Redefining Home

by Megan Linden

  Bill’s simple answer held so much certainty behind it that Roy lifted his head. “How do you—?” Then he got it. “Oh.”

  Bill had never, ever, called it that before, never thrown in Roy’s face what he’d done. Sure, he’d talked about Roy’s refusal to accept him as a mate from time to time, usually during a big, ugly fight, but he’d never shown Roy how much it had hurt him. He’d never used it as a weapon, an argument or anything else.

  And Roy had thought he knew. Of course he’d known he’d hurt Bill. But having it now called for what it was…

  “Hey, shh, it’s not—” Bill whispered, but Roy didn’t let him finish, pushing the words out despite the tightness of his throat.

  “No, stop, don’t… Don’t make me feel better about this.”

  He knew Bill hadn’t said it to throw anything in his face. He’d just answered Roy’s question as honestly as he could.

  Because he knows the feeling from experience.

  “It wasn’t like that,” Bill whispered as if Roy had spoken out loud. Then he kissed the side of Roy’s head, and Roy had to blink the tears away. “I had you and I knew that you loved me…that you still do. It was different.”

  “It was different,” he repeated in a hollow voice. If he even caused a fraction of this for Bill…

  “It was. We think of these bond rejections as one thing, where in fact they aren’t all the same. Like with us… We had a relationship. We just didn’t… We didn’t mate, so it wasn’t like I’d lost you completely, okay? There was just that one thing that was missing and, yes, it hurt, but what happened today was different.”

  “He left us completely.”

  Bill tilted his head. The ashen look was almost all gone, replaced with the far-away stare he’d always get when he was trying to figure out something. “He did and he didn’t. He has limited knowledge about werewolves, and he probably has no idea about mating, other than the basics. But, Roy”—he looked right at him—“this isn’t what we know, either.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “Have you ever heard about more than one bond at a time?”

  Roy’s eyes widened as he realized… How could he have missed that?

  “I mean, I’m only assuming here,” Bill said, shrugging. “Maybe you don’t feel two—”

  “I do.” Roy looked at him and hopefully a ‘don’t be a moron’ message came through. “I do. I just didn’t focus on that part.”

  “Yeah, well…I think that’s a pretty important part.”

  It was. Both bonds were now wide open and alive, and Roy had no idea how it had happened, but it seemed like they had always been there, only hidden—even the one connecting him with Bill. He should’ve known about this one, at least, but instead it seemed like it had to be all or nothing. And he’d only sensed them after all three of them had come together.

  But Bill had known for years now. He’d known they were mates. What could that mean?

  “Do you feel—?” Roy asked, afraid to finish the question.

  “Yes.” Bill had been running his hand up and down Roy’s thigh, but he stopped right before the admission. “I don’t really get it, because… Well, because of many reasons, but the fact that there are two of them now is really messing with my head.”

  Roy felt like maybe he should be freaking out as well, or maybe feeling threatened by the idea, but he wasn’t. On the contrary… It was the best thing that could ever happen, as far as he was concerned. He could be Bill’s mate, and he could have Adrian. What more could he want?

  For Adrian to want both of us, too, his mind supplied, and the new wave of longing punched him in the gut.

  Chapter Twelve

  Bill wished he didn’t have to get out of bed when the morning came. He wanted to stay like this, curled against Roy’s back and nuzzling into his nape, pretending nothing was going on outside of this, right there.

  But he didn’t have a choice. He had a meeting with the Alpha and it wasn’t something one just canceled, especially when ‘one’ was the pack lawyer.

  He dragged it out as much as he could, but finally kissed Roy and left the bed, going straight to the bathroom for a quick shower.

  When he came back to the bedroom with his toothbrush in his mouth to look for a new pair of boxers, he saw Roy had rolled in his sleep, burying his face in Bill’s pillow. And it wasn’t the first time it had happened. Bill had chased Roy’s scent in his sleep more than once as well, but somehow, this time, it sent a pang through Bill’s chest.

  Roy needed comfort, and Bill was leaving the house. He tried to squash his unease but the whole situation sucked. What had happened yesterday…

  Stop.

  No, he was not doing this to himself. He’d lain awake half the night thinking about it—about Adrian and everything that had happened between the three of them—but it hadn’t helped at all. There was no solution, no way to ease the pain. And Bill needed to keep it together right now, both for himself and for Roy.

  He dressed quickly, trying to keep quiet so he wouldn’t wake up his partner. Then, when he was ready, Bill approached the bed and leaned over to kiss the side of Roy’s neck, nuzzling a little.

  Roy let out a soft groan and reached out to put his hand on Bill’s nape without opening his eyes.

  “Morning.”

  “Morning.” Bill pulled back a little to drop a kiss on his lips. “I have to go. I have the meeting with the Alpha.”

  “I remember.” Roy rubbed his hand up and down Bill’s nape. “I’ll head downstairs in an hour or two.”

  Bill kissed him one more time before pulling back and straightening his jacket. “As far as I’m concerned, you can stay here the entire day.”

  Roy shook his head. “No. I have meetings and I can’t just blow them off because I feel like shit. Besides, lying in bed won’t help me.”

