“You tell me. I was beginning to believe you were going to make the change from broken, unemotional man to a loving man and father. I was wrong.”
“I’m not broken,” he denied, crossing his arms over his chest, closing himself off. “And I warned you I was no good at emotion.”
“Oh, did that sting?” It was wrong to take pleasure in hurting him, but something—rage, or a dim hope she might break through the stone fortress he called a heart so Mickey didn’t suffer the same fate in the future—kept her pushing. “The truth usually does. And when you’re so absorbed with dodging the pain of loss and rejection you can’t see the good for the bad, then, yeah, you’re broken.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“I know I’ve heard the bad parts of your past—how your mom abandoned you and your father, how he was an unemotional man. But I’ve never heard any good memories.”
His eyelids flickered, but nothing else moved on his frozen features.
“Before your mother left were there any happy moments? Laughter? Hugs? If not, you were better off without her. And she shouldn’t be given any power over your future at all.”
“She has no power over me.”
“Oh, she does. You’re afraid to trust your feelings because you’re afraid it won’t be enough, like it wasn’t enough for her, and you’ll be left hurting again. She has power over you, over Mickey, even over me. And it infuriates me.”
“You’re leaving. Just like she did.”
“No, you’re pushing me away. I won’t stay where I’m not wanted. Life is too short. I’ll find someone who will love me back and I’ll be happy.” Continuing to pace, she wrapped both arms around herself, trying to hold in the pain. “That’s one lesson I learned from my mother. I was so worried about finding and protecting my own personal freedom I stayed away from her, for fear she’d steal some of it away from me. Instead I lost precious time with her I’ll never get back.”
“Nikki.” He came around the couch, but she held up a hand to ward him off. He stopped. “How did I push you away? I’m here. I came home for lunch in the middle of the day to see you.”
“Please.” She didn’t bother to keep the disdain from her voice. “If you wanted me to leave why didn’t you just talk to me, instead of calling my agency and putting my professional reputation at risk?”
“I didn’t…” He hesitated.
Nikki hugged herself, waiting for his explanation, for the big reveal.
The silence ended with Mickey’s cries.
She closed her eyes. That was it, then. She’d never know what had driven Trace to push her away. Oh, who was she kidding? She’d just laid out all the reasons.
“You’d better get Mickey,” she told Trace. “I need to pack.” Walking around him, she let herself out of the house.
Trace watched Nikki walk out of his life. A racking sadness overwhelmed him, rooting him to the spot. His chest felt hollow where his heart should be.
Almost immediately the door opened and she reappeared. Hope soared.
“I can’t do this now. I’ll come back for my things when you and Mickey aren’t here.” She moved to the front door, opened it. “Mickey’s been at the community center daycare several times. He knows some of the kids. He’ll be all right there until the agency can send over someone new.” She stared at Trace for a minute, her eyes as sad as he felt. Finally she shook her head. “Goodbye.”
And then she was gone. Out of his life. Ready to be a memory. And he let her go, let her think he’d called for a replacement because he didn’t have the guts to let an intelligent, beautiful, loving woman into his small little life.
The earth pitched and rolled off kilter, never to be righted again. Cold surrounded him. She’d taken all the warmth with her.
She prized her freedom. The one thing he couldn’t give her. And he didn’t have anything better to offer. Best for her to go now than after he’d allowed her to become his whole world.
He shook himself, heard Mickey’s cries, and thought he was already screwing up.
Mickey’s tears dried up when he saw Trace. He jumped up and down and grinned. Trace lifted him, his heart melting when Mickey laid his head on his shoulder.
Nikki had been right. Mickey’s love and trust were unconditional, a gift Trace had never expected and vowed to treasure. “It’s you and me now, kid.”
He carried the baby into the living room and set him down next to the coffee table with a couple of plastic cars.
“Neeki?” Mickey asked, looking around, as if he understood something was wrong.
“Nikki bye-bye,” Trace told him.
“Bye-bye work?” The kid wanted specifics.
Trace wouldn’t lie to him. “No. Just bye-bye.”
“No.” Mickey shook his head wildly. “Neeki!” He toddled around the coffee table, grabbed Trace’s hand and pulled. “Neeki.”
