It bothered me, too, but I was lost as to what I could do about it. I’d never pushed Coby because I’d never had to. I’d also never risked losing my best friend. The more Gage talked, the more my blood boiled. I refused to let him go down without a fight…even if that meant an intervention.
Coby Kyler was done moping around.
Chapter 12
Coby
There was virtually no pause between the door to the garage slamming closed and the heavy clunk of Ellie’s purse crashing onto the granite in the kitchen behind me. Like most days, I was on the couch, the TV serving as background noise while I played a game on my iPad. But as soon as her attitude infiltrated the house, I suddenly wanted to be anywhere else.
“Coby William Kyler.”
My full name. Things were never good when that happened—it didn’t matter who it came from. Dad had hardly ever used it. The only time I could vividly recall was when I was eight and had to cut pictures out of magazines for a class presentation depicting my family. We weren’t allowed to have help, and it wasn’t like my dad had kept many magazines around the house. I thought I’d hit pay dirt when I found a stash under his bed. Needless to say, between the Sports Illustrated and Playboy, I’d embarrassed not only my dad, but Ellie’s parents, as well.
It was a rather dysfunctional-looking family picture.
Other than that, Ellie’s mom was the only one who’d used my entire name, always in the middle of the night after Ellie would wake them up screaming. “Ellie Marie Teller, when will you learn to stop letting Coby pick the movie?” she’d lecture, followed by, “And you, Coby William Kyler! Telling her Chucky is about a doll is very misleading.”
It was no wonder where Ellie had learned to use my middle name in anger.
I immediately dropped the iPad and sat up straight, fear consuming me with every stomp of her shoes in my direction. “Whatever you think I did…I didn’t do it. And if I did, there’s a reasonable explanation for it.”
She made it to the end of the couch before stopping and crossing her arms. Her foot jutted out, her heel bouncing with the adrenaline coursing through her. It was a scary sight.
“I’m not going to lie, I fear for my life right now.” I held my hands up in the act of surrender, but she didn’t bite the bait. Which meant whatever had her worked up had happened recently, and considering I hadn’t seen her since last night, there was at least a small chance it wasn’t completely my fault. “Seriously, El, what’s going on? If you had the ability to shoot fire from your eyes, I’d be well done. Even a filet mignon such as myself isn’t worth anything if it’s charbroiled.”
Not even a hint of a smirk shadowed her lips. And the instant her nose wrinkled in disgust, I braced for the fiery side of Ellie Teller. The one that made her worthy of the red in her hair. Nature had tried to mask it with light-brown undertones and faint blond highlights gifted to her by the sun. But when she gave you the same look she pierced me with right now, you could’ve painted her hair black, and the red would’ve still shone through.
“Get off your lazy ass and go take a shower. You stink. And when you’re done, put on real clothes. Preferably clean ones.” Other than extending her hand behind her, pointing toward my room, she didn’t budge from her spot at the end of the couch.
“If you think I’m going anywhere near you while you embody Carrie, you can think again.”
“So help me, God, Coby. If you don’t move it, we’re going to have a come-to-Jesus moment with you sitting in your own filth. At least give me the courtesy of smelling like soap when we have this chat.”
Something had happened, but I still had no clue what, and the longer she dragged this out, the heavier the brick in my gut became. Yet a voice in my head told me if I didn’t do as she demanded, things would get a lot worse. So, without another word, I excused myself from the room and scurried to the shower.
“Much better,” she said when I returned. She was on the couch, exactly where I had been when she came home, yet the TV wasn’t on and my electronics were stacked together on the coffee table. Logic informed me it would be a bad idea to reach over her for them.
I ran my hand through my wet hair, making yet another mental note that it needed to be cut. I’d planned on getting that done a week or so ago, but I hadn’t found the time. And by “time,” what I really meant was motivation.
