Bailey. He hadn’t been able to get Bailey out of his head. Since that moment on the balcony when he’d realised who she was: the glossy hair and smart mouth, the plush lips and quick wit, the flash of her smile and the curve of her cheek. They made his thoughts turn hot and liquid. He was kidding himself it was all about wanting her perspective, that she was an asset to the business plan. He wanted Bailey. Like he’d once wanted Shannon.
Urgently. Without reason. Without end. And it shocked him to his core.
He wanted to touch her, kiss her and take her to bed. He’d wanted it from the moment she’d started talking in the cafe, and he’d tried to rationalise his way around it. Now in the dark there was no more pretending.
There was anger for David Millar and there was anger for how he felt about Bailey.
She was everything Shannon wasn’t: dark where Shannon was blonde, olive where Shannon was fair. She was blue eye versed brown, athletic versus willowy, sparkle versus glow. Alive versus dead.
He wanted Bailey and it wasn’t nice. Wasn’t kind or decent, or respectful, or fair. He didn’t want to romance her or love her. He wanted to dominate her and use her. He had this sense of her as a weight he could balance against and find his equilibrium again. He wanted to feel her body move under his and empty himself into her so she could make him whole again. He wanted to steal her spark and blend it with his darkness and come out a more neutral colour, less tainted by loss and sadness, more like a complete man.
And that would be theft, vandalism, pillage. A kind of rape that owed nothing to brutality and everything to overwhelming one-sided need, and the desecration of sacred memories
Why couldn’t he think that way about Willow, about any other woman he’d come across in the last two years? Willow was offering herself on a plate, no cutlery to slow him up, but he could hardly bear to have her touch him. He’d had to try not to crush Bailey when he’d held her today. Not to force her lips to him and swallow her up when she’d looked at him. They’d just put a near dead man in an ambulance, so it was a near act of violence for his libido to roar back to life.
But it had and she’d done that to him and it was fucked up. And he was fucked if he did anything to act on how he felt, because it wasn’t real. It wasn’t Bailey’s fault she was an illegal street drug he craved addiction to. It was some kind of hallucination born of missing Shannon so badly. He wasn’t sane that was clear. He hated poor David Millar who could still die, and he lusted after Bailey in a way that left him sick to his stomach.
He shouldn’t have called her earlier tonight. She tongue tied him. The less contact the better. Thank Christ she hadn’t answered.
He slowed to a walk and then went to the rock amphitheatre and propped himself against the sea wall. If he wasn’t so physically tired he might have hurled himself into the black swell below. Let himself drown to escape this divided, lopsided thing he’d become.
He’d been here before. In the months after Shannon died, in the months after people stopped being worried about him and assumed he was doing ok, going to be alright. He’d been anything but alright. He was out of his head with grief and guilt and pain; with the enormity of having found Shannon and loved her, and lost her forever. He’d felt it as an ache in his bones, and a constant throbbing in his head.
There was a time when he’d come here every night and thought about trying to drown himself. The whole time knowing he never would, knowing he was too much the coward, too much the dreamer. Even if all his dreams were red and sounded like screams. For a man who made his living selling ideas, he was too much a rational being. He didn’t believe in God or heaven. Dead was over, finished, a stopped state. So there was no point drowning himself; living with pain was still living.
After a couple of weeks of coming here every night to listen to the sea, to fight his insomnia, he’d recognised it as destructive behaviour, recognised it was killing his ability to work. And he needed to work. Work was a place to be normal, to get things done, to have some control, to be in the world, and of the world, and not to feel each minute separate from it by a barricade of unshed tears.
Until tonight he’d not been back to the beach at night for over a year. He remembered that last night before he stopped coming. He’d stayed until dawn, stayed until the sun was well up and the early swimmers arrived; stayed till the cafes opened, and the joggers hit the shoreline. Stayed to remind himself that daylight was hope, that night was for sleeping.
