by Debra Kayn
Raul turned and motioned her into the kitchen. "Come here."
She walked around the counter and stood in front of him. He studied her without touching any part of her body. The spot between her shoulders ached, not so much from the long motorcycle ride but from all the information she'd heard and the proof of Rain and Raul's friendship. Even when she was in Palm Springs, she was never truly alone because she had her memories of Raul. Those memories now stripped from her head as lies.
"Been thinking." Raul sighed heavily, swallowed, and continued in a lower voice. "Rain will help me get you out safely. It's not good enough for me that you hide out here. I need you away where no one can find you."
Her legs trembled, and she grabbed onto the counter. "Where?"
"I'll call my contact in the morning. He'll get things set up to escort you out of Pitnam and put you in a safe house until I make sure every target is off you." Raul stepped toward her and cupped her face. "I promise you, when I'm finished, I'll figure a way we can be together. I need time to settle everything and secure my position with the club."
He had no idea. She was an expert on surviving, and she'd never rely on anyone, not even the federal government. She laughed in disbelief, shaking her head. Hysteria threatened to make her go insane. His rejection, so similar to the last time she dealt with being tossed to the side, she feared losing herself. She'd never survive going through hell twice.
Raul tightened his hold and pressed his forehead against hers. "Let's bed down. You're exhausted. We can talk more tomorrow, all right?"
She inhaled a shuddering breath to stop the panic. Her body continued to vibrate, and she couldn't fight off the chill. She'd lost her freedom, she'd lost Raul, and if she allowed herself to accept the changes, she'd lose what little control she held on to.
Raul's decisions for her unknowingly pushed him out of her life. The Mexican Mafia wanted her dead or worse, wanted to sell her overseas until she wished for death. If anything went wrong, Rain would kill her, and Raul expected her to rest comfortably in the same house as Tori and Lilly, where they reminded her of everything she'd never have in her life?
She wasn't the one losing her mind. She was probably the only sane one of them left.
Chapter Thirteen
In the dark, cradled underneath Raul, Crystal clung to his shoulders, her legs locked around his hips. Raul thrust his cock deep inside of her, holding himself back. Her emotional distance worried him.
"Crystal." He put his lips to the side of her neck. "Let me help you relax."
Despite his cock buried in her pussy, her sex tight around him and obviously aroused, she stiffened underneath him at his request. He kissed the tender skin below her ear. "Don't shut yourself off. Not now."
She trembled, and her hair brushed his shoulders at her nod. Damn, she was something. He unloaded a shit ton of reality on her, rocked her world, and she still tried to please him. He moved his hips, sliding back and forth inside her of her. "Not letting you go again."
He'd slept with many women, but not one of them had he ever felt like he'd arrived home when he was inside of her. He belonged in her, held in her arms, her breath on his body, her nails embedded in his skin, her legs locked around him.
Everything was right in the world when he was home.
"Please." She moaned, arching against him.
He leaned his weight onto his left arm, and reached between their bodies with his other hand. He fingered her sex, stroking lightly. She moved with him, rocking the bed. His heart raced and the back of his thighs spasmed. He wanted to go on like this forever, but he knew one of them was going to careen over the edge, and he was damn well going to make sure she went first.
"That's it, mi vida. Give it to me." He continued rubbing her. "I've got you."
Crystal pushed herself off the bed to match each stroke. He gave her more, harder and faster. A streak of pleasure traveled down his spine, landing between his legs and at the same time Crystal moaned in climax. Intense pleasure shot through him and he plunged deeper, holding himself still, enjoying the way her body spasmed around his cock as he shot his load.
Hot and totally spent, he rolled to the side, taking her with him. He kissed her upturned lips. Every single time after they had sex, she'd mold herself against him and tonight wasn't any different after the night they had.
She held on to him, and her hand lazily caressed him, giving him the confidence that they'd work through their issues once he dealt with Garcia. Though he never said anything, his favorite part of the day was after they'd had sex and she lay in his arms with all her defenses down.
