A thrill of pleasure shot through me. I felt my face go hot. He affected contrition, saying that he hoped he hadn’t offended me, that he was in so much awe of my presence that his tongue tripped him up. He made a ceremony of this humble apology, but I could see that he was watching me to judge whether he was still in my good graces and hoping for more than that.
There was a rise in tension between us but also a growing familiar ease. We both knew what was happening and were prepared to revel in it.
Chapter Forty-one
Saulo
CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS WAS to lodge with the royal astronomer but accommodation was so restricted that there was no room for me. I went to the army officer in charge of billeting to ask if he could squeeze me in somewhere. Rafael appeared by my side.
‘Señor Saulo, I will find you a room – perhaps even within the Alhambra Palace itself,’ he said. ‘I would of course need some coins with which to bribe the appropriate officials.’
I gave Rafael more money and, making arrangements to meet up later, wandered into the town.
The streets were silent and the people I saw as I passed the Jewish quarter looked at me fearfully. I’d heard some of the more thoughtful courtiers speak of settlements under Moorish rule known as the comunistas where all religions lived peaceably together. Did Queen Isabella and King Ferdinand know of these communities? Wouldn’t it be better to accommodate people of different religions and cultures and allow them to live in this way? I thought of my parents, and now, with the wisdom of maturity, I appreciated that for one reason or another they’d been driven out from everywhere they’d tried to settle. They’d been educated people, for they had taught me letters and reading and how to count numbers. I had no idea to which creed or culture they owed their loyalty for they’d never spoken of it to me, probably considering it too deadly a secret to entrust to a young boy.
What were our monarchs doing in the name of a united Spain? If we banished the Moors we would lose their learning. A great deal of the navigational information used in the Mediterranean was of Arab origin. If rumours were true, then we were about to exile the Jews, and their skills and knowledge would go with them too.
It was late afternoon before I met again with Rafael.
‘The palace is very full,’ he told me, ‘but I’ve managed to secure you space in an outbuilding.’
When we reached my attic room I gave Rafael a generous payment. ‘Now that you’ve found me a room,’ I said, ‘I’d like you to find me another. Zarita de Marzena has been given quarters here. I’m minded to walk by her corridor so that we could meet by chance.’
Rafael winked at me, gathered up his money and went off whistling. I took the chance to eat and wash and change my clothes. When Rafael came back he was in a different mood.
‘I know where she and her chaperon are,’ he said in a worried tone of voice. ‘But, Señor Saulo, it would be best if you turned your attention elsewhere. There are plenty of pretty ladies at the court. Some of them would be more accommodating of a man’s needs than that one. I could arrange a liaison, very discreet—’
‘How dare you!’ I grabbed him by the neck and shook him until he sobbed.
‘Sir! Sir! Hear me. That lady is not for you! She brings bad luck with her!’
I raised my fist.
‘Oh, noble Don, I beg you, listen to what I have to say!’
I released my grip and Rafael crashed to the floor. I went to stand by the window, my father’s begging voice echoing in my ears. ‘I am not a don,’ I said from between clenched teeth. ‘Never address me in that way.’
‘No, sir.’ Rafael wiped his face as he got to his feet. ‘I won’t make that mistake again.’
I turned away from the sight of him, sickened by my own brutality.
‘Sir,’ Rafael went on, ‘I don’t mean to insult the lady. Last night she was regarded as sweet and innocent, but when I made enquiries about her, I heard some talk that she is dangerous.’
‘Dangerous!’ I scoffed. ‘She’s a very gentle girl.’
‘She is, she is,’ he agreed. ‘It’s not that she is dangerous in herself, it’s more that . . .’
‘What?’
‘I don’t know,’ he said miserably. ‘These rumours have only just begun. Sometimes servants hear of things before they happen. It’s been whispered that none of the maids want to be allocated to her rooms. They are nervous, extremely nervous, but no one can tell why. I’ll try to find out more.’
