by J. M. Snyder
“Any cute guys?” I ask, hopeful. Sometimes it hurts so bad to see how happy Joel and Becky are together that I’ll settle for anyone, anyone at all.
She shrugs. “A few. One you might like. Dark, wavy hair, tall—he’s got a nice smile. Name’s Steve, I think. I can ask if he’s available.”
The last thing I need is her playing match-maker…again. I still avoid the mail room after she told that guy there I thought he was sexy. I never said that; he’s married with three kids. Every time we’re in the bathroom together, he checks me out. It’s just creepy. “That’s all right.”
“Don’t worry,” she says. Joel wraps his arms around her and tosses away the rest of his smoke. “I’ll be discreet.”
“You don’t know the meaning of the word,” I tell her.
Joel laughs but shuts up when she glares at him. She’s decided Steve’s the one for me. I can tell by the gleam in her eye she’s determined to hook us up. I’ve learned not to disagree when she gets like this.
“Come on, honey,” Joel says. “I’ll walk you to your car. Remember, dinner at seven, right?”
She nods and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek. I wipe my sleeve along my face, wiping her lipstick away with a grimace that makes her laugh. “Don’t worry, Noah. This one’s a real cutie, I swear. You’ll like him.”
“What about that Jared kid?” I ask as she flounces down the steps, Joel’s hand in hers. “He sounds cute.”
“He’s a pain,” she calls back. “Trust me, Noah, you’ll like Steve.”
I’m sure, I want to say. But she’s already halfway across the parking lot, Joel hanging all over her, and the sun is so bright, I don’t have the energy to argue. Well, you said you wanted someone. Maybe this time….
Beside me the door opens again, and I turn as a guy my age walks out, blinking in the sun. Maybe this is him. He’s cute, tall, with short brown hair that curls around his temples and over his ears the way it does on statues of Greek gods, and he’s more than cute, he’s fucking gorgeous. Despite the run of warm weather we’re having this October, he wears a gray turtleneck that hugs his chest and a pair of baggy black jeans that look almost ghetto in this office park. When did they hire this guy? And where the hell has he been hiding?
When he glances at me, I nod, feigning disinterest. “Hey.”
“Hey yourself,” he mutters.
He looks around as if trying to remember where he parked, and I want to ask him his name. Maybe this is Steve. My gaze lingers openly on his taut muscles, barely sheathed beneath his turtleneck. I want to say something to him, anything, but my mind’s gone blank, numb from his beauty, the frown on his face, his tousled curls, his blue-black eyes.
Maybe Becky can hook me up with him.
With a quick smile my way, he starts out across the parking lot and out of my life. Fuck. I could slap myself. How close was he? I still smell the spicy scent of his cologne and I didn’t say shit. Way to make a good impression.
As he walks away, I watch the way his hips move beneath those jeans. Didn’t find out his name, where he works, nothing. For all I know, he might be “The One” and what did I do? Just stood there like an idiot. How smart was that?
At the curb, he looks back at me over his shoulder. At me. And he’s still smiling. This time he really stops to check me out—I feel his gaze on my face, my thighs, my crotch. Maybe I made a better impression than I thought.
Then Joel runs up the steps, right between us, and the moment is lost. “We’re late.”
“What else is new?”
I follow him back inside, wondering if that was Becky’s Steve. If so, I’m there, dude. She can hook us up any day.
* * * *
For the rest of the evening, I can’t stop thinking about that guy on the steps. I can close my eyes and still see his smile, his curls, his eyes. I want to touch his golden skin, run my fingers through his short hair, stare into the depths of his gaze and kiss his full, pink lips until the ache in my groin goes away. Here we barely even met and I’m already wondering if I’ll see him again. I don’t even know his name.
He haunts my dreams and the next day when I arrive at the office, I can’t help looking around in the hopes of seeing him on the way to my desk. I don’t really expect to, but I can’t keep from getting my hopes up. I can’t wait until five. Maybe I’ll see him again when we go on break.
