“That’s because he’s in love with her—duh,” Nina adds.
This just makes McKenzie cry more. “Am I doing the wrong thing, then? Maybe going to North Carolina is a mistake.”
“It’s not a mistake.” I say it with a firm voice and put my arm around her. “What if you and James break up before the end of summer and then you’ve changed all of your plans for him?” That had always been my worst fear, to have my college plans, and perhaps even my future, ruined for a boy.
“Even if I love him?”
I take in a deep breath. “Even if you love him,” I say, though I’m not sure if I’m giving her truly honest advice. I’m basically asking Tyler to forgo any other plans he may have for this fall in order to be in Seattle with me.
Eventually, McKenzie calms down once she sees James swimming back in, Tyler calling out to him in frequent intervals, though I’m not sure exactly what he’s saying. She and I sit together, my arm around her. I’m trying to tell her all of the right things, keep telling her how important it is to have your own dreams and to follow them, but I find myself inserting caveats and alternatives that might keep her and James together. I don’t want to see her miss out on something good in going to Well’s Creek and being able to see her older brother and dad on a more regular basis, but I don’t want her to lose something with James either. It’s not as cut-and-dried as I’d want it to be.
James is closing in on Tyler when I hear the familiar tone of a text message coming in, not on my phone, but on Tyler’s, which happens to be sitting on top of his discarded shirt not more than a foot away from me.
I’m not a snoop, but when McKenzie gets up and walks a little closer to the shore James is swimming ever closer to, I look over at the phone and see a name I’ve definitely heard before, but a person I don’t expect to be in regular contact with Tyler.
Laney.
Inching closer, I make out the message even among the glare of the sun above.
You going to be coming to check things out at CU soon, right? I can’t wait to see you!
My heart stops, like I literally think it stops, and my body goes cold, even as the sun’s rays beat down on me. CU is the University of Colorado. It could be half a dozen other things, but somehow I know it’s that. It’s the school Tyler had mentioned he’d have liked to go to had his family remained in Denver.
I’m just taking another look, wanting to be sure I’m reading everything right when the next text comes in.
And you can totally stay with me if you want. My parents are going to be gone for like a month, so we could have the whole house to ourselves.
Stay with her?
Stay with Laney, his ex-girlfriend, the one who dumped him?
I swallow hard, but my throat is suddenly dry… and I’m angry… so damn angry. And yet I want to know exactly what’s going on, how long it’s been going on and if I’ve been an idiot this entire time. I’ve witnessed Tyler putting in his pass code dozens of times, but I’d never imagined myself snooping in his phone—I’d never imagined having any reason to.
But I do it now.
There are messages going back months between the two of them, and reading them burns like a hot knife in my stomach. Thinking of you. Miss you. I do miss you, Laney. Love is in the air. I still love you. I love you too, Laney.
The words all blend together in one giant mass of betrayal. I want to type something back to her, either pretend to be Tyler or tell her it’s me and tell her to fuck off and stop texting my boyfriend.
My boyfriend.
But is he mine? Was he ever? Was this entire thing with him just a sham?
“I think they’ll be okay.” It’s him, his voice. He’s standing right above me. “Already making up, but not sure for how long.” He sits down next to me and relaxes, propping his strong arms on a bent knee, his skin glistening in the sun. He looks confident, and I should be proud of him, not having to worry about hiding himself and the patchwork of scars that have made his life so hard. That ease is probably why he doesn’t even notice it’s his phone that I’m holding.
I hand it over to him. “Laney texted you,” I say, more quiet and reserved than I’d imagined saying it in my head.
“Oh…” He takes his phone but nearly drops it. His eyes go dark, and the color seems to drain from his face.
“Yeah,” I say.
“Claire… it’s not what you think.” He turns his body toward mine, and I can practically smell the desperation.
“That’s what everyone says when what the person thinks is actually true.”
“Claire. It’s not.”
I look at him, into the eyes I’d fallen in love with, the windows to his soul. I can’t tell if he’s lying to me or not, and that scares me. “She wants to know when you’re coming to check out CU,” I tell him dryly. “CU Tyler. You’ve been lying your fucking face off to me.”
He swallows and shifts uncomfortably, a deeper shadow of what I think of as shame coming over his eyes. “Yeah, so I got accepted, but that doesn’t mean I’m going there, Claire.”
I make some kind of noise, the kind of noise you make when you can’t believe what you’re hearing. “That doesn’t matter. I’ve told you every single school I got accepted at, and you felt like you couldn’t tell me you got into CU?”
“I didn’t want to worry you. I didn’t want you to think I’d choose that over being in Seattle with you.”
“Or more importantly, not wanting me to think you might choose Laney over me?”
“Claire… you don’t understand.”
“I do understand!” I snap up to my feet and am fully aware that the heads of all of our friends, wrapped up in their own love nests or dramas, have turned our way. “You fucking lied to me for months! You’ve been talking to your ex, Tyler, and considering what you and I have done, that should be more than finished. You said—”
“It is finished!” He’s standing too and holding tight to my shoulders. “I don’t love her… I love you! It’s all you, Claire! I just… it’s just that she was my first love, and when she reached out, maybe I wanted more at first, at least figured we could have some kind of friendship. I don’t know. It was hard to let go, but she’s only a friend… that’s all it is now!”
