by Claire Adams
“Oh, I think I’ve got a pretty good idea,” he mumbled.
“What?” I had worked myself up into a frenzy as I pictured all of the awful things Dominic would do to get to me as all the awful things he had done loomed over me like a dark cloud. Would he hurt Lara or Jessie? The panic was rising to a new level when Brian crossed the room and grabbed me by my shoulders and shook me lightly.
“Ava! Stop!” he commanded. “Dammit, I’m here to protect you, and nothing is going to harm either one of us. Now, would you please drop it?”
With wide eyes, I stared up at him, trying to make sense of his words so that I could stop myself from panicking. He lightly shook me again, and as I gazed up into his eyes, I leaned forward as I raised a hand to touch his cheek. His eyes softened for a moment, and then he pulled back and shook his head.
“No,” he said. “You said there isn’t going to be anymore sex. I respect that, and you’re right, Ava. I’ve been hired to protect you from Dominic, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do, but beyond that, it’s a no-go.”
“I’m sorry,” I mumbled as I dropped my head and stared at the floor. I was embarrassed that I’d tried to cross the line that I’d drawn, but it didn’t change the fact that I still wanted him. Images from the night before flashed through my mind, and my cheeks burned with both shame and desire. I looked up at him, searching for some recognition of what we’d shared the night before, but there was none in his eyes.
“I need to be vigilant about protecting you, and in order to do that, I need to be on my A game,” he looked up at me and pointedly said, “and there’s really no room for mistakes.”
I nodded as I dropped my eyes to the floor again. How could he say this after what we’d done last night? How could he be so businesslike and not be torn up about wanting and not wanting? And then I remembered, Oh, that’s right. This is a job for him. I swallowed hard, looked up, smiled and said in the brightest voice I could muster, “Then do you want to go to dinner?”
“Well, sure. Whatever you want,” he responded. “Do we need to stop and pick up Lara and Jessie?”
“No, I mean, how about you and I go have dinner together? Sit at the same table and talk?” I suggested. “I just don’t feel like having to explain myself to other people and you already know the situation, so…”
“Okay, then dinner it is,” he agreed. “What are you in the mood for tonight?”
“I’m thinking Italian,” I said. “I could go for a huge plate of spaghetti and meatballs to wipe the memory of today out of my mind.”
“That sounds good to me,” he nodded, though I realized that he would have agreed to go anywhere I’d suggested even if it didn’t sound good; after all, it was his job.
*****
“Belissima, Ava!” Gina, the owner, cried as she welcomed me with open arms. “I have not seen you all school year! Where are you hiding yourself these days?”
“I’ve been…um…busy,” I smiled. “Gina, this is Brian. Brian, this is Gina.”
“Ah, bella, this explains why you’re so busy,” Gina smiled knowingly and winked.
“Gina! No!” I laughed. “He’s not the reason why!”
“Well, shame, bellissima,” the older woman pouted. “I was hoping that you’d finally replaced that good-for-nothing loser you used to come in here with! But it’s nice to meet you, Brian. You’re welcome here anytime!”
Gina chatted about her daughters and the restaurant as she escorted us to a table tucked back in a far corner, then winked at me and left us to enjoy our meal.
“How do you know her?” Brian asked as he picked up the menu and began examining its offerings.
“I’ve known her since I was a small child,” I explained. “She owned a restaurant around the corner from my parents’ brownstone, and we used to walk over for dinner or gelato on hot summer nights. Gina always exclaimed, ‘Bellissima!’ when she spied me, so it became a tradition. The restaurant was a success and when her kids got older, she started opening up new locations. Then her youngest daughter, Gabby, got in to the university, and Gina decided to move here and open another place. Gabby always said it was because her mother wanted to keep an eye on her, but Gina insisted that she liked the pace of a smaller town. Anyway…”
Across the table, Brian continued to examine the menu as he nodded and mumbled, “Mmm hmm,” and “I see.” I wasn’t sure he was actually listening to me, so I stopped talking and looked down at the menu. I already knew what I wanted, a big plate of Gina’s homemade spaghetti topped with three huge meatballs. It was comfort food, but I had never ordered it when I came in with Dominic. He hadn’t approved of my non-vegetarian status, so I had always tried to appease him by ordering the Pasta Primavera or some all-vegetable creation. I cringed as I recalled the way in which I used to look over at him for approval after I’d placed my order, and the way in which he’d always make slight changes telling the waiter, “Go light on the olive oil. She’s watching her calorie intake,” or “That’s good, Ava, but next time you might want to lay off the bread before we place our order.” Eating with Dominic became a field of emotional landmines, and after we’d been together a few months, I’d found myself trying to find ways to avoid having to go out to eat with him. I shook my head to clear the memories, looked up, and smiled.
