“I’m going to go get a condom. Just so we have one within reach.” Lord, if You have ever loved me as a child made in Your own image, there will be condoms in the medicine cabinet. Maybe that wasn’t the sort of thing God would be interested in, being Catholic and all. I wasn’t supposed to have any means of contraception in my home. But I wasn’t supposed to be divorced and having sex out of wedlock, either, and I was definitely going to do the latter tonight, even if I have to drive to a drugstore in my underwear.
I tossed my shirt over the end of the bed and went into the bathroom. I’d forgotten that I’d bought condoms after Gena had left, thinking I would get out there and have plenty of tawdry, borderline anonymous sex to get over her. I’d been too much of a wreck to even consider it, so there they’d sat, a sad, unopened reminder of my pathetic middle age.
Now, I was going to have sex, with a woman I cared deeply about. A woman who was counting on me to be gentle and patient and to make her first experience as wonderful as she deserved. I caught my reflection in the mirror. I don’t think I’d ever looked so terrified in my entire life.
I cracked my neck and put on my game face. You love this woman. You want to be with her for the rest of your fucking life. For God’s sake, man, you want her to bear your children. If she’s willing to put up with all of that from you, then you owe it to her to get out there and fulfill every one of her expectations. And some that she didn’t know she had. If you fuck this up, you’re a worthless husk of a man and you don’t fucking deserve her. No pressure.
I had to get out of that bathroom before I made myself cry. I fumbled to open the box, pulled out one square plastic packet, and went back to the bedroom.
Her black dress lay in in a puddle on the floor. Penny took two slow, measured steps into one of the rectangular slashes of moonlight that fell from the angled windows. She wore my white button down better than a Victoria’s Secret model wore lingerie. I saw a flash of her black panties in the parting of the unfastened buttons but no indication of a bra. Her nipples showed as hard peaks against the fabric.
I couldn’t move. I could barely breathe, without reminding myself that it would be helpful.
“I didn’t know how naked I should be.” She pulled the shirt closed across her middle. “I thought I would surprise you, but then I got nervous and—”
If she finished her sentence, I didn’t hear it over the sound of every drop of blood in my body pounding toward my erection. I’d been so caught up in the idea of Penny the virgin, I’d somehow overlooked Penny the woman, and now she was standing in front of me, her big eyes so unsure, her tousled blond hair like threads of silver instead of gold in the light.
She shifted from one foot to the other. “Say something.”
I did more than say something. I strode across the too-wide gap between us and hooked an arm around her back to pull her up tight. The shirt parted, and her hot, bare skin brushed my chest. I tossed the condom on the bed and boosted her up. She wrapped her legs around my waist, the way she had done weeks ago on our date at the pool, but this time, she didn’t let go. She didn’t blush or pull away. Instead, she clung to my shoulders so tightly I would need a pry bar to dislodge her.
Not that I wanted to.
I carried her to the bed and set her on her feet beside it. I dropped to my knees before her, steadying her with my hands behind her thighs. Every part of her was silky and soft. She would feel so good beneath my fingertips, my lips, pressed skin to skin. But I couldn’t rush. I pushed up the shirt and nuzzled my cheek against her belly.
The noise she made was somewhere between a pleasantly surprised squirrel and a small dog having an asthma attack. I smiled to myself. “You know, that makes me nervous. If this takes your breath away, what will happen when I do this?”
I kissed her just below her belly button, and her hips canted forward. She dove her fingers into my hair, clenching and unclenching them, pulling and releasing. My hands followed the backs of her thighs, up the lace edge of her panties were it curved over her perfect round bottom.
“Take the shirt off,” I murmured, giving her another, lower kiss. “Let me see you.”
The shirt was on the floor in a flurry of movement, and she stood over me, her chest lifted, breasts tight and dappled with gooseflesh. I eased her down to sit on the mattress.
“You know we can stop if you’re not ready, or you don’t like it. Just tell me.” I prayed that she would tell me. There was nothing I wanted less than to make her feel uncomfortable or obligated to finish. I wasn’t that selfish, and I could always jerk off later.
