by Susan Sands
“Has she taken up with new friends?”
“She’s mentioned going to the casinos with a female coworker.”
“Maybe she’s just started going out and learning to enjoy herself instead of sitting at home and brooding?”
“I hadn’t thought about that. So, this might be a positive thing?” he asked.
Sabine pressed her lips together thoughtfully. “Mmmm. Not sure, but if it’s a move toward her becoming more social and less depressed, it could be. Of course, the smoking isn’t the healthiest behavior, nor is the gambling if she isn’t being responsible with her money and hasn’t been paying bills. That’s something you should assess when you see her this weekend.”
“She’s paying bills, but has been calling me and asking for money to cover them.”
“Did you ever think she’s calling to get your attention more so than being truly needy for money?” Sabine asked.
Damn, the woman was smart. That sounded exactly like something his mother would do. Lisa had told him about the smoking last time they’d spoken, but hadn’t really shared a concern about the gambling. So, maybe it wasn’t as serious as he thought. In fact, Lisa sounded happy that Mom was getting out more and seemed less mired wallowing in her own woes.
Of course, he and Lisa didn’t speak very often and that had been a couple months ago.
“You said your sister, Lisa, lives in the same town as your mother? What kind of relationship do the two of you have?” Sabine asked.
“Occasional. And that’s my fault. She has two young kids and I’m the world’s worst uncle and brother.” He hung his head.
“So, you’ve been back in the area for awhile and haven’t seen them yet? Did they know you were nearby?”
He shook his head. “Like I said, I’m carrying around a lot of guilt for not wanting to deal with my family. I’ve been dreading going back there. Lots of baggage I’ve not wanted to go home and face.”
Sabine nodded. “I get it. And no one should blame you, even though they probably will and do. Everyone had their own memory of things and places. Some deal better than others with past events. Some people just never want to go back and feel that way again.”
“That’s pretty much it. I care about my family, but going home makes me want to throw up.”
“The place can’t hurt you, even if the memories do. Just remember that. Avoiding things will only make the pain last longer. You will eventually have to go back and deal with this—all of it.”
“My head knows this. You’re right; I know you are.”
“The problem you have to get hold of is letting it control your emotions, which is what causes the physical responses—the panic attacks. The closer to home you get, the more you panic.”
“Makes sense.”
“So, do you feel any better or less anxious about heading home this weekend?” Sabine asked.
He nodded. “I think so. You’ve made me think about some things I hadn’t. Before I came today, I’d completely avoided even picturing the town, much less my mom’s house or memories of my dad, for that matter.” He took a deep breath. “I didn’t die or have a panic attack. It made me sad but sad is better than angry, or desperately determined to avoid it all at any cost.”
“Well, I think you will be fine. I’ve seen much worse. I’m much worse as far as feeling angry with my father. The idea of going back to my home town makes me want to take to the streets, running and screaming.” She cleared her throat. “Uh, sorry—your therapy session, not mine.”
He laughed. “Now I’m totally curious. I guess we all have some pretty awful stuff, huh?”
“Well, you and I do, that’s for sure.”
*
Matthew left Sabine’s office with a lighter step than before, and not such a dread for his weekend ahead. Maybe going back to Chapman didn’t have to be a disaster. Having spent time around Emma’s nieces and nephews made him miss his own. And he really hoped to get to the bottom of what was going on with Lisa and her husband, Dub. He couldn’t shake the feeling Dub was a good guy and that Mom was somehow mistaken about his infidelity. He hoped so for Lisa and the kids’ sakes.
He’d tried to call Emma earlier, hoping to catch her between her Pilates and whatever classes she had scheduled today. They hadn’t really had much chance to talk this week as both were wretchedly busy and each distracted with their own personal dramas. Matthew really hadn’t shared his with her, and because she’d pushed him away the night of her mother’s wedding, he figured she was going through some stuff, too, after Tad’s big scene in front of half the town. When things got too complicated with women, Matthew tended to avoid the fray. Of course, he’d never really liked anyone as much as he did Emma, but he could feel the beginnings of a fray and how it made him want to run far, far away—not from her, just the messiness of it.