She moved the stack of papers from her lap to the coffee table and shifted on the cushion to face me when I sat beside her. The rim around the blue of her eyes seemed darker than normal, and her pupils were constricted—a clear sign of aggravation for anyone who knew Ellie the way I did. It was enough to keep quiet and wait for her to speak first.
“When I said you were fortunate enough to give it time before figuring out what to do with your future, I’d meant you were free to explore college, find something you enjoy, try out new things. Sitting around the house day in and day out wasn’t what I’d meant by taking your time.”
“I don’t sit around—”
“The only times you go anywhere are when Gage and I drag you out,” she interjected, her voice rising against the strain of her waning control. “You only put on clothes when he comes over—which isn’t much since he’s in the middle of a season—or when you have physical therapy. But even that’s down to twice a month. Before today, when was the last time you showered?”
I was desperate to turn away from her intense gaze, but I couldn’t. It was like a magnet, refusing to relent its hold on me. I’d seen Ellie in every shade of emotion, but this one was new. Almost as if she were disappointed in me. And I wasn’t sure how to handle it.
She was right—if I didn’t have to leave the house, I usually didn’t. And yes, most of the time, I wore the same clothes, rotating between three pairs of sweats and a couple of T-shirts, depending on laundry. However, I wasn’t so lost in my self-induced, post-baseball haze that I didn’t clean myself. I did have some standards left.
“I take one every night, El. I had one less than twenty-four hours ago.”
“So what...you wait until I go to bed before bathing?”
Simultaneously, I bobbed my head and lifted my shoulders—an awkward mixture of “yes” and “maybe.” I couldn’t very well tell her why I’d waited until she was in her room for the night before I took advantage of the shower. “That way I can ensure I’ll have enough hot water,” I lied.
At least she seemed to buy it. “Fine, but that doesn’t answer why you never leave the house. Staying cooped up inside all the time is not healthy. You’ve lived your whole life in the sun in one way or another. Being in here, stuck on the couch in front of the TV is a sure sign something is wrong. At least, it is to me. And I’m confident enough to say I know you better than anyone, so if I’m worried about you, then it has to mean something.”
“There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Says the guy who’s basically given up on life.”
I glanced over her shoulder and grew lost in my thoughts as I stared at nothing in particular. “You came home pissed off at me…why? And you can’t say it’s because you found me on the couch—you hollered my name before you even saw me sitting here.”
“Gage called me on my way home.”
I rolled my eyes and threw myself into the overstuffed cushion with an exaggerated groan. “When I suggested you two hang out, I didn’t mean for you guys to team up against me. I only meant for you to get along with him so I could hang out with both of you at the same time without things being weird.”
“He’s concerned, too. Like I am.”
“Oh my God, Ellie…there’s nothing to be worried about.”
“Then why did you turn down the ESPN job?” Like an ace up her sleeve, she pulled it out when it mattered most, and it undoubtedly caught my full attention. “Yeah, I heard about that.”
“You mean Gage went running to you so you’d come home and convince me it was a stupid decision, and then try to talk me into calling them back and say I’ve changed my m
ind. Well, don’t waste your breath, Ellie. I’m not reconsidering.”
“That’s not why he called me. It’s not about ESPN—or any other sports program.”
“Then what’s it about?” There hadn’t been a single time in our entire friendship we’d spoken this way to one another. This was unlike any fight we’d ever had. I loved Ellie, and I had no doubt she loved me, but the weight of emotions in this one argument was enough to sink a ship. It seemed deeper than what most would consider normal for two people in a platonic relationship. Almost as though our lives were more than just tied together. Like they were woven, entwined, threaded together so tightly they couldn’t be separated without complete destruction of the very fabric of our beings. She spoke as if her future rested in mine, and mine hers.
It was more than I knew how to handle.
“We want you to be happy, and closing yourself off from the outside world doesn’t paint you as a happy person, Coby. You’re not even content. It’s okay to admit that you’re not sure what to do with your life or where to go from here. No one will think less of you for that. In fact, I think you’d be surprised at the amount of support you’d have.”
