“What did Father Joseph have to do with all of this? How did you know him?” Dec asked in a kind, encouraging tone that made her smile. He was really good at this. He should be a shrink.
“I went to church at St. Anne’s. My mother did too. I remember playing in the pews when I was very young.”
“How did your mother die? You’ve never told me.”
She turned to look at him. He kissed her nose. “You know what? I don’t know how she died. She was there one day, gone the next. I remember Father Joseph saying words… must’ve been her funeral… the memory’s fuzzy now. A few of the old ladies from the neighborhood hugged me, and then I was sent to live with another family. They went to the church too.”
She didn’t know how her mother died. For some reason, that really bothered her now. What had happened to the woman? She just didn’t have any clear memories. Too much time had gone by. She had too many other memories filling her head now.
“Do you know how she died?”
Dec frowned before answering, “Unfortunately, no. The death certificate states ‘natural causes’, but nothing more specific. No one requested an autopsy. My guess is there weren’t any obvious signs of unnatural causes so they didn’t look any deeper.”
“It doesn’t feel right to me. She had me… died young… then her priest…”
Dec broke the lingering silence. “It’s okay. You don’t have to finish. I want to know so I can help, but I can’t stand to see you hurting. Forget it, we can figure him out another way.”
“No, I need to do this. You’re right. It’s just festering inside of me. I need to get free of this demon in every way I can. So here you are. The whole disgusting story.”
Taking a deep breath, she ripped the bandage off and dove right in. “I talked about the nightmares in confession. I didn’t know what else to do. Everyone always said to go to the priest if you have a problem. It seemed like the right solution at the time.” She curled her fingers into a fist and slowly released them, staring at her nails for several seconds, wishing hindsight wasn’t really 20/20. “Now I see how he manipulated me.”
“How could he do that? I was young, terrified, alone! I was just a little girl… He didn’t care about that. I see that now. I can’t believe I let him play me! Dec, he was so good at it. He listened patiently; said all the right things, drawing me in, gaining my trust. But then, after a while, he started insinuating that the dreams were of my own making. I wanted to have them. I wanted to be closer to the creatures I saw. I was searching for the demon. He said I was destined for great evil; that one day I would beg the demon to take me and… fuck me. Yeah, those were his words. I was ten years old then.”
Now that she thought about it, she saw it all so clearly. It was right there in front of her face the whole time, and she had no idea. She created the mantra in her mind to block it, to shut out the overwhelming fear, the sense of inevitability that swallowed her up every time she dreamed. This isn’t happening. Demons don’t exist. I’m not evil. She created these phrases out of desperate denial--denial of the dreams, the priest’s words, and worse, of her own feelings of excitement, of a strange hunger.
“By the time I was 12 or so, he’d started hinting at ways I could make the nightmares stop. It required a special sacrifice. I needed to feed the beast…” Choking on the last word, she hung her head and broke down, the memories nearly blinding her as they came swarming back.
Rori was crying again, sobbing in his arms. He held her while she shook, smoothing her hair back, murmuring soothing words in her ear. She sniffed against his shirt and kept talking, voice harsh, words tumbling over each other as if she was afraid to slow down, afraid to stop lest she choke on the pain. He kept a grip on the rage building in his heart with every word she said. As he listened to her story, images of another tiny girl flashed across his mind. Her bloody body left for wolves…
“Feed the beast! That’s what he called it. At first I didn’t understand what he meant. It felt wrong, though. I said no! God, for weeks I said no. For months! The nightmares came every night. They were worse each time. The fire, the wings… the fucking black demon with his beautiful face. The monster smiled at me. He called my name… over and over… he called my name and demanded I answer. He came to me every night, Dec! I felt him touching me, kissing me! And God help me, it felt good! But I woke up feeling filthy, tainted, used. Finally I stopped sleeping for days at a time. I tried to stay awake until I collapsed with exhaustion. I begged Father Joseph to help me and each time he said in a gentle voice, ‘You know the sacrifice, my child’.”