I’m quiet, and I wonder if he thinks I believe that ridiculous excuse.
“I won’t go to Denver—I promise, and I’ll tell Laney I can’t talk to her anymore. I won’t jeopardize what you and I have.” He’s pleading. I know pleading. Austin had pleaded with me. He’d been pathetic in a way, depending on me to make his life better, dragging me down when I should have been focused only on myself.
“You already did. I thought you were different, but you’re an asshole, just like every other guy.” I grab my sundress up off the sand and charge away from him, past Nina and Nick, McKenzie and James, so angry and hurt and desperate that I just want to get out of here and find a place I can breathe, a place where there aren’t any liars or people to break my heart.
“How are you going to get home?” He’s at my side already, still shirtless with only his board shorts and unlaced sneakers on.
“I’ll walk… or I’ll call someone… maybe I’ll call Austin.” I want to hurt him by saying that, but then I’m not sure if he even cares. If he wants Laney, then why would he?
“I drove you here, and I’m driving you back,” he says firmly, his face contorted into hurt and pain that momentarily makes me feel sorry for him. “If you don’t want to talk to me right now, then fine, I’ll back off, but I’m not letting you bum a ride from that asshole.”
I stop in my tracks and make a hard turn toward him. “At least I can trust him. He might have been a horrible boyfriend, but he never lied to me.”
Tyler looks like he’s just been sucker-punched, and that’s exactly what I’d been going for.
“Hey, is everything okay here?” It’s Nick, hands in his pockets and looking like he’s in about the last place on earth he’d ever wanted to be.
“Misunderstanding,” Tyler says, his face tilting toward the ground like he can’t even look at me.
“That it?” Nick looks hopeful for a microsecond.
“Can you take me home?” I ask him since he and Nina had driven here separately.
“Hey, Claire!”
The voice pulls me away from Nick and Tyler, a voice that seems so out of place that at first I think I’m only hearing things. But then my eyes land on Austin, shirtless and a little damp, one of his friends next to him.
Now I look around, see that I’d been so angry, so pissed, that I hadn’t realized how fast I’d been storming off and how far I’d managed to walk in a mere matter of minutes. We’re close to the gravel road that nearly meets the shore, close to the more popular spot where the locals are hanging out.
I offer him a lame wave, having only wanted to hurt Tyler when I’d mentioned Austin’s name. Not in a million years had I actually wanted him to be here.
“What’s all this?” Austin asks, coming toward me, wearing shorts, flip flops and a ball cap on his head. He’s also holding a beer, his eyes jumping from mine to scan Tyler.
“Nothing you need to concern yourself with,” Nick says bravely.
“Nothing?” He laughs. “What the fuck is wrong with your skin, dude?” he says to Tyler.
“Austin, just stop,” I say, thinking he might be one of the worst guys in this town to see Tyler’s scars.
“What? I’m just curious.” He’s a little drunk, one of those drinkers that can go from funny to mean if the wrong thing gets said.
“It’s none of your fucking business.” Tyler’s jaw is clenched, his face red with anger. He’s stepping up to Austin before I can tell him to stop, right in his face, like he wants to kill him.
“Dude… Jesus ‘effing Christ.” Austin takes a step back, either a changed man who doesn’t want to fight or terrified of Tyler.
“Just take me home, Tyler… please.” I grab his arm, wanting to get him out of here more than I want to be away from him.
He’s fuming, close to tears and rage both, and Austin has already turned around and is walking back to his friends, shaking his head and laughing.
“I’ll go grab your keys,” Nick offers.
“I already have them,” Tyler growls, producing them out of his wet shorts.
“I’ll get McKenzie and James home then,” Nick says. “No problem. And I’ll grab your phone too.”
Tyler nods and then looks at me, as if silently asking if I’m actually willing to get into his Jeep and sit next to him for a ride home that won’t take more than ten minutes at the most.
“I’m ready,” I say, so thankful another fight had been averted that I don’t let go of his arm.
But once we’re in the Jeep, I keep my mouth shut and my hands to myself. Tyler begins, and fails, to form words. It’s not until he’s driven up to my house, Grandma out on the porch in her rocking chair with Lucille II in her lap, that he speaks.
“I love you,” he says. “Please remember that. Don’t give up on me, okay?”
I look down, wanting to tell him that I won’t give up, that I love him too, that we’ll find a way past this, but none of those things feel quite right… not yet. I’m too angry and confused and hurt to give him an out, to say something I don’t really feel.
“I’ll see you,” is all I offer, jumping out of his Jeep and running past Grandma, who I see is thankfully snoozing, before I rush into the house and up into my room.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
CLAIRE
I had such high hopes.
I wanted a love like the one my friend Margaret had with her husband, one that lasted years, through children and sickness, the kind that could even survive severe disability that might have destroyed other unions.
I also wanted a love like Paige’s, one that had at first stumbled and gotten mired down with crossed signals, but had blossomed into something beautiful and lasting.
