To my knowledge, I've not had one negative reaction from anyone I know. However, as happens with the anonymity offered by the Internet, there were many ugly comments made about my coming out. I was warned ahead of time, Don't read the comments about yourself in Internet news articles. But of course, I read some and immediately understood how the Ku Klux Klan became so successful. If no one knows who you are, it's safe to do, say anything, no matter how mindlessly vapid, ugly, or divisive; it's a format for the powerless and disenfranchised, where they can feel some power, feel heard. So, now that those folks have their forums, maybe they don't have to kick their dogs anymore.
And those few uglies were balanced by so many wonderful, loving, championing comments. Two that stood out as being most illustrative of the way some women have identified with me I found on my own fan club's website, one from a woman in North Carolina:
Thank you so much for telling your story. I, too discovered at the ripe old age of 52 that I was head over heels in love with a woman. After 2 divorces and numerous love affairs, for the first time in my life, I felt comfortable in my own skin. I think of Harvey Milk every time someone comes out--that his death was not in vain but a liberation for all who are closeted. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
Here's another:
Meredith, I just turned 40 and have been feeling "too old" and feeling that it's "too late" for me to come out. I'm married w/ kids and I can only hope that one day I gain the strength to be true to myself and to others. With each year that passes, it is emotionally draining trying to keep this secret inside, but thank you for giving me a new spark of hope. I have a big decision to make and it's really hard. Good luck to you and congrats!
So ... hope! If I can give hope to some, that could be enough; it's a place to start.
Suzanne Westenhoefer jokes about how surprised she was by what I did. She says, "At the end of my act, I always give a little speech encouraging people to come out. But I never expected anyone to actually go and do it!"
So I will end this book by echoing the same persuasive words Suzanne used in quoting gay activist Harvey Milk.
Come out. If you're not out, come out.
Surprise me.
Acknowledgments
I'm glad I didn't wait until my eighties to write a memoir; it would have involved that many more years of memories to excite and excavate, more friends and family to account for and stories and relationships to sort out, satisfy, and encapsulate. I'm thinking that rather than being an early offering, I consider this memoir timely. I am glad to have found all those spotty journal entries I've made over the years, sometimes in notebooks, often scrawled in between drawings in my sketchbooks. Unearthing my life frequently took side roads down Amateur Art Alley.
And where does my gratitude list start? With my lovely partner, Nancy Locke, who always seemed to have faith in my ability to write this despite my fears, wails, and declarations to the contrary. And next, I have to thank Margy Rochlin, who painstakingly questioned and recorded, searched and researched, prodded and pushed me and others for more stories, more details, and more connective tissue. I have great respect, awe, and gratitude for her ability to shape my stories into a cohesive framework upon which I could build.
To my friends and family, mainly my children, Ted Bush, Eva Whitney Abarta, Kate Birney, Ph.D., Peter Birney, and Mollie Birney, I offer my apologies for not being very available these past nine months due to this nonfiction pregnancy. This has been a deeply personal undertaking. Taking responsibility for my life took more thought, introspection, and willingness than anticipated; giving it the self-reflection required seemed to dictate me on me time over social time, and I regret any perceived slights. Please know I hunger for you all.
I have to thank Annie O'Toole and Nancy, who have been seemingly tireless sounding boards for me, reading and rereading, never admitting to tedium. And also to Annie for offering harrowing and hilarious recalls from our sixteen years of working together.
To dear Allan Manings, my stepfather, who let me talk and talk and talk about my thoughts and trepidations about this book. Even while he was gravely ill, he gently urged me onward, and to him I weep my thanks. He gave me many stories about my mother and their lives together and what he knew of her early years. I loved him dearly and I'm deeply saddened he didn't live to see that I took his words to heart and made it through, as he said I would.
I give thanks to my brothers, Richard Baxter and Brian Baxter, who willingly plumbed their memories to offer their experiences of our shared stories ... but so often not the same perspectives. Of course.
And I appreciate Robert Bush for so generously giving of his time, observations, and recollections of the few years we shared, ranging from the tender and hallucinogenic to the rough and combative. Thank you.
I am grateful to Michael Gross for his great recall of our shared history; it helps to have a good friend who's such a colorful raconteur. Thank you to Victoria Thompson, who amazingly, all these years later, had physical evidence of our respective ships having passed in the night. Thank you so much for your contributions. I am indebted to Andrea Baynes, who shared not just the made-for-TV foxhole with me many, many times, but contributed background information, giving context and perspective where I had none.
My thanks must include Alan Iezman who advised me, Dan Strone, CEO, Trident Media Group, who accepted and supported me, Diane Salvatore who said "yes," and Julia Pastore who has guided me ever since. Thanks, Julia, for championing me while keeping the ducks on the path.
Others who made this book possible are: Sarah la Saulle, Ph.D., Martha Sanchez, Leonard Goldberg, the Paley Center for Media (Los Angeles), and The Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences. I feel deep gratitude for the hundreds of people, many of whom I know by first name only, who for over twenty years have shown me unconditional acceptance and honesty; they gave me the lessons for living and urged me to keep coming back.
About the Author
Meredith Baxter has been an actress for forty years and has five children. She achieved early success in the comedy Bridget Loves Bernie, followed by the acclaimed ABC drama Family and the popular NBC sitcom Family Ties.
She received Emmy nominations for A Woman Scorned: The Betty Broderick Story, her part in the series Family, and her role as a lesbian mother in Other Mothers. She has starred in more than fifty movies for television and coexecutive-produced several, including My Breast, Betrayed: The Story of Three Women, Darkness Before Dawn, and The Long Journey Home, as well as her TV series, The Faculty.
She has served on the board of the CLARE Foundation for six years; CLARE is a nonprofit organization that provides recovery services for alcohol and drug addiction.
Baxter makes appearances speaking on breast cancer, domestic violence, alcoholism, and general life experiences. Meredith established the Meredith Baxter Fund for Breast Cancer Research to help support nonprofits in providing free mammograms and follow-up care to women who can't afford them.
She lives in Santa Monica, California, with her partner, Nancy Locke.
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