She barked a bitter laugh and sneered, “Oh, I thought I knew the sacrifice! But I was so wrong! My imagination couldn’t conceive of what he really wanted. I thought I knew. I thought he wanted to have sex with me. But I was wrong. When I’d finally been broken enough, I gave in. The moment I said I’d do it, he pushed me to my knees, right in the confessional. That night, I cried myself to sleep and slept like a rock. Each week I went to confession. Each week, he taught me the pain of true sacrifice. I learned there are an astonishing number of places to feel pain. He was more interested in hurting me, in breaking me, than in having sex with me. My mind could barely understand what he wanted. I was so innocent. But you know what? The nightmares stopped. I could sleep again! But then the psychic visions started. When I told him about them, how I couldn’t save any of the people, he said I was useless; that the visions were just another example of how evil I was, of why I should keep away from other humans. I wasn’t like them. I wasn’t fit for them. I was destined for evil… He said this while he beat me like an animal.”
Out of breath, she stopped talking, stopped crying. The bitter silence simmered between them, Rori trying to cope with her emotions, while he prayed for restraint. The red film of rage nearly blinded him as the truth of her words sank in. Her head lay limp against him. Her heart fluttered like a butterfly. He felt her fear, her pain, and her anger coming in waves. That’s my girl. Let that anger in. Time to get rid of the shame.
Kissing the top of her head, he spoke slowly, choosing his words very carefully. “I love you, Rori. What that bastard did to you is not your fault. He’s a demon. They play with humans. They like to destroy pretty things. He preyed on you like he did a hundred other vulnerable people. You were a victim--a child! You finally stopped him, right? You stood up for yourself and took your life back. That’s no small feat. You’re much stronger than you think. I’m so proud of you.”
Her mouth curled into a tiny, pained sort of smile, but a smile just the same. Her eyes lost the dead expression; she was finding the good. He let her finish. She needed to see this through.
In a much stronger voice, she said, “You’re right. I did stop him… it was Arthur. He saved me. He showed up out of the blue and struck up a conversation on the steps of the library. I was sleeping on a step… he sat down and talked to me like I was the queen of England. He asked me to visit with him every week. He needed someone to help him find things in the shelves. His eyes were weak. That was the start of our friendship. He was an angel.”
He chuckled and said, “You know, babe, he just might’ve been a real angel. I’ll have to do some digging. Let me guess. He was kind, caring? He was a good listener? He encouraged you to share your pain with him and then encouraged you to stay away from St. Anne’s?”
She looked startled for a split second before laughing weakly. “Exactly. How did you know that?”
“It’s what I would’ve done. He passed away just when I came into your life. That sounds like odd timing to me. I’d say you were blessed.”
The storm had passed. With arms wrapped around him, she snuggled closer and relaxed. He held her more tightly than strictly necessary, but he needed the contact. He tried to focus all of his attention on Rori, but old wounds nagged at the back of his mind. Memories harassed him even though he’d long since moved on. That wasn’t exactly true though, was it? Enough millennia hadn’t passed to dull the pain, the guilt. He wo
uld find that demon and rip him to pieces. No child should have to suffer like she had.
Ever again.
The lanes gleamed like black satin ribbons as they travelled down I87 towards Kingston. The sun was blindingly bright against the tons of heavy snow that blanketed every tree, river bank, and mountainside. There was so much snow that it looked like Mother Nature simply lost any sense of restraint. Despite the strain of the past few days, Rori craned her neck to see over the guardrail to the river meandering through the valley on the opposite side of the road. The edges had already frozen so much that there was only a narrow strip of water flowing down the middle of the river. It was the most beautiful sight she’d ever seen. It was a wonderland of white. Wow! Just wow!
“You look like a little kid over there. What are you looking at?” Dec glanced over with a grin, one wrist casually looped over the top of the steering wheel.
“It’s amazing out here! I’ve never seen so much snow. It’s like a painting.”
“You’re so cute. You’ve never seen this much snow? Well, just you wait. I’m going to take you to the top of a mountain where the view will take your breath away. You’ll love it.”
“Can you fly us there?”
