by Mike Gayle
‘You’re not going to take no for an answer are you?’
Adam grinned and shook his head. She was putty in his hands.
‘Fine,’ she relented. ‘Let’s go for a coffee. But I really can’t be too long.’
‘One day it really will be all right.’
As Adam was going for coffee with Steph, Luke was lying in bed eyeing the remains of a long-digested coffee and croissant breakfast as he dozed in Cassie‘s arms.
‘We should get up and do something,’ said Cassie, yawning. ‘At this rate the whole day will be over before we’ve got out of bed.’
‘I know,’ said Luke, ‘but it’s so nice and we’ve both had pretty manic weeks so can’t we stay here a little longer and just be?’
‘You’d love that, wouldn’t you? If it was up to you we’d spend all day in bed.’
‘And all night and the day after too.’
Cassie’s smile faded as though something serious had come to mind. ‘I know this isn’t really the time or the place . . . but are you going to tell Jayne about our plans to get married?’
Luke sighed and sat up. Was it really impossible for women to be happy about anything for more than ten minutes at a time? Would their lives fall apart if they weren’t in constant search of the next obstacle? ‘She wouldn’t want to know,’ he said briskly. ‘I doubt that she would care one way or the other. She’s probably remarried herself for all I know.’
‘And what about Megan?’
‘What about Megan?’
‘Surely she deserves to know that her dad’s getting married again?’
‘Of course. Don’t you think I’d be with her right now telling her to her face if I could?’ Luke put his head in his hands and Cassie leaned across and kissed his temple.
‘It’ll be all right,’ she said. ‘One day it really will be all right.’
The story of Luke and Jayne was a depressingly familiar one, or at least that’s what Luke’s solicitor told him when they initially tried to find a way for Luke to gain access to his daughter. Whenever Luke looked back at that first meeting with Jayne he was struck by how random life was. Everything would have been completely different had he not bothered going down early to his housemate’s get-together at the Crown and Garter in Ealing and instead spent, as he had intended, the better part of the evening at home cramming for his Master’s in construction management. Jayne, it turned out, had planned to leave his housemate’s celebration at just after nine. Luke hadn’t planned to get there until well after ten. If they had both stuck to their plans then their future might never have happened. Maybe Jayne would have got together with one of Luke’s other housemates or maybe Luke would have asked out the girl at work with whom he had been sharing awkward smiles in the lifts for weeks. Still, just after eight as Jayne was fending off the advances of one of Luke’s mates Luke walked into the pub, bought a drink, found his friends and casual introductions were made. Luke grabbed a spare stool and placed it in the only space available left: next to Jayne.
Given the significant odds against it, maybe there had been something inevitable about their meeting. Luke didn’t believe in stars or destiny or any of that mumbo-jumbo but he couldn’t help believing that the two of them had been deliberately brought together because the moment he sat down next to her he felt as though a piece of himself that he’d never even known was missing had clicked into place. How was it possible to have so much in common with a random stranger? Was it an accident? Was it fate? Luke didn’t know but Jayne obviously felt the same because the moment they left the pub and were out of sight of their friends her fingertips had reached out for his own.
A year on the magic had all but disappeared, replaced by the mundanity of life – which neither of them were really prepared for. Living in an overpriced rented flat in the wrong part of Hackney, Luke liked to believe that they both knew their time together was coming to an end. Far from being perfectly matched it seemed that the only thing they had in common was the ability to bring out the worst in each other. Rows would follow rows, tempered only by brief bouts of making up before the cycle would begin all over again.
In the September of their second year together Jayne fell pregnant and everything changed. Determined to try and interpret their new circumstances as proof of the genuine nature of their feelings for each other they put all their effort into papering over as many cracks as they could find in a vain attempt to rescue their relationship. Within a few months they had moved up to Manchester and the year after Megan was born they got married in a register office in Jayne’s home town of Bath. All the Bachelors came down from Manchester for the big event; Luke’s dad made a joke in his speech about how he had always feared that all three of his boys would end up being ‘Bachelors by nature as well as by name’; and Luke concluded his moment in the spotlight with his own words of wisdom: ‘Some people spend a lifetime looking for the right person to love and still never find them. I’m just thankful that having found Jayne so quickly I’ll be lucky enough to spend my lifetime loving her.’
