I bit my bottom lip. “Even the twisted ones?”
“Especially the twisted ones. It might not be the ending we had planned, but still, it turns out okay.”
I thanked her again. Before she left, I had one more request.
“Do you think you might be interested in being my maid of honor? Since Maple is going to act as the officiant, I don’t really have anyone to stand beside me. I mean, I have my work friends and stuff, but since this isn’t my real wedding, it felt odd to invite them, let alone letting them know about this whole arrangement.”
“I’d be honored. Also, I know we gave you tips yesterday, but don’t be afraid to use the wife card. Don’t let Damian disrespect you an ounce after you exchange ‘I dos.’ Even if he pretends he doesn’t believe in the institution of marriage, commitment and vows mean the world to him. After ‘I do,’ you’ll have his loyalty.”
“How can you be certain?”
She glanced down at the blueberry scones then back to me. “Because I know my friend and the heart he pretends he doesn’t have.”
“Don’t cry,” I told Grams as I walked out of her bedroom after slipping into my dress. A black gown—per Damian’s request. For some reason, it felt right. As if I wasn’t giving away something special to him that I’d hoped to save for Jeff someday.
I knew my words to Grams were pointless because she was already in tears by the time I parted my mouth.
“Wow, wow, wow,” she breathed out, walking over to me with her arms wide open. “I know this is a wild adventure for you, but wow, Stella. You look like a masterpiece.” She wrapped her arms around me and pulled me into the tightest hug. “If only your mama and Kevin could see you today.”
Those words tugged at my heartstrings. “It’s not real, Grams.”
“I know, I know. But boy…” She stepped back and placed the palms of her hands against my cheeks. “It sure looks real today.”
There was a knock on the front door. Grams opened it, revealing Aaliyah. “Hi, ladies. Stella, wow… you look stunning,” she told me.
“Thank you.”
“The guys are out there by the arch, prepared to get started if you two are ready.”
“We are,” Grams said before turning to me. She raised an eyebrow. “We are?” she questioned, looking for my approval to continue.
I nodded, releasing the breath I hadn’t even known I’d been holding. “We are. You two can go get in position. I’ll walk out in about five minutes if that’s okay.”
“Perfect.” Grams gave me one last hug before the two went on their way.
I walked over to the window and stared out at the waves crashing against the shoreline. The water was calm that morning. Easy, even. Without much thought, I went out the back door of the guesthouse and began walking toward the water. To my left, I could see the ceremony location, and I knew I only had a bit of time before I was supposed to stand there and say “I do” to a man I didn’t know.
I needed those few moments with the woman who loved me first.
“Mama, I’m going to need your love to walk me through this today. I’m going to need you to somehow show me that you’re here, okay? Because I’m freaking out right now, and I can’t believe I have to do this without you… without Kevin…” I took a deep breath and smoothed my hands over my dress. “By the way, if you can tell him I’m pissed off at him over this whole thing.” I paused and fiddled with my fingers. “Also tell him I hate that he’s not here to walk me down the aisle.”
I bent down and placed my hands in the water, feeling the coolness wash over my skin. As I closed my eyes, I quietly whispered my reply to the words only my soul could hear. “I love you, too, Mama.”
One with the earth, one with the sea, may the waves of the ocean bless me be.
I stood straight and walked in the direction of my temporary life, where I’d say “I do.”
When I walked up the aisle, purple lilacs made a path. My chest tightened as I stared at my favorite flowers. The sun fell against my skin as my palms sweated with nerves. When I raised my head to look in front of me, I met Damian’s eyes, and for the first time, I noticed a look I hadn’t seen from him yet.
Was it… wonderment?
He stared at me as if he were seeing me for the first time. He shook his head a little, shaking himself from his trance as he cleared his throat. I couldn’t even pretend that he didn’t look amazing. The Beast cleaned up nicely in an all-black suit and bare feet in the sand. His blue eyes stood out more with the ocean as a backdrop to the ceremony.
As I reached my placement, I turned to him. “Hi there, Beast.”
He sniffled a bit and nodded. “Hello, Cinderstella.”
I smiled.
He almost did, too.
“One moment, please, let me find my passage,” Grams said, turning away slightly as she flipped through her book.
Damian kept his eyes on me. I couldn’t even think of taking mine away from him.
“You…” He flicked his thumb against his nose as his nerves began to get the best of him. “You look…”
“Pretty?” I grinned.
“No.”
I frowned. “Oh.”
“Didn’t mean it like that.” He grimaced and muttered under his breath as he looked down. His toes wiggled under the sand as he shifted around slightly. When he lifted his head, that same look he first gave me when I walked out sat there heavily in his eyes. This time, it was unmistakable. “You look mesmerizing,” he whispered. So low that only I heard. So tender that butterflies invaded my stomach. So honest that I almost felt like bursting into tears.
Never in my life had anyone used that kind of word to describe me. Pretty? Yes. Cute? Sure. Adorable? All the time. But mesmerizing? That felt like a secret word reserved in a collection of words never used to describe a woman like me.
Mesmerizing? Mesmerizing. Mesmerizing!
The chills that one word could create were making my mind spin.