Although he was reluctant to do so, I made Rafael disclose the location of Zarita’s quarters, and as the sun set and the torches were being lit in the palace, I went to find her.
The Alhambra Palace consisted of the most intriguing and beauteous buildings. Courtyard led off courtyard, fountains sparkled, intricate patterns of tiles adorned walls, floors and ceilings. Arches and alcoves glowed with three-dimensional coloured plasterwork. Even in the depths of winter, blossom flowered in trees and bushes. The air was filled with the scent of rosemary and lavender. There were ornate jars and pots of plants, known and unknown: mint, fennel, basil – herbs for cooking and healing.
I came at last to an area of enclosed courtyards and had to search to find a door that led to an outside corridor. Then another door and a wall, easily climbed.
And there she was.
Zarita stood in a paved area beside a pillar covered in winter-flowering jasmine. She’d plucked a sprig of the yellow flower and held it in her fingers. As I dropped from the wall into the courtyard, she started in fright, but then, recognizing me, she glanced towards the full-length window of the inside room. Cautiously I peered across and saw Señora Eloisa standing by a table chatting to one of the foreign ambassadors.
‘Would it be permitted for me to call on you formally this evening?’ I whispered.
Zarita shook her head. ‘It’s impossible,’ she whispered back. ‘Someone else is coming to see us. And you shouldn’t be here,’ she scolded me. ‘I cannot speak to you unless I am chaperoned.’
‘Then I will speak to you,’ I returned smartly, ‘for I have no need of a chaperon. And as you may not reply, you will be forced to listen quietly to all that I have to say.’
‘I meant that we mustn’t talk to each other,’ she said, pretending to be cross at my deliberate misunderstanding.
‘I am content with that restriction too,’ I said, moving closer to her. ‘Let’s neither of us talk then.’
She began to tremble, and bent her head. I put my finger under her chin to raise her face to mine. And she raised her head again and the light of vibrant life was in her eyes. Her lips were parted and she looked so very, very lovely I experienced an overwhelming surge of emotion. She was aware of it, and it seemed to coincide with some deep feeling of her own. She swayed in towards me. I bent my head and her lips brushed against mine.
We broke apart at once.
‘I’m sorry,’ I said. I stood away from her. My heart raced. I heard its thud in my ears.
Chapter Forty-two
Zarita
HIS LIPS WERE on mine and fire ran through me.
We sprang apart. He looked confused and stammered that he was sorry for what he’d done.
I was not at all sorry.
He kept repeating how sorry he was until, to make him stop, I asked him to tell me something about the ocean. I’d always viewed the sea as functional but he spoke of its beauty. He believed it to be Nature’s greatest wonder: a work of art, a friend, a provider, a good companion – majestic, compelling, entrancing, and an awesome force when roused.
He told me that, at sea, no two days were ever the same. He described watching the morning lighting the sky, dawn dancing on the horizon; and evenings when the sun poured molten gold across the surface of the water. He loved boats and one day he meant to buy his own. He would be the sole commander and crew and he’d sail away beyond the setting sun to undiscovered countries.
‘I’ve stood on the prow of a ship, Zarita,’ he told me with eyes glowing. ‘There is no
sensation more uplifting than being there with the ship running before the wind. One feels the power of nature as she crests the waves. And’ – he moved towards me – ‘it is the most pleasurable experience imaginable. Or . . . one of the most pleasurable.’
Blushing, I turned from him.
He stepped much closer behind me and put his mouth to my ear. ‘The sails fill out above your head. The backbone of the ship arches against the waves. And she’s alive: she is with you, allowing herself to be guided, but with a spirit of her own.’
He traced his fingers down my backbone and let his hand rest lightly on the lowest curve of my spine. ‘Like a woman when a man makes love to her.’
I shuddered and leaned into him and he wrapped his arms around me. I made to swivel round and face him.
‘No, don’t move,’ he whispered. ‘You must not turn round.’