It barely took a year before things fell apart. Luke got seconded to a building project back in London which meant he had to live in a hotel from Monday to Thursday; Jayne’s control issues became more and more exaggerated and eventually she refused to allow Luke’s parents to take care of their granddaughter for more than a single hour a week despite the fact that she was desperately in need of assistance. Finally, one afternoon in the summer that Megan turned four, Luke returned home to find a note from Jayne telling him she was leaving him for good and taking their daughter with her. Guessing that they’d gone to her parents’ house Luke got back into his car and drove to Bath only to be told by his father-in-law in no uncertain terms that Jayne didn’t want to see him. From there things went from bad to worse and Luke found himself bouncing from lawyers’ offices to family law courts and back again in a bid to see the daughter he was missing so much. After weeks of toing and froing access was established. Luke would drive to Bath on a Friday, pick up Megan, take her back home to Manchester and have her back in Bath for just after seven on the Sunday.
It wasn’t perfect. He could see that his little girl didn’t understand what was going on but there was nothing he could do other than to squeeze her hand and tell her everything was going to be all right. But it wasn’t. Things became increasingly bitter between Luke and Jayne as divorce proceedings began but even so Luke wasn’t prepared for the bombshell that Jayne dropped next: she was moving with her recently retired parents to France to start a new life. Luke tried everything to make her stay. He reasoned with her, pleaded with her and finally resorted to the kind of angry legal letters that only made matters worse, but to no avail. Jayne left and took his daughter with her. Flying from London to Brittany every other weekend, staying in impersonal hotels time after time, all took its toll on Luke’s already fragile state of mind but he carried on for the sake of his daughter. And then it started. One week he’d turn up to collect Megan and the house would be empty; the following week he’d be told that Megan had come down with a cold and was too ill to see him. On and on it went, excuse after excuse until the one time he turned up unexpectedly and virtually forced his way inside Megan had been so distressed that she had sobbed inconsolably from the moment he arrived to the moment he left. And though he loved her more than life itself Luke knew he couldn’t do that to her again and so he never did. Lost and alone at the age of thirty-one, it was all Luke could do not to fall apart. Then one day a few years later he chanced upon Cassie, the girl who would change his life, and suddenly he found hope where there had been none. But the mystery of what had caused Jayne to turn against him in that cruel way had always remained.
‘Not a clue.’
It was the following Monday evening. Russell was staring blankly at his section of the fridge looking for inspiration when his mobile phone rang. He expected it to be Angie with updates on the latest news that her ex-boyfriend Aaron was finally getting round to moving out of her flat but when he
casually looked at the screen, it was all he could do not to drop the phone.
Cassie calling. That was what the screen was saying. Cassie calling. It had been over a month since Russell had heard about her and Luke’s engagement. It had really hurt. Being surrounded by all of his family congratulating the happy couple while inside he felt nothing but rage and self-loathing. Excusing himself straight after the meal under the guise of having a crisis on at work Russell had made his way over to Angie’s and told her everything. ‘This is it, Russ,’ she had said. ‘This is your chance to move on. Cassie’s got her man and she’s gone for good but now you’re free, don’t you see? You can grab your life back and do something really special with it. You have to move on, Russ, you have to.’
Russell agreed wholeheartedly. It was time to move on. It was time to get a life. He had spent too long wanting something that he was never going to have. His brother’s happiness was about to set him free and so he had avoided the Bachelor Sunday lunch in a bid to rid Cassie from his system.
‘Hi, Russ, it’s me.’
Luke tried to regulate his breathing. ‘Hi, Cass, how are you doing?’
