Ben nodded. “Well, yeah. That’s where you live, right?”
“Soon. Like, now. I might need to go back right away. A friend—well, no, not a friend, but my boss—my former boss—is in the hospital.”
“I hope it’s nothing serious?” Polite concern. That was all.
Of course that was all, because Ben had always been the one with common sense. He’d been the one to keep his feet on the ground and stay connected to reality. He’d humored Liam’s flights of fancy, maybe even encouraged them, but he’d never indulged in them himself.
So of course he knew that this visit was something short-term. Of course he knew Liam had to go back to the city.
“They think it may be a heart attack.”
“Your car’s at my place. You’ll have to walk back there and get changed. There’s coffee still in the pot, and I have lots of travel mugs—they give them out like popcorn at teachers’ conferences. You wouldn’t have to worry about returning it or anything.”
Wow. Yeah, Ben was more than happy to see him leave.
“What about the raspberry bushes?”
“I’ll stay here and finish them off. We’ve made a good start, but it’s already pretty late in the year. Seth should have gotten this done over the winter. I should get them taken care of before they overgrow the house and eat Tamara.”
Right. Liam wasn’t needed. Ben had it all under control.
Of course he did.
Still, Liam couldn’t quite give up. “I can come back,” he said. “When I get all this sorted out? I can come back.”
Ben looked at him for far too long, and Liam braced himself for what was coming next.
COME BACK. Liam could come back. Liam could tease and tantalize, appearing and disappearing according to whatever important city events he was working around. And Ben could turn himself inside out with anticipation, then crush himself with disappointment when plans fell through. When Liam didn’t keep his promises.
Considering how early it was in the day, there was absolutely no excuse for how exhausted Ben suddenly felt. But he supposed he’d gone through more emotional highs and lows that morning than he usually managed in a week, so maybe it made sense. Made sense that he was tired, and made sense that he take steps to avoid any more draining situations.
“Obviously I can’t stop you from coming back to North Falls. I still don’t really understand what you’re looking for, here, but—I hope you find it. Assuming it’s actually here. But in terms of coming back to my house? If that’s what you meant?” He braced himself and forced a sympathetic smile. Liam was the one with a problem, not Ben. Liam should be pitied. “Probably not the best idea, right? It’s good that we cleared the air. But that was just wrapping up old business. Now that everything’s tidy, we should leave it alone.” He turned away for a moment, long enough to snap the loper blades shut around a couple raspberry canes. “Good to see you, though.” Now go. Please, just go, before you notice how my hands are shaking, how I can’t look at you, how much of a fucking loser I still am. Please leave me with at least a little dignity this time.
“Can I—” Liam’s phone trilled a notification, and he made a frustrated noise.
Ben took a deep breath, found a bit of strength, and forced a smile onto his face. “Your people need you,” he said. Then he raised his voice. “Seth? We’re down one knight in the heroic battle against evil. You might need to put some armor on and get out here.”
“But who will protect the princess?”
“The princess can help. You’re not scared of some stupid raspberry bushes, are you, Tamara?”
“Not scared,” Tamara said and began to wriggle out of Seth’s arms.
Good. A distraction. “You can come help me make plans while your daddy finds a long-sleeve shirt to shield his tender skin.” Ben started toward the porch, but he was still aware of Liam right behind him. Far too aware.
Maybe Ben should have walked faster, but he didn’t, so he was close enough to hear Liam say, “So this is…?” And there was something in his voice that made Ben want to turn around. Made him want to take Liam in his arms and comfort him, for Christ’s sake. He steeled himself and kept moving.
“Get your sleeves on, Seth,” he ordered, then half turned, careful to not make eye contact. “Okay. Good to see you, Liam.” Because Liam needed to go. He needed to get the hell out and give Ben some time to do his deep breathing and his visualizations until the bands around his chest loosened and his body stopped vibrating. “Good luck with the work thing.”
