“I’m all yours. Where are we going?”
“You’ve asked that already. Do you suffer from short-term memory loss?”
“You didn’t answer.”
“What’s the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing excepting different results?” He quirked his eyebrow at me.
I shut my trap and watched the houses go by and then building after building once we’d left the residential part of town. There was no telling what Gage had up his sleeve, and I wondered if he’d run it by Coby before committing to a plan. The reports I’d seen of Gage’s behavior included bars and hotel rooms, neither of which I would agree to, and there was no doubt in my mind that would send Coby out for blood. Thinking about pool halls, batting cages, and strip clubs, I wouldn’t have been surprised to arrive at any of them—they all suited Gage to a T—but he’d have to answer to my best friend, and I didn’t think even Gage was that brave.
Something about that thought caused an ache in my chest. I couldn’t bear disappointing Coby, or his believing something happened because the location implied risqué behavior. If he suspected I’d ever so much as kissed Gage, he’d be crushed. A thought that had never crossed my mind. But my apprehension went beyond hurting someone I cared about.
Before I could get wrapped up in what any of that meant, we pulled up to Blue Fire. “What are we doing here?” This restaurant took months to get reservations at without having a connection. It was the latest trend from a celebrity chef, and based on its reviews, the food was nothing short of phenomenal.
Before the valet opened the door, Gage turned to me. The humor that normally lit up his features was suddenly subdued. He placed his hand over mine and gave it a gentle squeeze. “If I only get one night with you, I’m going to make sure it’s worth remembering. Coby’s like a brother to me—you deserve something special.”
His words hit me like a ton of bricks. Gage had brought me on a date knowing it would be the only one he’d ever get, and he set out to treat me with a respect he wasn’t notorious for showing to the girls on his arm. Maybe I was reading too much into the gesture, but coupled with Coby’s attitude when I left, it all seemed rather strange.
“Ma’am?” The door opened, and the attendant working the valet offered me his hand to assist me out of the truck, derailing my train of thought. I hopped down and met Gage in front of me.
It hadn’t taken long for someone to recognize him, and I thought all hell would break loose as soon as his name was heard, but the maître de quickly escorted us away from the crowd, and Gage caught my hand in his to follow. The touch of the gorgeous man’s fingers didn’t send me into the erotic fantasy I assumed it would. Gage was a sexual creature by nature, and as much as I enjoyed his company, he wasn’t good for me. He wasn’t interested in settling down, and I wasn’t interested in a good time.
I wanted a companion, someone to grow old with—someone that just got me. No matter how good looking Gage was, or whether or not he had the ability to jingle the jangle between my legs…he wasn’t that man. There were women who would kill for the chance to trade places with me—there were probably twenty in this restaurant alone—but Gage Nix wasn’t my forever or my past.
He was my here and now.
“I’ve never seen that look on a date’s face.”
“Huh?” At some point, we had been seated, and I had a menu in front of me, but my eyes merely scanned the page, they weren’t actually reading.
“You look bored. I’ve never seen that on a woman’s face who was out with me.”
“Oh, God, Gage. I’m sorry. I got lost in my thoughts. This wasn’t at all what I was expecting tonight, and I never thought about your fans recognizing you.” Although, the restaurant was clearly adept at handling celebrity diners. Once we were in the door, not a soul had bothered us—even if there were women all over the room eyeing my date.
But that realization didn’t bring the jealousy I’d assumed it would—nothing like Melissa Mills had evoked. And these women were far more alluring than that of the girls’ PE teacher at St. Michael’s.
“Earth to Ellie.”
Gage’s use of my actual name brought me back to the present…again.
“What’s going on in that pretty little head of yours?”
“Nothing. I don’t mean to be so distracted. I’m just a tad overwhelmed. I haven’t been on a date in ages, and certainly never anything like this.”
“Surely Kyler’s taken you out to some nice places, right?”