He required no words to describe what they shared. He rode on feelings, taking from her and giving her back everything he had. With all the lies between them out in the open, he had one thing he could give her fully, himself.
After a few minutes, he pulled himself away, removed the condom, and headed to the bathroom. When he returned to the bed, Crystal lay on her side, fast asleep. He stood at the edge of the mattress, glad to see he'd succeeded in getting her to relax enough she stopped thinking and rested.
He'd waited for the questions to come all evening. Once they retired to the spare bedroom in Rain's house, she never asked him one thing about his past, his plans, or how deep he was in with the Mexican Mafia. He slid under the covers and pulled her against his chest, wrapping his arm around her waist. It was almost as if she ignored what he'd told her or trusted him completely.
Tomorrow, he'd talk with her again, and if she still held herself back from him, he'd get her to open up until she understood he was doing the best thing for her by getting her away from everyone. Solitary confinement wouldn't last forever. Just until he could bring down Garcia and secure his future with the Lagsturns without being found out for a Fed.
He wanted to trust her, but years of work and the payback if something went wrong, meant he couldn't trust anyone with her. At this point, all he could do was continue protecting her and deal with the ramifications of his decisions afterward.
Raul closed his eyes. Not for the first time, he wondered if it'd been worth the career choice to work inside the biker world. He spooned Crystal, curving his legs behind hers. He'd converted to accepting the lawless lifestyle, the freedom, the family that he'd earned by joining the Lagsturns.
In many ways, he found acceptance and a natural hierarchy, where in the bureau, politics directed positioning and no matter what, there was always a right and wrong. Running the MC, he'd learned most areas were gray and justice usually prevailed in time.
He didn't always agree on the members' choices, but they had his back. He even respected them, even if he didn't trust them completely. He sprawled his fingers on Crystal's stomach, relaxing. He could separate the Lagsturns from those he was going after. It was all about choices and watching out for his club.
A soft knock from the other side of the room roused him. He lifted his head, reaching for his pistol under the pillow, and looked toward the door in the dark. Sliding away from Crystal, he pulled on a pair of jeans, shoved the gun in the back of his waistband, and opened the door.
Rain lifted his chin, motioning him out into the hall. He quietly closed the door and followed Rain down the stairs and to the living room without speaking. Raul needed this time away from Crystal to talk to Rain, man to man. He hated involving the Bantorus MC, but he needed his woman removed from the Lagsturns.
"We need to talk." Rain sat down on the couch.
"Yeah." Raul took the chair in front of the fireplace. "I'm sorry for dumping this on you. Tried to handle it myself, but then I brought Crystal back into the Lagsturns before I could get her clear of the Mafia. The one secure place I could think to bring her is here, hoping you'd keep her safe."
"This is what happens." Rain stretched out his legs and crossed his ankles on the coffee table. The relaxed position in no way distracted Raul from the tension in the room. "I'll get Crystal out of here tomorrow. Either you can find someone to take her out of here, or I will. T
hen you're gone. I have your back, brother, but I will not have you in my home, around my girls, bringing trouble into Pitnam after tonight. My members respect me. I'll go to the table and explain your visit away as Crystal needing to make peace with Tori. But I will not lie to them, and I don't want a shitstorm coming into Pitnam"
Raul nodded. "That'll work. I'll call in now and set things in motion, let you know where the meet up will be to get Crystal out of town."
"Right." Rain planted his feet on the floor and stood.
Raul followed his movements, and met him in the middle of the room. "I owe you."
Rain clamped his hand on Raul's shoulder. "We're even. You saved Tori. I'll save Crystal for you."
"I'll accept that." Raul relaxed, reaching into his pocket for his cell, he mumbled, "Shit. I destroyed my phone."
"First drawer by the fridge. Use the pre-pay. There are extra cards in there too." Rain walked to the stairs, and climbed the steps.