“Okay. I’ll remember that.” Her ribs expanded with a deep breath. “But right now, can you please fuck me?”
It humbled me that she wanted me so much. I couldn’t understand why, but far be it from me to argue with her.
“Happy to oblige. But can I do one thing first?” I curled my finger to beckon her closer, and she leaned down.
“Um. Okay,” she said, uncertainty tipping her voice from confident to confused.
I pushed her hair back to find her ear and suck the lobe into my mouth. She swayed against me, and I released her skin to whisper, “I want to get my head between your thighs and taste you. What do you say, Doll? Are you up for it?”
“Oh God. Y-yes,” she whispered, and pushed herself back to lean against the pillows.
My knees didn’t crack when I stood, and I mentally thanked every saint I could think of for that blessing. I got on the bed and settled between her legs, and she lifted up, rubbing against my erection through my trousers. I kissed her throat and ground against her, happy for the faint relief the pressure brought me. “You have no patience.”
I started out slowly, dropping kisses from her neck to her sternum, over her breasts, but when I neared her belly button, I picked up the pace. She’d waited for a long time for someone to do this for her, and while I planned to make the wait worth her while, I didn’t see a reason to delay any longer. Hooking my fingers under the sides of her panties, I ran my tongue along the waistband, but I didn’t pull them down. I rubbed my nose against her through them, up and down her slit. She was already wet, practically soaked through; I could smell her through the material.
Her body stiffened.
I’d been with enough women to know when reassurance was needed. “You smell good enough to eat,” I assured her. And she did, her own unique scent of arousal and musk and Penny that got my blood pumping harder and made my mouth water. I dragged her panties down, and she assisted me in removing them, at least far enough that I had access to her most intimate parts. The scrap of black lace still looped one ankle.
Though I had some familiarity with Penny’s vulva, it had come by touch alone. I’d tried to imagine her from the contours I’d felt beneath my fingers, but I hadn’t done her justice. Downy hair, a slightly darker blond than on her head, was trimmed into a neat triangle at the top of the seam of her labia, the inner set of which peeked out, frilled and delicate. I spread her with my thumbs to see the nub of her clit, stiff and straining, and I kissed it, softly, barely touching the hood. She moaned that throaty sound that had haunted my memory since she’d lain on my couch and asked me to make her come.
I looped my arms beneath her knees and gripped her hips to pull her onto my waiting tongue. I pressed it, flat and wide, against her cunt then licked up, circling her clit before sucking her into my mouth. She sat up and grabbed my hair, shoving me tight against her.
I hoped she would let me breathe, but it wouldn’t be the worst way to die.
I explored her the way I had with my fingers before, trying to find where she needed me through the guidance of her breathy exclamations and jerks of her pelvis. I knew I was on the right track when I swept my tongue from side to side over her engorged clit and she shouted, “Oh God!” It was like finding the path to the lost city of gold, and it was a path I wouldn’t veer from. She writhed and gasped, her head whipping from side to side. If not for the curled hands tugging at the duvet benea
th her, I would have thought she was in the unpleasant kind of distress. I reached for those hands and threaded our fingers together.
“I’m coming!” she cried, over and over, her grip on my fingers tightening almost painfully. I kept on sucking and flicking while she rode my face, until I felt those four strong pulses at the opening of her pussy, against my chin. Her body jolted, then relaxed, boneless against the bed.
Lifting my head, I pulled one of my hands back and wiped my face. Christ, she was probably going to end up dehydrated after this. That was an ego boost if I’d ever had one. “Do you want me to keep going?”
She paused, considering, but then pleaded, rather desperately, “No. I need you to fuck me right now. I need you inside me.”