‘I want to.’
‘I know. I know you do.’ His breath was warm in my hair. ‘But if you do, I am lost. And I must keep my senses now, else we will both be destroyed.’
I heard Eloisa call out my name.
And he disappeared.
A shadow in the garden, then nothing.
Eloisa came to the window and beckoned to me. ‘I’m sorry to have left you on your own for so long, Zarita, but the ambassador was saying such amusing things, telling me of the latest Italian fashion and dances.’ She looked at me more closely. ‘You are flushed. Are you well?’
‘I am very well indeed.’
‘Well enough to see Ramón Salazar later this evening?’
‘Yes,’ I said. I wanted any business I had with Ramón Salazar to be over as quickly as possible.
There was the matter of the child: my aunt believed Ramón had a right to know about the baby. But I also needed to dispel any false memories I had of our time together. A new and different love was growing within me. Between Saulo and myself was a meeting of minds as well as strong physical attraction. It was far removed from the feelings I’d had for Ramón Salazar. I was a different Zarita from those days. Physically I had grown, my body filled out in womanhood; but my manner and my mind were also altered. I’d been flattered by Ramón’s pursuit of me, even though I knew at the time that my father’s money was part of the reason he was courting me. And Papa, who wanted noble blood in his line of descendants, had allowed an informal betrothal. Yet . . . Papa had not appeared to object too much when Ramón had left Las Conchas. Indeed he’d said that he was happy that the marriage wouldn’t take place. Had he come to realize that Ramón would not be a good husband to me, and set aside his own desire for noble connections for my benefit? My aunt had never spoken against Papa. In fact once she’d made a comment, saying that sometimes people could be misunderstood even though they did things with the best of intentions.
And now my personal reasons for meeting Ramón were even more urgent. I wanted to be sure that there was nothing left of the feelings of girlish love I’d had for him. It would underline the truth of the love I now felt for Saulo.
Yes, I most certainly did want to see Ramón Salazar.
Chapter Forty-three
Saulo
ON THE WAY back to my room I noticed none of the unusual architectural features of the palace or the stunning decorations on the walls. Thoughts tumbled freely in my head. Zarita and I were soul mates. I needed her as she did me. Without each other our lives would be incomplete. We must be wed without delay. She was only here for a short visit. I needed to gain enough status to be a worthy suitor for her. I’d no position in society but I had money. I could help finance the expedition across the Ocean Sea. Christopher Columbus was keen for me to join him, and if he became an admiral, then he might appoint me to a rank of one kind or another. That would give me some standing. I would have to speak to Zarita’s chaperon and then her family. There would be an interview with her father. I sweated over that. What if he looked on me with disdain? If he refused me, would she abide by his wishes?
Columbus wanted to set out this year, and it was possible that could happen, for more and more of the clergy and royal advisers approved of his project. So if Zarita and I were to be married, it had to be now.
But would she accept my proposal? There was only one way to find out and that was to ask her. I decided to do this as soon as I was able. Señora Eloisa and Zarita were expecting a guest. I would wait until after the evening meal, and then I would go secretly to their apartment the way I’d done this morning, and I would tap on Zarita’s window and ask her to marry me.
Chapter Forty-four
Zarita
RAMÓN WAS BORING!
How could I have imagined myself in love with such a self-regarding prig? Lorena’s assessment of him had been accurate. Ramón had a nondescript face with no mark of character on it; he was a silly boy who’d become a weak and vain man. I reflected on the wisdom of my papa, whom I now believed had stalled the marriage contract, realizing that the Salazar family only wanted access to his money and that Ramón was an unsuitable match for me. Whereas I’d been flattered, my head turned by the first young man who had paid me much attention.
Papa! I thought. I wish you were here that I might thank you. In my foolish wilfulness I hadn’t seen that he was working to protect me.