After setting up the phone, Raul stood in the kitchen. He gazed out the window, blind to the night. When his contact picked up the call, he said, "7-4-2-9-8-1."
Without giving any information away, he set up a meet and left all other details out of the call. He had no other choice than to send Crystal away and hope someone in the FBI took her deep underground until he could make it back to her.
Chapter Fourteen
The third step from the bottom of the stairs creaked. Crystal's breath echoed in her ears. The rapid beat of her heart caused her hands to shake, and it took all her concentration to hold her finger steady to hit the green button on the security alarm beside the Brookshire's front door.
"I don't think so," Tori's soft voice came from behind Crystal.
Every muscle in Crystal's body constricted, spiking her adrenaline. She dropped her hand from the door handle and turned slowly. She'd lain awake while Raul talked to Rain downstairs, and had waited until he'd finally returned and gone to sleep before sneaking out of the room. She hadn't planned on a confrontation with Tori, or her stopping her departure from the house.
"Do I need to ask your permission to leave?" Crystal crossed her arms.
"Absolutely not," Tori whispered. "Except I know the man upstairs that you left alone in bed loves you more than he's able to express, and he needs someone he can trust beside him. I just haven't figured out why that person is you, because I think he deserves a woman who is strong and will stand beside him through everything he's going through. So, I won't stop you if you feel you have to run. I've been where you are myself, wanting to escape because it was easier than dealing with your problems. I was lucky and Rain ran with me. You have to understand thought that because of who Raul is and what is going on in his life—which I don't know why he's here, but I imagine it's not good since he's blowing everything by coming to our house—he's not going to have the time to catch you."
Club life didn't provide many opportunities for chitchat among the women outside of the Lagsturns. Everyone paid attention to his or her own life, and not the lives of the others. It was the club's creed to depend on the family for all matters.
"You're just full of advice regarding my love life, aren't you?" she said.
Tori's head came back. "Maybe you need my help. Have you ever thought about that?"
To hear Tori tell her that Raul loved her made her more determined to leave. Crystal glanced up the stairs. "I need to leave for other reasons than my relationship with Raul. He'll survive and move on. Tell him…I'm sorry."
"Why should I?" Tori asked.
Crystal stiffened at the attitude thrown at her. "Maybe because you care about him. I'm not the only one in his life. From what I've heard in the last twelve hours, you probably know him better than I do. He doesn't need to worry about me during this time. I've survived fine on my own, and I can't—"
"Tori?" Rain's voice boomed in the entryway as the light came on. "Want to tell me why you weren't in bed, and I find you down here by the door with Crystal?"
Tori eyes lit up and her lips twitched in amusement. "It looks like I'm not the only one who has an urge to go jogging in the early morning hours."
Rain frowned, studying both his wife and Crystal, and then once he took in the situation, he tilted his head back and yelled, "Raul, get your ass down here."
"Shit," Crystal muttered, turning away from them both and pacing the entryway. "Can a person even decide her own fate without taking it to the club…any club?"
A door slammed shut upstairs, followed by the wail of a baby. Tori sighed before walking to Rain, grabbing his hand, and leading him up the stairs. Raul passed the Brookshires on the steps, ignoring both of them, because he'd locked his gaze on Crystal. She shivered and crossed her arms. This was not going to go down well.
Raul stalked straight to the door and stood inches in front of her. "What the hell are you doing?"
She swallowed. "We need to talk."
"You think?" Raul's mouth tightened. "I spill my guts, take care of you, fuck you, and then I get woke up to find out you were going to skip out on me? What the hell?"
"Please, not so loud. You'll wake the baby again and piss off Rain," she said.
"Fuck Rain. You're—"
A door upstairs slammed, followed by Tori telling Rain to leave Raul alone.
Tori waited until she heard the door click shut again and pulled Raul into the living room. "There are things you don't know, that you can't know, and with everything going on in your life, I need to go."