“Fuck.” I ran my hand down my face and gritted my back teeth. I’d been so focused on her pleasure that I’d neglected to realize how fucking turned on I was, and premature ejaculation was not something I wanted to add to my repertoire. Penny, begging me to fuck her, telling me she needed me inside her… Those words held an erotic power I doubted she was aware of. “I’m going to remember that, the way you said it… I’ll hear it in my head every time I jerk off for the rest of my life.”
I stood and unbuckled my belt, then quickly stripped off my pants. She looked up at me with wide eyes, and though there was only horny appreciation in her gaze, I felt a bit guilty. She deserved to be with some young, muscular stud with abs like tank treads. Not a middle-aged man with a normal human body. It was extremely unfair that I was about to have sex with a woman who could have sprinted off the cover of a fitness magazine, and all she got was me.
She stood in the scant space between the bed and my body and put her arms around me. The silky skin of her belly brushed against my cock, and my knees nearly buckled. I put my arms around her, and she pressed her flushed cheek against my chest.
“Do you still want to do this?” I murmured, because I had to be sure.
“Yeah. I really do.” She turned and leaned over to pull the duvet back. My fingers ached to dig into her hips and haul her backwards. Some other time.
She slid onto the bed and said, haltingly, “Look…I’m not sure if it’s true that you bleed the first time, or… I mean, if you don’t want your sheets messed up… The internet says no, that doesn’t happen, but my friends in high school said that it does—”
“I wouldn’t know.” Blood? God, I didn’t want it to come to that. I wanted to fuck her, not injure her. But I was out of my depth in this situation. I brushed the backs of my fingers down her cheek; she suddenly seemed too fragile to touch. “I’ve never been anyone’s first. But I promise, I’m going to be careful. And the sheets are the last thing on my mind.”
There was no graceful way to segue into putting on a condom, so I found it in the bedding and put it on while she watched with great interest.
“Aren’t you supposed to put a drop of lube in there, so it feels better?” she asked. “Do you have any lube?”
Good idea, but not for me. “I do, but the last thing I need is more stimulation. I’m worried about lasting long enough as it is.” Maybe I shouldn’t have said that. I reached into the nightstand and pulled out the bottle. “Probably better if we use some for you, just to make things easier.”
More lubrication was always better. That should have made it into the commandments.
She shifted on bed. “How do you want me?”
Every single way possible. I tried not to think of how much my cock ached as I rubbed the lube over the surface of the condom. “I think that’s up to you. Whatever you want.”
“Okay. I think I want you on top.”
I wanted to be on top of her, so it all worked out, didn’t it? I rejoined her on the bed and knelt between her legs, leaning over her to kiss her, to lave along her jawbone and suck at the tops of her breasts. She lifted up, in what I assumed was the signal to move along. I leaned beside her ear and asked, “Are you ready?”
She held onto my shoulders and whispered, “Yes.”
This is it. I wondered how evenly matched she and I were on a scale of one to nervous. My hand closed around my cock, and I guided myself down to her opening. She was wet, and the lube was almost overkill; I slipped inside faster than I’d expected, not too deep but far too sudden.
My head snapped up, and she stared back at me with wide eyes. Great, you idiot, you hurt her.
“Are you all right? Do you want to—” Ah, of course she wanted to stop.
I moved to pull out, and she held onto me with a ragged, “No, keep going.”
She opened her legs more, so I could sink deeper, but it wasn’t the angle that was the problem, really. It was the fact that her vagina was like a vise, and my cock, already fit to burst from the pressure in it, felt like it might explode, in an unpleasant way. “I hate to ask, but it feels like you’re going to snap my cock off. Is there anything I can do to help you relax?”
“Oh! I’m sorry!” She laughed then took a slow, deep breath. “This is just really exciting. And a little nerve-wracking.”
“Well, you’re doing fine.” I kissed her, and as her mouth melted beneath mine, her inner muscles melted, too, inviting me in deeper.
She tore her mouth away and gasped, “Oh my God, Ian!” and when my slow, gentle strokes seemed to be insufficient, she wasn’t afraid to tell me, “You can go deeper. You’re not hurting me.”