He remembered this as the first suggestion of dawn brightened the horizon. He’d go home, make himself sleep. When he woke, he’d go into Heed and start doing what needed to be done. He’d put his head down and focus. He’d come home every night via the gym, and he’d make himself sleep again, till the habit took effect, till he really was sleeping and working and making things happen. Until it was a life.
And he’d buy a new car and fuck being sensible about it.
And he’d keep tight with Cody, and do what he could for the kid, little as that might be.
And he’d let himself go with Willow. Let her claim him if she wanted him and hope she could make him feel something. Feel enough to lose himself.
And he’d stay away from Bailey so not to drag her into his nightmare, hold her hostage to his darkness and saviour to his half life. She wasn’t his alternate. She wasn’t his to sacrifice. He’d ruin her if he got too close. Suck the sparkle and colour out of her and drown her in bitterness and regret.
It was lucky they could work parallel, lucky he could hold her in his peripheral vision, and she’d soon be finished up at Heed. For once the universe was doing him a favour.
When he got home he did sleep, and when he dreamed there was still screaming, still Shannon crumpled dead at the bottom of the stairs. But this time there were people with her. David Millar was calling for help and Bailey was holding her hand.
21: Shady Move
It was a freakin’ surprise the driver chased him. He was an old dude, with no hair, a big gut and a porky face. Could’ve been a relo of fat Gerald. Plus he smelled like old socks. He chased and he yelled, “Come back ya little bastard.”
Cody ran straight across the road, between two parked buses and he was dead fast so there was no way he was getting caught or nothin’.
Mostly when you did a runner they didn’t chase you. If they were young and looked like they might be fast, well you waited for an old dude driver, everyone knew that. It was rule number one. So this guy, fat Gerald’s taxi driving Uncle, he must’ve been dead mad to leave the taxi in the middle of the traffic with its doors open and chase Cody across the road and he must’ve felt real stoopid not to catch him.
When he drove off, Cody slipped out from behind the bus shelter and backtracked. He found the street he needed, then he found the building, then he waited. If he went in too early, Aiden might make him go back to school. If he left it till around three, then there was no point, and even if Aiden was way angry at him, he wouldn’t have to go back to school.
At three Cody went to the glass door and looked inside. It was big in there and you could see right through and out the other side to the water. There were two storeys and people moving around. He couldn’t see Aiden. He wondered if he’d have his trophies in his new office. There was a man looking at him. The man wasn’t a teacher but he was looking at him like a teacher does with a ‘what’re you doing here’ face. The man came over and opened the door.
“Hello, can I help you?” He spoke proper. Maybe he was a teacher. But no, teachers always told you what to do, they didn’t ask if they could help you. Especially if you were hanging around somewhere you weren’t s’posed to be.
“Can I see Aiden?”
“You want to see Aiden?”
Maybe the man couldn’t be a teacher because he was deaf, because that’s what he’d just said. “Yeah.”
“Does he expect you?”
That was a shady move. If he said no, the man might send him away. If he said yes, maybe Aiden would send him away.
“I’ll bet it is. Shouldn’t you be in school?”
“Can I see Aiden? It’s urgent.”
The man laughed and opened the door wide so Cody could come it. He pointed at a funny looking chair, “Wait there.” Then he went behind a desk and put a headset on like he was going to be a DJ. “Cara, do you know where Aiden is? He’s not answering. Thanks.”
Bummer. What if Aiden was sick today and didn’t come to work? Cody stood, he could go and no one would need to know he was there.
“Where are you going?”
He sat again. There was nothing to do and the chair was hard, it was making his bum numb. He’d wait until the DJ man was busy and then he’d go and rule number one another taxi to get home.
“Cody, what’re you doing here?” That was Aiden from the top floor. He came down the stairs. He looked mad.
“Is something wrong?”
Cody stood. “No. I wanted to see your new office.”
“I told you I’d bring you here one weekend, remember. Why aren’t you at school?”
