by Vanessa Fox
Coach Parker eyes me up and down with a sneer. He shakes his head. "Let's take five!"
I rush off to the sidelines before Coach has the chance to lecture me again. I've already heard enough. He's right, my performance has been slipping. But it's not my fault. It's that damn Willow Greene who's got my mind all preoccupied. Last night we played against our rivals, the Camden Cardinals, and while we did win in the end, it was a struggle the whole way through.
I just couldn't focus. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stick in the here and now. Today at practice seems to be no different.
I pick up my Gatorade bottle and squirt the blue liquid into my mouth. My running back Marcus slaps my back reassuringly. I just shrug.
That's when I notice out of the corner of my eye, a brown-haired girl walking near the bleachers a few yards away. She glances at me, flashing brilliant blue eyes.
"Hey! Willow!" I break into a jog towards her. She looks panicked and turns away, walking quickly.
I catch up with her in only a few seconds. I pull my helmet off and run my fingers through my damp hair.
"What are you doing here?" I ask, my heart thumping out of control.
Her cheeks are bright red. "N-nothing."
"You came to see me practice?"
She rolls her eyes and scoffs. "Yeah, right. No, I'm supposed to meet Cynthia to study for our math test. But she's not here yet."
"Ah, so you decided to spy on me while you waited, huh?" I flash a cocky grin.
She stops walking and studies my face curiously. "I thought you were ignoring me."
"I was."
"But not anymore?"
"Uh, well, no. Because it's not working. I almost lost the game last night because of you."
"Because of me?" She asks incredulously. "But I wasn't even there."
"I know. But I couldn't stop thinking about you."
I take a deep breath. I know I'm taking a risk. Her gazes lingers on mine, her lips parted slightly, her breath hitched. I'm starting to think I could fry an egg on those burning cheeks of hers.
She's into me. She's really into me.
Of course, she doesn't want me to know that. She turns away and begins walking briskly again, not saying a word.
"Hey, slow down," I say. I place my hand on her arm and she stops.
"You smell like dirt and sweat," she mumbles, avoiding eye contact.
"Well, yeah. I'm at practice. What do you expect?"
"I thought you said you were good."
"Huh?"
"At football. You didn't look like you were doing very well out there."
Ah, shit. She saw me get hit and fumble the ball. So much for wooing her with my amazing football skills. "Well, darlin', like I said, I can't focus because I can't get you out of my mind."
"Uh huh," she rolls her eyes, but I detect a hint of a smile on her soft pink lips.
"You around tonight?" I ask. My heart feels like it's about to burst from nerves. Damn, I've never felt like this before.
"Uh, I … I guess," she stammers.
"Good. I'll come by after dinner. We'll go for a walk."
She takes a deep breath, contemplating. "Fine. I guess. Whatever."
"HUGHES!" Coach Parker screams from the sidelines on the other side of the field. "Back on the field!"
I can't help but grin. "Good. I'll see you then."
I wink before running back to my position. I want her to stay and watch me, because I know I'll do better now. The thrill of having her say yes to a date— well, a walk… close enough— reinvigorates me from head to toe. I feel like I have a new lease on life. I plan on taking my newfound energy and channeling it into practice.
But by the time we get our next drill started, she's nowhere to be found.
I realize she doesn't want to be caught dead watching football practice, especially by her new math geek friend, Cynthia. Fair enough.
But I'm willing to bet she'll be a whole lot more interested in football after tonight.
Willow
I step out onto the street with Kade Hughes by my side. It's dusk and it looks like a storm is moving in. The whole world looks eerie as the pink skies from sunset are gradually overtaken by dark, brewing clouds. It's not raining, but the air is heavy and thick, and a wind is picking up, making the branches of the trees sway and the leaves rustle. It's oddly relaxing.
I have an umbrella at my side, just in case. Nothing is gonna stand in my way of spending this time with Kade Hughes.
As ridiculous as that sounds.
