She gripped the steering wheel tighter, pushed on the gas further, and turned the radio up another notch. Her heart ached. More so than she thought it would and she realized he had slipped his way into her heart farther than she had anticipated. He had seemed so perfect and that was where she knew she went wrong. She never should have let him into her heart. She knew she needed time to heal from her grief and that adding in another loss would only devastate her even more. But she let her guard down and now she was hurting all over again.
Trees rushed past her in a blur, the radio was playing but she had no idea what was on, all that came to her mind was Tyler and Sarah. He’d played with her emotions after everything she poured out to him. He had made the comment of feeling used but really it was she who was being used this whole time.
A sob echoed in the small car, loud enough that if someone else was in here with her, they would be able to hear it, even over the loud bumping of the music. Her phone kept ringing but she wasn’t in the mood to talk to anyone. All she wanted to do was be alone with her thoughts right now. She figured it was probably Tyler and she had no desire to talk to him. There was no point. Things had already been ruined. It was obvious to her that he was seeing that girl, so why should she give him another chance. So he could break her heart again down the road? Or even worse, Kyra’s?
She slowed down for a stoplight as she got farther in the city and reached for her phone. She glanced down at the missed calls and saw Tyler’s number. He’d left a message and her finger hovered over the button as she debated on whether or not to listen to it. She looked up and saw a light mist falling, blanketing her front window and momentarily blocking her view of the world outside. She turned the wipers on and curiosity got the better of her. She turned the music down and tapped the button to play it. The car was completely silent for a few seconds; the only noise was the sound of the wipers squeaking back and forth against the wet windshield. As she held the phone up to her ear, Tyler’s deep voice broke through the silence of the car, making her heart clench. His voice cracked midsentence letting her hear the pain and remorse he was trying to portray. A hint of doubt surfaced in her clouded mind.
What if I’m overreacting?
That thought scared her too. The whole situation terrified her. She could be wrong to overlook this and stay with him. It could put her at risk of him doing something similar, again, causing even more pain than now. And she could be wrong to overreact and not hear him out. He could have a good reason for what had happened today. Or not.
She wiped at her eyes and took a quick glance in the mirror, trying not to swerve and get pulled over. Her nerves were shot, her face was red and swollen and she was confused. Terrible wasn’t even good enough to describe what she looked like. It was bordering on a horrible mess. Her hair was sticking out of her ponytail from their love making earlier, the crying had done a number on her complexion and her clothes were filthy with horse hair and dirt from riding today. She had never let herself look this disgusting in her life. This was what Tyler Evans did to her.
She needed a shower and wine. A lot of wine. She looked at the clock and frowned. It was already eight o’ clock, getting close to Kyra’s bedtime. She wondered if her mom wouldn’t mind keeping her for the night. The thought made Paige feel terrible; to worry more about her emotions than being a mom, but it didn’t happen often and she was probably long overdue for a therapy session with Kyleigh. She had pushed her feelings to the side during two tragic events in her life and now she was dealing with another loss of sorts. This ordeal with Tyler couldn’t compare to losing Randy and Natasha but it still hurt her already damaged heart. It was all just too much to bear alone.
She pulled out her phone and dialed Kyleigh’s number and once she answered she filled her in on everything.
♥♥♥
Ten minutes later she was walking into her apartment, thankful that her mom was more than happy to have Kyra spend the night and grateful that she had an awesome friend like Kyleigh to drop everything and come straight over to talk. She stood on her tiptoes and pulled out two wine glasses from the top cabinet and poured herself a full glass. She leaned against the countertop staring down at her glass, just swirling the wine aimlessly around as her thoughts spiraled out of control.
She already had one glass down and was pouring another one when a knock at the door brought her out of her miserable thoughts. She swung the door open, expecting to see Kyleigh, but she came face to face with Tyler.
As she stood there staring at him, everything around her seemed to become hazy. He didn’t say a word, he just stared back, a broken look covering his usually hard, arrogant face. She was glad, because she felt broken too. She felt like shutting the door in his face and going back to drinking her wine, pretending he wasn’t behind her door looking just as miserable as she felt. But that wasn’t like her. Even though she was angry she didn’t want to let her anger override her rationality. She took a sip of her wine, tapping her foot vigorously on the hardwood floor, waiting for him to say something.
Finally, she said, “What are you doing here?”
A crease appeared on his forehead as he gave her a hard look. “Do you think I’d just let you run away like that and not chase you down so I can explain. You didn’t even give me the benefit of the doubt, you just automatically took some irrational girl’s side, instead of mine.” He looked intently at her, he wasn’t shy or nervous about it, he looked at her as if his life depended on it. His hands were resting in the front pockets of his Levis and he licked his lips slowly before he said, “Paige, can I come in and talk to you. Please?”
She let her mind mull over his words and then asked, “Why should I let you in? What happened to Sarah?”
A look of irritation hit his face almost as if she’d slapped him. “Because that crazy incident back there meant nothing and was all a stupid misunderstanding. I can explain everything, but I don’t want to do it standing on your doorstep so all the neighbors can hear every word that echoes through these halls. And Sarah left after you did. I don’t know why she even showed up to begin with.”