  Bill nodded. “Fine, an hour or two then. And I will see you when I’m back.”

  He hesitated once again at the entrance before finally walking out. Leaving was hard today, even if he breathed a little easier once he was outside.

  Everything was a mess, but Bill had to push forward.

  * * * *

  He’d spent over an hour with the Alpha, going over the two treaties with other packs and a contract with the state government. Bill was noting the final changes on the last one when he felt her gaze on him.

  He raised his head. “Anything else we need to take care of today?”

  “No, no. I wanted to talk to you about a personal matter, though.”

  Bill closed the folder and straightened in his chair. He got along with the Alpha very well, and he was proud to work with her, but neither of them were open to sharing. After years of working together, Bill could remember only a few times they’d talked about their private matters, aside from superfluous things.

  “Yes?”

  The Alpha looked at him for a long moment, and Bill had to force himself to sit still. Having her focused on him like that was…disconcerting. Her presence was intimidating when she wanted it to be.

  “For the last several days, there have been rumors running around that have gotten me concerned. I know people talk constantly, but this seemed a bit different than usual.”

  Bill tensed. Damn it. Of course the diner incident had spread all the way to the top. He’d acted like a different person than people had always taken him for and he’d made a scene in public. No wonder everyone had talked about it. And it stood to reason that Taylor would tell his mother that he’d had to step in and handle the situation.

  “I assume you refer to what happened at the diner last week,” Bill said. He wanted to get this over with.

  The Alpha raised her eyebrows. “That was just the start, from what I’ve heard. Then there was the accident, the possessive behavior display, then a few quiet days, and finally, yesterday, Roy was spotted when he went to see…Adrian, right?”

  Bill nodded, at a loss for words.

  “Which, believe me, caused an uproar in so
me circles, up until the moment they found out Roy just packed him into the car and drove to yours. That’s where the rumors drop off, although theories run wild.” She sat back in her chair. “But from what I’m picking up from you, maybe not wild enough.”

  His eyebrows shot up. She couldn’t mean… No.

  But she’d zeroed in on something.

  “Alpha…”

  “I’m not one to spread rumors, William. I only hear them and occasionally listen. Whatever we talk about here won’t leave this room if you don’t want it to.”

  Bill rubbed his forehead, closing his eyes. The two of them had talked, years ago, when he’d been dealing with Roy rejecting him as a mate. Bill hadn’t known what to do with it, back then, but he’d thought he was doing a good job of hiding his turmoil. She’d picked up on it, though. She’d made him talk and it had helped him. Saying the words out loud, hearing them from someone else’s mouth… It had helped.

  “It’s complicated,” he said, glancing down at his lap. Sharing had never been one of his talents, and in this case, he was afraid what he might hear if he did share.

  “William, I’ve been the Alpha of this pack for a long time now. I’ve seen complicated and I’ve lived complicated. It doesn’t scare me anymore.”

  ‘I’ve lived complicated.’ She had. She’d lost her husband young, lost her parents and become the Alpha overnight. Then she’d taken in a pregnant woman who had been seeking sanctuary after she’d escaped from another pack. Over time, the two of them had fallen in love and become mates, and the Alpha had needed to stand tall and keep the pack together in the face of all the criticism from inside and outside their community. Along the way, she’d built a pack that was now stronger than ever before and was an example of inclusiveness to others.

  She knew the path less traveled.

  So Bill told her the story, pausing and starting again until he got closer to the point.

  “For a while, I couldn’t quite grasp what was going on, but that was because…well, I always knew Roy was it for me. And because we’ve known each other forever, I’ve never…” He shrugged. “There was never anyone else. But I’ve had Roy, so why would I need someone else?” He twisted his mouth in a self-deprecating smile. “I thought I knew how these things worked, you know?”

  She didn’t say anything but nodded as if she understood. With her history, she probably did.

  “So with Adrian, I missed some of the signs, misunderstood others…” He shrugged again and winced. “I thought the attraction was just the adrenaline talking. I assumed the possessiveness was misdirected…”

  “And now you think it wasn’t?” she asked when he paused.

  Bill tilted his head, hesitating before he nodded. “Attraction would be one thing, one that I could maybe toss entirely at the adrenaline’s feet and be done with it. But the possessiveness was different. I… Roy and Adrian have history,” he said as vaguely as he could. It wasn’t his story to tell, even if he was directly affected by it. “I knew about it, and when I saw them together at the diner, I went a little nuts. That was me being territorial about Roy. But then I started to have these”—he grimaced—“reactions, toward Adrian.”

  There was the growling when Patrick had touched Adrian. Then the accident when his instincts had just overwhelmed everything else. Then there had been yesterday that just seemed to clear any doubt he might have still had, at least about the wanting Adrian part.

  Wanting him was easy. Everything else, not so much.

  “What about Roy?” the Alpha asked.

  “Roy probably wants him even more. As I said, there’s a history between the two of them.” Something Bill was still a little afraid of, to be honest, since it was something he couldn’t compete with, but there was no way he was going to tell her that. He was already feeling way too exposed.

