Love Me Again

by Wendy Burge

  Robert seemed to have a hard time digesting this piece of news. “I don’t understand. She was divorced because she was barren?” his voice expressed the stunned look in his eyes.

  “Apparently she’d had many miscarriages, unable to bring a child to full term.”

  After a few tense moments, Robert asked quietly, “Did they love each other?”

  Castlereagh’s empathic gaze studied the young man opposite him. Should he lie? When Robert’s hesitant gaze met his, he nodded slowly. “It was well-known they loved each other passionately. After the divorce and sudden disappearance of his wife, there were rumors debating the mental stability of the archduke. But, again, they were just rumors.”

  Robert remembered those cold, ice blue eyes devouring the sight of his wife. It was quite clear what the archduke’s feelings still were for Christina. But, what of hers for him?

  When he recalled her fearful eyes gazing up into the handsome features of her former husband, Robert felt a numbing sensation curl about the pit of his stomach. At that moment he was more frightened than he had even been in his life.

  “If you will excuse me, my lord.” He was distracted as he rose clumsily to his feet. “I beg that you except my apologies if Christina and I do not join you for dinner tonight.”

  “Of course,” Castlereagh murmured as he watched his attaché’s agitated air. “By the way, how is the duke faring?”

  Robert shrugged. “As well as can be expected. Edward still does not have the use of his legs and the doctors doubt he ever will. But he seems to have adjusted well enough. Christina has been a great source of comfort to him. They are very close.” He felt a twinge of the usual jealously when he thought of his brother and Christina together. At times he wasn’t sure whom she cared for more, the duke or him. It seems all his life he had come second to the needs of his brother.

  The viscount wondered at the lack of emotion in Robert’s face when speaking of his brother. When you communicate with him, please send him my regards.” Castlereagh asked gently.

  “Of course, my lord.”

  With a stilted bow, Robert left the foreign secretary’s presence and the British apartments and strolled aimlessly about the ringstrasse. In a daze, he melded with the wandering camaraderie of the Viennese populace, seeing nothing but Christina’s stark face every time he mentioned the archduke. For over four years she had been exclusively his, attentive to his every move, serious and bantering as the mood took her. Never had he a suspicion that lurking in her past was a passionate regard for another man. He almost felt betrayed that she couldn’t be honest with him about her past marriage. Was it still that painful to face? How was he to approach this problem? Should he confront this von Vischering head on? Call him out and kill him? Should he take Christina and return to England? But, then he would never find out the answer to this question that now plagued him like a persistent migraine.

  Did she still love the archduke? The uncertainty pounded like a predestined warning in his mind.

  Chapter Six

  Varek watched as the sheer silk slid sensuously along her long leg. He leaned nonchalantly against the headboard, his body stretched out comfortably on the smooth counterpane as he watched the slow ritual of his mistress dressing for an evening out. He smiled wryly. Sophy never had much subtlety when it came to seduction. Either that or he was becoming bored with the same repertoire she used on him every time he visited her. It was a good thing for him that she was too vain to realize how her erotic show left him completely relaxed and insultingly flaccid, for she would probably throw something at him.

  With heavy-lidded eyes, he watched her wanton endeavors, all the while wishing she were Christina. That her long silver blond hair was Christina’s midnight dark tresses. That her tight, compact body was Christina’s lusher one. In fact, he found his beautiful mistress decidedly lacking in every aspect because she was not, and never would be, his beloved Christina.

  He remembered well how she could simply walk into a room and he would be reduced to the likes of a panting animal, whose quivering nostrils flared for the want of its mate’s scent. At times it had been frightening, her hold over him; yet never had he felt as alive as he had with Christina. Since she had left him it seemed no matter how many women he found release with, no matter their looks or their personality, he was always left with a burning need of unfulfilled desire. If it hadn’t been for his daughter, Tina Marie, he doesn’t know how he would have survived with a sane mind.

