‘Very well,’ Jeremiah agreed. He did not speak of the possibility of his son seeing Kate on his way to Newcastle. Even if he did, little damage could be done at this stage. The marriage to Polly was all arranged and Alexander would sail for Germany by late September and be out of the country for a couple of months.
Alexander felt his spirits lighten as he travelled north to Tyneside. As the train passed Lamesley he peered for a view of the inn, desperate for a glimpse of Kate. What a fool he was! He had not been near the place in nearly three months; she would have long given up hope that he would keep his promise to come and see her. What must she think of him? He had no right to go seeking her out and expecting her still to be waiting for him.
He resisted the strong urge to jump off the train there and then. At Newcastle station he hailed a cab and went directly to the Wadsworths’ town house. That evening they went to the theatre, but afterwards, over a nightcap, he poured out his troubles to his old patron.
‘Go and see her,’ Emma encouraged, ‘if only to explain your new circumstances to the girl. She deserves that at least. It would be better that she knows of your betrothal, rather than to wonder for years what happened to you.’
Alexander flushed in shame. He had thought too little of how Kate must have been hurt by his disappearance. Or was she just angry? He would never know unless he faced her and told her the truth.
‘Sometimes, I have these mad thoughts,’ he confessed with a bleak laugh, ‘of eloping with Kate. Running away together and saying to hell with propriety! Like you and James—’
He stopped abruptly at the look of displeasure on her face.
‘There was nothing improper in our marriage. I was widowed, remember, not betrothed to another.’
‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean ... It’s just you didn’t let social convention stand in your way.’
‘I could afford to do so.’ Emma was frank. ‘I’m a rich woman. I didn’t need to bow to petty-minded snobbery.’ She reached out and patted his arm. ‘It’s different for you, dear Alex. You are not rich. If you turn your back on your father and insult the De Wintons you will be an outcast. Are you prepared to live a life of uncertainty, maybe poverty? Is Kate?’ She gazed at him searchingly. ‘I thought after your childhood that what you would crave most would be security, stability. Polly will give you that.’
Alexander swallowed the bitter bile that rose in his throat. He could not tell her that what he craved above all was to love and be loved. Kate was the only woman he had ever known who loved him deeply and completely for who he was. But even Emma, who had followed her heart, did not think he should throw away everything for the sake of love.
‘Then I will go and say goodbye,’ he said quietly, feeling the weight of resignation press down on him once more.
Chapter 24
Kate was busy serving in the taproom when he strode in. He looked straight at her as if she should be expecting him, yet his smile was unsure. She gasped as if someone had winded her, her fair face flooding with colour.
Bram Taylor bowled across the room and cut him off from the bar. ‘Good day to you, sir. Is it a meal you’re after? It’s quiet in the parlour. I’ll have Mary lay a table for you.’
‘I’m quite happy in here, thank you. It’s Kate I came to see.’
The landlord appeared flustered and Kate looked away in consternation. Others were glancing round with interest.
What was he doing here after all this time? How could he waltz in and demand to speak to her after he’d put her through weeks of anxiety, then disappointment? Anger bubbled up inside. Yet she could not help but look at him. His face was so gaunt, his eyes dark-ringed - that face she had yearned to see these past desolate weeks that had kept her sleepless in the dead of night.
‘Then perhaps you’d like to take a seat outside in the courtyard, sir. I’ll get the lass to bring you out a glass of beer.’ Taylor did not want a scene in his bar. Whatever the young gentleman had to say could be said in private, dismayed though he was to see him back again.
‘Thank you, I’d like that.’ Alexander smiled, and followed him through the bar out into the sheltered yard where a couple of weather-beaten trestle tables and benches stood. It smelt strongly of the stables, but that made him feel more at ease.
He sat waiting for Kate, his heart pounding and his nerve beginning to fail.
Then she was there, with her quick loping walk and her scent of violets. He looked up into her smooth oval face, the large enquiring blue eyes, and knew in an instant he was still hopelessly in love.
‘Kate!’ He stood up and reached out. But she stood her distance, clutching the glass of ale.