I glance at the clock. Another half hour…my stomach’s already nervous. This time I’ll say something to him. Maybe keep Becky talking a little longer so she can introduce us. I’m almost positive he was the one she talked about the day before. He has to be.
I’m playing a round of solitaire on the computer when the phone rings. “Tech support,” I say. Deep, heavy breathing fills my ear. “This is—”
“Luke.” I roll my eyes—it’s Joel. “I am your father.”
I throw a pencil over the partition between our cubicles. In my ear, I hear, “Ow!” and then the pencil hits the floor. “Watch it, Noah. You could poke someone’s eye out that way.”
“You’re tying up the phone. Hang up.”
He laughs. “Beck just called. She wants to do something tomorrow night and says you should come along, too. You spend too much time by yourself.” Before I can argue, he says, “Her words, not mine.”
“What’s she have planned?” Maybe she’s already talked to the guy, asked him if he wants to go and we’ll all hang out together. “I’m not going just so you two can grope each other in the back seat while I drive.”
“She says she can bring Christine for you.”
As if that’s an incentive to come along for the ride. Christine is Becky’s roommate and she’s a nice girl but that’s just it… she’s a girl.
“What about that guy she was talking about yesterday?” I say, hoping I sound casual. “What was his name? Steve?”
“He’s got a girlfriend,” Joel says in an offhand manner.
I frown at the computer screen and tell myself it’s just as well, but I can’t help feeling as crushed and broken as one of Joel’s snubbed out cigarettes.
He doesn’t notice. “Only, get this,” he tells me. “Now he’s hitting on Becky because he thinks she likes him. Looks like I’m going to have to visit the Dark Side myself and use the Force to kick some Imperial butt.”
“Have fun.”
Maybe it wasn’t him, but that thought doesn’t help. All the good ones are taken, aren’t they? The guys I like, they’re always straight. Or married, or something.
But maybe it wasn’t him.
“So you want to go?” Joel asks.
I shake my head but he can’t see the gesture. No, I don’t really want to go anywhere if that beautiful boy I saw yesterday doesn’t come with me.
Suddenly Cecile leans down in front of my screen, scaring the shit out of me. I close the solitaire game and look up, guilty. Damn it. I don’t like the frown on her face. “You have a call on line two,” she snaps. “Quit playing games and get to work.”
“Sorry. I gotta go. Dragon Lady caught me. I got a call.”
“Tell him I am your father,” Joel says, slipping into that stupid Star Wars voice again. Then he clears his throat as Cecile stops by his desk. “Hey, boss,” he says, a bit too quickly. The phone goes dead in my ear.
Serves him right. I’m still chuckling at Joel as I pick up line two. “Tech support,” I say. “This is No—”
“Noah? Thank God it’s you.”
The voice is familiar and it takes me a minute to place it. Jared, from documentation. He sounds frazzled. “I called earlier but they said you weren’t in yet.”
He called earlier? How cute is that? I grin. “I get in at three. Are you having a better day today, Jared?”
“A little bit,” he admits. “You remembered my name.”
I laugh because he seems so happy about that. “What can I do for you this afternoon?” I say as Cecile walks by, glaring down at me. I can read her thoughts in that glare—no personal calls. I want to say th
is isn’t personal, this is one of the new guys they’ve hired and they’ve given him a piece of shit computer, so there, but fortunately she keeps walking. “Still having computer problems?”
“Some.”
I wait for him to elaborate but he doesn’t, and for a few awkward moments we sit there listening to each other breathe. Just as I’m about to ask him if I can help him again, he sighs. “So where are you guys located actually?”
I glance at the clock—ten till five. Behind me Joel’s straightening his desk, getting ready to go on break, and I want to get out of the office myself, on the off-chance I’ll see that guy from yesterday. “We’re on the third floor,” I say, a little distracted. I hope he didn’t just call to chat. “Jared, is there something I can help you with?”
“Not really.” When he sighs again, I feel bad for rushing him. He’s lonely, new to the office and doesn’t know anyone else. The phones aren’t ringing…I have a few minutes, I can at least listen to him. “I just wanted to say hey.”