‘I’m really good, babe. Work has been a bit of a bind but that’s only to be expected. If work isn’t a bind then it isn’t really work, is it? How about you? I feel like I haven’t seen you in weeks. Where have you been hiding yourself?
‘Oh, you know how it is,’ said Russell. ‘Things have just been a bit mad. I’ve had to work on a couple of Sundays and then Mum was saying that you and Luke were away this Sunday. Did you go anywhere nice?’
‘It was absolutely amazing. Luke booked the two of us into a luxury spa hotel just outside Cheltenham for two whole nights! All we did all weekend was eat, sleep and get massaged.’
Russell swallowed at the mental image of Cassie lying semi-naked on a massage table and tried to blink it out of existence but it wouldn’t budge. It was as though the image was burned on to the inside of his retina.
‘So, is this just sort of a catch-up call? Only if it is, could I call you back some time as I’m sort of running late for a thing.’
‘Oh, I’m so sorry, Russ,’ replied Cassie. ‘There’s me gassing on and making you late.’ She sighed. ‘What’s happened to us, Russ? I miss the days when you used to drop by unannounced with a bottle of wine and we’d spend the night yakking about nothing. You do know that you’re my favourite brother-in-law-to-be, don’t you? I mean, Adam’s lovely but you’re the real cutie of the Bachelor clan.’
Russell was lost for words. ‘I . . . umm . . . I . . . er . . .’
‘I’ve embarrassed you, haven’t I? A girl shows a bit of affection and you’re straight back into your fortress of solitude! Well, before you spontaneously combust I’m going to take my leave but I want you to promise me that you’ll come round and see us for a proper catch-up, plus we can talk over some ideas I’ve got for your mum and dad’s fortieth. How does tomorrow sound?’
‘I can’t,’ said Russell. ‘I’ve got a work thing on that I can’t miss.’
‘OK, well I’ve got a double Pilates lesson on Wednesday but I’m not sure I can be bothered so how about then?’
‘Wednesday’s pretty busy too.’
‘OK, Thursday?’
‘It’s five-a-side Thursday night.’
‘That’s with the same lot that Luke used to play with? That’s sorted then, isn’t it? It’s only on from eight until nine. You could come round to mine straight afterwards, have a shower and I’ll make us something to eat, You’ll be doing me a huge favour as I could really do with the company.’
‘What do you mean, company?’ asked Russell. ‘Won’t Luke be there?’
‘Chance would be a fine thing,’ sighed Cassie. ‘He’s away all week in London on some course or other so, yes, you will be keeping me company. You’d better sharpen up your conversational skills pronto!’
Russell mulled over his sister-in-law-to-be’s proposition and felt sick. He wanted to say no. He needed to say no. But knowing that there would now be no way of getting out of it without him coming across as a nutter he found himself saying: ‘That sounds great. See you Thursday night,’ while simultaneously hoping that somehow in between now and then he might get run over by a car.
Three days later at ten minutes after nine Russell found himself standing on Luke and Cassie’s doorstep ringing the bell.
‘At last!’ said Cassie as she opened the door. ‘For a minute there I thought you’d bailed on me.’
She was wearing a red and white checked shirt over a green vest top, skinny jeans and flip-flops. Her jet-black hair was piled on top of her head in a haphazard fashion. This was the off-duty Cassie and strictly for people with whom she felt comfortable. It was by far and away Russell’s favourite version of her and she could not have looked any more adorable, which meant his attempts to get over her were doomed to defeat. ‘Come here and give me one of those hugs of yours,’ she said.
He put his arms round her, conscious of the slenderness of her frame and the warmth of her breath on the nape of his neck. This was bliss. A perfect moment in an otherwise nightmare day that had seen him arrive late for work, drip coronation chicken dressing down the front of his suit and lose his bank card. Suddenly none of it mattered any more. He closed his eyes, instinctively dug his nose a little deeper into her hair and inhaled. Is this what life was like for Luke? Was he forever walking round on a cloud of happiness?