“Don’t cry,” he warned.
“Don’t tell me what to do,” I replied.
He smiled.
It slipped out. An accident. One that he probably hardly ever made.
He tucked it back in quickly, but I saw it. He saw that I saw it, and well, I was going to keep that smile plastered in my brain for a while.
“Why are you being nice to me?” I whispered, confused. The Damian I argued with outside of the restaurant was not the same Damian I stood beside that morning who was using words like mesmerizing to describe me and leaving me blueberry scones.
“Because it’s our wedding day,” he replied.
You confuse me so much, Mr. Blackstone.
“All right, here we go.” Grams turned back to face us both, and the ceremony began. It wasn’t a long ceremony, which I was thankful for because I wasn’t looking for it to last. Once it was over, I had it in my mind to hurry to my bedroom and call Jeff and apologize for something that he asked me to do for us.
I felt a bit dirty with it all, truly.
“Are we exchanging vows that you both prepared?” Grams asked us.
My eyes widened, a bit thrown off by her question. “Oh, no. I didn’t think that would be necessary seeing how—”
“I wrote some out,” Damian cut in, leaving me stunned.
“Huh? You did?” I questioned.
He reached into the breast pocket of his suit and pulled out a folded piece of paper. “Yes, but, if you’d rather me not read it—”
“No,” I hurriedly said, placing my hand against his forearm. The second my hand connected with his skin, Damian’s eyes fell to our touch before rising slowly to lock his blues with my browns. I quickly removed my hand and smoothed my sweaty hands against my dress. “I mean, I’d like to hear it.”
He nodded and unfolded the paper. “Stella. I think it’s safe to say today is weird as fuck,” he started, making us all laugh. He didn’t chuckle, though. It was as if he hadn’t even known he was funny as he continued. “And I realized as I was wri
ting this that I don’t know you. I don’t know your middle name, let alone your last. But, I do know that this isn’t easy for either of us. I had a friend remind me of that fact. Even though I don’t know much about you, I do know myself. I know my flaws and where I struggle. I know that I’m blunt. I am cold and hard to approach. I am short-tempered at times and have the ability to think the worst of most people. I know you’ve already seen these sides of me, and I am not proud of this because I’ve seen a few sides of you, too, over the past few days.”
He looked up at me and began to speak the words straight to me. “I’ve seen your kindness. I’ve seen your sensitivities. I’ve seen how you take every word to your heart and feel deeply for everything—even the waves,” he said, gesturing toward the ocean.
I laughed, feeling on the edge of tears as he kept on.
“I’ve seen your expressions and how my words impact you. I’ve seen how my asshole tendencies affect you. So I’ll make a few promises to you today. I promise to watch my words around you so you don’t feel as if you are walking on eggshells. I promise to apologize when I’m wrong and even when I’m right. I promise to be honest with you but try to do so in a gentler way. Even though this is fake, I promise to pretend it’s not. To be your husband when you need me and less of an asshole whenever I can. I promise you blueberry scones on Saturday mornings because I know that’s important. So yeah. That’s it. I promise not to be the worst parts of me, so you can be the best parts of yourself. Today, I promise you that.”
“Well then,” Grams said, wiping at the tears falling from her eyes. “That was unexpected.”
Damian grimaced. “It was too much.”
“No!” everyone shouted at once, tossing their hands in the air.
Connor leaned forward and patted his friend on the shoulder. “It was just the perfect amount of enough.”
Damian’s grumpy look was back with his lowered brows. “Okay. Then continue,” he said to Grams.
“Wait!” I shouted. “I came up with a few promises, too.”
“Oh?” he asked, surprised.
“Yes. Well, clearly, this is being made up as I go, but I promise you quiet mornings. I already noticed you aren’t a morning person, based on your grumbles when you make coffee. And I promise not to go on long random bursts of conversation when you are clearly not in the mood—so never will I do that. Actually, I might, but that’s just because I’m chatty. I don’t do well in quiet places. Even when I’m by myself, I talk out loud. But I’ll try to be more mindful about it. I promise you peace in the world of my emotional chaos. I promise to pull back on my crying because I know it makes you uneasy. And I promise you that even your worst parts aren’t as ugly as you make them out to be, and I promise to make a space where you can be your truest self without judgment. Today, I promise you that.”
“It’s like you both are trying to destroy a pregnant woman’s emotions,” Aaliyah cried out, reaching for a tissue she stored in her bra.
“Pass one over here,” Connor agreed, reaching out for a tissue.
I laughed at how lighthearted everything was becoming after a morning filled with so much anxiety.
When it came time for “I do,” we both said them. We didn’t exchange rings, but we did sign a piece of paper, making the arrangement as real as it was going to be.
Grams clapped her hands together. “By the power vested in me by the state of California, I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss the—”
“I won’t kiss you,” Damian blurted out. He grew a bit shy and shook his head. “You know since you have a boyfriend and all.”
“Right. My boyfriend. Of course. That would be completely inappropriate.”
“Yes. Because marrying a stranger isn’t inappropriate at all,” he joked.
At least I thought he was joking. It was hard to tell with that one.