He burst out laughing. “Sure, if you grow some wings.”
“You can’t fly?” Well, that was disappointing. She’d been having fantasies of winging over the snowy mountains and zooming low to just skim the rivers below.
“Ah, no. No wings, remember? Sorry, love. The best I can do is teleport. Guess you’ll have to hold out for Superman.”
“Huh. Well, that sucks.”
Maybe she’d need to adjust his position on the pedestal a bit. He draped his arm casually around her shoulders, thumb idly stroking the back of her neck. She leaned closer so he could reach her more easily. Mmmm, just the touch of his hand affected her in ways that made her blush. This man was a wonder. He brought her peace she desperately needed. He’d been amazingly patient with her since the day they first met. He was unbelievably kind when she needed it most. More though, he loved her in spite of secrets so black she’d all but buried them herself. He heard the shameful things she’d done, watched her fall to pieces, and somehow, he’d still held her with love shining in his eyes. Instead of condemning her, he wiped her tears and put her back together. He healed her.
Thinking back to that day when she confessed everything to him, she marveled at how much he changed her in just a few months. Later that night, he’d made love to her with such tenderness, such sweetness, that she’d cried in his arms as they lay in the afterglow. He’d gently stroked every inch of her skin, feathering kisses, tonguing the sensitive dips and valleys. He’d alternated kisses with light pulses of his saol from the tips of his fingers until she’d hummed from head to toe. Her muscles had melted even as her back arched in demand for the hard pressure of his fingers between her thighs. As the last shudder stilled, he’d kissed those tears away and swore he’d always love her.
She smiled at the memory of his beautiful body covering hers. If she closed her eyes, she could see the hard muscles in his shoulders flexing as he moved, trickles of sweat snaking along the side of his face… the heat in his eyes that took her breath away. She could still hear his voice whispering in her ear as she exploded beneath him… Mine!
His? Oh, hell yes. She was all in now. By all measures a woman could use, Declan Manning was a keeper.
The perfect man snapped her from the delicious daydreams by asking with an annoyingly smug expression, “Are you thinking about me?” He sniffed the air like a bloodhound before cracking up at her horrified expression.
As if that just explains everything… she blushed and gave herself an experimental sniff. “I don’t smell anything.”
The rat laughed harder before finally settling those dimples into their cutest position. “Sweetheart, a man knows when a woman wants him. It’s obvious by the glazed look in your eyes, the way your mouth opens for a kiss, and most importantly, and I can’t stress this one enough, the scent of your, um, juices flowing. I have supernatural senses--all of them. I can’t miss it. Besides that, your pheromones are the best perfume I’ve ever smelled. Just knowing you’re sitting here dreaming about sex makes me hot as hell. We might have to pull over.”
Apparently the ‘girls’ thought it was a grand plan since both nipples stood up and cheered. The rest of her newly oversexed body wasn’t far behind. She fought the urge to say ‘yes, yes, yes!’ A girl’s gotta have some dignity.
She must’ve taken too long to answer because he gave her a long, sexy once over and said, “Rain check, love. It’s snowed so friggin’ much there are no empty shoulders to park on. So I guess you’ll have to wait for me to rock your world.”
She actually felt like sulking… shaking her head at both her disappointment and his arrogance, she said, “Your ego is becoming a problem for me.” That was total bullshit, and she knew it. If she was honest, she’d admit his cockiness was 100 percent earned. He was beyond fabulous between her legs. Still, he didn’t need to know that.
She stuck her nose in the air and turned her head to stare out at the scenery again. It was too pretty to ignore. Somewhere in this vast wilderness were the answers she’d been searching for. She’d spent hours researching her mother and her grandparents. At first, she’d been completely overwhelmed by the idea. How on earth was she going to find her family? Where would she start looking? She had no clue. Eventually she learned to use the library computers and started digging around the internet. It was Arthur who helped find her grandparents’ property information. The sweet old man had been amazing. He knew all about property records and other public information. She dug around in every place he suggested until she found the deed for the land in the Catskills. Funny how that was really the only tangible evidence she had that her family existed. That and her mother’s death certificate, of course. So she had proof a dead person had once lived, and proof that the person had parents; parents who were also dead. Awesome. Not much to go on.
