Having been changed by this journey, part of my new purpose is now to help others explore creatively. I am producing play performances that take real-life individual stories and weave them together to create a collective emotional journey and context, honoring the individuality of the person interviewed, yet voicing our common struggles. My hope is that these plays will inspire dialogue that will decrease isolation and assumptions that we make about ourselves and others, and will generate curiosity and fulfillment in our families and communities. In addition to helping others break their silence and overcome the secrecy, shame, and guilt that often impede growth and healing, I view my work as a tool for confronting, understanding, and defusing prejudice and xenophobia. Placing people in contact with differences can help to clarify our similarities. The more vividly we can communicate how we experience our lives, joys, pains, and trauma, the more our commonalities become apparent.
My family has shown tremendous courage and trust in sharing their darkest moments, and allowing me to share them in this book with you. By making ourselves vulnerable and visible, we have also become more fulfilled and alive. Perhaps by sharing their story – my story – you, too, have come to recognize in them characters from your own life. And it is my hope that you have come to see them – and yourself – as I do: flawed, brave, resilient, and beautiful.
Acknowledgments
This journey has been remarkable, and I am indebted to so many people for their support and inspiration.
I am enormously grateful to the generous, kindred spirits who have made this ride a spectacular one. They have each played a critical role in the makings of The Rose Hotel.
My deepest love and appreciation are extended to my father, who taught me to fight for life with unwavering determination, and whose courage astonishes me daily. I send the same to my mother, the most exceptionally compassionate woman, without whom my world would not have color. I am forever indebted to her for teaching me the real meaning of kindness and selflessness. Many thanks to my brothers for their continual openness, tireless support, and demonstrations of love during these challenging years. Without them, this book would not have been possible. To my eldest brother, my first Dadashi: The Rose Hotel is yours, published on your birthday. To my older brother, thank you for your constant care and love, for encouraging me forward, for the surprises – the chair cushions, the Laguna surprises, when I was past burnout. Thank you for believing in me, for seeking change in your own way, and for wearing your seatbelt. To my middle brother, who always makes me laugh, and who always shares his Kit Kats. Thank you for surviving your journey, and thank you for returning home. To my youngest brother, my biggest ally and my best friend: at each juncture, with each doubt, with each obstacle, you were consistent, solid, and my rock. You encouraged me even when the burdens of my path meant that it would add to your already heavily-loaded shoulders. Your generosity of spirit moves me. Thank you for your commitment to our family, for the endless hours of work without mention, for taking care of so much while I was focusing on our story, and for lightening the loads of life so I could be free to fly and write the best book I possibly could. Your character and integrity inspire me.
I have such appreciation and love for all my soul sisters who have been with me every step of the way. Your sustenance filled my emotional tank and pushed me forward. And Sunny, my two-decades-long sister, thank you for your genuine and pure heart, and for always making me laugh when I cried. I am also grateful to all my friends who took turns reading and rereading numerous versions – thank you for your vigorous efforts. And deepest gratitude to you for offering me your homes, your offices, printers, cars, dog sitting, bringing me supplies to make my favorite chai, and feeding me when I forgot to eat. Thank you for sharing your ideas and opinions, for helping me spread the word about my projects by offering to host me in different cities and inviting your friends to read the story, and mostly, thank you for your energy. Your generosity moves me. You are all magnificent.
I must express my deepest thanks to F.F. and Cathy Hawk: two angels in my life. You illuminated my path with your clarity and light and guided me to fulfill my calling. I cherish you both.
I am truly indebted to Cynthia Burnham: the most charismatic, intelligent, generous woman who I am lucky enough to call my friend and mentor. I still remember the first time we talked, and will always be thankful for the endless support as I took a giant leap and dove into the cold deep parts of the “pool.” For the tireless hours editing anything and everything, and for being my finest coach – I am deeply grateful. Many thanks to Douglas Hoffman – a marvelous human being – for his friendship, exceptional instincts, and edits. I extend such gratitude to Roxana Marachi who, from the beginning, offered me support in any way she could. I am fortunate to call her my friend. Many thanks to Persis Karim for her kind heart, her friendship, and wise editorial role in improving this manuscript. Deepest gratitude to my friend and New York/Detroit soul sister, Soraya, for her keen eye, social and historical edits, and her gracious heart. Tremendous thanks to Mary Gusman for her generous heart, meticulous eye – her copy editing skills. Thank you as well to my friend Inas for taking my website live, and paying out of his pocket for it.
After an extensive search, and many heartbreaking, emotionally and financially-devastating ventures, I finally met the man who would give creative faces to my biggest projects to date – my book, play, and website. Aziz Jaan, your generosity of spirit, your kindness, your commitment and tremendous talent, your patience, and your endless support astonishes me. I will always “hold you in my arms.”