“Okay…well, being a commentator won’t make me happy. Sitting behind a desk and reading off stats or giving a play-by-play of a game will only remind me of what I’m missing. That’s why I turned it down. I didn’t make that decision out of fear of leaving my house or because I’m depressed. I did it because taking the job would make me depressed.”
She placed her hand over mine, calling my attention to the harshness of my tone. “I get it. Trust me, I do. Like I said, I’m not trying to convince you to change your mind about ESPN. Gage didn’t call me to talk you into it.”
“I appreciate your concern, but it’s unwarranted.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. You’ve convinced yourself that you’re fine doing nothing, but you can’t lie to me. I can see it in your eyes. Something changed when I started my job. You’re lonely, which makes sense. But don’t die in that isolation, Coby. Live in the light with the rest of us. Rather than sit around here while I’m at school, find something you’re passionate about.”
“Baseball.” I held her stare, hoping she could see my truth. “I love baseball. Always have. And I was good at it, too. School came naturally to you—you didn’t have to try at it, yet you succeeded without an ounce of effort. It was harder for me. Blame it on being behind because of my eyesight or the stresses of a young child without a mom, but it was so damn hard. Where you would get an A on a test without even touching a textbook, I had to study ten times harder than anyone else in class in the hopes of pulling out a B. But when I had a ball in my hand…” I shook my head and blew a seamless breath past my barely parted lips as I recalled the feeling of the red stitching beneath the pad of my thumb. “It was like an extension of me. Like the sport had been invented just for me.”
“And it’s hard to lose that,” she surmised, her words dripping with sympathy.
“In a way, yes.”
“So if you love it so much, why not find something to do with it?”
I closed my eyes and pondered over my next words for a moment. Then I blinked and focused on Ellie—the soft skin on her cheeks that warmed my hand when I held her face, her pouty lips that could convince me to give her the world, those vibrant eyes that saw me as more than a ballplayer. I had no reason to hold anything back when it came to her. If there was only one person on this planet who truly got me, it was Ellie.
“I don’t miss the League. I mean…I miss my brothers, the team, my coaches. I miss the structure and support. But the League? The traveling, the doubleheaders, the rigorous training and packed stadiums?” I shook my head. “I don’t miss any of it.”
She hesitated for a moment before asking, “But you miss playing?”
“I miss baseball. The sport my dad taught me. Before it was about contracts and agents and millions of dollars I’ll never be able to spend. That’s why, Ellie. That’s the reason I couldn’t take the job. It had nothing to do with being depressed or not wanting to leave the house.”
“Are you saying you’re not in a funk?”
“Who knows—maybe I am. Maybe I don’t go anywhere because you’re at work, and if I can’t do things with you, then I have no desire to do them at all. I can’t tell you why. All I can say is a piece of me is missing. It’s been missing for a long time…ever since I signed with the Titans. And after I was cut from the roster, another piece was gone. That time, it was the feeling of being part of something great. Not a team, but my team. And now that you’re gone five days a week, leaving before I get up and not coming home until dinnertime, it’s like I lost another part of me. Before too long, there won’t be anything left.”
A single tear slipped past the corner of her eye, but before it could trail down her porcelain cheek, she flicked it away. And as though I hadn’t seen it, she curled her lips in a show-stopping smile, attempting to shield me from her pain.
“You haven’t lost me, Coby. I’ll always be here for you. No matter what jobs we have or where we live. We’ll forever be a part of each other’s lives.” With a soft giggle, she added, “Our kids will be best friends. We’ll sit in our rocking chairs on my front porch and watch as they place pennies on the railroad tracks. Our perfect future, just like we’ve always talked about.”
When her hand fell to my thigh, it was like a bomb had exploded within my chest. Emotions I wasn’t prepared for sliced me open with shards of repressed reality: one day, Ellie wouldn’t come home to me after work. She’d have her own house with her own family. There’d be a new best friend in her world, one she’d share everything with, lean on and support through the good times and bad. I had no doubt she’d meant it when she said she’d always be there for me. She would. Just like I’d do the same for her without any hesitation. Although, it wouldn’t be the same.
