She heard him let out a deep breath and then felt the warmth of his body leaning into her, his hands were on her back, gently rubbing as she leaned over the black railing and stared into the nearly vacant street below. Tears were threatening to show themselves and she wanted to push them away but she knew they were inevitable. She hated crying. It always made her feel weak, as if she couldn’t handle the situation that was laid out before her. But she knew that wasn’t true. Crying wasn’t a sign of weakness. It was a sign of strength. You had to be a strong person to let someone see you at your weakest.
He leaned into her and murmured, “I am so, so, sorry, Paige. I can’t imagine all you’ve had to go through, and I wish I could take all that pain away for you.”
The tears finally fell and she welcomed them. She wanted Tyler to know her and see who she was inside and out. He pulled her into him and wrapped his arms protectively around her. Her sobs echoed against the building as she finally let her feelings go. The need for her to control her emotions, the anxiety, it was all gone for the moment as he held her against him. She was completely vulnerable to him but she felt that was okay because he made her feel safe.
Tyler pulled back a little and looked down at her, wiping a stream of tears from her cheeks. “You’ve been holding so much in, Paige. It’s not good for you. You don’t need to go through all this alone. I’m here. I wanna be here for you.”
Paige sucked in a breath, trying to calm herself down. She knew she should have talked to someone about everything that had happened, but she just got busy and pushed her problems aside, thinking that in time it would just go away. But instead, it seemed as if everything had built up. She was at her breaking point and she hadn’t even known it was coming.
Wiping her eyes with her shaky hand, she finally met his gaze. He looked down at her, his eyes holding on to hers with nothing other than compassion. It was a look that told her he’d been here before, that he’d been down this road and knew exactly how she felt. She suddenly remembered that his dad had died. “How did you finally get over your dad’s death?” she asked. Her words came out hoarse, packed to the core with emotion and sorrow.
Tyler looked away and for a moment she was afraid she’d upset him. Maybe he didn’t want to talk about it. Maybe it hurt too badly, even after all this time. When his eyes finally met hers again, she saw pain hovering just below the surface, threatening to show. Pain he was trying to keep hidden from her. Finally he said, “You never get over it, Paige. You can only move forward a little more each day until it doesn’t hurt quite as much. But it will never stop hurting; the pain will just become a little more bearable each day.”
Paige swallowed hard. She knew this was true. She would always feel this pain but she was hoping for a better answer. An answer that told her she would someday be free from all these feelings that weighed her down. But death always keeps its grip on you.
She relaxed when she felt Tyler’s hand under her chin, pulling her attention back to him. “I’m sorry I don’t have a better answer.”
She half shrugged, “It’s okay. I know there’s no good answer for dealing with this.”
“But you can’t move forward unless you open up to someone about how you feel. If you don’t, you’ll just be carrying these feelings around for the rest of your life. You can’t get rid of all the feelings, but talking about it will give you some relief,” he said as he leaned against the railing with her. He placed his hand over hers and squeezed.
Gripping the black railing tightly, she decided it was time to talk about how it all had made her feel. To let loose of all the painful feelings that had been taking up residence in her head. She felt that she was ready to tell him all that had happened in the past year. Staring down at her sandals she said, “When Natasha killed herself, it was so abrupt and out of left field that I didn’t know how to feel about it. I never knew she was dealing with so much. Every day I wish I could go back and see the warning signs and do something to help her. I never expected to have a friend my age die, you know? I mean, we know our loved ones will die one day when they are older but this was different. She was so young and suicide is just so traumatizing to the people who are left behind with questions that will never be answered.” Her chest heaved as she remembered the painful memory and the tears started falling again. She clasped her hand over her mouth as a sob escaped. The crying was getting to her but the pain was still so fresh in her mind, almost as if it had happened just yesterday, not eight months ago.
Tyler pulled her into him again and the tears fell harder as she wrapped her arms around him. She felt herself draw strength from him, enough strength to continue on and get this all out in the open.
“There were so many nightmares that followed her death and I barely had time to recover from that when Kyra’s dad died. It was just so much to deal with. And it’s still so much to deal with. I keep stressing about Kyra’s future and how she’s going to cope. I just can’t stop worrying about it all and the grief never seems to let up. Every time I turn around, something or someone reminds me of them and then all those feelings I was pushing down start to rise to the surface and then it’s a struggle to push them back down again.” She squeezed her eyes shut as tears fell in streams, soaking his shirt. She had to tear the wound open again in order to let it begin to permanently heal the right way. Letting him in was the hardest and easiest thing she’d ever done in her life.
Pulling back a little, Tyler reached out and brushed her hair away from her face. “Do you still have nightmares?” he asked gently.
She exhaled a long breath, “Occasionally. I did have a weird one the other night.”
Tyler’s eyebrows rose in question. “Do you feel like elaborating?”
She crossed her arms as she leaned back against the railing and said, “Well, this one was a little different than the others. Usually in my dreams I’d see Natasha rise up out of her coffin, looking confused as to why she’s there. But this time I was at the funeral home and both caskets were there but when I got to them, they were empty. Just their funeral program and pictures were there.” She looked at him and continued, “I don’t really understand that one.”