‘Sir,’ she murmured. The word made his heart heavy. He had destroyed her trust.
‘I’m sorry. I should’ve sent word. I don’t blame you for hating me.’
‘I don’t hate you,’ she said quietly, ‘surely you know that?’
‘But I’ve disappointed you. Please, Kate, sit with me a moment. I need to explain.’
She hesitated, glancing over her shoulder.
‘Just for a minute,’ he pleaded. ‘Taylor won’t mind.’
He took the beer from her, gestured at the bench and they both sat down. Kate thrust her hands in her lap to stop them shaking.
‘I’ve been ill again,’ he began.
She looked at him in alarm. ‘The bleeding?’
He nodded. ‘I was bed-bound for a couple of weeks or more.’
Her face broke into a smile of relief. ‘I knew it! I knew there was a reason. I said as much to Mary - he’s ill and has no way of telling me. But now you’re better! You are better, aren’t you?’
Alexander wanted to kiss her there and then for her concern. He had expected scorn. But, oh, this made it so much harder to tell her why he had come!
‘I am better,’ he admitted, glancing away. ‘But that’s not the only reason I have not been to see you.’
‘Oh? Not more bad news, is it? Your father’s not sick?’
His heart twisted to hear her worry. If only she knew how much Jeremiah was against her. He did not deserve her concern.
‘No.’ He turned to look at her, steeling himself for what he must say.
‘Then what?’ She put out a hand and touched his arm. ‘Tell me, Alexander.’
He swallowed hard. ‘I - I’ve come to say goodbye. I am engaged to another woman. It’s an arranged match - not of my choosing - but I am bound by it now.’
Kate felt punched in the stomach. For a moment she thought she had him back again, but it was all an illusion.
‘I see,’ she whispered, drawing back.
Alexander felt wretched at her crest-fallen look. ‘No you don’t!’ He seized her hands. ‘It’s been forced on me - a business arrangement of my father’s. I don’t love this woman - it’s you I love, Kate! But my father knows about you. He’ll never allow us to marry, never.’
‘Marry?’ Kate said the word so softly he hardly heard it. ‘No, of course he wouldn’t.’
‘What can I do, Kate?’ he asked in despair.
She pulled her hands away. ‘Do?’ Her voice shook. ‘You know what you’ve got to do! Marry your lady friend, that’s what. I was daft to think it could be otherwise!’ She sprang up.
‘Kate, I’m sorry.’ He tried to stop her, but she brushed past him and fled into the inn.
She forced back tears as she stumbled into the gloom of the passageway. Mary was there. She must have been watching from one of the windows.
‘Trouble back again?’
‘Not for much longer,’ Kate said bitterly. ‘He’s gettin’ wed.’
The next moment she was sobbing into Mary’s shoulder.
‘Forget about him,’ her sister said brusquely. ‘It was never meant to be more than a bit o’ fun.’
‘It was to me!’
‘You’re too soft,’ Mary said, pulling away and thrusting a handkerchief at her sister. ‘Too romantic for your own good. You’ll be better off without him calling
round and putting fancy ideas in your head.’
Kate blew her nose and wiped her eyes. She must not make a spectacle of herself in front of the landlord and his customers.
Somehow she forced herself to smile and carry on working for the rest of the day. Thankfully, Alexander left without reappearing in the taproom, his beer untouched on the table.
But she could not stop thinking about him and what he had said. He loved her still. He had even talked of marriage, as if it might have been a possibility. If this other woman did not exist; if his father had not disapproved of her so much. How dare the old man judge her when he did not know her? Yet it was no surprise. She had been foolish even to dream of marrying so far above her.
Kate tossed in her attic bed, plagued by her thoughts, hot and sticky in the muggy air. The next day she was tired and listless, struggling through her chores, her mind elsewhere. Mary tried to chivvy her up and Taylor complained at her slapdash work, but neither could shake her out of her misery.