With her hand resting on her hip, she sighed and motioned for him to come in. She would hear him out and let him try to explain that mess back there. She didn’t see how he could talk his way out of it, but she would be open to listening. It couldn’t hurt any more than it did right now.
He gave her a relieved look as he walked past her, settling in the kitchen area. He started pacing and dragged an anxious hand through his hair. After a second he looked around and said, “Can we go outside? The rain has let up.”
Without saying a word, she walked to the balcony. She slid the door open, leaned against the black railing, and stared at him expectantly. She held her hands out in front of her and said, “So, explain.”
He rubbed the stubble on his face as his clouded eyes met hers, and then he let out a long breath. “Look, Paige. I had been single for a long time before I met you, and yes, Sarah and I had a thing going on for a few months. Nothing serious, just hooking up occasionally. I wasn’t really ready for a relationship and I made that very clear with her in the beginning. And then when I met you, I broke it off with her completely because I desperately wanted to give us a try. But evidently she had a hard time understanding it,.” He took a step towards her and leaned against the railing with her. “And to be honest, she wasn’t the girl I wanted to have a relationship with.” He turned his head and looked at her, his eyes begging for her to see the truth in his words.
Paige felt her mind reel with mixed feelings. She finally met his eyes and held them, wanting to see if the truth would outshine all her uncertainty. She saw it, but her mind was still unsure. What he was saying seemed honest enough and she didn’t feel he was hiding anything else. She needed time to think it all through. “Tyler, I’m not looking for a fling. Just having sex and hanging out isn’t what I’m after,” she said adamantly, crossing her arms in front of her.
He turned to face her completely. H
e reached out and placed one finger under her chin, making her meet his eyes before he said, “I want so much more than that from you, Paige. So much that I don’t know if I’ll ever have enough time to get it all from you. I just hope you’ll give me another chance so I can try.”
She stared at him, not knowing what to say to that. She wanted more from him, too, but how could she get the courage to let her guard down, again? She watched his eyes travel down to her lips and felt the anger in her want to slowly fade. “Tyler, I don’t know if I can handle being let down, again. I’ve been struggling lately with a lot of stuff and I need someone who’s going to be there for me, not bring me down.”
His hand rose to her cheek, softly rubbing. “I promise I’m not going to let you down, again, Paige. I would never do anything to hurt you. And I thought I didn’t want a relationship until I met you, but now that’s all I think about. I can show you how serious I am about us, if you’ll let me.”
Despite the way he had crushed her heart earlier, he was now giving her hope that things would be good. She watched as leftover raindrops dripped down the sliding glass door and felt each negative emotion that she was holding onto slip away with every drop that fell to the balcony. She felt the sincerity in his words and saw it in his face. She needed hope. And she wanted Tyler in her life. She pursed her lips together and held her index finger up to his chest as she said, “I’ll give you one more try. And if you screw it up this time, there’re no second chances.”
A relieved look stripped away the worried lines on his forehead and his lips turned up into a confident grin, showing nothing but dimples. “I never make the same mistake twice. And you’ll see how serious I am about you. You’ll probably end up getting sick of me.”
A smile finally escaped her tight lipped expression, “We’ll just see about that.”
He gripped her waist and pulled her into him, taking her face between his hands and pressing his lips roughly against hers. Her lips parted, giving him the access that he wanted and she felt the softness of his tongue as it found hers. The unease and betrayal that had been hanging around her was slipping away into the night. The security he gave her was washing away her doubts. She just hoped he wouldn’t prove her wrong.
She quickly pulled away and reached into her pocket, pulling out her cell phone. “I’d better let Kyleigh know she doesn’t need to come over,” she said as she punched in her text message.
After explaining to Kyleigh that she was okay, the rain chased them off the balcony and they headed inside. Paige felt the relief of having all the stress and problems mended and wished everything in her life was this simple. She knew there were still wrinkles in their relationship that needed to be ironed out, but she also realized that talking things over was better than running away from the problem. As she shut the sliding glass door, she turned to him, “Do you want to stay the night?”
“I was hoping you’d ask,” he said as he went to the fridge and poured her another glass of wine and pulled out a beer for himself.
She walked up to him and slipped the beer from his hands, setting it on the counter behind him. One corner of his mouth turned up as a mischievous grin appeared on his face.
She leaned forward and wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him into a kiss. “I think it’s time for you to show me how serious you are about me. I’ll be holding you to that promise every day.”
With that, he grabbed her in his arms and carried her down to the bedroom, his lips never leaving hers. As he laid her on the bed, he quickly took off his boots, tossing them to the side. She leaned up on the bed on her knees, grabbing his shirt and yanking it off. He helped her out of her clothes and within seconds was lying on top of her, their bare skin molding into one.
With every touch, she felt him pouring more of his heart out to her. His calloused hands softly caressed her body in a loving way, taking the time to feel each flaw, each scar, each bump that made up who she was. His focus was only on her as he showed her how much more he wanted from her. It wasn’t just sex to him, it was obvious that he was taking this moment to learn everything he could about her. The warm feeling she had all over began to blaze with the need for him to take her completely. She ran her hands up his strong back, feeling his muscles tense under her fingertips.