Liam, thankfully, started to move. Ben plastered on a smile that was too full, too bright. He knew he was making a fool of himself, but it was better to do this than to let Liam see him fall apart entirely.
So frustrating. So damn enraging. After all this time, after all the damn work he’d put into learning to control himself, he’d been taken apart so damn effortlessly. Breathe. Breathe in some nice green from the plants, from the spring air. Breathe out the confusion, the excitement, the fear. What color was all that? Yellow, maybe. Breathe out the yellow. Breathe in the rich blue of being around Seth and Tamara. Yeah, Tamara. Breathe in the pure, sweet sound of her laughter, the feel of her chubby arms squeezing around your neck. Breathe out—Jesus, what color could he breathe out to get rid of the memory of Liam?
Breathe out the swirl of every color, the chaotic blur of too much light, too much movement. Too much everything. Breathe it out, let it float away. Inhale calm, exhale chaos.
“It really was good to see you, Liam. Don’t worry about the car—that was my own fault, so I’ll pay for it. Drive safe on your way home.” He turned and headed back toward the raspberry patch.
Don’t turn around. Don’t look back. If Liam’s still there by the porch? If he’s looking after you? You can’t see that. Keep walking. It’s over. Don’t look back.
It’s over. It’s over.
“Ben!” A male voice from the direction of the porch was enough to make Ben’s heart skip a beat, but he knew even before he turned that it wasn’t Liam calling to him. It was Seth. “It’s too early to offer you a drink, man. But I’m not sure what the healthier option would be. You seem a bit stressed all of a sudden.”
Healthier. Well. Ben knew exactly what would be healthy. More of his damn deep breathing, more centering of himself, more calming and meditating and visualizing positive things.
He turned back to the raspberries. Life. So persistent, so determined to survive and thrive and spread. And not only life for the bushes themselves, but life for the birds and animals and humans who took vital sustenance from the delicious fruit. Beautiful. Spiritual, even.
Ben whacked the bushes with the head of the loppers, then dropped that tool and picked up the rake. More length, more satisfaction as the metal head connected with the plants, the teeth snagged and ripped and destroyed. Five blows, then ten, twenty, every muscle in Ben’s body straining toward cathartic ruination.
And it did make him feel a little better. By the time he dropped the rake he was still tense, still restlessly angry, but he didn’t actually feel as if his whole body was going to explode anymore.
He turned to see Seth and Tamara watching him. “See?” Seth said, loudly enough for Ben to hear it over his own ragged breaths. “People look silly when they have temper tantrums. Don’t they? Didn’t Uncle Ben look silly?”
Tamara frowned in concern. “Why mad?” she called.
Well. Probably a question Ben deserved, but not one he was able to answer. He shook his head. “Just—raspberries.”
Tamara nodded sagely. “Prickles,” she agreed.
“They taste good, though,” Seth said, and he buzzed his lips against his daughter’s cheek. “Okay. Come help me find a long-sleeved shirt. By the time we’re outside again, Uncle Ben will have that mess tidied up—and hidden—and we’ll get the rest of the job finished before Mommy gets home. Sound good?”
Tamara agreed with typical enthusiasm and scampered into the house. Seth stayed outside long eno
ugh to say, “Is that out of your system, now? If it isn’t, you should head out and I’ll come find you once Dinah gets back to take Tamara. I get it that you’re… agitated? Is that the right word? But Tamara doesn’t need to see her favorite buddy going apeshit on the shrubbery. Not twice in one day, at least.”
“Right.” Shit. Of course Seth was right. Ben needed to get a tighter grip on himself. “Sorry. Yes, I’m fine. Won’t happen again.”
“It can happen again if you need it to—we can go out in the woods and you can beat the shit out of whatever plants you want. Just not around Tam.”
“No, I’m okay.”
Okay. Yeah. That’s what he was. He was okay. He’d be calm and gentle when Tamara came back outside, and he’d tidy up the battered raspberry fragments like a good boy, and he’d go back to his quiet, tidy, okay life.
