by Alexa Aston
“I helped, too,” the youngest, Sydney, said. “Caw, that’s a big lump on yer head. It’s bigger than my fist.”
She laughed. “Yes, quite unsightly.”
“Mum said to tell ye that we’ll bring over whatever ye want, and Da’s not to take any payment for it or she’ll box his ears. She says to thank ye for teaching me and Sydney to read and write. We’re going to be important men one day, she says. Because ye made us smart.”
Little Sydney nodded earnestly. “Harry’s very smart. He counts better than Da does.”
“I’m very proud of both of you. I wish you a very happy Christmas.” She cast them another beaming smile.
“Off you go, lads,” Angus said, noticing the pain Felicity was hiding behind her smile. He thanked Mr. Cummings and asked him to convey his gratitude to his wife.
“I will, Dr. Carmichael. Just pop over if ye need anything else.”
Felicity’s smile faded as the tavern keeper and his boys left. “Christmas eve is the day after tomorrow. I’ll never be better in time for Christmas at Sherbourne Manor, will I?”
“No.” He leaned over and caressed her cheek. “I won’t go either. I’ll stay right here with you. Perhaps the Sherbournes will send over a goose for us. Look on the bright side, we’ll get our drumsticks and won’t have to fight anyone for them.”
“Oh, don’t make me laugh. It hurts.” But her smile was genuine, and the lovely sparkle had returned to her eyes.
Angus had just finished getting some broth in her when the bell above the door tinkled again. Felicity stared at him. “Who could it be?”
He shrugged. “A customer, perhaps. I’ll attend to them.”
She arched an eyebrow. “A doctor turned bookseller. Is there no end to your talent?”
He grinned. “I’m a marvel. Surely, you must realize this by now.” His cheer faded the moment he walked into the bookshop and saw who was standing there. “Lady Plimpton, what are you doing here?”
She tried to sound casual, but he heard the motherly concern in her voice. “How is Miss Billings? I heard she was badly injured. I had to come… I… How is she?”
“On the mend,” he said, not wishing to further overset her. “She’ll recover fully.”
Lady Plimpton struggled to hold back tears as she nodded. “May I see her?”
“Yes, if you wish. Are you going to tell her?”
She paled. “Tell her what?”
Angus led her to the table near the fireplace, hoping their voices would not carry into Felicity’s bedchamber. He doubted she could hear them, but he lowered his voice to a whisper to be sure. “She has your birthmark.”
He’d seen the same mark on Lady Plimpton’s back when treating her for a bronchial infection last year.
“Oh, dear heaven.” She sank into a chair and covered her face with her hands. “Have you told her?”
“No. That’s for you to do.”
She shook her head vehemently. “I cannot. I won’t ever.” Her eyes filled with tears. “You don’t understand, I have a family. A husband I love dearly. Married daughters. Position in Society. Felicity was…a mistake. But look at her. She’s wonderful, isn’t she? I’ve quietly been helping her out as best as I can with the assistance of Lavinia and her nephew.”
Angus arched an eyebrow in surprise. “The Earl of Welles knows?”
She nodded. “I think his wife knows as well. They haven’t specifically said so, but I can feel it. Not in any disdainful way. Dear, sweet Poppy could never…but she’s been tossing me these warm, supportive looks lately. She knows. They’ll keep the secret. You must keep it as well. I cannot lose my husband over this. He is my life. My joy. This secret will destroy him and our marriage.”
“What about Felicity?”
“I’m here, aren’t I? I will always be here for her.” She dabbed at her tears with her lace handkerchief. “But heaven forgive me, not as her mother.” She kept her head down, too ashamed to look him in the eyes. “Please, Dr. Carmichael. Keep my secret. You don’t have my permission to share it with her.”
She rose. “I shouldn’t have come.”
He stayed her hand. “No, don’t go. Sit with your daughter. She could use the female company.”
“Thank you.” She hurried into Felicity’s bedchamber. “Miss Billings, how are you feeling?”