She’d told me the turning point in my life had been during the semifinals our senior year of high school. But it became obvious to me, sitting here with the heat of her palm soaking through my jeans, that this, right now, was our turning point. Heading off to college—me to the pros—wasn’t the “real world” we had thought it would be. It may have seemed like it at the time, and had anyone asked me fifteen minutes ago, I would’ve still said it was true. But now I thought differently. Ellie had a career, a permanent job. I didn’t, although I really needed to get my life together and find one.
But that didn’t change anything.
The world kept spinning. Nights turned into mornings, which drifted into afternoons, and then back to night again. The sun continued to rise and set. Time moved forward and the days on the calendar kept falling away. With each breath, we were moving apart from one another—maybe not physically, maybe not with enough momentum for either of us to take notice, but it was happening. And the harsh reality of it was…it wouldn’t stop. No matter what we did. No matter how desperately we held onto the pendulum, it would keep swinging.
If I couldn’t figure out how to live in the light with her away at work, I wasn’t sure how I’d cope without her here at all. And that thought was enough to tell me I needed to figure something out before I’d wake up one morning and find that life had slipped through my fingers.
“E.T., are you trying to tell me you want to move back to DeArmanville? Because that detailed depiction of our future doesn’t sound much like Tuscaloosa. It reeks of Podunk, USA.”
Her lips split into a wide grin, and for the first time since she came home, it was genuine. The sparkle in her eyes had returned, as well as the color in her cheeks, bringing with it the faint spatter of freckles across her perfect nose.
“I don’t care where we live. All that matters to me is that you’re there. Of course, it’d be nice if our houses were next to each other’s; it’d make things much easier. So, when you’re ready to sell this gem, just keep that in mind. Oh!” She held up one finger with her sudden afterthought. “It’d be lovely if you could
remember I’m on a teacher’s salary. Our home budgets won’t be anything alike.”
I pressed the tip of my finger to hers and grinned. “I’ll just find a house with a shed in the side yard for you. Gage can take the bachelor’s pad above the garage. We’ll be like the Beverly Hillbillies. At least we won’t have to worry about anyone calling us dorks or nerds anymore.”
She giggled and fluttered her lashes in the sexiest eye roll ever.
But at least it kept her from noticing the shock that knocked the wind out of me at that thought. It was enough to convince me I needed out of the house. Pronto. The moment you look at the person who’d peed herself when you were seven because you convinced her to drink a large soda before going on an “excursion,” and the word “sexy” comes to mind, it was time to get a life.
Exactly one week later, Ellie called me from the school and asked me to pick her up. As if that hadn’t been strange enough, her excuse for why she needed me left me scratching my head.
“My…um, my car won’t start.”
When I asked about the possibility of another teacher driving her home, she told me no one was there, even though I distinctly heard a male voice in the background. I wasn’t sure what she had up her sleeve, but considering I was on my way home from physical therapy, I figured it was worth checking out.
Little did I know, it was a complete setup.
“St. Michael’s is a small school,” some balding man, whose name I couldn’t remember to save my life, said as we strolled toward the chain-link fence surrounding what looked to be a soccer field.
Ellie had introduced us the second I’d gotten out of the car. All I knew was the round Pillsbury Dough grandfather—who hadn’t been a “boy” in roughly eighty-two years—was the director of something. In the five minutes since I’d arrived, I felt like I’d been transported into the twilight zone. Confusion plagued me—over why this man thought it would be fun to give me a tour of the grounds, while Ellie practically bounced on the balls of her feet, patting her hands, on the verge of chanting “Hercules! Hercules!” or why I continued to follow him as if I had any interest in the size of the school or their athletic department calendar. I just figured it was because “the famous Coby Kyler” was on campus, and he felt the need to impress me. So, I went with it.
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