“It’s over.”
“Only just. How did you get here?”
“Taxi.”
Aiden was all serious face. This was a bad idea. But he didn’t know what else to do and he couldn’t tell Mum.
“Are you in trouble?”
He didn’t feel like looking at Aiden. Anyway he knew what the dude looked like. “No.”
“You’d better come in. You’re going to have to wait for me before we can talk.”
He followed Aiden into a big room with a big table. It was a huge kitchen. Aiden made him sit on a stool in the corner. He said they were having a staff meeting. The room filled up with people and some of them looked at him funny. Then a big man with a loud voice said, “Aid, child labour. I approve,” and everyone laughed. He’d never heard Aiden called Aid before. It was funny, like when Mum called him Code. Someone else said, “Didn’t know Aiden had a kid.” That was just wrong. Now people thought Aiden was his dad.
Aiden was at the front of the room. He made everyone be quiet, then the big man said some stuff, he was like the principal, then Aiden said some stuff and people looked unhappy. Someone said, “Look at Tony’s face,” so he looked around in case he could pick which one was Tony. He figured Tony would look totes mad.
Aiden was saying they’d be making changes and doing stuff different and a girl near Cody said, “That’s code for sacking.” Cody knew what that meant. Mum had been sacked from her job at the fruit market. That’s why she had to have a boyfriend. She said people who sacked you were bastards. A man said fuck, but not too loudly and another man said Aiden had a bad reputation. That made him sound like he was in a gang. Then Aiden asked if people had questions, and they did. But there was no raising your hand, they yelled out which made Cody wonder why teachers made you put your hand up if you wanted to speak in class, and why you got in trouble if you yelled out. Maybe that’s why Aiden said there’d be changes.
When the meeting was over, some people stayed behind to talk to Aiden and the other man, but most of them left looking cranky. A man with no hair asked him if Aiden was a good dad and Cody knew that was another shady move. It’s not like the man cared, he just wanted to have bad stuff on Aiden so Cody said, “He’s ace.” The man tried to touch his head but he ducked out of the way.
When there was only Aiden and the big man left they came over. The big man said, “You’re Cody. I’m Blake,” and stuck his hand out.
Cody said, “Yeah,” and shook the man’s hand.
“Do you like our office?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you jigging? It’s ok. I used to jig all the time too.”
Aiden said, “That’s not helping, Blake,” but he laughed so it was alright, and the big man left, and then it was just him and Aiden. Aid and Code.
He blurted it out. He thought Aiden might hit him, so he said he’d done it for Jas and that was a lie but it sounded way better. Aiden just asked if he was hungry and told him to call his mum and tell her where he was and that Aiden would take him home. Then Aiden told him he’d helped to save a man’s life, and that was hard to do, so he thought Cody’s problem would be easier to sort out.
Maybe.
The man who owned the shop was going to go to the police and he had it on video. The police would tell Mum and the school. If he’d known about the security cameras, he wouldn’t have tried to steal anything. And if he’d known he was going to get caught, he’d have stolen something way better than a Gameboy. At least that way it would be worth it.
“Cody, we’ll sort it out. What you did was wrong. Stealing stuff is wrong, and you know that. Did you sell it?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you have the money?”
“No.”
“Did you do a runner on the taxi?”
“No.”
“So you do have money?”
He had a five dollar note that he’d nicked from the tuck shop when the lady wasn’t looking. “No.”
“Right, so you’ll have to do some jobs to get the money to pay the shop back.”
“How am I s’posed to do that?”
“Can you use a broom and a dust pan?”
He nodded. Why wasn’t Aiden yelling at him? He was talking about sweeping. The dude was weird.
“This weekend you’ll be cleaning up my backyard. I’ll pay you by the hour. You should earn enough to start paying back the shopkeeper. I’m going to call the shop and explain. If you want to earn regular pocket money I’ll find you other jobs. No more stealing stuff. Not from me, not from anyone else.”