Angus stepped outside into the cold, his gut roiling and his heart filled with ache. Felicity deserved better than all of them. How easy it was for them to come up with one excuse or another to hide the truth from her. He was perhaps the worst offender, although his family was truly vile. Straight out of a grand Shakespearean tragedy. Hubris, betrayal, lies, thievery, cruelty, jealousy, and a murder or two. Still, he should have told her, allowed her to decide for herself whether she wished to marry him and attach herself to his disgraced family.
His disgraced and disgraceful family.
Although the sun was now out and the day had warmed, there was still a cold bite to the air. Lady Plimpton’s coach was standing in front of the shop, the bundled coachman taking a nip from a flask to keep himself warm.
Angus waited several minutes before returning inside. He decided to put the kettle on for tea. He busied himself in the kitchen, out of the way of the ladies, but close enough to respond if Felicity needed assistance. It wasn’t necessary. Lady Plimpton emerged a few moments later and cast him a mirthless smile. “Please send word to me if Felicity requires anything. I think Lord Plimpton and I shall spend this Christmas with our daughter in London. She has invited us. We were going to decline, but I think it is best we leave first thing in the morning. You do understand, don’t you? I’ll send Lord and Lady Welles my apologies about the sudden change in plans.”
No, he didn’t approve of her decision. But who was he to pass judgment?
He returned to Felicity’s side. She looked so happy, he almost couldn’t bear it. “Angus, can you believe it? Isn’t Lady Plimpton the kindest woman you’ve ever met? First the Cummings family and now her. I’m quite taken aback by their generosity.” She laughed softly. “Do you think Lord Welles will send over a Christmas goose?”
Angus curled his hands into fists to compose himself, but he managed a nod and a halfhearted smile. “Let’s hope so. I’m already salivating at the thought.”
“But I do wish I could have worn my gown.” She glanced down at herself. “I’ll have to satisfy myself with setting a new style. Bedlam fashion, I shall call it. Old woolen robe, frayed nightgown, coarse woolen socks, and hair that looks like cats were brawling in it.”
“Irresistible,” he teased. “That cyclops bump on your head adds to the allure.”
He spent the rest of the afternoon reading Udolpho to her, apparently not doing a very good job of it. He’d barely gotten past chapter two before Felicity fell asleep. He closed the book and quietly left the room when she began to snore.
Even her snores were light and sweet.
Adam returned shortly afterward. “Did Felicity miss me?”
“Not in the least.” But he grinned at his friend. “What took you so long? I was about to send off a search party. What did the earl have to say?”
Adam laughed. “He didn’t get a word in edgewise. His wife and her friends had plenty to say. Felicity will have her Christmas goose. They have more in mind, if I know those three.”
Angus arched an eyebrow in curiosity. “What more?”
“In truth, I’m not sure. They wouldn’t tell me. I don’t think they’ve formalized any plans yet, but they will soon. Don’t breathe a word of this to Felicity. It’s meant to be a surprise.”
“I won’t say anything,” he assured, more out of cynicism than cooperation. He knew Poppy, Olivia, and Penelope meant well, but they had their hands full preparing for their own celebrations and for those of their staffs and the citizens of Wellesford. He expected they would visit Felicity after Christmas, perhaps once the servants returned from their own family celebrations.
“How are you holding up,
Angus? You didn’t get any sleep last night and won’t be of much use to Felicity if you’re dead on your feet.”
“I’m fine.”
Adam shook his head. “You are stubborn, and that isn’t at all the same thing. Go home. Wash up. Rest a while. I’ll watch over her.”
“Leave you alone with her?”
“I’m the vicar. If you can’t trust me, who can you trust? Besides,” he said, frowning lightly, “you’re going to leave soon. So, don’t make yourself too indispensable to her if you’re going to abandon her once the week is out.”
His friend was right, but that didn’t stop him from being angry and unreasonably possessive. Yet, what right did he have? He’d be no better than Lady Plimpton if he took himself off and left her behind. He would come back for her; he’d make her that promise. But Felicity would never take him at his word. She had no reason to trust him.