“Hmm,” Tyler said as he gave it some thought. “Maybe it’s your mind telling you it’s time to stop grieving. That they’re gone now and you need to move on?” He paused for a moment and then said, “I don’t know, I’m just blowing off at the mouth. I’m not really good at this kind of stuff.”
Paige thought about his remark for a moment. With every other nightmare, she’d been reliving the pain of seeing their dead bodies lying in the caskets but with this one only their smiling faces were staring at her along with all the good things about their lives. With him pointing it out, it was so obvious. “Tyler, I think you’re pretty good at analyzing things,” she said, as she wrapped her arms around his neck. “It makes a lot of sense now that you pointed it out. And it makes me feel better, almost like they’re telling me they’re okay and I can stop grieving for them.”
“I just want to do everything I can to help you through this,” he said, as he softly kissed her lips. The comment was so sweet that she didn’t want to move and risk breaking the moment. The wall was falling, crumbling in larger pieces now, and bringing them even closer to each other. She was ready to step over that barrier completely but knew she needed to take things slowly. His eyes studied hers and she felt her heart begin to race. She suddenly felt so close to him. Closer than she’d ever felt to anyone before. The feeling took her by surprise and she leaned up and kissed him. It wasn’t just a kiss, it came from deep within her soul. It was tender, it was passionate, but most of all, it was real. She poured everything she had into the kiss, wanting him to know how she was beginning to feel about him. Because, for once in her life, she was ready to let someone in and she wanted it to be him.
♥♥♥
Feeling the cool railing against her back, she ran her hands under his shirt, feeling the heat that was rolling off his chest. He slid his
lips down her neck and towards her ear, making her shudder. There was something about his touch that made her feel alive, like she could do anything in this world as long as he was by her side. She tilted her head up to the stars as he trailed kisses down her neck. She never knew the stars could be any more beautiful than right now. Tonight they were not just shining, they were on fire.
She let out a gasp as his hands found her stomach, making shivers roll across her body. His lips found hers again and he kissed her passionately, feverishly, as if kissing her would cure him of anything that troubled him. Wanting to feel his skin against hers, she gathered his shirt in her hands and pulled it up and over his head, revealing toned muscles and—to her surprise—a few tattoos. She ran her finger along the circle of a tribal design that sat on his chest. A crooked smile lit up his face and she leaned up on her toes and kissed him.
“Are you sure you’re ready for this?” he questioned softly, pulling back just slightly as he studied her face.
Nodding, she took off her own shirt. A satisfied smile touched her lips when she saw his eyes smolder with desire as they traveled across her breasts. He gripped her arms and turned her around to unfasten her bra, sliding it slowly down her arms. As he ran his fingers across each breast, the light touch made her body scream for more. Leaning against him, she could feel how much he wanted her. His eagerness was undeniable and she closed her eyes in complete bliss as his hands began to explore her body, each touch more urgent than the last.
He kissed her bare shoulder and she scanned her surroundings, it finally hitting where they were. She’d almost forgotten that they were outside on her balcony and she hoped no one was around to see her. This side of the building was pretty vacant, most of the time, but it still made her wary. “Should we go inside?” she panted against his ear.
Tyler casually looked around and then said, “Whatever you want, Paige. Where we make love doesn’t matter, I’ll take you anywhere. All that matters is that I have you in my arms.” He kissed her lips and then said, “Besides, it looks pretty discreet here. The buildings in front of us are low and look like office buildings so I doubt anyone’s working right now.” He gave her a wink and she decided that tonight she’d let loose and be a little spontaneous. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d done anything that was remotely daring and they were on a more vacant side of the building.
Hesitating for just a split second, she shrugged and slipped her pants off, pulled a blanket off the chair and tossed it to the ground. She barely had time to turn back around before Tyler was crashing into her. “I was hoping for this response,” he breathed as his hands found her waist and his lips met hers. Within seconds they were both lying on the blanket. The night was warm, the stars were bright, and she couldn’t stop the moan from coming out of her mouth when he entered her. The feel of him inside her was incredible. Everything about tonight felt right, almost as if her heart had known this night had been on its way and it knew it was finally able to begin its healing process. It just needed Tyler to show it how. Even though she had been through hell and back, he and this moment, were now here to show her that things were going to get better for her.
As they slowly moved together, she felt all the broken pieces deep within her begin to slowly mend. This man from the other side of town was helping her wounds to slowly heal and he didn’t even know; he was just being himself.
And as he kissed her, she saw the darkness slowly fade and finally saw a light burning for her in her future.
Chapter 19
Not able to hide the smile that wouldn’t go away, Paige skimmed through the files on her desk, humming as she worked. The other night had been more than she expected and she couldn’t believe she was lucky enough to have met a guy like Tyler. He made her feel good about herself, about her life and about her future. He seemed to calm her racing thoughts, making her slow down and take the time to enjoy herself. He was easy to talk to and she found that she could pour her heart out to him and he seemed to understand her.