  Feeling decidedly angry at the state of his life at this moment, he let his gaze roam over the more than willing body of the beautiful woman before him. Damn, but he wanted to forget Christina, if only for a few minutes, and spend his resentment in a woman who obviously wanted him. With a sense of purpose, he stared at the shadowy recess between Sophy’s spread thighs. His eyes slid shut in defeat. Bloody Hell! Everything about her was all wrong.

  With a sigh of boredom, he rose from the bed and strode to the door. “I will see you later to escort you to the ball,” he threw casually over his shoulder as he left his lover gaping after his retreating form, while still poised alluringly over one extended leg.

  With a Gaelic curse, she reached over and, grabbing up an expensive Serves vase, she flung it against the closing door. The laugh she heard coming through the now scarred portal only set her off into yet another confused tantrum. Again, she had failed to engage his interest.

  What is wrong with me, Sophy fumed as she flung herself down on her regrettably unused bed. Was it her or the air of Vienna? It had to be Vienna; for ever since they had come to this accursed city he had avoided her like she was a diseased dockside whore.

  Stiffening, she sat up, glaring at the door. Very well. If his highness no longer wanted her there were plenty of men in Vienna who did! Why, just yesterday, Prince Trauttmansdorff had cornered her in a stall in the Royal Stables. And most persistent he had been, too! But, unfortunately, he couldn’t hold a candle to Varek’s beauty—or, more importantly, his wealth.

  With a flounce of indignation, Sophy continued adorning her body for the ball that night as any self-respecting huntress would. She was very careful as she spread a thick cream over her skin, which was heavily scented with sandalwood. Varek’s favorite.

  Retribution fired her blood as she rubbed and rubbed the white cream in until it disappeared, leaving a flushed tinge to her perfect flesh. Varek was very possessive of all he owned; therefore, when he saw her flaunting her considerable charms before the interest of anything male, he would reaffirm his interest in her in the most satisfactory of ways; of this, she had no doubt. Then, when she had him firmly between her thighs again, she would latch onto him and never make the mistake of letting him get away again. She still had a few tricks she could torture him with and, when she did, he would be following her around in a constant state of arousal. She laughed, picturing herself a slave to ministering to that big, beautiful cock night and day.

  Licking her lips, she rang for her maid.

  ∞∞∞

  Christina knew the moment Varek entered the room.

  A shiver ran over her body, her face flushed hot and she needed air, desperately. With frantic haste, she looked for Robert and caught sight of him, standing across the dance floor from her. He stood motionless, just staring at her. She pointed to the exit into the garden and waited for a minute or two for him to come to her. But, he didn’t. Lately, he had been acting odd around her; distant and almost annoyed with her

  What did he want from her?

  Anger directed her steps away from him and she hurried through the double door leading out onto the portico. One thing she couldn’t stand anymore, and that was being manipulated. It hurt her deeply to think that her husband didn’t trust her. She had been nothing but faithful to him ever since they had met. But, not my heart, she had to admit sadly to herself.

  So, feeling like the coward she was, she ran—again. Just as she had been doing since meeting Varek on that fatal evening. She couldn’t be in th
e same room with him without breaking out into a sweat. Anger, resentment, jealousy, regret and love all swirled about her in a kaleidoscope of confusion. She had to get away from Vienna and Varek! Maybe she could convince Robert to let her go home to England. She had to or else she would go mad, or worse—fall into Varek’s arms. If that happened, she knew she would be lost forever.

  “How long is this going to continue, Christina?” Robert’s voice jarred her out of her panicked musings.

  Without turning around, she pleaded, “Please, Robert, let me go home. You don’t need me here. Not really. I’m sure Lord Castlereagh will understand if you tell him I am not feeling well.”

  “Why should I lie?”

  She swung around on him in anger. “Because I am your wife! I thought you cared for my welfare, Robert.”