His cell rang just as he pulled up in his driveway. He checked the number and recognized it as a New York exchange but not as one of his contacts. “Hello?”
“Hey, Matthew. It’s Tess.” That was all, then, silence.
“Hi, Tess. Everything okay?” She’d been on set today and seemed fine.
Tess was a very private girl and did her job, but kept to herself otherwise. So far as he knew, she hadn’t had any issues with anyone else on the crew.
“Uh, yeah. Um, I wondered if you wanted to meet for a drink or a bite to eat. I’m kind of going crazy here in this hick town by myself and didn’t know if you had plans tonight?”
Oh. Huh. This was unexpected. “No plans. Uh, sure. Are you hungry? I haven’t eaten yet.”
“Starved. Do you know of someplace casual? I’m still in work clothes.”
“I know just the place.” He gave her directions to Marvin’s Garden, the soul food place where he and Emma had first gone together.
“I’m on my way. And, Matthew—”
“Yes?”
“Thanks for taking pity on me. I didn’t know how hard it would be moving here.” Tess sounded profoundly grateful.
“Hey, no problem. I get it. This place isn’t an easy adjustment coming from where we did.”
They hung up. Maybe he should call Emma and see if she wanted to meet them there. She did promise to help Tess find a more permanent solution to her housing issue as soon as she had time. But somehow that felt awkward.
He would contact her tomorrow and try to set that up. Instead of heading inside like he’d originally intended, Matthew put the car in reverse. Fortunately, he’d managed to get his taillight fixed from the mysterious breakage, so there wouldn’t be any more issues with local law enforcement—hopefully. But one never knew what could happen when the mayor of a footloose town had sworn a blood oath as their brand new enemy.
*
Emma and Sadie had worked on her walk for the upcoming pageant until Sadie could do a seasoned New York runway model proud. Judith had rolled up on her scooter with Jamie in tow to add moral support or comedic relief, albeit a bit on the acidic side. Emma was glad to see Judith here since it had been the scene of her traumatic fall, and the end of her hopes to snag the title in the upcoming Mrs. Alabama pageant. But she’d thus far displayed a grace that surprised Emma.
They’d just finished up when Judith suggested they go out for dinner. “Girls, I can’t bear to go home yet. I’ve been down for so long, I swear I’m gonna just die if I don’t get out and see some people for a little while.” Judith complained.
“What are we, big J, chopped pigs’ feet?” Jamie asked.
Judith was older by about fourteen months and Jamie never let her forget it.
Judith narrowed her eyes at her saucy sister. “I don’t care what kind of people we see, I just need to get out for awhile.”
“I like that Marvin’s Garden’s place. Tad says it’s a little tacky, but I’ve been sneaking fried dill pickles from there ever since I was pregnant with Sarah Jane.”
“You bad girl. I love that place. It’s one of my favorites,” Emma admitted.
Judith f
rowned. “Well, alright, if y’all insist. But nothing fried is going past these lips.”
Jamie rolled her eyes and mimicked her sister’s words as she followed her out the door.
“Don’t think I don’t see what you’re doing behind my back, sister,” Judith threw over her shoulder.
“Who me? I’m just bringing up the rear to help you in case you fall on your ass, honey,” Jamie said, her tone pure molasses.
Emma shook her head and laughed at their antics as she locked up, again feeling thankful she’d pushed past the insecurity and embraced these ladies for the fun and genuine people they were—deep, so very deep, down.
“I’ll meet you there.” She called from behind.
Sadie’s melodic voice surprised her by saying, “Y’all go on; I’ll ride with Emma.” Sadie had hung back from the others. “I hope you don’t mind. Those two are gettin’ on my last nerve.” She giggled.
“Of course not. I’m glad to have the company. They are a handful when they get started on one another, aren’t they?” Emma hoped she sounded genuine and sincere.
Because she really did like Sadie. The circumstances were just a little—awkward.
