by Jewel, Bella
“You want to let him die? Is that what you want Slater? Because that’s what’ll happen.”
“No,” I roar. “I do not want him to fuckin’ die, but I also know we can’t afford rehab.”
“Too bad. He’s going and it is not your concern.”
“This family is as much my concern as it is yours...”
He shakes his head. “I make the fuckin’ rules around here. Don’t forget your place, Slater.”
“Fuck you,” I hiss.
Lincoln moves quickly, grabbing me by the shirt and slamming me against the wall. A feral hiss leaves my throat and I reach out, curling my hand around his throat in return, and we stand there, both of us squeezing, both of us panting with rage. I’m the same size as him now, and he knows he doesn’t have it over me like he used to. He also knows I’ll fight back. Respect the hell out of my brother, but I will fuckin’ not be pushed around by him either.
“Back down, Lincoln,” I snarl.
“You back down, Slater.”
“Both of you fuckin’ back down! For god sake!”
We look around to see Finn standing in the doorway, shaking his head. “What the fuck is wrong with you two? Dad is in the hospital, nearly having lost his life, and you two fuckers are in here fightin’ about it.”
“Not your concern, Finn,” Lincoln growls. “Back off.”
“It is my fuckin’ concern, Lincoln, because you’re not my guardian. If anything happens to dad, Damon and I could get taken away. You gotta know that. So, I believe this has to do with all of us.”
Fuck.
Didn’t even consider Damon and Finn.
That changes everything.
“It’s Slater who doesn’t want to front the cost of puttin’ him away, have it out with him,” Lincoln barks, letting me go. “I’m fuckin’ done. I’m goin’ out.”
He turns and charges out the door, furious.
I look to Finn.
“Why wouldn’t you want him to get help, Slater?”
I exhale, running my hand down my face. “I do want him to get help. Gotta understand the cost of that will sink us. Tryin’ to keep us afloat.”
“Then I’ll go to work, Damon too, fuck school. We can help.”
“Know you can help, brother, but also know you shouldn’t have to. We’ll figure it out, but I promise you this, no one will ever fuckin’ take you and Damon away from us. No one. Not ever.”
I walk over, curling my hand around the back of his neck and pressing my forehead to his. Finn is troubled, he’s always been troubled. He got worse when mom died. She was his everything. Lincoln got hard, and Finn broke. We’re all he has left, and I didn’t think about how scared he must get sometimes, knowing if anything happened to dad, they could get taken from us.
“You’re all I’ve got, Slater,” he murmurs.
“Know that, little brother. I’ve got you, you hear?”
He nods.
I let him go.
And then I turn and walk out.
I don’t know how the fuck we’re goin’ to pull this off, but I do know we have to.
One way or another, I have to make this work.
I have to fix this.
~6~
NOW – ELLIE
Pain bursts through my temple, and I clench my eyes shut. I wish he’d stop hurting me. I wish this monster would just let me be. He knows I’ll obey him. He knows I’ll do anything he asks. He knows because he’s abused me so many times I’m broken before him, on my knees and yet he still continues to hurt me. My mind is a foggy mess, a haze I can’t seem to lift myself out from. All I can see in my mind is a swirl of him. Him and only him.
I know I’ve been drugged.
Hell, I don’t even know my own name anymore.
My mind is ruined.
He calls me Raven, so I guess that must be it. Though something inside me tells me it isn’t.
“Are you listening to me now, sweet Raven?”
His voice is soft, gentle even.
It’s the kind of voice you’d trust, hell, people do trust him, it’s why he’s so good at what he does.
He’s a man of God, or so he tells everyone.
But down here, in this basement below the church, he is a man of pure evil.
But his voice is tricky, it’s a voice you’d believe in, if you went to him for help.
He’s as smart as he is evil.
“I’m always listening, Master,” I whisper, my fingers trembling.
I still don’t know why he wants me, or what he plans on doing with me. I’ve been here two years, and I still don’t know exactly what he wants.