I shrugged. “It’s not like that. Coby and I don’t do dates. We hang out. Movies. The pool. Nothing romantic or grandiose.” And for the first time in my life, that admission made me sad.
Knowing the thoughts ping-ponging in my head had no business being there, I attempted once again to shut them down. But throughout dinner, every detail I noticed about Gage turned into a comparison of Coby. Gage’s forearms were marked with dark hair, whereas Coby’s were almost bare and the veins bulged in just the right places. My date was larger than my best friend, and muscle mass had never been my thing. But mostly, it was the way he regarded me that didn’t match the love that always shone in Coby’s sweet, brown eyes.
It had been so long since I’d missed him, but it had never felt this way, not even when he was on the road. Actually, I couldn’t remember a time I’d ever missed him the way I did at that moment, and I’d seen him less than an hour ago.
We fumbled through awkward dinner conversation. It seemed Gage and I couldn’t interact if we weren’t lobbing grenades at each other or clinging to sarcastic comments. The scene wasn’t painful, but it absolutely wouldn’t lead to a second outing. But Gage had assumed that before we ever left my house.
“Why did you say this was a one-time deal?” I blurted the question across the table as Gage paid the bill.
Closing the check pocket, he gave the most genuine smile I’d ever seen grace his face, and for a moment, my heart fluttered until I realized it was the same adoring way my dad looked at me just before he imparted some life-altering bit of wisdom.
“Let’s get out here.”
I was confused by his refusal to answer my question but decided to go with it. Maybe it simply wasn’t a conversation for prying ears and hovering eyes. My gaze followed him as he rounded the table, pulled out my chair, and helped me up. He extended his elbow in a gentlemanly way I wasn’t aware Gage was capable of.
With my arm tucked into the security of his, he started walking toward the exit and bent down to whisper, “We can talk once we get out of here.”
I nodded my agreement and watched as women swooned for the man at my side. It broke my heart that they saw him as a paycheck or a ticket to stardom instead of the amazingly funny man he truly was, not to mention the incredible friend.
The ride was fairly quiet. Gage had turned up the radio seemingly to dissuade conversation, but instead of pushing my agenda, I waited for him to be ready to talk.
He drove out past the city limits and turned off a two-lane highway to a dirt road. If this had been the first date with any other man, my skin would be crawling in fear, but Gage took my hand on the console and winked at me. We bounced around the winding trail. I didn’t have a clue where we were, but Gage clearly had been here before, and I wondered how many women he’d brought to this secluded spot. Just after we passed a beautiful plantation-style home, he stopped the vehicle in a vast field. I followed him out of the truck, realizing we were surrounded by acres upon acres of undeveloped land perched high above the city. I hadn’t even realized a place like this existed near Tuscaloosa and prayed to God he didn’t leave me up here to find my way home.
We met at the back of the truck, and Gage dropped the tailgate. I watched as he climbed into the bed and made his way to the toolbox. When he lifted the top, I finally asked, “Where are we?”
He smiled at me over his shoulder while he continued to pull things from the metal container. “My Granny’s house.”
“How did I not know your grandmother li
ved in town?”
“Well, technically she doesn’t. And I don’t share this place. I haven’t brought anyone up here since high school, but I come frequently.”
Turning in a slow circle, I couldn’t get enough of the breathtaking view or the serenity. “Learn something new every day.”
He unfolded a blanket in the bed of his truck, and I wondered if he’d forgotten this was his one and only date. But not even Gage could distract me from the stars shining through the dark night sky or the crickets singing a lullaby to soothe the world to sleep around them.
“Hop up.” His hand was extended when I turned around.
I took it, hesitantly, but when he gave me that look, the one I’d seen at the restaurant, I had no doubt Gage was here as my friend, not a Major League Baseball player trying to hit a home run. I laid down beside him and got comfortable.
“This is where I come to escape.”
I giggled. “I wasn’t aware you ever needed time away? I thought the ‘legend’ loved the limelight.”