“Well, at least hug one another,” Grams offered.
“Oh, Damian doesn’t do hugs,” Connor said. “Except for Aaliyah, but that’s just because she’s pregnant. It’s a free pass for a few months.”
“Want to dab fists?” I joked.
“I’m not dabbing fists,” Damian replied.
Fair enough.
“Well, uh, shake hands?” Grams said, getting bored with the whole thing.
I held my hand out toward Damian, and he held his out toward me.
We shook each other’s hands as husband and wife. Then right afterward a wave crashed against the shore, splashing water against my cheeks, feeling as if they were Mama’s kisses.
Connor and Aaliyah had to catch a flight out of California back to New York after the ceremony. When they left, it felt like another regular Saturday evening again. Minus the nontraditional wedding dress I was still wearing and the husband inside the house I grew up in.
I sat on the coastline, staring out as the darkened sky kissed the edge of the ocean, feeling my heartbeats intensify. I had a feeling that even though I wanted today to be a normal day, things would be quite interesting over the next six months.
I walked out toward the water in my black gown and allowed the waves to engulf me. I prayed to the goddess of the ocean and asked Mama and Kevin to protect me for whatever was to come. To show me the way I was meant to travel. To help me figure out what was supposed to come next because I had no clue what to do. I felt as if my life didn’t have much direction. At almost thirty years old, I thought my life would be different. I thought my art would take off, and I wouldn’t still be working at a massage studio. I figured I’d be married—to Jeff—and maybe expecting our first child. I thought Kevin would still be here to walk me down the aisle.
As the waves raced over me, I begged for them to take away my anxiety and fears.
I stayed in the water for ten minutes. When I emerged, I turned toward the shore and saw Damian walking my way with a towel in his hands. I raised an eyebrow of curiosity as he grew nearby.
“Do you do this every night?” he asked me. “Walk into the water?”
“Yes. It’s kind of my thing.”
The corner of his lip twitched, and he stared down at the towel, then held it out toward me. “Figured you could use a towel.” I thanked him. He stood there with his serious eyes, and I smiled, knowing something else was on his mind.
“What is it?”
“Nothing, it’s just… I wasn’t certain if we were supposed to do this or not. Then it was skipped over at the ceremony, but…” He reached into his pocket and pulled out a ring with a huge black crystal sitting at the center. I gasped when I saw it. He frowned. “I picked it up earlier this week. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to give it to you or not, so… here.” He shoved it into my hand and turned to walk away quickly.
I couldn’t help but smile at his nerves. It appeared I wasn’t the only one overthinking things.
“Damian, wait!” I called out.
He looked back at me with his raised brow and grumpy expression. I nodded toward him. “Thank you for this. And the towel. I’ll be honest, it feels like we are kids playing house a bit.”
“I’ve played house my whole life, in different scenarios.”
“In the foster system?” I asked. He nodded. “How many homes have you been a part of, if I may ask?”
“Too many to count.”
That made my heart ache for him. I couldn’t even imagine what that was like for him. If I didn’t have Kevin to take me in after my mother passed away, I could have ended up in the same type of situation. The more I learned about Damian, the more I was beginning to understand the hardened hummus.
He had to be tough his whole life because it probably felt as if he was being discarded so often. I’d have trust issues with people, too.
I wanted to say more, to try to learn more about him, but I knew pushing him for information wasn’t the best way to get to him. He’d clam up quickly.
Instead, I thanked him again for the towel.
“Of course.” He rubbed his hand against his shoulder blade. “Is
n’t that what a husband would do for a wife?”
Yes. I supposed it is.
10
Damian
* * *
Living with Stella for the first month of November went over easier than I’d expected. On the days we weren’t forced to spend the night at the house with one another, she went off with her boyfriend, Jeff. I had yet to meet him, but she talked about him as if he was the sun and the moon in the sky. Which probably meant he was no good. Stella seemed to wear rose-colored glasses for most individuals in the world—including me.
I didn’t stay at my apartment in town when I was free to leave the property. I didn’t see the point in uprooting my life on Wednesdays and Thursdays when I’d just have to end up back where I was two days later. Even though us living together was a new arrangement, I couldn’t help but admit that it felt hauntingly silent when Stella wasn’t in the house.
Whenever she was around, it felt as if the circus was in town. Not in an annoying way—okay, maybe a little bit in an annoying way—but also in the way that Stella simply added light to the place. She was always bringing in flowers to brighten up the home, and when she was there, all the lights in the house were switched on. It was as if she feared sitting in darkness for a moment too long. Plus, she talked to herself. When doing anything. With any task, either she was talking out loud or humming a tune as she shook her hips. I was exhausted by how bubbly her mere existence was. She seemed to be one of those people who were just happy. The kind of happy that didn’t need a reason to exist. Before Connor, I didn’t know those sorts of people were real. Now, it seemed that Stella was joining him in the corner of sunshine and rainbows.
When she wasn’t in the house, though, it went back to the gray skies and thunderstorms.
I was still getting used to living with another person. I hadn’t done it in such a long time. The last time was when I was fifteen and ran away from my foster home. After that, I’d been on my own.
Western Waves Page 9