Hey. The word echoes in my mind and suddenly the office around me freezes like an overworked computer.
Hey.
I’ve heard that word before, in that voice, I know it. “Hey yourself,” I whisper back. This isn’t him, it can’t be…can it?
“So you don’t come in until three?”
Maybe I’m wrong. Maybe he isn’t the same guy I saw yesterday, the Adonis in the turtleneck with the tight curls and the tight ass beneath those baggy jeans.
Filling the silence between us, Jared asks, “When do you get off?”
When I think of you. That’s another Joel-ism, I’ve heard him say it to Becky before. God, I’ve been hanging around him too long. “Eleven.”
Another glance at the clock shows it’s five on the dot. Joel’s already making those annoying clicking sounds in the back of his throat like he does when he’s ready to go on break and he wants me to hang up the phone, so I try to speed things along by saying, “Jared? It’s kind of busy in here. If there’s nothing you need…”
I let the sentence trail off, hoping he gets the hint.
He sighs and sounds so alone, I feel awful. But he didn’t pick up on that ‘hey yourself’ bit so it probably wasn’t him yesterday, and if I don’t get him off the phone I might miss my chance to talk to that guy again. I’m going to say something to him, something other than ‘hey’ because he looked back at me and that second glance gives me hope.
Joel leans over the partition and frowns at me. I make a circular motion with my hand, trying to hurry off the phone already. Just as I’m about to tell Jared I have to get going, he says, “I’m sorry. I should let you go. You’ve got other things to do than talk to me, I’m sure.”
Now I feel bad. “Jared—”
But he hangs up the phone and I sigh at the dial tone ringing in my ear. Removing my headset, I follow Joel out to the elevator. “He just called to talk.”
“Who’s that?”
“Some guy in documentation. The one who called yesterday? With the computer problems.” In the elevator I watch the numbers light up as we head down to the lobby. “It’s his second day.”
“And he’s already got the hots for you.” Joel winks.
I punch him in the arm—the last thing I need is to have him rib me about this kid.
He winces as if that hurt and rubs the spot I hit. “I’m teasing. Come out with us tomorrow. Christine’s coming.”
“No.” Outside the setting sun is warm and bright and I lean back against the building, closing my eyes and trying not to breathe in the smoke from Joel’s cigarette. “I want a boy.” Not just any boy, either. That boy from yesterday. I want him.
Joel laughs. “Then sit home and wallow in self-pity. Don’t say I didn’t ask you.”
“I won’t.”
He falls silent and we wait for Becky to show up— she’s running late. It’s getting near time for us to head back inside and I already know Joel’s going to ask if I’ll ride up to the Dark Side with him, just to make sure everything’s okay. I really shouldn’t because Cecile is already mad at me for that phone call and the solitaire thing, I know she is.
But when Joel speaks, he surprises me because it’s not about Becky this time. “So why aren’t you seeing anyone?”
It sounds like a casual comment but I know Joel, and I know he’s probably been thinking about asking me this for a long time. He’s got Becky and he thinks I should have someone, too. I shrug. “I don’t know. Haven’t found the right one yet.”
“How about any one?” Joel asks, smirking.
I laugh as the door behind us opens and we both turn, expecting Becky. But it’s not her, it’s the guy from yesterday, and he looks over at me with a smile already on his face that dies when he sees Joel. He’s wearing tighter jeans today, and whew, he looks fine. Only now I can’t say anything because Joel’s here and the guy’s face clouds over like he wanted to catch me alone and he’s mad because he didn’t. If this is Steve, I think as I watch him walk away, he sure seems interested for someone with a girlfriend.
“How about that one?” I nod after him.
Joel watches the guy cross the parking lot. “You like him?”
When I nod again, he grins slyly. “Well, why didn’t you say something before? Damn, Noah, you’re holding out on me.”
“I just saw him yesterday.” The guy’s jeans pull across his thighs as he walks, and I want him to turn around, but he doesn’t.
“You want his number?”