Everyone had excuses at the ready for disappointing her, hiding the truth from her. She responded with such joy and gratitude for the smallest crumbs thrown her way. Truly, he couldn’t bear it. “I’m not going to leave her behind.”
“What?”
“If she’ll have me, I’ll marry her first and take her with me. I can put off my departure until after the new year. Perhaps longer. As long as it takes for her to heal.” He didn’t really have to leave immediately; it was nothing more than a plan. Plans could always be changed.
After all, he hadn’t been home in over a decade.
A few more days would not matter.
He would still be the new Duke of Appin whether he returned home tomorrow or in a year…or never.
He marched into Felicity’s bedchamber. He must have been stomping loud enough to wake her, for her eyes were open when he reached her side. “Oh, Angus.” She cast him the sweetest, hopeful smile. “I must have drifted off to sleep again. I’m so sorry. I love the sound of your voice, it’s so soothingly deep and resonant.”
“Felicity, there’s something…” Her eyes were wide, and her gaze was more loving and gentle than he deserved.
“What is it, Angus?”
“Something I’ve been wanting to do the moment I set eyes on you.” He lifted her into his arms with exquisite care and then bent his head to hers, kissing her on the mouth. He kissed her deeply, keeping his lips planted on her soft, plump lips. While he had to be gentle because of her injuries, he hoped to convey the depth and intensity of his love.
He ought to have drawn away instead of prolonging the kiss.
But he wanted her to understand that he was not going to draw away from her ever again.
His tongue teased along the seam of her mouth, tasting her sweetness and the trace of tea on her lips. “Felicity Billings, I am not leaving you.”
He kissed her again with exquisite care.
After settling her carefully back against her pillows, he rose. “Would you care for anything before I stretch out by the hearth and grab a nap?”
She gazed at him for the longest time, seemingly confused and obviously trying to make sense of what had just happened. After what felt like an eternity, but could only have been a moment, she chuckled. “Yes, another kiss.”
Chapter Six
Today was Christmas Eve day and Felicity resolved that she was going to be merry even though she was about to miss the Sherbourne party. The citizens of Wellesford had begun to stir. She could hear their footsteps crunching in the snow outside her window as they hurried to run the last of their errands.
Angus had drawn her drapes aside as the sun began to sink on the horizon. From her bed, she could just make out the pinks and lavenders of the particularly beautiful sunset that marked the end of another cold, crisp winter’s day.
“Angus, you really ought to go to the party. Take the vicar with you. I’m feeling much better and can manage on my own this evening.”
“No.”
She sighed in exasperation. “You cannot offend the Earl of Welles and his family. They’ll be expecting you to dine with them at Sherbourne. It is unpardonably rude of you not to attend after accepting their invitation.”
Angus cast her another stubborn look. Honestly, he gave new meaning to the expression ‘stubborn Scot.’
“I will not leave you alone in your condition, so don’t think to push me out the door. They won’t miss me at all. But you will.”
She laughed. “Are you that confident? What if I were to tell you that I find you quite irritating?”
He leaned over and kissed her lightly on the cheek. “I wouldn’t believe you. It’s obvious you adore me and are itching to get your hands on my body. The feeling is mutual.” “Angus!”
“Don’t chide me for saying such things. I should have said them years ago.”
The change in him ought to have delighted her. Well, it did very much. But it also frightened her as never before. The years had taught her to protect herself, build up those walls of stone around her heart so it wouldn’t break as people she cared for moved on with their lives and forgot about her.
The vicar had said a surprise was coming yesterday, but nothing out of the ordinary had occurred. He had led her to believe her friends would come by to visit. She’d waited. But neither Poppy, Penelope, nor Olivia had come. Nor had any of them sent word.
She tried to pretend their silence didn’t hurt.
But her heart was breaking. Those three had pierced the thick walls she’d built around herself, smashed them wide open with their kindness and friendship. She should have known better. She wasn’t a beloved sister to them.