He tells me he owns me, and that I’ll be whatever he needs me to be.
Some days, I don’t see him, others, he’s here every day tormenting me.
On the rare occasion, he’s nice, like a god damned trick.
“You’re going to wear your hair in a braid to the side from now on, do you understand?”
I nod.
“And you’ll call me Paul.”
“Is that your name, Master?”
A hard slap across my face. “Do not ever ask me questions, child. Not now. Not ever. You know this.”
I wince, and close my eyes.
His hands cups my face. “Sometimes, sometimes, I swear you want me to hurt you. Do you want me to hurt you, dear Raven?”
“No Master.”
“Paul.”
“No Paul.”
“Then do as you’re told.”
I run the brush through my hair, staring in the mirror. I had it over one shoulder, ready to braid, almost out of habit. Now I’m frantically running the brush through it to smooth it out evenly down my back. Not to one side. Never to one side. How can I remember his torment so clearly? So damned clearly?
But nothing else.
Frustration bubbles in my chest, and I stare at myself, I just stare.
I want a life. A world that doesn’t live in the grips of that monster. I want fun, and laughter, and adventure.
I want love.
But if I can’t remember, if I can’t let go of the chains around me, I’ll never have any of those things.
If I don’t stop living in fear, I’ll never free myself.
“Hi there.”
I glance over my shoulder and see Erin standing in the door way, looking gorgeous. She’s wearing a pair of dark wash jeans and an emerald tank. Her gorgeous locks are down flowing around her shoulders, and her eyes are sparkling beneath the gentle layer of mascara she’s wearing. She’s breathtaking.
Some man will be lucky to have her someday.
“Hey,” I smile, meeting her eyes in the mirror.
“You look worried, we don’t have to go if you don’t want.”
“It’s not that,” I admit. “It’s...well, do you think maybe it’s time to see a doctor about my memory loss?”
She glances at me, her eyes wide. It was mentioned back at the start, by both the police and my therapist, but I refused, terrified of what I’d remember, that maybe I’d safely locked away all the bad. I just wanted to leave it all behind me, and move forward, and without my consent, it couldn’t be forced upon me.
But then I met Slater, and his brothers, and part of me wants to know more. A huge part of me needs to know my story, to understand it, to know those pieces of myself that I’ve lost.
“You want to see a doctor?” Erin asks, still sounding rather surprised.
“Yes, I think I do. Maybe there is nothing they can do, but what if there is? Those people, they look at me like I truly matter to them. If that’s the case, I want to know why, I want to remember, I want to make clear decisions.”
Erin nods. “That’s a wonderful idea, and I’ll be with you every step of the way, but honey, have you considered how you might feel if they tell you the memory loss is permanent?”
I swallow, and nod, looking at her. “Yes, I have. But it’s worth the risk of at least trying to find out if I have options, right now, I live in constant frust
ration. Always trying to remember, getting angry that all I see are flashes of things. None of those things involve any of the Knight Brother’s.”
“Okay, well, we’ll book it in tomorrow, and go from there, okay?”
I nod.
“Are you sure about tonight?” she goes on to ask, walking in behind me and taking the brush, beginning to style my hair.
“Yes,” I say. “I’m actually looking forward to meeting some new people, maybe making some new friends.”
“Hey,” she laughs, jabbing me lightly with the brush. “Are you saying I’m not enough?”
I laugh softly. “Of course you are.”
She finishes fixing my hair and spins me around by the shoulders. “You’re incredible, and brave, and the best person I’ve ever met. Those girls will be lucky to be your friend, honey. So damned lucky.”
My heart expands, and I smile. “Thank you. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
“Just remember,” she says, grinning. “I’m the bestie!”
I giggle. “Always.”
“Good, now let’s get you dressed, and get to this biker party. I must admit, I’m more than a little curious.”
“Me too,” I admit. “Do you think it’ll be a problem, me being there?”