When I turned my head to see his face, the shadows masked his expression, but I could tell whatever he was about to share would irrevocably change the way I saw him. “This place is the only security I’ve ever known. My mom meant well, but she wasn’t destined to be a parent.”
“I thought she was artificially inseminated.”
“Nah, that just sounds better than she got knocked up by a guy whose name she couldn’t remember, and I’ve never met. Don’t get me wrong, she loves me, but fourteen-year-olds aren’t cut out to raise kids.”
My mouth dropped open. I would never have guessed. Confidence, success, personality—Gage had it all. He also had a secret the size of Texas.
“My Granny raised me. I mean, I knew who my mom was, but she dropped out of high school when she was sixteen, and I didn’t see her again until I went pro. Funny how people show up with their hand out when they have something to gain but were always too busy to ever give a hand up when I had nothing to offer. I can’t complain. Granny was everything I ever needed, and so was Pops. He passed away the year before I transferred to the Titans.”
“Is that how you ended up in Tuscaloosa?”
“The word on the street is that I was traded. The truth is, I forfeited the last two years of my contract in Texas in order to be picked up by Tuscaloosa…and it took a significant salary cut for my agent to convince the Titans to sign me. My reputation preceded me, and regardless of how great I was on the field, my press-worthy notoriety off the field put me at a disadvantage.”
“Is that why you’ve slowed down so much?”
He raised his shoulder in a feeble attempt at a shrug. “Yeah, I guess. I can’t afford to get traded. My Granny is getting older, and this is a lot to take care of. If she has her way, she’ll stay here until she passes away, and I’ll do everything in my power to ensure that happens. But I can’t do that with my travel schedule and living in another state. It gets harder every year because she needs more help. But so far, I’ve managed to work out having an assistant who is paid to take her places. There’s a hefty quarterly bonus for keeping quiet about who she works for, too.”
“So there is a soft side to the notorious Gage Nix.” My tone conveyed my heartfelt admiration for his revelation. I loved the snarky, playful side of Gage, but uncovering this side felt like hitting gold.
“It’s not something I’d like to get out to the masses. That woman is my world, and I’d walk away from all of it to be with her. She never left me…and I gave her plenty of reason to do so. She’s had some medical issues recently, and that’s why it took me so long to take you out. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to, but being with her took precedence.”
“Your secret’s safe with me.” I couldn’t think of a better reason for a man to have postponed an outing. If Gage had been someone I had a romantic interest in, this would only have heightened the attraction.
As we lay there, I tried to picture a younger version of the man I’d come to call my friend running in these fields and rocking on the front porch of the home we’d driven by. My chest swelled with pride thinking of him giving up his life and career states away to relocate for his grandmother.
“Are you ever going to answer my question?” I watched the side of his face for a few seconds before he turned to me. “About why you said this was a one-time thing?”
“Depends. Are you open to really hearing what I have to say?”
I wasn’t sure if I was frightened or intrigued by the mystery. Gage and I had never had a conversation about anything personal…unless my panties counted.
“Of course,” I lied.
“Coby loves you, Ellie.” The words were so matter-of-fact he could’ve been under oath.
“Duh. We’ve been friends since baby Jesus was swaddled in the manger.” I giggled, thinking this was the reason he brought me up here—to point out things I was already aware of.
“No, Ellie.” I heard him inhale deeply before he continued. “Coby is in love with you.”
I turned my sights back toward the stars and forced myself not to roll my eyes. “I’ve heard this song and dance for twenty-two years, Gage. You of all people should know that. You’re with us enough to see we’re like siblings. Our relationship isn’t like that.”
“You may not think so, but I see the way he looks at you. I remember what he was like on the road. I was there when he bombed out with girl after girl, and the only person who brought a smile to his face was you. I’ve seen his mood shift when you walk into a room. And I’ve heard the devastation in his voice when he believed he’d let you down.”