How could she, a simple bookshop owner, ever be more?
Angus’s insistence on remaining by her side was only making matters worse. He looked at her as though he cherished her. Not for an hour or a day but for a lifetime.
I’m not leaving you he’d said to her.
Which meant he had been planning to do exactly that. He was going to leave Wellesford, and he was going to do it soon. She’d overheard him and the vicar whispering about it. So why build up her hopes?
Those protective walls she’d built around herself were now battered and shattered. She couldn’t bare it if he kicked down those last, lingering stones.
She loved him, but did not dare admit it to him.
“Felicity, you’re frowning again. Are you in pain? Where does it hurt?”
My heart.
“I am in the pink.”
“You are a dreadful liar.”
But he wasn’t. He was very good at it, hiding his love for her, and now suddenly showing her how much he cared. Which was the truth, and which was the lie? He was very convincing at both. So were her friends. Why hadn’t they come by yesterday? Not even a word. She would have taken any crumb they’d bothered to toss her way and been cheered by it.
No, there had to be a reason for their silence.
They were kind and generous, and she knew they liked her and considered her a friend…just not a sister.
They had important lives to lead. Poppy was hosting the traditional Sherbourne supper party this very evening. Penelope and Olivia would join her and were probably helping her prepare. She couldn’t blame them for refusing to toss their plans aside for her, for this Christmas was special for them, too. It would likely be the last one those three inseparable friends ever spent together.
Olivia’s husband, the Duke of Hartford, seemed to be indispensable to the royal family, so he and Olivia would likely spend next Christmas in London. Penelope and her husband Thad, heir to the Earl of Hume, would likely be in Scotland hosting Christmas for their clan next year. Poppy would remain here, but if the hot looks exchanged by her and her husband were any indication, the Earl of Welles would have his little heir before next year was out and Poppy would have her hands full with the little viscount’s arrival.
“Bollocks, how many times must I kiss you to get you to stop frowning?” Angus teased, stoking the fire in her bedroom hearth and tossing on several more logs before it sputtered out.
The fire cast
a rich, golden glow about the room and seemed to illuminate Angus as he strode to her side like a valiant warrior and gave her a shockingly delightful kiss on the mouth.
She forced a smile when he drew away. “This Christmas Eve supper has me overset. I wanted so badly to be at Sherbourne Manor and wear my new gown. I wanted to be with my friends, although it is presumptuous of me to consider them as that. They are so high above my station.”
His gaze turned thoughtful. “Perhaps not for long.”
She frowned, not understanding what Angus meant by the remark. However, she shrugged it off. Her brain was too dulled with laudanum to think clearly. “Did you manage to get some sleep last night? You couldn’t have been comfortable stretched out in front of the bookshop’s fireplace.”
“I slept like a log. When I awoke, I stole away home to wash up and change into clean clothes. I also checked the infirmary to make certain no one had come by looking for me. All quiet, thank goodness. But I expect young Walter Fitch will manage to get himself into a scrape soon enough, and his father will come running into town to find me.”
“Oh, that boy!” The mere mention of Walter, that scamp, cheered her. “He has a knack for mischief. But he is good hearted and always means well. He’s clever, too. He already knows his letters and can count faster than his older siblings. And what a sense of adventure he has! I’ve been reading to the children at the schoolhouse, stories about wizards and kings, pirates and their sailing ships. Knights of valor. Walter sits wide-eyed and hangs upon my every word. All the children do. It’s quite splendid to see them so excited about learning and their young minds spinning with ideas.”
She rolled her eyes. “Walter told me he has decided to become a wizard…or a pirate, he hasn’t made up his mind yet which. However, he has not ruled out becoming a king. Or Hercules. But he feels he has to eat a lot to build up his muscles, and he can’t do it because his mother’s cooking isn’t all that good.”
Angus chuckled.
She blushed suddenly. “You should have stopped me. I didn’t mean to go on about the children.” Especially since she would have none of her own, and she supposed the ache showed. Seems she could not hide anything from Angus lately.