body, and then (she would have sworn to God himself) she felt it in the nucleus that made her, her.
It was a pulsing, like the beat of tiny, second heart. It was a small thrumming of such efficiency and economy it rocked her from the top of her head to the soft soles of her feet. Before it, every fiber of negativity, remorse, self-incrimination, sorrow, heartache and a million other dirty, rotten things she had held in the centermost recesses of her spirit, melted away. They simply were no more. Though she did not know it at the time, though her ears heard every single utterance, her mind did not register a single word. The rapture had come for her and she basked in the pure goodness of what had engulfed her world. She was oblivious in every sense of the word.
If she had not been in such a state of overwhelming change, she would have felt the small hand on her back and heard the tiny voice speaking.
Maybe she would have seen the soft, golden light surrounding her and Kimberly both. If she had, it would've been as if the sun itself had fallen from the sky and blanketed them in its’ brilliant corona.
It was heaven.
Of that she was sure.
~~~~~~~<<< ᴥ >>>~~~~~~~
~ 29 ~
Injury
Day Four, Sunday, 5:01 pm…
Elena could not remember the last time she felt as relaxed and stress-free as she did at that moment. Nothing could better. Things being what they were, sitting on the air mattresses with Mikalah and Louis, playing with all their newfound toys was the best. The ability to have fun - pure and simple fun - by itself was like Christmas, a holiday they would not celebrate this year. There was no way. They would not be back home in time.
It was still a small consolation that all the toys, like everything else, had transmuted with the store. Now, they were for her and Louis and Mikalah to play with. Every single one of them, and that was good enough to make her feel happy, if only for a while.
There were so many!
There were Lego building blocks of every imaginable type. There were Bionicles, Barbie dolls, dollhouses, Magnetiks, iDogs and Robo-Raptors, and toy animals both stuffed and plastic. There were Hot Wheels by the thousands. There was just about action figure ever made, complete with their complimentary accessories. They could play for days and still not play with the same thing twice. It did not matter if there was no electricity running through the store. There were so many batteries lying about that they could play with just about every toy in the place!
For now though, they were playing with the action figures. They were not playing anything specific, not even following any sort of plan or dialogue or set of rules or theme. Rather, they played at whatever came to mind, at whatever made their imaginations run wild. What else would one do while playing with Transformers, Bionicles, WWE, Bakugan, DC and Marvel, even Star Wars action figures all at once? One would have to play along some distorted, unconventional storyline, right?
Sure!
More than once, all three of them had laughed aloud at the funny scenarios they were inventing. The storyline of their game changed every time they introduced one arch-type after another. They each added to the plot with such wild convolutions, it was amazing they could keep at it. Each time they did this, they increased the side-stories and intrigues three-fold. To anyone older than twelve years of age, it would have been mindboggling.
Louis spoke, scattering Elena’s thoughts.
“Hey do you guys want to meet Optimus Prime’s not so powerful and hesitant younger brother?” he asked with an overdone look of seriousness on his face. It made him look comical.
“Sure,” replied Mikalah.
Elena only nodded at the boy.
He pulled a small, beat-up looking robot from somewhere behind him. Louis announced, “Hello, I am Primarily Optimistic,” in a squeaky, pathetic voice.
Elena could not help but laugh. She buried her face in one of the open sleeping bags as tears of mirth welled up in her eyes. Her chest began to hurt from the exertion. Yet, she could not stop laughing. She could hear the others laughing alongside her, giggling as much at her as they were at Louis’s jibe. It seemed like a full minute later when she picked herself up from the soft bedding and glanced over at her two companions. They were still giggling across from her.
“Louis, you are so funny. You made me cry,” choked Elena through bubbling rushes of laughter, still impeding her ability to speak.
There was a mischievous glimmer in Louis eyes as he glanced between the two sisters. Then, he broke off into a short fit of laughter himself. “You liked that one, huh?”
“Yup, that was funny,” chimed-in Elena’s sister, wiping at her own eyes.
“I don’t know where they come from, but I know deep down inside… I have a million of them!” he joked, trying to do his best Groucho Marks. He failed so bad both of the girls were bouncing with giggles.
Holy cow! That was pathetic, thought Elena, though she laughed just the same.
“Have you ever thought of becoming a comedian when you get older?” asked Elena, believing, even at his young age, he could succeed in that line of work.
Louis chuckled a bit longer. He looked at Elena with a touch more seriousness than he had a moment ago. “No, I like to laugh and make people laugh at the same time, but I have always dreamed of being a doctor.”
“Really?” questioned Elena, twice as interested as before. She gave Mikalah an excited grin, which her sister returned, because she knew the source of her enthusiasm.
“Yeah, really. I have wanted to be a doctor for as long as I can remember. I mean, I thought of becoming a chef from time to time, because I like food so much,” he rubbed his round tummy with a goofy grin. “But the thought of helping people always creeps back up the surface of my brain. I have a feeling it would be the right thing for me to do when my life comes back. Although, I’m not sure I’d be smart enough to get through all the schoolwork,” he finished. His expression became wistful as if he were gazing far into the future at something only he could see.
“That is so weird, Louis,” remarked Elena.
She received a stunned “why” expression from the boy.
“Not that you want to be a doctor is weird. I don’t mean that,” she explained, chuckling before she could stop herself. The kid’s impression of her comment had been way off. “What I mean is, since I was a little, little girl, I have always wanted to be a Pediatrician.”
“No way,” replied the boy. The coincidence was difficult to take as real.
“Way, Louis. She’s not lying. She has said she has wanted to be a kid-doctor since she was real small. In fact, I think she was saying that before I could walk,” mused Mikalah, looking back at Elena with a knowing smile.
“What a funny coincidence, huh?” contemplated Louis, scratching at his head. “I mean what are the chances that two of the Twelve
would both want to be doctors.” He shook his head in thought. “Well, that’s good, Elena. If you want to be a doctor too, you can go to work every day and help people get better, and make the world a better place to live – just like me!” He pointed at himself and beamed.
“I know, huh?” responded Mikalah. She was in awe over the odds, a smile of wonderment on her face. “Out of the millions and millions of kids in the world only we Twelve were chosen and yet two of us wanted to help cure people’s illnesses. That’s pretty cool, if you ask me.”
Elena was about to agree when she thought she heard a strange sound, but was not sure. The sound made her turn and look over her shoulder.
She saw Hyun reach for Kimberly almost out of desperation. She crouched over the Emo waif from a kneeling position, hugging her.
Though Elena could not see either of their faces, gladness filled her. She hoped the teenage girls had finally made up and were going to be friends again. She turned back toward Louis and Mikalah.
“Well, I hope the grudge between Kimberly and Hyun has been finally squashed.” She pointed toward them over her shoulder.
Mikalah looked up at her, glancing over where she had indicated.
Elena saw her sister’s brow furl with concern as she looked at the older girls, surprise filling her. There was no relief or happiness in the cast of her face, as she had expected. Elena spun around to look back at the girls.
In that instant, she realized they were both crying, without control. This was not out of joy or any sort of merriment she could see. Her first guess had been completely wrong. She was dumbstruck.
They were in pain.
She could see that.
But in a kind of an agony she was too young to understand. The feelings flowing from the teenagers were too complicated. They were too intense with too many layers for her to understand. She was unsure of what she should do. Should she get up? Should she see what the matter was? Should she call for her brother? Should she just ignore them and let them work things out between them? What should she do? Would they even want her around, someone as young and inexperienced as her?
Winter's Fury - Volume Two of The Saga of the Twelves Page 35