She stared out the window, letting the scenery blur past. Dec popped in one of her favorite CDs, Kings of Leon’s “Only by the Night” and turned the tunes up just loud enough to fill the car with sound. The bass thumped through her veins as they cruised along. It was oddly comforting to see the emptiness of the mountains again. The vast beauty was soothing. Maybe it did call to her soul as Dec had hinted. She definitely felt at peace here. Peaceful or not, she didn’t know what they thought they’d find. She hoped they’d find something to clear up her mother’s mystery. Maybe she’d left a journal buried under the floorboards or hidden inside a wall. Was it too much to hope for? Probably. Her heart ached to think that her mother had knowingly sold her soul to a demon. Her own mother? She just couldn’t believe that. It had to be a mistake. From what she knew, her mother didn’t have any rewards to show for this deal. She wasn’t rich or famous. She hadn’t had a fabulous life. The opposite was true. They’d been poor even before her mother died. And she had died tragically young without happiness. If she had made a deal, she hadn’t gotten the good end of it. That was for damn sure!
“Earth to Rori. You’re a million miles away again.”
“Just thinking. I still can’t believe my mother could do this. I know my memories of her are pretty fuzzy now, but I don’t remember her as a bad person. I don’t remember feeling unloved. That just doesn’t synch with her randomly selling my soul. The whole theory feels funky to me.”
“I really hope we’re wrong about this. I really do. You’ve got to be prepared that we might not find anything at the cabin. We might never know the truth.”
The interstate had been cleared, so driving was easy so far. With no snow or ice, they’d kept a good speed and made it to the Catskills in record time. They turned onto a smaller highway to head more deeply into the mountains. This road was a snow-covered nightmare. Dec slowed down to a crawl to make the turn onto a one lane road that led to nowhere. The lane was narrow, rutted beyond comfort, and
lined with bare trees. Crap. This thing was no better than a snowmobile trail! Her rational brain knew there was no way they could possibly die if they slid off the road. They were barely moving at all… but that didn’t make her feel any safer. Clinging to the armrest to keep from bouncing into the door handle again, she shot Dec a sideways glance. Nope, not even a shift of his butt in the seat. How was it she was flung all over the front seat, but he sat in perfect comfort and control? She smothered a yelp as the SUV bounced over what felt like a meteor crater and slid to the side with a jerk before he brought it back to the center of the road again.
“Hang on! This road sucks.” Dec reached across the console to squeeze her thigh in what was probably supposed to be reassurance.
It wasn’t helpful.
“Ya think?”
With more amusement than called for, he flashed a grin at her grouchy tone and said, “Stop scowling. You’ll wrinkle. We’re almost there. It’s not much farther.”
It wasn’t as sunny under the heavy tree cover and the temperature seemed to drop. A thin layer of ice formed on the windshield, and she could see puffs of her breath.
Dec blew out a stream of air like cigarette smoke before frowning into the windshield. “Weird. It feels colder to me. I hope we aren’t going to get stuck in a storm. I have no idea if the cabin has any supplies at all. It would go way beyond shitty to be stuck here. You might get your first trip by teleport if that happens.”
Humming nonchalantly under his breath, Dec turned up the defroster and winked. She wasn’t fooled. Did he think she was blind? Rolling her eyes to her forehead, she smirked before leaning across to drop a quick kiss on his cheek. He was so obvious. He alternated between clenching his jaw and gnawing on his lower lip. His knuckles were tight where he gripped the wheel. He drove slowly, cautiously, over the ruts, while keeping up a constant 180 degree sweep with his eyes. She could almost hear the wheels turning in his head. He was searching for something. It was freaking her out a little. She found herself squinting into the gloominess of the trees, looking for demons, or aliens, or Bigfoot. All she saw was an endless landscape of bare tree trunks and lots and lots of snow.
Broken Souls (Primani Book 4) Page 26