“I hope you don’t feel weird or anything. You and I never really get a chance to talk, just the two of us.” Emma unlocked the door of her car and Sadie slid in, placing her silver Coach bag on the floor at her feet.
“Nice purse.” Emma nodded toward the super-cute, tote-style purse.
Sadie beamed. “Thanks. I just love the outlet mall, don’t you? Tad says not to shop there because it’s cheap and what will people think, but I’ve found some of the most darling things out there. I just don’t tell him because the bags from the outlet look just like the store bags at the regular mall. He wouldn’t know an in-season bag compared to last year’s model if it hit him square in his Ray-Bans.” Sadie giggled at her joke.
Emma couldn’t help but let out a giggle of her own at the idea of smacking Tad in the face with her fully loaded Big Louie and breaking his very expensive, mirrored sunglasses.
When they were on the way to the restaurant, Sadie said suddenly, “I’m sorry about Tad acting such a fool at your momma’s wedding the other night. I’d like to say I don’t know what got into him but I’d be lying.” Sadie’s normally serene expression appeared troubled in the glow of oncoming headlights.
Emma was completely taken aback by her words. “You mean you knew what he was ranting about?”
“I think so—sorta. He’s different at home sometimes. When nobody is there to see him. He gets weird and angry. He locks himself inside his office and won’t let me in and tells me not to bother him while he’s there. He calls it his ‘private time.’” Sadie’s face remained serious.
“What happens when you ask him what he’s up to?” Emma asked.
“He yells that it’s none of my business and that I should give him his privacy—that he works hard and he’s earned it. Like my daddy used to speak to my momma when I was a kid.”
Emma really didn’t have any marital advice to give her but she did wonder what it had to do with Tad’s behavior at the wedding the other night. “What makes you think his time alone has something to do with his outburst at Mom’s wedding?”
They were nearing the restaurant and Emma really wanted to hear this.
Sadie bit her lip. “He told me to stay out of his office. And he believes that I’m such a trusting little mouse that I wouldn’t ever disobey him.” Sadie frowned. “But I’m pretty sick and tired of his acting like a first rate asshole, you know?”
Emma nodded encouragingly, feeling really sorry for Sadie.
“Well, when he left for work the other morning, I went in there and saw corner of a picture sticking out from underneath his calendar. It was like he’d meant to pick it up but was in a hurry or something and it was shoved there by mistake. I pulled it out and it was a picture of you, Emma.”
“Me? Why would he have a picture of me? Was it a recent one?”
“No. It was from way back when you won Miss Alabama. You were wearing your crown, smiling in your beautiful dress the night of the pageant, obviously. I know y’all dated back then, and I guess it wouldn’t be the craziest thing for him to have that picture, but something about him having it out in his office makes me think he has more of them someplace and this one fell out,” Sadie said.
“I’m—sorry?” Emma really didn’t know what to say or to think about this information.
“Honey, don’t worry about it. There are some hard lessons I’ve had to learn in life. Unfortunately, one was that my husband isn’t the good guy this town thinks he is. Or maybe he doesn’t have them fooled like he thinks; I don’t know. But I’m not jealous. I don’t think he really loves me. I don’t think he can—I mean, I honestly believe he’s the kind of man who can’t truly love anyone but himself. It makes me so sad to say that, but if you’ve ever known or lived with somebody like that, you’d understand.” Sadie’s voice was sad, but honest, with a bitter understanding of what Tad Beaumont was.
“I’m sorry, Sadie, especially since you have a daughter together.”
“Yeah. That’s the really rotten part. He is so sweet to Sarah Jane as long as she makes him proud, but if, heaven forbid, she behaves badly or doesn’t shine at school, he treats her like a complete failure, like she’s totally let him down.” Emma could see the tears in Sadie’s eyes. “It’s all about him, you know?”