“Whatever.”
“Not whatever. You do it again and I can’t help you anymore. Do you understand?”
Aiden wasn’t mad. He didn’t yell. He didn’t get a red face, but he wasn’t mucking about either. “Don’t tell Mum.”
“I’ll think about it.”
If Mum knew, she’d cry. She always cried. It was dumb. It never made anything better. “Did you really save a dude’s life?”
“Yeah.”
Cody considered how awesome it was that Aiden knew how to save someone’s life, because maybe he could save his too.
22: Ruthless
Bailey missed all the drama. Aiden sacked Nigel Metcalf after a screaming match in the kitchen and no one knew why and everyone was anxious.
She’d also missed the staff meeting, but she heard all about it, from standing at the printer, making a sandwich in the kitchen, and trekking to the stationary cupboard. People weren’t happy and their discontent was directed specifically at Aiden with a residual rub off on Blake.
She kept her head down and her ears open. It wasn’t what she’d expected and she was cursing the fact she’d had an attack of the sensibles and taken a day off. At least she felt better, less of an ache in her lower back, less of a drag in her left leg. But there was no accounting for the odd light-headedness she felt about the idea of talking to Aiden again. She’d sent him a text to thank him for his message, and it’d been a struggle not to want to call him, just to hear his gorgeous voice. But she knew he’d be busy, and she didn’t want to seem clingy or weak.
Or sixteen years old.
The good news was David Millar was out of intensive care. He was going to make it. But as the day wore on Bailey wondered if Heed could do with a Panadol, and a good lie down. She was nervous for Blake. He would know what happened with Nigel, but she wondered if he knew the natives were so restless.
By lunchtime there was yelling. Tony Jones was next door in Blake’s office, he was impossible to tune out.
“He’s been here two days and already he sacked Nigel with no cause. No cause! And he wants the account teams restructured. What can he know about how we do business in two days?”
“There was an issue with Nigel. Aiden was perfectly within his rights to ask him to leave. He’s been looking at the business for longer than two days, Tony. And he knows what he’s doing,
” said Blake.
“Look, I know he’s a mate of yours, but you have to know he has a reputation for being ruthless and he’s just proven it. Up until two days ago we were a happy ship, now there’s mutiny in the ranks.”
Two days ago, ruthless wouldn’t have been a word Bailey associated with Aiden. She wasn’t going to pretend not to listen in now.
“Would that be you in the Fletcher Christian role?” said Blake.
“Of course not. I’m telling you no one is happy.”
“I appreciate your candour. But I’d appreciate it more if you’d give Aiden a chance to demonstrate his vision.”
“His vision? I know he’s your new partner, but I thought you were still running the place.”
“Divide and conquer, Tony. What we said at the staff meeting, joint CEOs. Aiden will run all creative and client service issues.”
“So, you’re going to let him change a winning formula.”
“I’m going to let him develop our business and our people.”
“And if I don’t agree with the direction he’s taking?”
“That will be a problem, but I’m sure it won’t come to that.”
There was a silence that made Bailey’s ears grow as she strained to pick up what was happening in Blake’s office. Perhaps they’d started to arm wrestle. Her money was on Blake. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Cara was doing the ‘pretending not to eavesdrop’ routine as well. Then there was the sound of feet bounding up the stairs and Cara said, “Hi Aid,” in a voice designed to undo zippers—presumably Aiden’s. “He has Tony with him now, but I don’t think he’ll be long.”
Bailey looked up to see Aiden prop his hip on Cara’s desk. He had his head down, eyes on his phone screen. He had to know he was in Bailey’s line of sight, was he ignoring her? Probably preoccupied. She got up from her desk and walked across to him. “Good news about David.”
He looked over. “Yeah, excellent,” and dropped his eyes again. Ah definitely preoccupied. That made sense.
“Anything I can do?”
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