Mickey wanted Trace to go after Nikki, to chase her down and bring her back. “You might actually have a chance with her. She loves you.” Trace had no doubt about her feelings for Mickey. “I could probably have parlayed her affection for you into something, but I couldn’t settle this time. Not this time.”
“Daddy!” Mickey pulled on him. “Neeki.”
“This is my fault not yours,” Trace told him. “She’s going to find someone who will love her…” The words trailed off as he replayed what she’d said in his head and realization dawned. The world slowly righted itself. “‘I’ll find someone who will love me back.’ She loves me.”
He picked up Mickey, swung him around and planted a big kiss on his mouth. “She loves me. Let’s go bring her home.”
Nikki brushed the wetness from her cheeks, angry with herself for the tears. She’d started the day with such hope, and now her heart ached, broken because she loved a man too damaged to risk being hurt again.
Well, it was his loss. She’d have given him her love and devotion, traded her independence for a family. She’d have been the best thing that had ever happened to him.
The vehicle in the next lane honked. She glanced over and saw it was Trace. For a moment joy swelled and filled her.
He’d followed her.
Then reality hit. He probably wanted her to honor her contract until a replacement could be found. She took pride in her reputation, but that was an assignment she couldn’t accept.
Police lights flashed in her rearview mirror. He was pulling her over. She shook her head and pushed her foot down on the accelerator, defying his authority. He had no legitimate reason to stop her, and her battered heart couldn’t take anything more today.
“Pull your vehicle to the side of the road and stop,” his disembodied voice demanded.
“I don’t think so.” She continued to defy him, knowing it would end there. To pursue her any more blatantly would invite public notice and a rejection he wouldn’t invite.
“Nikki, pull over now. I only called the agency to free you to accept the teaching job.”
She blinked at his reflection in the rearview mirror. Determination stamped his features. He’d known about the offer? She saw heads turning in their direction as she passed the community center. Her hands tightened on the wheel as she turned on to Main.
She was safe. No way he’d expose himself in the middle of town. It would take more than mere affection for him to take such a step.
She deserved a man with the capacity to love as big as she did. Trace had proved he wasn’t that man.
The Sheriff’s vehicle pulled onto the street behind her, and her heart began to pound faster even as she cautioned herself against reading too much into it.
“Nikki Rhodes, I love you.” Not only did he declare himself, he ramped up the volume. “Please stop.”
Her throat constricted with emotion, love for him bursting through her in joy and euphoria. He loved her.
Wait. She breathed deep, forcing herself to slow down and to question if he’d really changed and could open himself to a loving
relationship. But it was useless.
Trace loved her!
“Nikki.” His voice boomed again. “Please pull over so I can ask you to be my wife and Mickey’s mother.”
“Yes,” she whispered, as people turned on both sides of the street to observe their small parade. “Yes, please.” Her hands shook as she pulled to the side of the road in front of What a Woman Wants. Women flowed from the shop to see what was going on.
Ignoring the rest of the world, she pushed open her door, ran to the man who held her heart and flung herself into his arms. Trace caught her—as she’d known he would—and swung her around, his head buried against her.
After a moment he lifted his eyes to meet hers. The love she saw shining in the emerald depths made her breath catch.
“You just announced yourself in front of the entire town.”
“I love you, and I don’t care who knows it.” The words reinforced the pledge in his gaze. “I couldn’t chance losing you.” He set her on her feet and kissed her, his mouth on hers in the sweetest of promises.
“Neeki!” Mickey clapped his hands in the backseat of the SUV.
They looked from the baby to each other. Trace brushed the hair behind her ear. “Marry me. Be the mother of my children. What do you say? Let’s give a dog a happy home?”
“Yes,” she whispered for him alone, and then, loud enough for the world to hear, she repeated, “Yes!”
Pulling his head down to her, she kissed him, putting all her love into the embrace. Applause exploded around them, the perfect soundtrack for the perfect moment.
ISBN: 978-1-4268-5008-0
SHERIFF NEEDS A NANNY
First North American Publication 2010.
Copyright © 2010 by Teresa Carpenter.
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Sheriff Needs a Nanny Page 14