“Have you decided what you’re going to have?” I asked too brightly.
“Are you okay?” Brian looked concerned.
“Yeah, I’m fine, just…” I trailed off. “What are you having?”
“I think I’m going to go with your choice and have the spaghetti and meatballs,” he said, and then smiled a little. “That way if I don’t like it, it’ll be all your fault.”
“Oh no, that’s all on you, Mr. Flynn!” I laughed. “Freedom! Isn’t that what you military people fight for? The right to choose your own dinner?”
A dark look flitted across Brian’s face, and I knew I’d gone too far. “I’m sorry,” I said quietly. “I didn’t mean—“
“No, it’s fine,” he replied. “It’s all good.”
Across the restaurant a loud clatter caused Brian to jerk his chair out, and pop up out of it anxiously, looking around. He scanned the place until he found the culprit; a clumsy busboy had dropped a basket full of silverware and was now on his knees cleaning up the mess. I watched with a concerned look on my face until he sat back down and faced me, one hand still under his hoodie holding the handle of his gun.
*****
For a few moments we sat in uncomfortable silence, then Brian asked, “So, what’s it like growing up so rich?”
“Well, it’s okay, I guess,” I didn’t know how to answer his question without sounding like I was pitying myself. I mean, who wants to hear about a poor little rich girl who feels ignored? “I don’t know. I got to do a lot of things, and I know I had a whole bunch of advantages.”
“But what about your parents?” he pushed. “I’m curious how that works because your dad seems like a pretty focused guy.”
“You have no idea,” I said as I rolled my eyes. “He’s single-minded when it comes to the family business and the family name.”
“Sounds like it was rough,” he noted.
“I don’t know, I spent a lot of time in boarding schools, so I wasn’t really around him or my mother much,” I tried to sound casual about it, but the pain seeped into my voice and I fought to eliminate it. “On the other hand, I got to see a whole lot of things that other people only dream about!”
“Like what?” he asked. “What did you get to see that was so wonderful, Ava?”
The tone of his voice caught me off guard. For a moment I couldn’t tell whether he was mocking me or being genuinely kind, but when I looked up into his eyes, I saw a softness and quickly looked down and began messing with the napkin in my lap as I fought back the tears that threatened to spill over. It was true that I’d had an easy upbringing in terms of financial support. I’d never wanted for a single thing, and, in fact, had sometimes had to
turn down things that were given to me before I even knew that I might want them. I wasn’t high and mighty, I just knew that there was more to life than clothes and cars and champagne.
“I got to see great works of art when I was 14. My grandmother and I traveled to Europe for a few months and we saw them all. We saw the Louvre in France, the Vatican in Italy, the Prado in Spain, the National Gallery in London, the Guggenheim, and the Bodemuseum in Berlin,” I recalled with a smile, and then quietly added, “It was the most amazing trip I’ve ever taken, and the last one that my grandmother ever took.”
“What happened to her? If you don’t mind me asking,” he asked.
“Why do people always say that?” I looked up at him as I spoke. “Why do they ask if they can ask you a question after they’ve already asked it?”
“I’m sorry,” he offered as he looked away embarrassed. “I didn’t mean to pry.”