Three days later, after Kate and Mary had gone last to bed, she was woken from shallow sleep by a noise. She sat up in the dark. It came again: a pebble thrown up against the skylight. Slipping out of bed, Kate stood on a stool and peered out of the high window. She could see nothing below. Just about to close it again, she heard a man’s voice.
‘Kate? Kate! Come down,’ he hissed.
As her eyes grew accustomed to the dark, a figure detached itself from the shadows and stood in the moonlight. It was Alexander!
She did not stop to think. In an instant she was pulling on her work dress over the petticoat she slept in and, grabbing her boots in her hands, tiptoed out of the room. As quietly as she could, she climbed down the creaking stairs, unbolted the kitchen door and ran barefoot across the stable yard to where he waited beyond.
‘Kate!’ he cried in relief as she fell into his arms.
‘You came back!’ she whispered in exultation. ‘I thought I’d never see you again.’
‘I’ve been in hell,’ he groaned, clutching her to him. ‘Come away with me, Kate.’
He steered her out of the yard.
‘But where can we go?’
‘Anywhere - just so we can be alone together.’
Kate thrust on her boots and they began to walk in the moonlight, arms linked around each other. Somehow, in the quiet magic of the night, the differences between them melted into the dark, the opposition to their love seemed trivial. At first their walk seemed aimless as they made their way out of Lamesley, but both seemed drawn towards the wooded secrecy of the path into the Ravensworth estate.
Skirting the massed walls and turrets of the castle, they followed the silvery path around the walled garden and the orchards to the lake. It lay still and deep in the moonlight. An owl hooted and flew further into the black canopy of trees.
‘This is our place, Kate,’ Alexander murmured. ‘This is where I fell in love with you.’
She felt a deep wave of tenderness for him. ‘Aye, it’s where I think of us too.’
His arm gripped tighter around her. ‘You do love me, don’t you?’
‘More than me own life,’ she whispered.
He smiled and kissed her forehead. ‘Come, we’ll shelter in the boathouse.’
They hurried around the lake to the solitary wooden hut jutting out on its promontory into the tranquil water. Alexander pushed at the door and it opened with a sigh.
‘Came here with my Cousin Edward - hid when it was time for us to go - didn’t want to go back to Jarrow,’ he laughed ruefully.
Kate thought of the small boy, happy in these blissful surroundings, being dragged back kicking and screaming to the confines of the smoke-blackened town. Her heart went out to him.
‘Poor little lad,’ she said, reaching up to touch his face.
Alexander grasped her hand and kissed the palm. ‘Lie with me, Kate,’ he urged.
Her heart began to hammer. ‘I don’t know...’
‘I do!’ he cried. ‘I know that you’re the only woman I’ll ever love. I need you, Kate. This might be our only chance. In two days I set sail for Germany.’
Still she hesitated. She yearned for his kisses, yet feared what might happen.
He dropped her hand in disappointment. ‘You don’t love me the way I love you.’
‘I do,’ she insisted. ‘But everything’s against us. Think of your father - you’re promised to another lass.’
‘Forget my father!’ Alexander cried rashly. ‘I’ll do what I please. I’ll break off the engagement! Just show me that you love me - we have so little time together.’
Even in the darkness she could see the agony of his expression. He desired her like no man ever had, was prepared to throw away everything for her. She loved him for his recklessness and passion, and at that moment would do anything to make him happy.
Trembling, she touched his arm. ‘Kiss me,’ she whispered.
In an instant, his arms were about her and he was covering her face with urgent kisses. Breaking off, he threw his coat on to the wooden floor and pulled her down beside him. Shards of soft light pierced the darkness as he began to undress her, opening the half-buttoned dress she had thrown on in haste an hour ago. He caressed her body with eager kisses and Kate’s heart pounded in excitement, her insides melting at his touch.
They made love on the hard floor without a thought beyond the moment, heady in their mutual desire. She tasted his skin and dug her fingers into his tousled hair, crying out with delight. Never had she imagined such joy existed.
When the moment of union came, Alexander nearly wept with exultation. She was his, and he loved her with every inch of his being.