And he’d damn well forget about Liam Marshall. Because while Liam was a walking, talking promise of a better, more exciting life, his promises couldn’t be trusted. And Ben wouldn’t let himself get fooled again.
Chapter Ten
LIAM DROVE back to the city in a daze. He had no idea what he’d been doing in North Falls, but now that he was heading away from it, he had no idea why he was leaving.
Well, he knew the practical reasons. Marius had texted and called several more times over the course of the drive, making it clear just how much Liam was needed and just how rich the rewards could be if he complied.
It should have been a dream come true. It shouldn’t have felt like stepping back into a gilded cage.
He went straight to the hospital as Marius had requested, waded through the bureaucracy, and found his way to Tristan’s room.
He hovered in the hallway outside, strangely reluctant to step over the threshold.
But he’d come all this way. He’d walked away from Ben—well, he’d stood in a sort of daze while Ben practically shoved him away—but the net effect was the same. He’d left all that behind in order to come to this meeting. Now he’d damn well follow through.
He knocked gently, then eased the door open.
Tristan was sitting practically upright in the bed, his tablet in front of him, Marius hovering anxiously by his side, and other than a few tubes and a bit too much gray in his complexion, the old guy looked fine. Heart attack? Really?
“You look okay,” Liam said, stepping into the room. “How do you feel?”
“Better.” Tristan shrugged. “Apparently it was very mild. They’re keeping me overnight and running more tests, but I’m thinking of the whole thing as a warning rather than a crisis.”
“You thought it was a crisis when it was happening,” Marius said firmly. “You were trying to dictate final bequests and instructions for your funeral.”
“I’m a dramatic person. I was being dramatic.”
“But you’re fine now,” Liam said. He’d left Ben behind, and this was nothing.
“I’m fine,” Tristan agreed. In the face of a glower from Marius, he added, “But, yes, it was a warning. I’m taking it as a warning.”
“I see.” Liam had left Ben behind. He could have been spending his day with Ben, and instead he was doing this? No, he wasn’t playing this game. “Can you clarify—did you ask Marius to call me in, or did he do that on his own?”
Marius raised an eyebrow at Tristan, who said, “I asked him to call you.”
“And do you regret that now? Is there still something you want to talk about, or should I just wish you a speedy recovery and go order a fruit basket?”
“He’s recovering from a heart attack,” Marius scolded. “Stop pushing.”
“I have it on good authority that he’s fine and was just being dramatic.”
Tristan pushed himself up a little straighter in the bed. “You’re going to make me work for it, are you?”
“Work for it? I’m going to make you at least say it. I don’t think that’s asking too much.”
“Fine.” Tristan grimaced. “I need you back at the firm. I need to slow down, at least for a while, and I need someone there who can handle things while I’m taking care of myself. That person is you, and we both know it.”
“You didn’t fire me, you know. I quit. So you wanting me back isn’t really that big of a deal.”
“You quit because I gave the Taybec Briggs project to Allison. But that was only a couple days ago, and we haven’t made the announcement public yet. I can take it back. I will take it back. You can do it and keep an eye on the company too.”
“That’s a pretty shitty thing to do to Allison. And a pretty shitty thing to do to Taybec Briggs, too, if you really don’t think I’m the best person for the job.”
Tristan squinted at him, and for the first time looked a little tired. A little sick. Maybe even a little old. “So what do you want from me? You took your time getting here—I assume you had a good idea what I wanted and thought over your options. Now it’s your turn to say it. What do you want, Liam?”
It had taken Liam a long time to get to the hospital because he’d been well out of town when he’d gotten the call, but there was no reason to go into it. And the drive back had given him time to get his thoughts in order. “I want a piece of the company. We can come up with something in terms of me buying in, but I want my name on the door, I want control over any jobs I bring in, and I want a share of the profits.”
“I’m lying in a hospital bed and you’re trying to take advantage of the situation like that?”