It was refreshing to receive that kind of guidance, and I was thrilled that Penny felt she could give it to me. In return, I gave her what she’d asked for and slid all the way inside. I bumped some resistance deep within her, and she jumped.
“Too far?” I asked, pulling back.
“No, it’s perfect. I just… I’m surprised by how different this feels—” The word ascended in pitch and died in a little gasp as I pulled back. Her hands splayed awkwardly against my shoulder and the small of my back. She buried her face in my neck and clung to me. “Please fuck me. For real. Please.”
“For real?” I couldn’t believe I still had the power of speech. Her body was so soft and hot where it pressed against me. She nodded and licked her lips, and I leaned down, moving deeper inside her. I caught her mouth with mine and withdrew as slowly and gently as possible. She lifted one of her legs, and I grabbed her calf to hook her knee around my waist.
The phrase “like a duck to water” came to mind as she moved beneath me. Inexperienced though she might be, she knew her body’s rhythm well. In no time at all, she was rocking with me, meeting me as I filled her, again and again.
“Um, do you mind if I…play with myself a little?”
Jesus, she really was trying to end this quickly, wasn’t she? I was glad I was on top, because if I had to lay back and watch her ride me with her fingers rubbing over her slippery, swollen clit…
I shouldn’t have started thinking down that road. “Fuck, no, I don’t mind. I want to feel you come.”
And, hopefully, stave off coming myself, until she was finished. The condom helped. I’d never liked the bastards, but if I could actually feel the wet heat of her on my skin, it would all be over. She was so wet I could hear her parting around my cock. She slipped her hand between us, then down, forking two fingers around the width of me where I entered her. I groaned and tried to think of anything besides her moans as she tensed beneath me. Her nails bit into my back. I would have scratches in the morning, for sure. Those strong pulses—four, apparently, was her personal signature—squeezed my cock, and she shouted a loud exclamation of pure satisfaction. She clung to me, bursts of nonsensical vocalization echoing my every thrust. Then she shouted, “Oh my God, I’m actually having sex!”
“Ah, Doll, not for much longer, I’m afraid.” I laughed then kissed her. I wanted to feel exactly as I did at that moment for the rest of my life. The way she held me, moaned for me, the way she had trusted me to do this with her, to see her like this, when it was a privilege she’d never afforded anyone before… I wanted it to go on and on. But the tight, hot squeeze of he
r cunt around me and the satiny feel of her thighs around my waist pushed me past the point of control, and I drove into her hard, groaning through our kiss.
I stayed with her for as long as possible, but I was fairly sure I’d ejaculated half my body weight and the last thing we needed to mar her hopefully positive experience was a leakage situation and emergency contraception.
I would have to say so many Hail Marys to make up for a morning after pill.
Easing out of her, I rolled to my back and tried to disguise the fact that I was breathing like the little engine that really fucking couldn’t. I caught her hand and brought it to my lips. “You all right, Doll?”
“Yeah.” Her tone was shockingly normal, as though she’d flipped sex mode off completely. “Yeah, I expected that I would be… I don’t know. Weepy? That I would feel some profound sense of transition from one phase of my life to the next? But I don’t.”
At first, it seemed like an insult. Then I tried to remember how I’d felt the first time I’d had sex; pretty much the same, except for a constant loop of, “I had sex,” that had sent me running shamefacedly to the confessional. “Fair enough. How do you feel?”
I reached for a tissue from the nightstand and carefully took off the condom. But no matter how carefully you did it, it always felt like shocking your dick with a cattle prod.
“I feel…tired. And really, really good. Can I have two orgasms every time we do it?” She rolled onto her stomach, her cute, round little arse pale in the light from the window over our head. She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek.
“God, minimum, I hope.” I wanted a chance to hold her down and make her come until she begged me to stop. I wanted to be the only man who could give her exactly the kind of release that she craved. But first things first, “Maybe I’ll last longer than five minutes next time.”
First Time: Ian's Story (First Time (Ian) Book 1) Page 19