I don’t know how to thank Dr. Caffaro whose impact in my life goes beyond words. It is because of his support and guidance that I am living a fulfilled life with relief from past burdens, and with the clarity and ability to contribute to the world. His generosity toward me over the last fourteen years is boundless, and his talent is admirable. The course of my life, and that of my family, has been forever changed by your contributions.
Lastly, this book would not have been possible without the remarkable Laura Shaine Cunningham. I have immense gratitude for her superb and astonishing skill as my editor and writing coach. I came to meet Laura when I was crushed from previous editorial misadventures. With tremendous care and compassion, love, and skill, she took my manuscript and nurtured its heart and edited it to excellence. She coached me to become a better writer than I thought I could be, and was consistently there, day and night, until our work was completed. On behalf of my family, and myself, thank you.
With gratitude and a fulfilled heart,
Rahimeh Andalibian
Laguna Beach, California
September 16, 2012
“I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration; I can humiliate or humor, hurt or heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or de-escalated, and a person is humanized or dehumanized. If we treat people as they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them become what they are capable of becoming.”
–– Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1749-1832
YOU and The Rose Hotel:
My Life’s Work is to help others understand the effects of trauma, rediscover the universality of the human condition regardless of our background or nationality, encourage meaningful and relational dialogue, and connect with one another. The book you are holding in your hands, as well as the therapy and coaching I provide and the play – Glass Houses – I’ve produced, all support this Work.
I kindly ask you to help me share this story with those around you. Please help me reach other hearts and minds by giving The Rose Hotel to those you love and to those who are in positions of influence and have a platform to share this story and this Work, especially if you believe it would enc
ourage their own development and integration, or that of those they care about and support.
I would love it if you would visit Amazon.com and write a review for The Rose Hotel, or perhaps visit my Facebook page, “The Rose Hotel” and LIKE it, post your comments, your reactions, and your questions.
So many of you have kindly hosted events and offered to make introductions to those in positions to help. I am grateful for your generosity. Thanks to all of you who will help to spread the message of hope and healing in the future as well. I look forward to connecting with you.
Writing this book, a lonely process, and promoting it, a difficult one, has been made beautiful because of connecting with each of YOU and having you as a part of this extraordinary journey. I thank you so very much for your kindness.
The Rose Hotel is now in your hands.
“This is a book about one family, but it is also a book about all families regardless of country of origin, language, sexual orientation, race or religion. The gift of this book is in its ability to be a reminder of our shared humanity where … all families have secrets … all parents make mistakes … all children act at some time without thought of consequence … where sorrow is not reserved just for certain people … where tragedy doesn’t only occur to bad people … and where hope can sustain.”
– June Maffin., BookPleasures.com
“I love this book: it is similar to ‘The Kite Runner,’ or ‘Snowflower and the Secret Fan,’ or ‘The Namesake.’ Simply beautiful!”
-Cindy B., San Diego
“I felt privileged to have an inside look at the struggles and triumphs of a culture I’m unfamiliar with as an American.”
– Jody C., Laguna Niguel
“We would do well to include this book in high school reading. Our younger generation would possess a much greater awareness of race, gender, bias, love, loss, and hope.”
– Doug H., New York
“The Rose Hotel made me take a closer look at my own family dynamics and ask myself, ‘How can I be a better sister, daughter, aunt?”
– Osa E., New York
Table of Contents
THE ROSE HOTEL
BOOK ONE
ROOM 314
HIDE AND SEEK
THE LAST MORNING
THE NAKED WOMAN IN THE SNOW
FROZEN SNAKES
THE LESSON
THE POMEGRANATE FARM
REPRIEVE
BURYING THE SECRET
THE MANSION WITH THE GREEN DOOR
ANOTHER CAR RACE
LITTLE RED SUITCASE
REFUGE IN LONDON
LEGAL ALIENS
JUSTICE
BOOK TWO
“THE KING’S” ENGLISH
REVOLUTION AT HOME
THE SECOND IN COMMAND
THE TWO IRAN-IRAQ WARS
ANOTHER BATTLE AT HOME
THE AMERICAN NIGHTMARE
NOW – IN THE PAST
THROUGH THE GREEN DOOR
THE CLIFF
ENTRY INTO THE PAST
CURIOSITY
BABA’S FINAL CONFESSION
LOVE AND WAR
COMING OUT
FILTHY RICH AND BANKRUPT
BABA’S DREAM: THE ELAHIEH
MAMAN’S DREAM: SAVING HER SONS
ACCIDENTS
THE FALL
THE LETTER IN RED
THE EMPTY CHAIRS
FROM TAJIKISAN
ANNIVERSARY BIRTHDAY
ABDOLLAH
EPILOGUE: TO MY READERS
The Rose Hotel Page 29