Eloisa stifled a yawn behind her hand. Ramón had supped with us for over two hours. After allowing me to bring him up to date with some of the events in my life, he’d spent the rest of the time talking without listening, regaling us with tales about himself. Eloisa signalled me with her eyes and looked pointedly at the wine decanter. I guessed she was telling me to take the opportunity to speak with Ramón before he drank any more and became insensible.
‘I would like to walk in the courtyard here before going to bed,’ I announced, rising up from the table. ‘Señora Eloisa, would you allow Señor Salazar to accompany me? As you know, he’s a childhood friend from home and I will be quite safe.’
‘Indeed, yes.’ Eloisa was on her feet before I’d finished my request, bringing me a wrap to put around my shoulders and ushering us through the long windows that led to the paved area outside.
I began by enquiring of Ramón if he’d been in touch with Lorena just before her death. I believed him when he said he hadn’t. He claimed to have been very busy at the siege of the city – to hear him one would have thought he’d single-handedly defeated the entire Moorish army. But I knew now how intimate he’d been with Lorena and thought him callous to be so unaffected by her passing.
‘I heard that you were financially ruined by a terrible fire that burned your home to the ground.’
Now I saw why he was no longer interested in our fates. He thought the money gone: we were of no more use to him.
‘You know I have just become betrothed to a girl who is both rich and noble,’ he went on importantly.
‘I am happy for you,’ I said.
‘And I am so glad you are secure in the convent, Zarita,’ Ramón said patronizingly.
‘I’ve decided not to make my final vows,’ I said.
He looked at me with interest. ‘Why not?’
I didn’t want to tell him my reasons so I made do with giving him a partial truth. ‘I have no true religious vocation.’
‘What plans have you made?’
‘None as yet.’
‘Ah, Zarita’ – Ramón’s voice purred – ‘then perhaps we could come to some kind of arrangement.’ He glanced towards the apartment and lowered his voice. ‘You know I’ve always found you most attractive.’
At first his meaning didn’t register with me.
‘Of course, any relationship we might have would have to wait until after I was married.’ Ramón took my hand in his.
‘Do you mean that you want me to be your courtesan?’
‘You would be my mistress. You would have a house and servants and I would give you money for clothes and buy you jewels. We could be together at certain times.’
‘Ramón!’ I pulled my hand away. And in that instant I decided
I wouldn’t tell him about the baby. I knew that, far from welcoming this news, it would seriously inconvenience him. Most likely he’d disown the child, and then the child’s fate would be in peril – cast off, and at risk of having no inheritance whatsoever. In any case Ramón didn’t deserve the gift of such an adorable baby, and certainly the innocent child didn’t deserve such a shallow person as a father. ‘Ramón,’ I said distinctly, ‘I have no wish to have any kind of relationship with you.’
‘You have become very forthright, Zarita,’ Ramón responded sourly. ‘I warn you, men do not like such manners in a woman.’
‘And I do not like your manners much either, Ramón,’ I retorted.
He made one last try to win me over. ‘I can’t believe that you allowed your beautiful black locks to be shorn from your head.’ He raised his hand and touched my hair as he used to love to do.
‘You should go now,’ I said coldly. ‘And we will forget that this conversation ever took place.’
Chapter Forty-five
Saulo
I WAS ALREADY waiting behind a pillar in the garden when Zarita and a man appeared in the doorway and stepped out onto the paving.
Their conversation was too low for me to hear. He seemed to be flattering her. I didn’t think her the type to respond to such an approach, but instead of seeing him off, her tone of voice suggested she was being most reasonable with him.
There was an arrogance to his stance that struck me as familiar. But perhaps all nobles had that way of holding themselves. Something stirred in my memory, something I didn’t want to acknowledge. His face was obscured, but then he moved and the light from the window fell upon it. Where had I seen him before?
I flitted closer. This man I knew.
And his name was in my head, just as I heard Zarita say, ‘Ramón.’
Ramón!
Ramón Salazar!
The man who had chased my father from the church in Las Conchas.
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