We're silent as we walk together. Kade is dressed casually, in jeans and a leather jacket, his dirty blond hair perfectly tussled on his head. It's obvious he's showered since his practice earlier. His deodorant— or maybe cologne— smells like sage and cedar, and his clothes have that fresh linen scent you get when you first take them out of the dryer.
He's cleaned himself up for me, and it makes me giddy.
I want nothing more than to lean into his neck and inhale him whole.
But I simply stare straight ahead as I walk next to him stiffly.
The silence between us feels comfortable at first, but after a while I can feel the tension building. Like there's something we both want to say, but can't bring ourselves to say it.
"So how was your practice today?" I ask finally.
That isn't what I want to say. Actually, I'm not even sure what it is I want to say. But I'll start with that. I have to start somewhere.
He smirks. "I killed it."
"Oh, you mean after I left? How convenient."
For some reason, I can't help being sassy around Kade. He brings out the snark in me.
He playfully punches my arm. "You better watch it, Missy. No one talks to Riverside High's all-star quarterback that way."
"Oh yeah?" I taunt. "Is that a threat? What are you gonna do, huh?"
He cocks his eyebrow. "Mm… I can think of a few things."
In the sky above his head, lightning flashes brilliantly, illuminating the sky for a split second.
"Uh oh." I bite my bottom lip, pretending to look scared.
He chuckles, and looks like he's about to move closer to me, when an ear-splitting crack of thunder stops us both in our tracks.
"Ah, shit," he grumbles. "That's gonna burst my eardrum."
"You think it's gonna rain? I brought an umbrella."
"Well, it might keep us dry, but I don't think using a conductor is the brightest idea right now."
"Oh, right," I say. "I'm impressed you even know what a conductor is."
He gives me a side-eye. "Man, you really think I'm an idiot, don't you?"
I shrug. "No. I did at first. But you seem … okay. You know what you're doing in the chemistry lab, at least."
He nods triumphantly. "Damn right I do."
I smile. We keep walking. The electricity in the air, the swirling wind and the fast approaching chaos of the storm seems to parallel what's brewing inside me. Kade Hughes is exciting. Intriguing. Potentially dangerous. Likes to make his presence known, and stir things up. Just like a thunderstorm.
I always imagined I'd want a man who is gentle and quiet, who sits alone in contemplation of the world's problems and how to solve them. Someone who will make me feel safe, because he is safe. Lives a safe life, in a secure world. Lives by the book, and plays by the rules.
Kade Hughes couldn't be any more different.
"So why have you been ignoring me all week?" I finally ask.
He rubs the back of his neck. "Well, I thought you made it pretty clear that you wanted nothing to do with me. So I decided to back off."
"I just wasn't ready to make out with you," I say. "It's not that I don't want anything to do with you…"
"I can see that now," he winks.
He slips his arm around my waist so casually, like we're already together. My body tenses in shock, but then I relax. It feels like we've been friends for years— more than friends, actually— even though in reality I've barely known him a cou
ple weeks.
"So what's the status on the making out thing? Are you ready now?"
I roll my eyes. "No way."
Liar.
Liar, liar, pants on fire.
"Yeah, we'll see about that, darlin'," he chuckles. He leans his head in close and I feel his lips brush against my cheek.
My body is coursing with adrenaline. In a way, I feel like a traitor to myself. Here I am, Willow Greene, a girl who prides herself on being intellectual, who has extremely high standards and doesn't associate with just anybody… a girl who dreams of becoming a surgeon or a diplomat or perhaps an engineer working for NASA— okay, so I haven't exactly figured out the details yet— and who plans on marrying a man of equal mind and stature. Yet here I am, giddy and practically hyperventilating at the thought of making out with some football jock who likes to crack jokes at my expense and plans on making a career out of getting concussions.
But that's okay, right?
I can have a fling.
Everyone has a fling or two at some point. It's practically a rite of passage.
One thing that I'm certain about, though, is that—
Kade stops me in my tracks, and plants his lips on mine.