I look up at him, worried. “No—”
It’s too late. Joel’s already racing after the boy, tossing away his cigarette and calling out, “Hey you! Wait up!” before I can even tell him to get back here.
Damn it. Between him and Becky, I won’t have any love life left.
I watch as Joel stops the guy at his car, and they’re too far away for me to hear what they say but when Joel points my way, the guy turns around and looks at me. God. I duck my head so they won’t see how embarrassed I am. Just let me die already, please….
Behind me the door opens, catching me in the arm, and I turn to see Becky smiling my way. “Hey,” she sighs, exhausted from another day of work. She looks around warily. “Where’s Joel?”
“Trying to get that guy’s number.” I point into the parking lot, where the guy still looks my way and Joel is laughing. Someone kill me now.
Becky frowns. “He’s leaving me for him?” she asks playfully, but I hear the disgust in her voice. “Guess that means it’s just you and me tomorrow.”
“He’s sort of asking for me.” I wish the ground would just open up and swallow me whole right about now. Is that asking too much?
Pursing her lips, she asks, “He wants to hook you up with that guy? Jeez.”
“Who is he, anyway?”
But she’s already walking away, more than a little miffed, and I’m not calling her back because then he might look at me again, and I’m just about ready to crawl upstairs to my cubicle as it is. I can’t believe Joel’s doing this to me. I’m going to kill him.
Before Becky reaches them, Joel’s waving goodbye and the guy’s sliding behind the wheel of his car, and I watch as he drives away. I have to wait while Joel walks Becky to her car, and from the way she’s poking at his arm, I can tell she’s laying into him about talking to the guy. When he tries to kiss her, she turns away, but Joel’s good at winning her over. I look away as he cuddles up to her and wait impatiently for him to remember I’m there.
Finally, he deposits her into the car and comes back to the building. As he approaches, he hands me a slip of paper with thick, block writing on it. “Here you go. He thinks you’re cute. He wants you to call. See how easy that was?”
“What’s his name?” I ask, following Joel into the building.
Joel shrugs. “I didn’t ask him that. Call him and find out yourself.”
I didn’t ask him that… “Jesus, Joel! What the hell am I going to say?” I want to know. “My name is Noah, what’s y
ours?”
Joel shrugs again. “Sounds good to me. It’s best to find it out early on, you know? Cause when you ask the morning after, they usually don’t like that.”
I slap the back of his head as we get into the elevator, but I can’t stop grinning. At least I have the guy’s number. He thinks I’m cute. Well, damn.
* * * *
The next day I’m at my desk playing another round of solitaire on the computer, one eye on Cecile’s cubicle to make sure she doesn’t catch me again, when a balled up piece of paper pops me in the back of the head. I rub my hair and whirl around to find Joel peeking over the top of his cubicle’s partition. Only about five feet of carpeted wall separates his desk from mine. “Quit playing games.”
I glance at Cecile but she’s bent over her desk, out of sight, so I’m assuming she didn’t hear. Standing up, I lean over the short partition and press the palm of my hand onto the keypad of Joel’s phone. “Leave me alone,” I mutter, grinning as he pulls off his headset. I hear the noise from the keys through the headphones.
“You call that boy yet?” He knocks my hand away from his phone.
“No. I don’t know his name.”
Joel sighs. “Call and ask him.”
I laugh at that. “‘Excuse me, who’s this?’ And then what, hang up?” When Joel nods, I ask, “What if he has caller ID? What if he wants to know how I found out his name? What then?”
“Then you hang up again.” Joel smiles at me. “If he’s what you want, you should go for it. Don’t let him slip away. He likes you.”
“Did he say that?” My heart flutters at the thought of him thinking about me. “Did you tell him my name?”
“Yeah.” Behind me, the phone rings. “Your phone’s ringing.”
I don’t care. “Did you ask Becky who he was?”
I still don’t know why she was mad about the whole scene yesterday. Maybe it’s because she didn’t find him, Joel did, and she wants to be the one to say she hooked us up. She’s funny like that. But if she knows him, or even knows his name so I can ask around about him, that would make things a lot easier.