But not everyone comes out a winner when it comes to love. My sister had broken Garrett Hevener’s heart to be with Evan, the three of them breaking up a friendship that had lasted years. And maybe Margaret had to break someone’s heart to be with her husband, or maybe he’d hurt someone to be with her. I’d love to believe that Laney would be the one finding herself the odd one out, but what if I’m wrong? What if I’m the third wheel that had wrongly believed I’d been the only one for him this entire time?
“He might be confused, Claire. He’s been through a lot,” Paige says, after I’d finally given in and called her the day after my huge fight with Tyler.
He’d texted me, tried calling, but I hadn’t known what to say to him without yelling or texting something truly awful. And I’d had a horrible poker face around the rest of my family last night at dinner. The only person who didn’t appear to notice something was upsetting me was Clark.
I hadn’t wanted advice from any of them. I just didn’t want to talk about it. But today I feel different. Today I’m glad I have an older sister who has been through the trials and tribulations of love.
“How can you be confused about who you love?” I ask her, wanting a real answer.
“Easier than you think… although, honestly, I always knew deep down that I loved Garrett only as my friend. I thought that could sustain us, but then there was Evan, and there was no way I could keep lying to myself about my feelings for him or tell myself that we could only be friends.”
“So then why did you?” I ask her. From what she’s told me in the past, there had been plenty of lying between all three of them.
She sighs, then stumbles with her words at first before saying, “It’s hard when you’re in the middle of it. I knew how stupid it was to keep denying the obvious, all that crazy back and forth. But I have to remind myself I was still young and prone to bad decision making. I don’t want to see that happen to you too.”
“Neither do I. That’s why I think maybe it’s best to just cut my losses. I still have close to six months to get back on track and stay focused, and I figure I can be over Tyler in three months if I try really, really hard.”
Paige laughs, not exactly the response I was hoping for.
“Is something funny?”
“You can be, little sister. You can’t give yourself a timeline to get over someone like you’re trying to lose weight.”
My head hurts, and I don’t want to admit that she’s right, but she is. I’m not sure how long it took Garrett to get over her, but I’m guessing it didn’t happen overnight or within some parameter he’d chosen.
“So, what’s your advice for me then?”
“Give him another chance. Let him really explain, but give yourself time to process it. If he loves you, he’ll give you that time. And if he doesn’t… well, then he’s not worth it.”
“I’ll try,” I say, more meekly than I say most things.
“I really think you should, plus I have a feeling that if you don’t, this is going to become one of the biggest regrets of your life.”
“No pressure at all then.”
“Life is mostly like that. There’s always pressure,” she says with contrasting lightness in her voice.
I thank her and tell her I love her, and I do, even if I didn’t show it very well when she was still living at home.
After we hang up, I stare at my phone and swipe to Tyler’s contact number. I can’t help but to see the texts between he and Laney that are still floating around in my mind, the words love and miss you coming to the forefront. With great fortitude, I push on and type out a proposition.
TYLER
I thought I lost her for good.
A girl doesn’t look at you the way Claire looked at me, hurt and angry and like she wants some severe physical harm to come your way, unless there’s a good chance she never wants to see you again. I’d seen that look on the faces of girls I knew in Denver, when they’d caught one of my buddies cheating on them or found out they’d been telling the entire school about their sex live
s. I’d come close to getting a look like that thrown at me with Laney, but hers had been a look of shame and sorrow, maybe even disgust and fear, but not of hate.
So when Claire texted me a short message in response to my many, asking if I’d like to explain myself to her, I didn’t hesitate in responding with a very clear yes. I’d fumbled with my phone in doing so, had to fix half a dozen typos and nearly dropped it just as many times to say that simple yes. My heart had nearly beaten out of my chest waiting for her to respond. I’d already gotten cleaned up and was ready to drive over to her house and do my best to explain to her Laney isn’t the girl I’m in love with.
But Claire hadn’t made it that easy. She wanted time, a couple of days to be precise, until she could see me, and I’d wondered how in the hell could I get through those two days of sunrises and sunsets without seeing her or talking to her? But I did… I do.
It’s Monday now, and I’ve been showered and ready for school for two hours, so desperate to see Claire that I feel like I’ve jumped halfway out of my skin already.
I finally leave my room and head to the kitchen. Mom looks surprised to see me up.
“Going somewhere?” she asks, just topping off a cup of coffee.
“School,” I say, heading for the cereal cupboard.
She laughs and is giving me a strange look when I turn back to her.
“What’s so funny?” I grunt out. Maybe I’m just missing something, but considering this is a make or break day for Claire and I. It’s going to be hard to see the humor in anything.
“It’s spring break, Tyler. No school.”
“Is it?”
“Yes… it is.”
“Oh, yeah. I guess I just forgot.” Considering Claire, spring break had been the last thing on my mind.
“Kind of a big thing to forget.” Concern is etched on her face. “Let me make you some coffee with whip cream. I think maybe you and I should talk.”
“Mom, I don’t think—”
“Tyler, I’m your mother. I know you don’t always want to listen to what I have to say, but today, I really need you to.”
Between the Girls (The Basin Lake Series Book 3) Page 29