As he entered her, she gripped his back from the rush of pleasure, gently digging her fingernails into his skin. They quickly fell into a seamless rhythm, neither wanting the moment to end and both striving to make it last as long as possible.
She caught his eye as their love making intensified, each thrust building on the last. They shared the same urgency in their eyes, wanting this moment to last forever and needing this moment to convey their true feelings. A low moan fell from Paige’s mouth, her breathing intensifying more the longer they made love. A light sheen was forming on their bodies and Tyler’s mouth found hers as her body began to convulse in its release. She let out one last moan as she gripped his biceps, the feeling taking her over the edge. His muscles became tense as he, too, began to come, letting out a low guttural sound from deep within his throat.
After a few seconds, his body collapsed onto hers. She wrapped her legs around him, pulling him in even closer to her. She didn’t think he could physically get any closer, but she already had a vacant feeling as soon as their love making ended. She ran her hand through his hair as they let their bodies descend into a normal rhythm. She felt his heart rate begin to slow, his breathing to steady, and the dampness of their bodies begin to diminish.
He leaned up and one corner of his mouth pulled up. “Did that show you anything?” he asked in a low voice.
She put one finger against her lips as she pretended to think. “Hmm, a little. But I think you’ll need to put in just a little bit more effort next time.”
“Oh, really,” he said as his hands drifted down to her sides. She saw the mischievous grin even in the dimness of her bedroom and she quickly yanked her arms down to block his moves.
He squeezed in around her and she started squirming as his fingers began tickling, a scream escaping her as he started laughing. “Tyler, oh, my God, quit. I. Can’t. Take. It. Anymore.” Her words were coming out in a hoarse yell as her laughing overrode her ability to speak coherently.
After giving in and telling Tyler he was perfect in every way possible tonight, she was relieved when he drew her into his arms and she heard his breathing begin to slow as he drifted off to sleep. As her eyelids began to close, she found herself hoping this was the beginning to her life finding peace.
Chapter 23
Paige awoke with Tyler’s strong arms wrapped protectively around her waist and his face nestled into the back of her neck. She would be lying if she said it wasn’t the best feeling in the world. Best feeling was an understatement; it was more on the intoxicating side. Everything felt wonderful. From his hot breath tickling the back of her neck to the feel of his hands skimming her stomach. She felt as if she were on cloud nine and drifting to a place she never thought could exist.
She looked over at the clock, which read eight o’ clock, and nudged him in the stomach. Rolling over to face him she said, “Do you not have to get up and go to work?”
Tyler’s long lashes fluttered open and his mouth twisted into a lazy smile. “Morning.” He gave her a peck on the cheek as he looked over at the clock. “Yeah, but I’m the boss, so it’s okay if I’m late. Plus, waking up in your arms was worth the hell I’m going to hear from the guys when I get there. They never miss an opportunity to harass me when I’m late.” He pulled her closer against him and sighed. “Are you off today?”
She stretched her arms out and smiled, “Yeah, but I’m meeting Kyleigh later for a quick run, and then I need to pick Kyra up. My last day off for the next three days though, so I’d better enjoy it.”
“Lucky you.” Tyler groaned, as he got up and got dressed.
Paige threw her legs over the side of her bed and hissed. “Man, my legs are sore.”
Tyler laughed.
“From me or riding?”
She gave him a look and answered with, “Riding, Tyler. I can handle you any day.”
“Well, if I had time, I’d prove that answer wrong,” he said, as he tackled her to the bed. She started laughing as he gently started biting along her neck.
“Tyler!” she shrieked, as he ventured to her chest. “You need to get to work.”
Groaning, he rested his chin on her chest as he looked at her. “I’ll call you tonight and maybe we can do something this weekend?” he asked, his brown eyes expectant.
“Yes, I’d love that,” she breathed as she wrapped her arms around his neck.
He leaned forward, gave her another kiss, and then jumped up, “Okay, I’ve gotta go before those guys walk off the job.”
She walked him to the door and after another long kiss, they both reluctantly pulled away so he could get ready for work.
After talking to her mom to check on Kyra, she poured herself a cup of coffee and then headed for the shower. She was meeting Kyleigh at noon at one of the walking trails where they frequently jogged.
An hour later she was dressed in her black jogging pants, white shirt, and neon pink Nike’s. She pulled her hair up into a ponytail, grabbed her keys off the counter, and threw her purse over her shoulder.
As she drove, she thought about last night. The night had ended wonderfully even with the incident that had happened. Putting herself out there was proving to be harder than she thought it was going to be, but Tyler was making it a lot easier. Whereas, she was quick to judge and expect the worst, he was beginning to prove to be the rational one who would rather talk things through, versus running away from the problem. It’s not that she wanted to run from him, she wanted to run from the problems so she didn’t have to suffer with more agony. But she was hoping her life was done throwing punches at her and maybe she could have a good relationship with Tyler.
Where Forever Lies Page 18