  He stepped closer to her and grabbed her shoulders. “I do! All I can think about is you and the change that has come over you since this archduke walked back into your life. I’m not ashamed to tell you, that I’m deuced scared. You won’t confide in me! All you do is prevaricate and leave me imagining all sorts of terrible things! All I can assume is that you love him and are tempted when you are around him, that is why you are hiding from him and now want to run from him!” He shook her lightly. “Talk to me! You owe me this!”

  He knew her so well! The one thing she didn’t want to happened, had. Robert was being hurt by a force stronger than any of them. And she felt powerless to stop it. God, how craven I am!

  Twisting out of his hands, she turned away, not bearing to see his tortured fear. She fidgeted with her shawl as she looked out over the formal gardens of the Hofburg. With a deep sigh, she began. “I met Varek when I was eight years old. My family was an old and illustrious one, but impoverished. Our families had been close and it was arranged that Varek and I would marry. Even when my father’s principality had fallen and we were left with nothing but empty titles, Varek honored his parent’s wishes. So at that young age I was sent to live in Austenburg, for there was no place else for me to go. The penniless princess,” she smiled, her thoughts years away.

  “Varek was so kind to me. He was like a God—tall, golden, and handsome as a Michelangelo work of art. I was a plump, unhappy, and terribly shy child and he made me feel so important. I grew up adoring him. When I turned fourteen his attentions to me changed and his wonderful friendship turned into something deeper, fuller. We were supposed to be married when I turned eighteen, but it didn’t work out that way,” she blushed, the moonlight faintly exposing her embarrassment to her husband’s unblinking perusal. Lifting her chin, she turned to face him, defying him to judge her. “We were married when I was barely sixteen. I was pregnant. But,” she swallowed painfully, “it ended in a miscarriage, the first of six in all.”

  Robert looked down, wishing he hadn’t forced this confession. Did he really want to know the truth? “I’m so sorry, my love,” he murmured, wanting to take her in his arms.

  She shrugged and gave a choked little laugh. “I guess my marriage was just not meant to be. Varek was forced to set me aside. He did and I moved on with my life. End of story.”

  “Is it?”

  She raised her evasive gaze and stared directly at him. Her eyes were painfully dry and, she hoped, expressed none of her feelings. “Yes, it is.”

  “I don’t think so.”

  They both jumped and spun around at the interruption of the deep voice behind them.

  Varek, a chilling smile molding tensed lips, strolled casually up to them, his gaze riveted on Robert. “Quite a short, sad story she just told you. However, she didn’t tell you all of it.” His gaze shifted to Christina, and she dreaded the emotion she saw there. He was not going to let this chance to hurt Robert slip by, and there was nothing she could do to stop it. “Shall you tell him the rest or shall I?”

  She looked over at Robert and knew that never again would their life together be the same. Whatever animosity that would grow between them from this night’s revelations was now inevitable, and she was so sorry for it. Never again would he look at her with untainted affection. What curse had brought Varek back into her life to destroy whatever harmony she had been able to piece together? Hadn’t she been punished enough for her failures in life? When was she ever to be forgiven? At this point all she could hope for is that Robert would not take her child from her in retaliation for making him feel a fool

  Her heart breaking, she walked over to Robert, determined to be the one to end this horrible conversation. But even as she opened her mouth to speak, Robert covered her mouth with his hand. Then, with a severity she had never seen from him before, he spoke over her shoulder to Varek. “Neither of you need to tell me a damn thing. I don’t care that once you had a grand passion, and I don’t give a damn that you still have a grand passion for each other. What matters now is that Christina is my wife, and I will never let her go. So try your best, your highness, to tempt me to divorce her, I never shall. You may love her, but so do I. Just as bloody much as you do. So do your worst to humiliate me in front of the congress, it won’t matter one jot. She is still my wife, and unlike you, I will never abandon her.” With that he removed his hand and looked into her startled eyes.

  Varek gazed curiously at Robert and after a strained moment, he asked in a contemplative murmur. “You truly won’t mind that Christina thinks of me while you tup her?”

