by E. L. Todd
“You better get your ass back here as soon as you can.” He moved in closer, our lips almost touching.
“I will—while I drive the speed limit.”
He chuckled. “That’s my girl.” He pressed a hard kiss to my lips, taking my breath away. “Call me when you go to sleep. I want to hear your voice before I close my eyes.”
“Okay.”
He kissed my forehead before he opened the door and helped me inside. With one more quick kiss, he shut it. He stepped back and put his hands in his pockets, waiting for me to drive away.
I waved to him before I pulled out of the parking lot then headed to New York.
***
After I walked into the lobby, I used my key card to get into the elevator and ride it to the top floor. Every inch of the place was made of granite, and it was spotless. Pots of flowers were placed on unoccupied tables, and moody paintings were on the wall.
Once the doors opened, I stepped onto the floor. People were walking around, dressed in skirts and suits. I eyed them, realizing they would be working for me shortly. I headed to the far side and approached the assistant sitting at his desk.
“Hey,” I said.
He looked up then his eyes widened. “Ms. Preston, how are you?”
“I’m well. How—”
“Can I get you something to drink? Or something to eat?” he asked quickly.
“No, I’m okay.”
“Perhaps a bottle of Evian?”
“No, really. I’m fine.”
He still seemed uneasy. “Is there anything else I can do for you?”
I eyed my dad through the glass, seeing him sitting at his desk. He was speaking to someone sitting across from him, another man in a suit. “I was wondering if he’s busy today.”
“Well…” He flipped through the schedule. “Actually, he is.”
“Oh.” My heart fell. I was hoping he might have some time.
A whistle sounded behind me. “Look at the pretty lady.”
I smirked, recognizing Mike’s voice. “Hello, Uncle Mike.”
He pulled me in for a hug, practically breaking my rib cage. “What a nice surprise.” He always treated me like I was his own daughter. Ever since I could remember, I was included in every activity, and not just because Trinity was my best friend. “I hope you’re here for a good reason and not a bad one.”
He was just as protective as my own father. “I’m just here to see my dad.”
“Well, I’m sure he’ll be excited that you dropped by.”
“His assistant said he was busy.”
Mike rolled his eyes. “The second he sees you, everything else will be out the window.” He patted my shoulder. “Can I get you anything while you wait?”
“No,” I said quickly. “I’m fine.”
“Okay. I have to run but I’ll see you later, kid.”
“Okay.”
He walked away and disappeared into the elevator.
When I looked at my father’s office, I caught his eye. He was staring at me through the glass. Quickly, he stood up and stepped out. “Skye?” Concern was in his voice. His eyes were wide.
“Hey.”
He came to me then examined me like I might be bleeding. “Is everything alright?”
“I’m fine. I just wanted to talk to you about something. But if you’re busy, it can wait.”
My dad turned to his secretary. “Cancel everything for the rest of the day.”
“What?” I said. “No. It’s not that important.”
“You came all the way down here to see me. Yes, it is important.” He headed back into his office and said goodbye to his colleague. Then he fetched me and pulled me inside his office. He sat in his chair and faced me. “Do you—”
“I don’t need anything.” I held up my hand as I said it. Sometimes when I was in his office, I felt like I was at Hometown Buffet.
My dad backed off and leaned back in his chair. “What’s up, pumpkin?”
I sighed, not knowing where to begin. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to say.
He stared at me and rested his hands on his desk, patiently waiting. Then he rubbed his bottom lip with his fingers, deep in thought. He didn’t show any irritation as he waited for me to speak my mind.
“I just…I don’t know.”
My dad didn’t react at all. He stayed quiet.
“I don’t even know where to begin.”
“Then don’t. Just start somewhere.”
“Okay.” I tried to think of something to say. “Cayson said he didn’t get into medical school but he lied.”
My dad nodded slightly. “His father told me. I thought it was odd.”
“He got in everywhere—except New York.”
He continued to stare at me, not showing his thoughts.
“And…he lied to me because he knew if he told me the truth, I’d make him go to Stanford, his dream school.” I rested my hand on his hard desk, feeling no dust or grime. “When I found out the truth, I told him to go but he refused. Then I offered to move with him but he still wouldn’t accept that, saying it would be wrong to make me do something I would get nothing out of. So he said it makes more sense for him to stay here and reapply in a year…”
He continued to rest his fingers on his lips while he stared at me. “And what’s the problem?”
“I was really happy at first. Cayson is my life. I love him…”
My dad didn’t seem uncomfortable by the declaration.
“But…it feels wrong.”
“What does?” he asked.
“To let Cayson give up his dream just for me…”
He didn’t agree with the statement or disagree with it.
“He says being with me is what he wants. He doesn’t resent me for the decision and he doesn’t have any regrets. Being without me is an alternative he can’t even contemplate but…I feel horrible.”
He flashed his blue eyes on me, giving nothing away.
“I want Cayson more than anything but…I can’t let him do this. It’s not right. He’s worked his whole life for it.”