“I get that’s what you think you see. I can totally understand how people who haven’t had a best friend of the opposite sex would believe that. But it’s just not there.” As much as I tried to convince him, I couldn’t help but question whether I was trying to convince myself even more.
“Not there for you? Or not there for him?”
I pondered those two questions. It didn’t matter what was there for me. I wasn’t willing to risk ruining our relationship for something we’d always sworn didn’t exist. Coby and I had come close to creating a divide we couldn’t come back from the last time we’d had sex. I’d seen the fear in his eyes when he was afraid it had changed us. I felt that same trepidation. And even though I’d never connected to anyone on the same level I had with Coby, he wasn’t interested in a relationship with me. If he had been, he would have confessed that by now. We didn’t keep secrets.
We’d both been with other people—me with Ryan, and Coby with countless women while he traveled. It didn’t matter that I hadn’t ever had sex during the course of my relationship. I wasn’t naïve enough to think Coby had remained celibate. If he had the connection to me that Gage claimed, he wouldn’t have been able to seal the deal with anyone else.
“Ellie?”
The tender way he uttered my name left me aching to confess my soul. A tear slipped down my cheek, but I didn’t bother to wipe it away or try to hide it. I desperately wanted to admit what I’d managed to ignore, but I also knew, the moment the admission came out of my mouth, they’d become real—something I could no longer hide and couldn’t take back.
“For him,” I muttered, and Gage waited patiently for me to continue. Those two words hung in the air, a thought waiting to be completed. “Coby doesn’t feel the way about me that I do him. And honestly, Gage, I could never risk losing him just because I couldn’t keep my feelings to myself.”
“But what if you’re risking losing him because you are keeping your feelings inside? What if he feels the same way but doesn’t believe you do, and because of that, he ends up letting you move on with someone else? You’re playing a dangerous game that could cost you everything either way. Wouldn’t you rather find out?”
I may have only been illuminated by the moon, but when I shook my head, I had no doubt he could see me. The tears rolled in a steady stream from the corners of my eyes. “I love him too much to risk our friendshi
p. I would rather him be happy, never the wiser that somewhere along the way my feelings shifted, than to force him to choose. It would destroy us.”
Gage sat up and peered down at me from above. “Not telling him is going to destroy you both.” He ran his hand through his hair, and I could see the concern etched in his features. “I’m telling you, Ellie, as one of Coby’s best friends…the man is in love with you. Everything he does is with you in mind. And you’re making a horrible mistake by not telling him.”
He propped himself up against the toolbox after strategically placing pillows behind his back. When he reached for me to pull me into his chest, I didn’t fight him. I went willingly into his embrace and cried. I’d fought against the hints my mind had tried to give, going all the way back to Ryan, but I couldn’t keep up the façade anymore. Every obstacle I had put in front of my relationship with Ryan centered around my feelings for Coby and my lack of desire to leave him. I hadn’t been willing to admit it at the time, but subconsciously, I had waited for Coby, hoping he’d choose me. Gage held me as I released the fear through tears and broke down, muttering my insecurities. He rubbed my back and smoothed my hair for longer than I should have let him.
When my racing heart calmed and the hiccups subsided, the man all the ladies fantasized about swiped his thumb across my cheeks, erasing the pain that had flowed down them, and kissed the top of my head.
“You need to do this. You can’t deny that.” His voice was barely a whisper, but it held so much power. Gage Nix had found a way to slip through the crack I wasn’t aware had opened in the wall around my heart. But he wasn’t there for his own gratification—he just wanted to lead me to the place I needed to go.
I nodded against his chest. He was right, but I wasn’t ready to face the rejection I feared waited for me on the other side of that conversation.
When we pulled up to the house I shared with Coby, Gage walked me to the door. But before I crossed the threshold, he took both of my hands and peered into my soul through my eyes. He spoke with the love of a big brother trying to instill confidence in his sibling. “Trust me, Ellie. He loves you the way you love him. Just give him the chance to show you.”
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