  Christina’s hand shot out to hold Robert back. She felt shudders wracking his taut arm. With an almost physical grip, she clamped down on her racing heart and turned to the predatory and haunting regard of her lost love. She knew him well enough to know that he was lashing out in pain. How could she hurt either of these men whom she was caught between, whom she both loved, albeit in different ways, but still loved with all her being?

  Christina flinched when she looked for the first time deeply into Varek’s eyes and was hit hard by the need shouting at her under the forced calm. “Varek,” she began in a quavering voice. Pausing, she took a deep breath and forged ahead, her gaze never breaking with his. “It is over. Whether you believe it or not, I’m happy with Robert. Please, don’t disrupt my life again. If you do still care for me, you have to let me go.”

  Every muscle in Varek’s face tightened and his gaze blazed with arctic splinters. His body was so rigid she thought he would shatter if jarred. Her fingers tightened about Robert’s arm, to prevent herself from throwing her arms about him, to comfort him, and take the pain away.

  There was a subtle rustle of fabric behind them. “Varek, my dearest, you promised me this waltz,” a sultry voice infiltrated the charged air between the three.

  Varek smiled enigmatically as he held out his hand to the gorgeous creature poised in the halo of light from the ballroom behind her. The radiance of thousands of candles filtered through the thin tissue of her flimsy gown outlining a tight, svelte body. Christina flushed with mind-numbing jealousy as she watched Varek take possession of the woman. They looked magnificent together, both blonde, blue-eyed and irresistibly beautiful. It took every bit of willpower she had ever known to keep the sting of tears from her eyes. Pride squeezed a tight smile on a face which felt as stiff as ice.

  “My love, this is my mistress. She keeps my bed warm, until you come back.” Both women gasped in unison at the utter callousness he had just uttered. Christina stared in shock at Varek and was taken aback at the rage shimmering in his eyes. Good lord, he was in a killing mood!

  Hastily, she tugged on her silent husband’s arm. When he didn’t budge, she turned to him. He was staring at Varek with a calm calculation that made her even more uneasy. Licking dry lips, she entreated him, “Shall we go inside, Robert. I am beginning to feel the chill.”

  Shaking his head, almost as if to clear it, he turned to her. “Of course, my dear.”

  Without another word or look at the other couple, they strolled with seeming casualness into the brilliant light of the ballroom.

  “How could you embarrass me like that,” Sophy hiss
ed.

  Varek dropped her arm and strode after the fleeing couple, ignoring her completely.

  They had almost made it to the doors when Robert dragged her to a slow stop. She glanced curiously at him and noticed his attention directed straight ahead, his profile stiff. The fine hairs at the back of her neck tingled. Something was wrong. Silently, she urged him forward, feeling the presence of Varek not far behind them.

  “One moment, madam.”

  She winced at the coldness in her husband’s voice. As much as Varek was pulling on her heart, she just wanted her comfortable, safe existence back. Varek, was like a hurricane, sweeping through her orderly world, leaving nothing but upheaval in his wake. Minute by minute, she felt her grip on her anchor weakening. Soon she would be swept along with no help from Robert to pull her back to safety.

  Detaching himself from Christina’s clutching hand, Robert swung back around and retraced his steps. He was met halfway by the slow approach of the archduke. Both men warily eyed each other, circling slowly. They reminded Christina of two rams getting ready to butt each other’s fool heads together. She almost wished they would and get it over with.

  Would this wretched evening never end? she despaired as she hurried over, meaning to step between them. However, both men held out a hand, holding her back. Just as she opened her mouth to say something, she noticed Robert’s bare hand rising, his glove held firmly in it. Time seemed suspended as her gaze riveted on that hand.

  No! her mind screamed as the glove struck Varek’s chiseled cheek.

  She watched in horror as a smug smile spread slowly over Varek’s mouth, satisfaction gleaming in his eyes. “I was wondering when you would finally find your balls and be man enough to call me out?”

  “My seconds will call on yours this evening,” Robert announced, coldly stiff while his face was flushed bright red with his rage.