He shifted his weight in his chair, not breaking his concentration from my face.
“Dad, what do you think?”
“As a parent, my job is to guide you, not tell you what to do.”
I rolled my eyes. “Now isn’t the time to be a fortune cookie. I need advice.”
“No, you don’t,” he said simply. “You’ve already made your decision.”
Have I? I stared into his eyes, still feeling lost.
“Skye, I think Cayson is a wonderful young man. He’s already a son to me and I would love to make it official someday. He’s extraordinary, and not just in intelligence, but passion and generosity. He deserves nothing but the best. I think he needs someone who will always look after him and put him first…just as I would want for you.”
My dad was cryptic but I knew what he was saying. “You think I should let him go.”
“No, I think you should do what’s best for him. We both know NYU is nothing compared to Stanford. And putting aside the fact it’s where he’s wanted to go his entire life, it has a remarkable program for what he wants to pursue. How would you feel if you couldn’t take over this company? If you had to settle and run a McDonald’s? That’s exactly what you’re asking him to do.”
I knew he was right. And it hurt.
His eyes softened when he looked at me. “Skye, I know this is hard. I do. But if the situation were reversed, I know Cayson would never let you sacrifice your dream. For any reason.”
He wouldn’t. He always made that clear.
“I’m sure Cayson wants to stay. And I’m sure he wouldn’t resent you for it later. But that’s beside the point. When you’re in a relationship, you want the best for the other person, even if it hurts you in the process. Love is selfless—always.”
A part of me wish I could be selfish—just this one time.
“And it’s not the end of the world, Skye. Long distance relat
ionships are hard, but not impossible.”
“I’m not doing that,” I said firmly. “They never work. Couples always grow apart and can never sustain a relationship. As a result, they resent each other and pull away. Then they can’t even be friends or stand in the same room together. And doing it for three years is out of the question. That’s the last thing I want to happen with Cayson.”
My dad said nothing while he processed my words. He stared at the surface of his desk for a long time before he returned his gaze to me. “I’m sorry, Skye.” A quiet breath escaped his lips, but not because he was annoyed. He was in pain.
I tried not to cry. I tried to remain calm. Was this really happening? All week I’d been so happy that I was spending my life with Cayson. We talked about our apartment that we’d share together. It was a blissful time, absolutely wonderful.
But now I had to let him go.
He was going to leave. And I was going to stay here.
I wouldn’t sleep in his arms anymore or kiss those lips. I wouldn’t touch him and feel his embrace. Everything I loved was ending, was fading. The first and only man I loved was going to slip away.
Tears broke the surface and fell freely, cascading down my face. Pain like I’d never known ripped through me. I’d cried before but it was nothing like this. This was pure agony, pure torture.
My dad rushed around his desk then pulled me into his arms. Like I was a little girl, he rocked me back and forth, his lips pressed to my forehead. My dad was the strongest man I knew, but even he couldn’t make the pain go away. He couldn’t fix it. I knew what I had to do, and it broke my heart into a million pieces. I didn’t want to do it. God, it was horrible just to think about.
He hushed me and tried to stop my tears. He pressed a button on his desk and all the windows were covered with a black shield, protecting my privacy from people who passed by his office. “Pumpkin, it’ll be okay…”
I knew it wouldn’t. Nothing would ever be okay again.
My dad rubbed my back but said nothing else. He used to combat my demons and make all my boo-boos go away. Now he couldn’t fix the pain. He couldn’t put a bandage on this cut. It was too big. “For what it’s worth, you’re making the right decision. I know it doesn’t seem that way now, but you’ll realize it later. The skies are cloudy and the world is dark, but the sun will come out again. I can’t tell you when or how, but it will. Please believe me, Skye.”
“Without Cayson, there is no sun…for me.”
He wiped a tear away with his thumb. “This break up doesn’t have to be forever…you can get back together later.”
I took a deep breath. “Yeah…but who knows if we will.”
“If it’s meant to happen, it will.” He kissed my forehead. “Have faith.”
I wiped my face with the back of my hand. “I don’t even know how I’m going to get him to go. Knowing him, he’ll just stay anyway. I won’t be able to convince him.”
“You’ll have to figure out a way, Skye.”
I leaned my head against my dad’s chest and closed my eyes, trying to forget about the pain and torment throbbing in my heart. I just wanted to think about nothing, to pretend that everything was okay. For a second I cleared my mind and concentrated on my dad’s heartbeat. It was steady and strong, never faltering. I started to count. 1…2…3…
Somehow, I fell asleep in his arms, too overcome with grief to stay awake.
***
Trinity stared at me with a winded look on her face. Minutes passed but she continued to be speechless. Several different reactions overcame her face, and her lips opened and closed several times.
Finally, she found the words. “This has to be a fucking joke.”
I wish it were.
She leaned over the table, like she might strangle me. “No. Out of the question.”
“I wish I had another option.”
“You do!” she screamed.
People in the coffee shop turned and looked at us, startled by Trinity’s outburst.