Fireworks.
I immediately, and willingly, give in. I lean into him, sinking into his kiss. He caresses my cheek as he explores my mouth, grazing my lips with his, darting his tongue inside. Every cell in my body screams out for him. I wrap my arms around his hard, muscular torso, squeezing him tight.
I don't want to let him go. I don't want this moment to end. But thunder cracks again, and in an instant we're being pummeled by hard, freezing sheets of rain.
Kade breaks the kiss, glaring up at the sky like he wants to give it a piece of his mind for interrupting our perfect moment.
I can't help but laugh. Kade laughs too. We double over.
It only takes a few seconds for us to be completely soaked from head to toe. But I don't even care. I briefly consider opening the umbrella, but by this point it seems useless.
Kade removes his leather jacket and puts it around my shoulders— too little, too late— and we begin to run, his hand in mine.
We've almost made it to the shelter of his dad's porch when I trip over my feet in the front yard and land in the mud. Kade stumbles behind me, landing over me. He tries to help me up, but his foot slips and he falls right on top of me.
We both give in— again— and his mouth is on me, kissing me with hunger and urgency, like he's been starving his whole life for a taste of me.
The slick mud and the freezing, relentless rain might as well be a king-size bed made of the softest cotton sheets and most luxurious feather down pillows. With Kade Hughes on top of me and our lips fused, I feel more pleasure and satisfaction than I ever have in my entire life.
Chapter 4
Kade
Willow paces across her room slowly, chemistry book in hand. I'm sprawled out on her lavender bed lazily, more focused on her tight little body than the subject matter she's been droning on about for the last half hour.
"So, the conjugate base is the negative ion that's left after the proton—"
I pinch her ass as she walks past me, and she squeals.
"Kade!" she slaps my hand. "Knock it off! We're supposed to be studying, remember? Focus!"
"Shit, darlin', I already got accepted to Georgia State. It's not like my future's riding on this one test."
"So, what, you're just gonna fail your final exam?" Willow cocks her head and gives me that oh-so-familiar roll of the eyes.
"The conjugate base is the negative ion left over after the proton has been removed from the acid," I recite in a dead-pan voice, as if this material is far below my cognitive abilities. I learned how to talk that way from her.
Willow smiles, impressed.
I've long since realized that flaunting my intelligence turns her on, so I try to show off my brain cells whenever I get the chance.
"See? I told you I know all this shit already," I say. "We're both gonna pass with flying colors. So let's forget about this and focus on what really matters…"
I crawl off my bed, grab the textbook from her hands and toss it across the room. I wrap my arms around her waist, lean in and kiss her neck, inhaling the intoxicating scent of her strawberry shampoo.
Willow Greene is mine.
She's been mine for the last six months.
Sometimes I still can't believe it. Every day that passes is like a dream. I feel like I'm in a movie, with romantic orchestral music swelling in the background every time I'm near her. Colors are vibrant and everything feels right in the world. I kicked ass at football, I'm acing all my classes, having a blast with my friends, and I've got the love of my life on my arm.
When Willow and I got together, I never would've imagined it'd last this long, or that it would feel this good.
To my amazement, each and every day I spend with her feels better than the last.
My buddies make fun of me for being whipped, and hell, maybe I am. But when it feels this good, why should I give a damn what they think? I'm still Kade Fucking Hughes. Just because I'm not chasing tail around the school doesn't mean I'm not a bad-ass.
Willow giggles as I nibble on her ear. She slaps my arms playfully. "All right, all right. Don't start anything, Kade. My dad's downstairs."
"Fiiiiine," I sit back on the bed and cross my warms, pouting.
She just stands there looking at me. She's smiling, but I can see a hint of pain in her eyes.
"What is it?" I ask.
She shrugs. "Nothing."
She's a terrible liar.
"Come on, darlin', don't do me that way. Spit it out."
She crosses her arms and looks down at her feet. She pokes the floor with her big toe, hesitating.