“With Slater?” she asks, gathering our bags and phones.
“Yeah.”
“No, I honestly don’t. But if you get uncomfortable, just let me know and we’ll leave. But try and have a good time. Remember, you’re safe there. Those people aren’t going to hurt you, and they’re not going to let anyone else hurt you, either.”
“Do you think we’ll find him, Erin?”
She stares at me, her eyes flashing with the kind of fury I’ve seen a few times. The kind that says she wants to rip him limb from limb. I fear that she’d inflict far more pain upon him, then any of those bikers every would.
“If we do, I’ll make sure he never hurts another human being again.”
I reach out and take her hand, curling my fingers around hers and squeezing. “I have no doubt.”
“Now,” she claps, shaking the rage from her eyes. “Let’s get going. I want to see what hot biker I might be able to make out with.”
I giggle. “Oh God. You’re insatiable.”
She laughs, flicking her hair. “I am a woman, you know. And those men are freaking hot. Any woman would be lucky to have a little taste of one.”
“Just a little taste?” I wiggle my brows.
“Just a tiny touch of the tongue.”
We both burst out laughing.
I don’t know where I’d be without her.
But I’m so damned grateful to whoever put her in my life.
She keeps me strong.
~*~*~*~
THEN – SLATER
I get out of my truck and glance over my shoulder towards Ellie’s yard. She’s walking down the sidewalk quickly, head down, blond hair falling around her shoulders and covering most of her face. I’m not a hundred percent sure, but I’d take a wild guess and say she’s crying. She turns and rushes up the front path, swiping at her face, small fists clenched.
Yep.
Crying.
I should leave it be and walk inside the house, not going anywhere near her, but curiosity has me turning in her direction and calling out to her. At the sound of my voice, she pauses, but doesn’t look up. She does keep her fists clenched. I walk over, boots crunching on the ground as I near. When I reach her, she doesn’t look up.
“How come you’re cryin’, Ellie?”
“I’m fine, I’m busy so...”
“Look at me.”
She hesitates, keeping her head down.
I don’t take no for an answer, and hook my finger under her jaw, tipping her head back. She looks up at me, and my chest clenches with rage at the sight of her bruising eye. Somebody hit her. Somebody raised a fist to this tiny, beautiful creature and hurt her. How in the fuck could anyone ever hurt her? Look at her? She’s a fucking doll.
“Who did this?” I growl.
“It’s nothing, please let me go.”
“I’ll follow you around until you fuckin’ tell me what happened, so, start talking.”
She jerks her head from my grips, and I see a slither of that feisty nature she keeps locked away inside.
“It was just a silly argument at school.”
“A black eye ain’t a silly argument, darlin’.”
My kind comment seems to catch of guard and she stares at me for a moment, blinks a few times and then says, “There’s this girl at school. She doesn’t like me. That’s all.”
“Gotta be more than just not likin’ you, honey. Nobody likes anyone in high school, only a special few end up lookin’ like you look right now. So, you can either tell me the truth, or I can ask Damon and get him involved...”
Her eyes widen. “Please don’t do that. I don’t want...”
“Then speak.”
“You’re an awful human being, Slater Knight,” she huffs, and I can’t help it, I break out in a big fuckin’ grin.
“Never said I was nice.”
She pouts, and fucked if it isn’t the cutest damned thing I’ve ever seen in my life.
“Okay,” she exhales, running her dainty fingers through her hair. “There’s this girl, and she has it in for Damon because he wouldn’t go out with her. She’s like, the most popular girl in school, so I guess she’s not used to hearing no. She is obsessed with him, even a little obsessed with Finn, but I don’t think she’d admit that. So the fact that he doesn’t notice her must sting, a lot. And so she has it out for me, because he likes me, and we’re friends. Anyway, she said something to me today, and, well, I guess I didn’t like it.”
“What’d she say?”