They lay in each other’s arms, breathless and happy, touching and stroking in the darkness.
‘We’ll run away,’ he planned dreamily. ‘Go abroad. I’ll make a living as a painter. You’ll be my model, my inspiration.’
He kissed her again and she let him talk on about fantastical plans for a future together. In the musty intimacy of the deserted boathouse, lapped by the unseen lake, anything seemed possible. They fell into a contented, sleepy silence, dozing in each other’s arms. Later, she woke to his sensual caressing and they made love again, slow and languorous as the lake outside.
Maybe it was the sound of a fox barking in the early dawn, but something woke Kate. Grey light was filtering through the crack in the door. She sat up in alarm, her limbs stiff and cold.
‘Alexander!’ She shook him awake. ‘We must go. It’s morning already.’
He stirred and yawned, giving her a sleepy smile. ‘Stay a little longer, nightingale. It’s the moonlight.’
But Kate was on her feet, dressing hurriedly. ‘It’s no moon, it’s the dawn - and they’ll have me guts for garters if they find me gone!’
She peered out. The lake was shrouded in grey mist, a fine drizzle spattering the surface. Gone was the clear starlit sky of before.
‘I have to go,’ she said, nervous at the thought of being caught.
‘I’ll come too,’ Alexander declared, getting to his feet.
‘No, best go back on me own. You mustn’t be seen with me.’
‘Wait,’ he ordered, reaching forward to grab her arm. ‘Give me a last kiss.’ She saw the longing in his unshaven face and relented.
They held each other tight and kissed one last time.
‘I’ll be back long before Christmas,’ he promised. ‘You’ll wait for me, won’t you?’
She searched his face for reassurance, suddenly overwhelmed by the rashness of last night’s act.
‘I can do nothing but wait,’ she said, with a feeling of desperation.
He hugged her close. ‘I’ll find a way for us to be together. I’ll convince my father.’
But something in his voice told her that he was trying to convince himself more than her. How could they stand up to the forces that ranged against them? What love was strong enough?
She let go. ‘Take care of yourself, Alexander,’ she smiled
sadly. ‘Maybes send word that you’re well - I worry that much about you with your bleeding.’
‘Sweet Kate!’ He held out his arms again, miserable at the thought of their parting. But she stepped out of his reach and hurried through the door.
‘Goodbye,’ she croaked, her heart leaden.
Kate almost ran from the boathouse, half blinded with sudden tears. Leaving him was such pain! How could she bear not seeing him, not touching him for so long? He would be away for months. As she made her way back down to Lamesley, numb and soaked in the early morning rain, she wondered if she would ever see him again. For all his passionate words, would his desire cool in the long months apart? Would he be made to see sense by his strict father and avoid the scandal of a broken betrothal and an illicit affair with a common maid?
By the time Kate reached the muddy cobbles of the yard and let herself in at the kitchen door, she was tortured by dark thoughts that she could never be more to Alexander than a brief love affair. Only time would tell, she thought miserably.
Miraculously, the household was not yet stirring. As she stripped off her soaking clothes, Mary woke.
‘Look at the state of you! Where’ve you been?’
‘Couldn’t sleep,’ Kate mumbled, avoiding her sister’s curious gaze.
‘Your side of the bed’s cold,’ she said suspiciously. ‘Have you stopped out all night?’
Kate said nothing.
‘You have, haven’t you?’ Mary gasped in disapproval. She clambered out of bed and confronted her. ‘Who’ve you been with? Have you been seeing that Pringle-Davies?’
Kate reddened.
‘Our Kate! How could you?’
‘We love each other,’ she defended, stung by her sister’s look.
‘He’s promised to another.’
‘He said he’ll come back for me,’ Kate said proudly.
Mary laughed in derision. ‘Bet he says that to all the maids he gans with. You’re daft in the head to believe him. Fancy you doing such a thing.’
Kate was filled with sudden alarm. She seized her sister by the arm. ‘You mustn’t tell a soul. Promise me, Mary!’
Jarrow Trilogy 02 - A Child of Jarrow Page 20