“What is going on with you?” Kyleigh asked, interrupting her thoughts.
Paige frowned, trying to look confused at her question. “What do you mean?” she asked innocently, knowing all too well that her happiness was displayed on her face.
“Well, the fact that you’re humming while working is a dead giveaway that something wonderful has happened, and I’m guessing it has something to do with a certain country boy named Tyler. So spill it, girl, before I drag it out of you,” Kyleigh said smiling.
“Okay, no need to get violent,” Paige laughed. “Anyway, yes it does have to do with Tyler. We had a really great time the other night after he took me home from the club. Let’s just say I hope none of the neighbors saw our show,” she said, with raised eyebrows.
Kyleigh’s mouth flew open as her hand hit her arm, “No way! Oh, my God, Paige, I never would have pegged you as the type of girl to do that in public.” Kyleigh shouted.
“Keep your voice down Kyleigh,” Paige demanded as she frantically looked around for anyone within ear shot. “Well, it just happened and the mood was right, I don’t know.” Paige said, blushing. She wasn’t one to go into detail about her sex life but Kyleigh and Brooke were the exception.
“I’m so happy for you!” Kyleigh squealed, making Paige cringe.
“Thanks,” she said as Kyleigh squeezed her neck.
“I really am glad for you. I think you and Tyler make a really cute couple. And if anyone deserves a great guy, it’s you Paige.” Kyleigh said, letting her go.
“Oh, and he has some kind of surprise for me after work. I’m meeting him at his place.” Paige looked at her watch and felt herself get nervous. She didn’t really care for surprises. She liked things planned out so she knew what to expect but she was supposed to be turning over a new leaf and letting things go so she could be more carefree and not such a worrier.
Kyleigh’s eyes widened. “Ooh, I wonder what it is. I bet it’s been driving you crazy all day, not knowing,” she said, beaming.
Paige frowned as she thought about her answer. “Yeah, a little. But I’m done with stressing over little things that I can’t control. I’m just going to enjoy the surprise when I get there.”
“Wow, he’s really doing a number on you, huh? I never thought you’d let yourself be so... relaxed,” Kyleigh stated, sounding completely shocked.
“Yeah, I guess he has.” Paige knew things were changing with her since she’d met Tyler, but she didn’t think it was something that people would take notice of.
“Well, tell me how it all goes and don’t leave anything out. I’d better go check on Mr. Branson. It’s time for his meds and I’m sure he’s going to be cranky.” Kyleigh sighed as she jumped up and headed down the hall to the east wing.
A wave of unease shot through her as she thought about Tyler’s surprise, but she pushed those thoughts away for now, she’d worry about that when she got there.
♥♥♥
Pulling into his driveway, she felt her heart begin to race. Her palms were sweaty as her fingers gripped the steering wheel tightly, and she considered turning around and making up an excuse as to why she couldn’t make it. But she knew that would be a terrible thing to do and she didn’t want their relationship to start off with lies.
As she came to a stop, she looked around at his property. It was breath-taking and she found herself wondering what it would be like to live out here. She giggled at that thought. She would be bored in a day.
She heard the screen door slam and looked over to see Tyler standing on his porch, smiling as he leaned against the railing. She waved at him and got out, shielding her eyes from the bright sun. Once she got to the steps, he instantly pulled her in for a kiss. It had only been a couple of days since their last date, but she thought it felt longer than that and by the way Tyler was kissing her, she knew he felt the same.
She pulled away quickly, placing her hand on his chest as she asked, “So, what’s this big surprise? You know that I hate s
urprises.”
A mischievous smile slowly formed on his face and Paige cringed. She knew that wasn’t a good smile. He was up to something and it somehow involved her. “Today, you will do something that will absolutely terrify you,” Tyler stated as he continued to smile at her.
Fear rose in her throat, causing her to choke her question out. “What?”
Tyler rubbed her shoulders as he turned her in the direction of the barn. “See those beautiful horses out there? I’m gonna get you on one today, and I have a feeling you will love it.”
Paige looked up at him, her eyes rimmed with fear. “Oh, no, I’m not. There’s no way in hell I’m getting on one of those animals. They have a mind of their own and are unpredictable.”
Tyler laughed, “You will and you’ll have fun. Now come on, let’s get you into some cowboy boots, you can’t ride in those little sandals.”
She watched him walk back to the house and stood there as fear took her over. She knew she was not getting on a horse, but it was obvious Tyler had another idea when she saw him come back out carrying those damn brown cowboy boots she’d worn before. He’s actually serious, she thought to herself.
“Come on, Paige, sit down, put these on.” He thrust the boots into her hands as he kept smiling.
She absently took them but instead of sitting down and putting them on, she said, “Tyler, I’m not getting on a horse. Are you crazy?”
He ran a hand through his hair and sighed, looking somewhat frustrated, “Paige, you can’t be scared of everything. Life is all about getting out and doing the things that scare you. That’s called living. Do you want to go your whole life scared of the unknown? Or would you rather jump in and try new things, even if they might be a little intimidating at first?”
Where Forever Lies Page 15