“I’m not trying anything. I’m telling you the terms on which I’m willing to help you out. If you’re interested, great. If you’re not, that’s fine too. Your call. No pressure.”
“No pressure.” Tristan looked at Marius as if inviting an opinion, but Marius just shrugged.
“It’s the weekend,” Liam said. “You should have a plan in place for Monday morning in order to keep the gossip from getting out of control, but you don’t need to decide anything right away. If you don’t want to work with me, you could call Shannon Tate—she’s looking for a change, I think, and she’s got a good head for business. Lars Pedersen might be able to help out, but you’d have to back up the money truck to get him away from Mikhael. Might be worth it.”
“But they won’t be familiar with our projects, our staff.”
“No, they won’t. I’m definitely the best person for the job. Unfortunately for you, I know my value.”
Tristan closed his eyes, probably as an expression of disappointment or disgust, but there was enough ambiguity for Liam to say, “You’re tired. I should be going.”
No one objected, so he left, stopping at the nurse’s station on the way to check on regulations for sending flowers or gifts to the patients. Yeah, that’d be smooth, to send a really clean, modern flower arrangement to Tristan—something bold and architectural. That’d be a nice touch.
There should be other details Liam could plan out, other moves in his little power play. He should call up Scarlett and Nolan, architect friends, and see if they were free for dinner, or at least drinks; they were good strategists and would be able to help him brainstorm. Or maybe it was time to get in touch with a few key clients, let them know that he might not be leaving the company and gently manipulate them into contacting Tristan and offering their support.
Yeah, there were lots of things Liam should be doing, but as he stepped out of the bright hospital lobby into the even brighter early afternoon, he didn’t want to do any of them. He’d left the car at home and taken a cab to the hospital; now he started walking, hoping the exercise would clear his head.
Strategies. Plans. A real opportunity, right there waiting for him.
He wondered if the raspberry battle had been won and whether there had been casualties. He thought about Ben’s car and whether it even made sense to fix something that old or whether it’d be better to send it straight to the junkyard and get something new. Was Ben sentimental about the piece of crap, or was he just cheap? Or, hell, maybe he couldn’t afford anything better. Teac
hers didn’t make all that much money, did they?
But maybe Ben really liked the job. He hadn’t planned on being a teacher, not back when Liam had known him. Ben had been content to just let things happen and go with the flow. It had worked well, him being so laid-back, because Liam tended to be more driven, and if both of them had been driving at the same time, it could have been pretty messy. No, they’d been a good team. A good couple, until Liam had thrown it all away.
But, no, none of that was what he was supposed to be thinking of. Damn it. There was something important at stake, here. Yeah, partly it was a chance at—not revenge, exactly, but vindication at least. But mostly it was an opportunity. Tristan’s firm wasn’t huge, but it was prestigious, and being one of two names at a boutique firm was way better than being an anonymous cog in some big architecture machine. Yeah, this was a great chance, a real opportunity.
It would have been nice to talk to Ben about it. He’d always been good at getting excited for Liam. Not competitive, not thinking about how something might be of benefit to himself. He’d just be happy because Liam was getting what he wanted.
Would he still be that way? Was he still the same person he’d been before?
Goddammit! That didn’t matter. It wasn’t what Liam should be thinking about.
He pulled out his phone and poked at the screen, then ended the call before the first ring. He didn’t want to talk to Scarlett and Nolan, didn’t want to talk to any of his friends or allies, not about this. If it didn’t work out? If Tristan decided that Liam wasn’t such a prize and decided to go with one of the other options? That was a humiliation Liam would manage on his own; he didn’t want an audience for it.
Not an audience of city people, at least.
If he could talk to Ben about it? Not looking for actual practical ideas, just as a sounding board. A support. Yeah, if he could talk to Ben about it, he’d do it. Hell, if he could drive back up to North Falls and talk to Ben and Seth, and even Seth’s wife, who was new sometime over the last fifteen years but was probably pretty cool if she’d managed to catch Seth’s eye, he’d do it.
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