"Go where?" He held his arms out to his sides. "Where the hell would you go that you'd be safe?"
Good question. Nowhere was safe. The Mexican Mafia had people all over the United States. But, staying and going along with Raul's plans would cause him more trouble once someone found out her real name.
"I'll go far away. Somewhere the Mafia can't touch me." She hooked her hair behind her ear. "In a year, I'll make contact with Rain and ask about you. If it's safe at that time, then we'll go from there."
"A year?" Raul shook his head and turned around. "Madre de Dios…"
She shared his frustrations over their problems. Crystal inhaled deeply. She'd like nothing more than to reassure him she'd be here for him in a year, but the odds were against her.
Never having a man she loved the way she did Raul, the need to stay and comfort him zapped all her strength. She wanted the happily ever after, but the husband, the house, the baby wasn't meant for her.
"I'm so sorry." She hated the way her voice shook. "I'm sor—"
"No." Before she could say anymore, he was on her, holding her shoulders and in her face. "Don't tell me you're sorry. You don't get me. I thought you were dead. Do you hear me? Dead. I wanted you dead, because it was better than thinking Garcia got his hands on you. The best day of my life was walking into that lounge in Palm Springs, finding you alive, and seeing you dance. Even then, you were dancing for me, and you had no idea I was there. You danced for me, mi vida, only me. Always. Don't take that away from me."
"It was for you." She stroked his face. "But you're a federal agent, and—"
"What?" He pulled back without letting her go. "What won't you tell me?"
She tangled her fingers in his hair, forcing him to listen. "Everything. There are very big reasons why I can't stay with you. I'm not stupid, Raul. I know I've done things wrong with you, but sending me out where someone questions who I am puts more attention on you. Both of us will suffer."
He blinked at her with his mouth moving. She could see him working through all the information she'd given him, and she worried that he'd read too much into her story. He'd always been good about reading her moods and dealing with her before. She had to be more careful.
His gaze hardened. "Why?"
Verbally slapped, she recoiled. "W-what?"
"Why did you stay with me, sleep with me, and lay beside me every night acting like you were my woman when really you were playing my bitch?" He rocked back a step.
She shook her head. "No."
"Yeah." He walked backward, away from her. "You did."
A slight quiver of his upper lip gave way to disgust. A darkness she'd never seen before entered his eyes and closed him down. She sank to her knees, wrapped her arms around her middle, and stifled her cry. It wasn't true. She loved him.
"Raul," she whispered, but he'd turned around and left the room.
Her soul cried out for him to come back. A hurt worse than when she walked away from her former life, knowing there was no going back or reassurance that her life would turn out okay, throbbed through her chest.
Tears clogged her throat. She pushed to her feet, bracing her legs. She knew better than to let herself have a moment to release the pain. The emotions would blind her to what she had to do.
With the two hundred and fifty dollars Raul gave her yesterday in her pocket, she walked with leaden feet to the front door, pushed the button on the alarm, and left the life she had with Raul behind her. She was doing him a favor and he'd never know the truth. He'd never learn that until she'd met him, she'd ceased to exist.
Chapter Fifteen
Ten minutes from Rain's house, Crystal looked left toward the scenic road following the Lewis River and right, which she knew would lead her toward Pitnam, and decided to go left. She had no idea where the road would take her, but everyone knew that most rivers flowed toward the Pacific Ocean in this part of Washington. She'd continue walking until she hit Interstate 5 and then hitchhike her way as far as her rides would take her.
She'd been on her own before. She'd survive.
When she reached her destination, she'd fall apart for a couple of days, and then pick herself back up and look for a job. It was always the same.
Her chest tightened, and she walked faster. She lied to herself. This time was different.
The first time she struck out on her own, bitterness and betrayal kept her going. After that, each upset in her life created new plans and hope for change. This time she left her heart with the man she loved, and no new job, new motel room, new goal would ever compare to what she had with Raul.