Emma decided then and there, it was time to clue Sadie in. “He’s a true narcissist, Sadie. You’ve got him pegged exactly. Tad did a number on me when we were younger, and it took me some time to understand his personality type. I actually researched narcissism. Tad is the poster boy. Like you said, it’s all about him. I know he’s your husband, but the things you’ve said to me are spot on. The fact that you’ve realized he can’t truly love anyone but himself is the hallmark of the personality disorder. It’s ingrained in every part of him.”
“Can’t it be fixed?”
“No. It happened during his development as a very young child and became part of the fiber of who he is. Narcissists believe that everyone else has the problem—not them.”
Sadie nodded. “He’s never wrong.”
“We all have some narcissistic qualities or tendencies, but very few are true narcissists. Unfortunately, I’m afraid that Tad is one.”
Sadie sighed a big ole sad sigh. “Well, at least I know it isn’t me. I’ve been thinking these things for so long but afraid to do anything to make him mad at me. If it can’t be helped or changed, then there’s no way I can keep Sarah Jane in that house with him just waiting every day for him to say something that will cut her to the bone or break her heart.”
A sudden knock on the windshield scared them both just before they heard a muffled, “You gals gonna sit out here and gab in the car all night? We’re hungry.” Judith had already gotten out and wheeled herself across the parking lot to where they’d been in serious conversation.
“We’ll talk more later.” Emma promised, and Sadie nodded.
*
Matthew and Tess were seated across from one another in a booth back in the corner enjoying one of God’s greatest gifts—fried dill pickles. Matthew’s back was to the door and he was caught off guard when Tess said, “Hey, isn’t that your wedding date?”
His head whipped around so fast he might need a heating pad for his neck later. “What?”
“You’ve got it pretty bad, don’t you?” Tess laughed and took a slug of her beer.
“Hey, I’m your boss. Show some respect.” He admonished without any real heat.
“Then, show some pride, man. Your head nearly came off your neck when you heard she was here. My goodness, look at them. I’ve never seen so many highlights in one place. And that’s saying something in my line of work,” she laughed at her own joke.
Emma had entered the restaurant with the blonde twins and Sadie Beaumont. He wondered what in the world the two of them had to talk about after that
awkward scene at her mother’s wedding. Nothing good, he imagined.
Then, he noticed the one with the broken leg pointing his way and whispering to Emma. Emma’s eyes traveled the path of her arm and finger toward where they sat. Her expressive eyebrows shot up in surprise, then back down in confusion, as if she wasn’t certain how to react. He lifted a hand in greeting, as did Tess. Emma lifted her hand in a slight wave, then sat down at the table, her back to them.
“Aren’t you going to go over and say hi?” Tess asked. “She obviously thinks we’re on a date or something.” She rolled her eyes. “You didn’t tell me you would get in trouble if we were seen together.”
“I’m not in trouble. I can go wherever I want with anyone I choose,” he said defensively.
He heard it in his own voice.
“Look, do you really want her steamed with you because you’re pulling out your man card and waving it around?”
Matthew felt ashamed. “No. I don’t. Excuse me a minute.”
“Nope. I’m coming over because I want her to find me a place to live besides that cruddy hotel room I’m in now.”
“Oh. Okay, I’ll introduce you.” He grinned, realizing it was a solid plan.
They rose and walked over to where the four stunning, blonde women were sitting and ordering drinks. He realized how out of place Tess might feel among these four—not because she wasn’t just as attractive—but because she was a different kind of pretty.
“Hello, ladies.” He bent down to kiss Emma on the cheek before she could avoid him. The look she gave him was a little chilly. “I wanted to introduce you all to Tess. She’s our new stylist on the set of Cammie’s show. She’s just moved here from New York.”
The kind Southern women showed their best manners. “Welcome, Tess,” Judith said.
“Well, hey there. I hope you’re settling in,” Jamie said.
“Please let me know if there’s anything we can do to help you get acquainted with our fine town,” Sadie said.
She appeared a little more disheveled than normal, but spoke the company line with her usual aplomb.
Emma said, “Hi, Tess. I’m sorry we didn’t get the chance to meet at my mother’s wedding. It was all a bit of a blur,” Emma said, graciously.