“No, it’s fine,” I replied, brusquely heading towards an explanation. “About three months after we returned from our trip, she fell in her bathroom and hit her head on the counter. One of the staff found her and called an ambulance, but by that time she’d been out for who knows how long. She was on life support for a week until my father and his sister could make a decision to let her go. They fought about it for days. My aunt wanted to hold off and see if she would improve, but my father did what he usually does and made the decision on his own. And as most people do with my father, my aunt finally gave in and agreed to take my grandmother off life support. They did an autopsy, and it turned out that she’d had a massive stroke, so my father’s decision was the right one in the end.”
“It sounds like your father is a decisive man,” Brian murmured.
“Yeah, well, that’s one way of looking at it,” I flashed him a wry grin as the waiter set our plates in front of us. As the smell from the steaming spaghetti drifted upward, I inhaled deeply and, for the first time in two days, felt ravenously hungry. I looked over at Brian and chirped, “Bon appetite!”
Despite the fact that we’d stuffed ourselves so full that neither one of us thought we’d ever want to eat again, Gina insisted that we take dessert with us, and boxed up a selection of tiramisu, cannoli, and something her pastry chef called Lemon Ricotta Surprise Cake. I hugged Gina tightly as Brian went to get the car.
“He likes you, Bella,” she smiled as she pushed my bangs out of my eyes. “He’s got that look that a man gets when he likes a woman more than he’s saying.”
“Oh, Gina!” I cried as I grabbed her and hugged her again. I wasn’t sure she knew what she was talking about since she didn’t know the situation, but then, I wasn’t entirely sure that she didn’t know either. I decided to hold back and see how things went rather than rush into something I was unsure of. It seemed like the smarter choice after the debacle that had become Dominic. “I’ll be back soon, okay?”
“Yes, you come back, Bella!” she smiled. “And bring that nice young man with you.”
Outside Brian tapped the horn letting me know the coat was clear. I turned to go, and then turned back and said, “You’re sure he likes me, Gina?”
“Oh my beautiful girl, yes, he definitely likes you!” she laughed. “Now go to him!”
I ran out and climbed into the front seat, carefully setting the bag of Italian goodies in my lap before Brian shifted into drive and took us back to the dorm.
*****
A few hours later, we were sprawled across the couch watching a movie. I was barely paying attention to it because having Brian so near was incredibly distracting, and I kept turning Gina’s words over in my head. Does he like me? Or is this just another job? I looked over at him and realized that it had been ages since I’d had such a good time with, well, anyone. Brian was easy to be around and his sense of humor combined with his intelligence made him really good company; the personal protection part aside.
“You’re really a good man,” I said as I stared at the television.
“What?” he asked in a distracted tone. “Did you say something?”
“Yeah, I said that I think you’re a really good man.”
“What brought that on?” he questioned as he reached for the remote and turned the volume down.
“I don’t know, I was just thinking about stuff,” I said quietly. I wasn’t sure I wanted him to know anything about what I was thinking, but then, I wasn’t sure that I didn’t. “My whole dating life seems to have been a way of getting back at my parents for expecting me to be their perfect little daughter.”
“Well, you’re not alone in that endeavor, in case you’re feeling guilty,” Brian laughed.
“No, I’m serious,” I said as I looked up at him. “I’ve always picked guys who were jerks so that my father would pay attention, but he never did. He just waved me off like I was one of his employees. The only difference was that he’d always give me a credit card to ease the pain of being dismissed. Or at least that was my interpretation of it.”
“That sucks,” Brian replied. “My old man never gave me anything, but on the upside, I didn’t expect him to, so I guess we were even.”
“What is your father like?” I asked. I’d been looking for a way into Brian’s personal life, and here it was.
“Dunno,” he said. “I never met him. My mom said he was a good guy who was torn apart by the war and just couldn’t recover from it.”
“Your dad was a veteran?”
“Yeah, Vietnam,” he replied. “He was a door gunner, you know, the guys who sat by the door on the helicopters and fired at the enemy.”
“Whoa, that’s some job,” I was awed by this revelation, and wondered if that’s why Brian had entered the military. “Is that why you joined the Navy?”
“Nah, I did it because I couldn’t afford college and I didn’t want to work as a fry cook,” he admitted with a shrug. “My mom begged me not to do it, but I didn’t feel like I had many options, you know?”