Trinity didn’t care. “Let him stay. It’s obviously what he wants to do.”
“But there’s nothing for him in New York.”
“Nothing?” she screamed again. “What about you?”
I knew this would be hard for her to take in. It was hard for me too. “Cayson deserves more. I can’t be selfish and let him stay just for me. He’s destined for something much greater. All I’m doing is holding him back and denying the world of his goodness.”
She wanted to slap me. “I know Stanford is the best of the best, but it’s just a school. If he goes to another college, he’ll still get a good education.”
“But Doctors Without Borders only takes the top one percent. He’ll never get in if he chooses a different college. I don’t want it to be this way either, but I wouldn’t have any right to claim I love him if I let him stay.”
“You guys are meant for each other. Don’t you understand that?” Her eyes were wide and crazed.
I tried not to cry. “You think this is easy for me?”
Her eyes softened. “Of course, not. But there has to be another way. You can’t do this.”
“I have to…”
“But this is insane. If you go through this ridiculous plan, you’ll change everything about your relationship. He won’t see you the same way anymore. There’s no going back from this. You won’t even be a happy memory, just a mistake.”
“There’s no other way,” I said miserably. “If I ask him to leave, he won’t do it. He’ll follow me until the ends of the earth…unless I hurt him.”
She covered her face and took a deep breath before she looked at me again. “There has to be another way…this can’t be the only option.”
“Then enlighten me.” I clutched the table, feeling sick. “Because I got nothing. Any suggestion will help.”
Trinity fell silent while she brainstormed. Minutes passed and she remained quiet. Finally, she sighed in defeat.
“You and I both know how he is. He won’t give me up unless I give him a reason to walk away.”
Her eyes started to water. “But it’s you and Cayson…”
I averted my gaze, knowing I would cry if I looked at her. “I know. It’s killing me.”
“You’re soul mates.”
I took a deep breath. “When he’s finished with school, I’ll tell him the truth. And he’ll take me back.”
Trinity shook her head. “No, he won’t, Skye. If you hurt him like this, there’s no going back. If you think he’s just going to let it go like everything else in your relationship, you’re wrong. This is different. It’ll change him. It’ll shake him. It’s not going to be simple like you think it is.”
“I know. But…it’s me. I’ll always be the one to him. He might change and he might be different…but he’ll always be Cayson.”
She sighed. “I really don’t think this is a good idea. The relationship you guys have can survive anything….but not this.”
“We promise we would always be friends—no matter what.”
“I’m not worried about that,” Trinity said. “Give him a year or so and he’ll bounce back. He’ll be in the same room with you and still care about you. He’ll tease you and make jokes just like before. That won’t change. But romantically...I think this is suicide.”
I rested my head on my hand, leaning over the table. “Like I said before, do you have a better idea?”
She shook her head slightly. “No…”
“Neither do I.”
“I just want you to understand what you’re doing. This is serious shit, Skye.”
“I know.” My eyes watered.
“I really think you should just let him stay.”
“Trinity, I couldn’t live with myself if I did that. Would you hold back Slade if he wanted the one thing he’s been working his whole life toward?”
She became thoughtful. She touched her coffee cup, feeling the sleeve. “No.”
“I can’t do it either. Cayson would ne
ver ask me to change for him, so shouldn’t I do the same for him? Years down the road, I’ll confess everything. He’ll be mad, maybe even hate me for a while, but he’ll come back to me…I know he will.”
She sighed. “Cayson is strong. He’s compassionate and forgiving. And when it comes to you, he has an obvious soft spot. But remember that you can only push someone so hard before they break. And I promise you, Cayson will shatter.”
“There’s no other way…”
She pushed her coffee aside, looking sick. “Okay.”
I can’t believe I was really going to do this.
“When?” she whispered.
“Right after graduation and before he leaves.”
“That isn’t going to work,” she said. “He has to notify Stanford he’s coming. If he doesn’t, they’ll give his spot to someone else.”
I already thought about that. “Slade.”
She cocked an eyebrow. “What?”
“Have him sneak into Cayson’s apartment and take care of the paperwork, including his living situation. And have him go to orientation as Cayson and get all of his supplies. They wouldn’t know the difference.”
Trinity looked at me like I was crazy. “He would never agree to that. Cayson is his best friend. Slade would spill your plan to him quicker than a snap of a finger.”
“I know…but not if you asked him not to.”
She shook her head. “Slade would do anything for me…but not that.”
“Just ask him—no questions asked.”
She started to get irritated. “Skye, it won’t work.”
“Tell him you want to make sure everything is ready just in case Cayson changes his mind—that’s all.”
She sighed in frustration.
“Trinity, please.”
“Fine,” she hissed.
“And you better not tell him about my plan—I mean it.”
She gave me a firm look. “I would never do that, Skye. But I’m pretty sure Cayson isn’t going to believe you.”
“I’ll make sure he does…”
“Ugh.” She gripped her skull. “Do you feel as sick as I do?”
“Yes.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Much, much sicker.”