She looks sheepishly at me, and then murmurs, “She was going on about your family, saying things about your dad and how she was the one who rejected Damon and not the other way around, because his father is an alcoholic and it’s really embarrassing to be seen with Damon because of him.”
My blood boils, but I don’t say anything, I just nod at her, encouraging her to go on.
“So, I told her that she’s only saying those things because she has her panties in a twist because he won’t go out with her. I also may have said if she toned down on the make-up and maybe worked on her attitude, men might notice her more, because nobody likes fake bitches.”
I wheeze, I can’t help it. It comes out before I can do anything to stop it. Hearing the word bitches come from Ellie’s mouth, is like hearing fuck come from a toddler, so incredibly foreign, and yet so hilariously funny. She’s so pure, so damned sweet, it just doesn’t seem like a word she’d use often.
“You called her a fake bitch?”
“Not directly,” she says quickly. “I said nobody likes fake bitches...you know...in general.”
My mouth tugs up in a half smile, and her face lightens, just a little.
“So she hit you?”
Ellie nods. “And she told me later, if I ever say anything to her again, she’ll come after me. I’ve never been hit in my life before, not once. Not even in all the foster homes I’ve lived in, so, I guess it threw me. And also...”
“What?” I demand.
“Well, when I was walking home, she drove past with her friends and they were hollering abuse at me. She even swerved the car, like she was going to hit me. That kind of scared me.”
Sounds like the bitch is insane.
“I’ll have a word to Damon, make him go with you to and from school. Sounds like this woman has lost her mind. Did you report her?”
“Firstly,” Ellie says quickly, throwing up her hands. “I know you’re older than me, Slater Knight, but have you honestly forgotten what high school is like? I’ll be slaughtered if Damon starts walking me to school, that’ll be like throwing gas all over the fire. And secondly, no I did not report her, because that will also make it worse.”
She makes a point.
But I
also know bullies shouldn’t be tolerated.
“I hear you,” I mutter. “Okay, fine, I’ll take you to school and pick you up.”
She blinks. “Pardon me?”
“You think they’ll say anything with me around? Doubtful. And if they do, I’ll stride right in there and put that little bitch back in her place.”
Ellie stammers. “N-n-n-n-no, it’s okay. I’m fine.”
“It’s me or Damon, Ellie, you choose. But either way, I promise you someone is going to be coming with you.”
She mutters something under her breath, and then sighs, “Okay, you can give me a ride.”
“Great, I’ll see you tomorrow morning,” I turn and start striding back towards my house, but I stop before I reach the yard and turn, “Oh and Ellie?”
She blinks at me.
“No matter what you might think, being the kind of girl you are, is so much better than being the kind of girls they are. Never let anyone tell you that you’re not fuckin’ perfect. Softness is beauty, remember that.”
She stares at me, then smiles, “I already know that, Slater Knight. But I’m glad you think I’m beautiful.”
And with that, she disappears into the house.
And leaves me stuck for words once more.
~7~
NOW – ELLIE
This place is...not what I expected.
Sure, it’s full of bikers, and bikes, and music and a few half naked girls getting around. But, it’s no way near as terrifying as I thought it would be. It’s actually kind of cool. Big sheds surrounded by large fences, all the bikes lined up out the front, the main house filled with pool tables and even a bar, as well as rooms and an office, which Scarlett tells me is where Malakai runs the show.
Those were her words, not mine.
I’ve met their partners now, and oh boy, they’re all just as nice as the rest. I recall Malakai and Koda from the first night Slater came to my house, and they’re both as nice to me now as they were then. The girls are more than smitten with them, and it would appear the feeling is mutual.
Slater isn’t here yet, Malakai told me he’s fighting. Scarlett mentioned something about Lincoln running some sort of underground fighting ring as well as his garage. They make a lot of money, but they also make a lot of enemies. Also Scarlett’s words, and not mine. I did know they had something like that going on, but it isn’t my business so I like to stay out of it.