I nodded, not knowing what to say because I didn’t know. I had no idea what it was like to feel like I had no options in life. My parents had provided me with every opportunity I had ever wanted, and then made the choice as to whether I would take it or not. Until I left Dominic, I’d really never had to make any difficult decisions, and the fact that it had taken me so long to make that decision was the result of it. I wiggled a little closer to Brian, and stared at his profile. He tried to ignore me as he pretended to watch the movie, but after a minute he turned and said, “What’s on your mind?”
“I don’t know, I just keep trying to picture you in the Navy,” I said, as a small smile played on my lips.
“Oh, please do,” he laughed. “It was all debutante balls and afternoon teas. Except with buzz cuts, no sleep, and totally torn up feet. That’s the glamour of the U.S. military!”
“Don’t mock me, Mr. Flynn!” I laughed as I threw a punch against his shoulder. “My life has been more than debutante balls and high tea!”
“Oh yes, I can definitely tell that it has been!” he laughed. “What with that powerhouse punch you throw there.”
“Are you saying I’m weak?” I was now pummeling his shoulder as I laughed harder and harder with every soft punch.
“Who? Me?” his wide-eyed disbelief put me over the edge. “Oh no, I’d never call you weak, Ms. Klein! Not with those powerhouse punches you’re throwing!”
“Oh my God!” I was laughing so hard there were tears running down the sides of my face. When he caught my wrists and held them for a moment, I straddled the line between laughter and panic as I struggled to pull away.
“Ava! Ava!” he called my name as he held my wrists and watched me struggle. “Hey! Stop, stop!”
“Let go of me!” I cried as I fought to free myself from his grasp.
“Ava, stop fighting,” he said quietly. His voice cut through the fear in my brain and, for a moment, I stopped trying to pull away. “There you go now. That’s it.”
“What are you doing?” I demanded.
“I
was trying to show you that you need to learn how to protect yourself,” he offered. “The more you struggled, the easier it was for me to maintain my hold on you because you weren’t thinking about getting free, you were thinking about the struggle and the fear.”
“I don’t see the difference,” I said as I pulled the sleeves of my shirt up to look at my wrists. Brian took one of my hands and gently massaged my wrist as he looked at me.
“C’mon, you’re a smart girl, you’ve studied physics,” he chided me. “What’s Newton’s Third Law of physics?”
“What the heck are you talking about?” I blurted.
“I know you know this one, it’s so easy,” he coaxed. “For every action…”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, there is an equal and opposite reaction,” I impatiently recited the law. “What does that have to do with anything?”
“Well, if I grab you and you pull away, Newton’s Law means that the equal and opposite reaction will allow me to keep my hold on you,” he offered. “Assuming I have a strong enough grip, that is.”
“So, I need to give in and let you do whatever you want so that I don’t spark the equal and opposite reaction?” I said sarcastically.
“Hey, there’s no need to get nasty,” he smiled. “I’m just saying that when you’re the size you are, and I’m the size I am, you need to look for other ways to get yourself out of a situation like this.”
“Like how?” I said as I eyed him suspiciously.
“Like think about all the other ways you could get me to drop your wrists that don’t involve force,” he said quietly.
I sat staring at him for a moment, considering everything he’d said, and then I leaned forward and softly kissed his lips.
“That’s not quite what I had in mind when I suggested you think up other ways, Ava,” he gently scolded me.
“I know,” I whispered. “But it works, doesn’t it?”
He nodded almost imperceptibly as I leaned back in and brushed my lips against his again. His mouth was so soft and it fit so perfectly against mine that I sighed as I ran my tongue over his bottom lip. I reached up and wound my arms around his neck as I pulled him closer to me. He wrapped one arm around my lower back as he lifted his other hand to softly stroke my cheek. Those lips. I was lost in the feeling of his lips teasing mine as he flicked his tongue between them, urging me to part them so he could slip his tongue inside my mouth. I parted my lips and our tongues began a tantalizingly slow dance. His tongue darted in and out of my mouth before languidly tangling with mine. It was a kiss so deep, for a moment, I felt like I couldn’t breathe.