‘Right then,’ said Cassie, patting Russell on the back and pulling away. The embrace was clearly over. ‘Are you hungry?’
He shrugged. ‘I suppose I could eat something.’
‘Good. I’ll knock us up some pasta, you go and take a shower and I’ll see you in a bit.’
Half an hour later, showered and dressed, Russell returned downstairs to the smell of pasta primavera, which they ate sitting on the sofa, an old Alton Ellis album playing in the background. As they worked their way through two bottles of super-chilled Pinot Grigio the conversation flowed so seamlessly that it was impossible to tell where one topic ended and another began. Amongst the million and one subjects covered were wedding plans and the perils of becoming one of the Bachelors; Russell’s mum and dad’s fortieth and how amazing it was to have first-hand evidence that love can last forty years; and then finally, somewhere around midnight, having worked their way though a tub of Ben and Jerry’s the conversation turned to Russell himself, and specifically the question of his love life.
‘So come on then, Russ, what’s going on with you? It’s ages since you’ve brought a young lady along to the Bachelor Sunday dinner.’
‘And that’s not likely to change any time soon.’
‘How come? A good-looking boy like you should have the girls queuing for miles! What about that Angie who came with you a few times? Are you two definitely just good mates or is she a project in progress?’
‘Definitely just mates, believe me, nothing’s going to happen there.’
Cassie refused to let the subject go. ‘So what are you saying? There’s no one? What a waste of a decent bloke. I’m definitely bringing you out next time I meet up with all of my friends. They would love you to bits! I could see a couple of them ditching husbands for you!’
‘There’s no need to do that, honestly,’ said Russell quickly. ‘I’m fine.’ He paused, desperate to unburden himself but unsure of how far to go. ‘Look, there is sort of someone special.’
Cassie clapped her hands in glee. ‘See! I knew it! Who? Anyone I know?’
Russell shook his head quickly, realising he should never have had that sixth glass of wine. ‘No, you don’t know her, but yes I do really like her.’
‘Really like or love? I bet you love her, don’t you? You’re way more romantic than either of your brothers.’ Cassie looked into Russell’s eyes. ‘I can see it right there. You love her. Who is she?’
Russell felt his mouth go dry. ‘I can’t tell you. I haven’t told anybody. Anyway it’s pointless because she’s already got
a boyfriend and she’s madly in love with him.’
‘And does she know how you feel?’
‘Not a clue.’
‘Are you sure? Because when it comes to love us girls have got the best detection skills in the world.’
‘I promise you she doesn’t have the faintest clue. Otherwise she’d never act the way that she does around me.’
‘And how’s that?’
‘I dunno, sort of flirty but without knowing it. I think she’s just one of those incredibly tactile people.’
‘And what’s she like as a person?’
‘Amazing. That’s the best word I can think of to describe her. She’s amazing and funny, sweet, warm-hearted, generous too. She’s everything that I’m looking for in a girl.’
‘So why don’t you just tell her? You never know, she might be feeling that way too and just be too scared to tell you.’
‘I can’t,’ sighed Russell, suddenly feeling very sober. ‘It’s never going to happen so I might as well just keep it to myself.’
‘Will you just listen to yourself?’
Adam was had one eye on MTV but mostly he was thinking about Steph.
It had been nearly a week since Steph had allowed him to take her for a coffee after their encounter in his local newsagent’s and yet she was still very much on his mind. Adam frequently found himself thinking generally about what she might be doing or saying at any particular moment; occasionally these thoughts were tempered by cogitations on what she might be wearing when she was saying or doing the various things that he imagined. This evening however Adam had excelled himself and was debating what she might be thinking about when she was wearing what he imagined she was wearing when she was saying or doing the various things that he imagined she might be doing or saying. Adam couldn’t remember the last time he had felt this way about a girl. Admittedly he had been keen on girls before but in a more acquisitive way, not in this precise manner where he felt breathless and giddy about them, willingly allowing them to occupy various corners of his mind when they weren’t actually there standing in front of him.