"Don't make me bend you over my knee and give you spanking!" I threaten playfully.
She just barely smiles. Something's up.
"Willow—"
"All right, fine," she sighs heavily. She turns around and walks to her desk. She picks up an envelope and hands it to me.
I glance down and my stomach drops when I see the words printed on the top left corner. Harvard University. The mail is stamped February 27th. It was sent over a month ago. She's been sitting on this letter for weeks.
"What… what is this?" But I already know what it is.
"I got accepted." Her voice is so quiet, it's almost inaudible. She's turned away from me, looking out the window.
"Oh, well that's cool. But you're still going to Georgia State with me, right?"
She doesn't answer.
I stand up and grab her arm, turning her to face me. She doesn't want to meet my eyes.
"Willow," I say sternly. "You said you got into Georgia State."
"I did." Her bottom lip quivers. "Of course I did. Anyone can get in there. But—"
"But what?" I feel my blood pressure rising. "Oh, anyone can get in? So, what, a state school isn't good enough for you? Because anyone can get in?"
"Kade, it's Harvard. Harvard."
"Yeah, so what? You can't afford to go to Harvard, anyway! Your dad's a manager at U-Haul. He can't afford to send you—"
"I got a full-ride scholarship."
I loosen my grip on her arm and my hand falls. "Oh."
"I'm sorry, Kade. I don't… I don't know what to do."
"You never told me you applied to Harvard."
"I applied everywhere. I also got into Stanford but I think Harvard is a better fit—"
"A better fit?!" I don't mean to holler, but I can feel my anger taking me captive. "A better fit would be with me, Willow! What was all that talk about us going to school together, getting rooms in the same dorm building? What about you coming to all my games? Us studying together? Was all of that a bunch of bullshit? Were you lying to me the whole time?"
"No!" she cries. "I wasn't lying! I seriously considered it, Kade! I'm still considering it! But … Kade, it's Harvard. I've dreamed of going to Harvard
since I was a little girl! I don't think I can pass up this opportunity… if I do, it might be the worst mistake of my life."
I feel like a knife's just been plunged through my heart.
"So being with me might be the worst mistake of your life?" I shake my head bitterly. "All right. I get it."
I turn to leave and she grips my arm.
"No, Kade, you know that's not what I meant!" Tears are in her eyes and she looks desperate. "Even if I do go, it doesn't mean we can't be together! We can still make it work!"
I scoff. "No, it won't work. It never does. No relationship survives four years apart. Then what if you want to go to grad school up there? What then? Will it be six years apart? Eight?"
She shakes her head in disbelief. "No! We'll spend summers together— holidays! We'll—"
"It's okay," I say quietly, putting my hand up to stop her. "It's fine. It's your choice, Willow. Don't let me be the one to ruin your life."
"Kade!" she cries as I turn and briskly leave.
"Don't follow me," I order sternly.
I march down the stairs and barge through the living room, right past her dad who calls after me, puzzled. I ignore him, pushing the front door open and slamming it behind me.
The sun is blinding. The spring grass and the leaves of the trees are a brilliant, vibrant green. The sky is a deep blue and the birds are chirping happily, the whole world oblivious to the fact that my own life was just shattered into pieces. The Technicolor hues might as well be in dull black and white, given the way I feel now.
I march across the street and let myself into my dad's house with the key he gave me, heading straight for the liquor cabinet.
As I pour myself a shot of gin, I can't help but reflect on how something so perfect can so easily be ripped out of my hands in an instant. Something that felt so secure and certain.
As it turns out, nothing is certain in this world.
Nothing at all.
Willow
My heart is broken.
I can't stop crying. I'm buried under the covers of the bed, wishing I could shrink into myself and disappear from the world.
The worst part is, I knew this would happen. As soon as I received the acceptance letter from Harvard, I knew I would be going. I sat on it for a month, hemming and hawing. Contemplating. Trying to come up with some kind of plan to make it work.