  She leaned forward and frowned. “I know your relationship was difficult at times, and the fact that he refused to mate with you hurt you deeply, but…you’ve been together most of your life. It’s worth a lot.”

  “It’s worth everything,” he told her. That, no matter how bad it sometimes got, was never a question for him.

  “So, why ruin it now?”

  Bill tensed, taken aback. “Ruin?”

  “You said it yourself. You want Adrian. He wants Adrian.”

  “But we haven’t stopped wanting each other,” he told her, shoulders relaxing a bit. She thought they were breaking up and fighting with each other over Adrian. He couldn’t blame her. He wasn’t very good at getting to the point. “That’s the thing, though. We want both each other and him. This… The three of us feels right. And the two now feels like there’s something missing.”

  Late last night, he’d admitted to Roy that he’d gotten it now. For the first time in a decade, he’d understood why Roy had said no to mating over all those years, why it hadn’t felt right.

  He felt it now, too. He just didn’t know what to do with it.

  The Alpha sat back in her chair again. She tried to hide her surprise, but Bill could still see it on her face. He refused to focus on it, though, because he had to get to the question he needed to ask.

  “Everything I’ve ever been taught, everything I’ve ever experienced before now… It all said it was impossible. Once you decide and know who is your mate, it’s just you and that person until death do you part.”

  She nodded slowly, holding his gaze. “That’s what mates are. That’s the whole point.”

  “But you can mate more than one person in your lifetime,” he argued. She would know. She lived it.

  “Not at the same time, though.” She shook her head. “I know you see the difference, William.”

  “I see it, but I also know how I feel.” Because it was as simple as that. There was everything he knew and learned, and there was this feeling inside him, the certainty that only kept growing, that this was real. Still, it would be nice to know he and Roy weren’t alone in this. “Have you ever come across this? A… A werewolf triad?”

  Bill had tried not to get his hopes up, but it still hurt when she shook her head.

  “I haven’t,” she said as she tangled her fingers in the necklace hanging from her neck. “I’ve known of mates who were occasionally open for the third person to join them in the bedroom, but none of them ever expanded that into their life outside of sex, not to my knowledge.”

  Bill’s stomach tightened. What was a person supposed to do when even the Alpha of the most progressive pack in the country told them their feelings weren’t valid? Sure, she was trying to be more diplomatic, but her message was clear enough.

  “William?” she asked, and it sounded like she’d had to repeat herself a few times as he’d gotten lost in his head.

  He met her gaze again. “Alpha?”

  “However certain I am of what I believe to be true,” she started, leaning forward again, and he had to force himself to stay in place, “when I fell in love with Theresa, I approached my grandfather. I thought he would help me, as the former Alpha and one of the smartest people I’ve ever known. I shared my feelings with him, and he told me I couldn’t possibly mate with a woman.” She paused and the silence was tense and heavy around them. “I don’t know if he meant to tell me I couldn’t do it because I was previously mated to a man or because it was a same-sex mating. I didn’t ask. But the reason I’m telling you this is…an alpha can be wrong. And while you have to follow my lead when it comes to the pack, you do not have to do what I think is right when it comes to your personal life, as long as you’re not hurting anybody.”

  Bill closed his eyes as the oppressive tension eased up, both around and inside him. It might not be a resounding support, but it was as close to a blessing as the Alpha could give him, given the circumstances.

  It was a start.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Adrian stood in front of the TV, blocking the view from Patrick, who was lounging on the couch.

  “You’re going and that’s final,” Adrian told hi
m.

  Patrick narrowed his eyes. “You’re not seriously trying to tell me what to do in regard to the pack, are you?”

  “I am if you’re making stupid decisions out of some twisted sense of loyalty to me!”

  Patrick sat up. “I’m not—”

  “Yes, you are!” Adrian crossed the room and flopped on the other end of the couch from Patrick, sitting sideways to face his friend. “I appreciate the support, but I don’t need it like this, okay? I want you to go tonight. You know better than I do how important the first Full Moon Run is.”

  For all that Adrian had picked up over the years about werewolves, he would never assume to know better than a born wolf, even if said wolf was a stubborn asshole.

  “I’m not joining the pack yet. It’s not that important,” Patrick tossed back.

  “It’s the first one you’re in the town for, though. And I’ll be…” Adrian paused, swallowing down the bile rising in his throat at the mere thought. “I’ll probably be out of here in less than a week but you’re staying. It’s going to be your pack, and it’s going to be great.”

  “You can’t know that.”

  “You like the Alpha. You have bigger issues with authority than possibly anyone I know, and you like her.” Adrian shrugged. “This place will be good for you. But you need to make some effort, too. For now, all that these people know about you is that you almost got into a fistfight in public with one of their own. You need to show them something else.”

  Patrick rolled his eyes. “I can show them—”

  “If you say your dick, I’m kicking you with my not-yet-completely healed ankle. It’s going to hurt like hell and probably damage it badly.”

  “Your threats are ridiculous,” Patrick told him after staring at him for a few seconds.

  “They just have to work.” Adrian lifted his eyebrows. “Are they working?”

  “What are you going to do, though? I don’t want to ditch you for half the night.”