by Dorothy Cork
whether she stayed or went; one woman was the same as another to him, so long as she did things his way. If Jan came back—if Jan gave in—that would satisfy him. He'd have a woman in his bed. He wouldn't miss Ellis. He didn't care for anyone.
Slipping her feet to the floor, she smiled wryly to herself. Anyone aware of her thoughts would think she disliked the man. Yet the very thought of him was enough to make her blood run quicker, and all sorts of unutterable desires flood her being.
She dressed in black pants and a silky black top with long sleeves that came in to a cuff. Ordinarily, she'd have worn something to dress it up, but on this occasion she decided it was better to forget about jewellery, and to look inconspicuous. As she left her room she felt decidedly nervous. There were going to be a lot of people in the shearing shed—a lot of men. What were they going to think about her? This was where it would have made all the difference in the world to be Steve's wife, or even his fiancée, and for a moment she was tempted to go back and slip the emerald ring on to her finger. Yet she couldn't make herself do it.
Oh damn, she thought despairingly. People would have to think what they liked. She had to see Martin —she only hoped he would be there.
* * *
CHAPTER EIGHT
OUTSIDE, she found she couldn't start the motor of the old car. Nothing would get the thing going. She didn't wonder that Leanne complained, and she couldn't think why Steve didn't provide her with something more roadworthy. It was all very well to criticise Leanne for not wanting to live at Warrianda, but he didn't do much to make it more attractive.
At last, since Charlie and Steve had been over at the shed for hours and it was obvious no one was coming back for her, she decided to walk. It was a good two kilometres and already it was dark. She found a torch and tried not to think about snakes. Steve had killed a tiger snake in the garden only a couple of nights ago, and she had often seen one—a tiger or a whipsnake or a copperhead—wriggling across the road when she was in the car. The track shone white in the moonlight, but the darkness of the scrub on either side worried her. She wasn't afraid of being molested—Mike, the woolclasser, had said there wasn't a safer place in the world than Flinders as far as people were concerned. Mothers could feel quite comfortable in their minds about their children, wherever they went on the island.
But there's someone I'm afraid of,' Ellis thought as she walked steadily on along the road. While Steve Gascoyne was about, she didn't feel safe ...
The shearing shed was ablaze with lights. They'd be quite a tax on the generator, she caught herself thinking. She could smell the wool, and she could see the truck loaded with the last bales standing outside the
loading platform. It was an ordeal to walk up the steps alone and into the shearing shed, and the unshaded lights dazzled her for a moment. There was a savoury smell of barbecued meat and, mingled with that, cigarette smoke and beer. The shed was full of men—she could see only a very few women, all of them older than she was, all of them looking very much at home amongst these tough country men. Ellis, unnoticed, shrank back in the shadows beyond the sorting bins, and wished she'd stayed at home. Behind the shearing stands a barbecue had been set up and Steve, looking very genial, was presiding over it. He hadn't seen her and she didn't want him to. The slatted classing table had been covered with a red and white checked cloth and two efficient-looking women were busily buttering slices of bread and piling them up on a huge china carving dish that she recognised as coming from the old homestead. Big brawny-looking men stood about drinking beer from glass mugs and talking volubly, while a few children, probably the shearers', scampered about drinking Coke and playing with the dogs.
Someone took Ellis by the arm and she jumped.
It was Martin—and she exclaimed in relief, 'Oh, Martin ! How marvellous to see you! I was so hoping you'd be here—it's the only reason I came.'
`Ellis ! ' He was looking at her oddly. 'You're as white as a ghost! Have you been working too hard?'
Ellis couldn't tell him she'd lost her heart to a heartless man—and done what he'd warned her not to do, and she told him laughingly, 'Of course not. It's just that the damned car they let me use wouldn't work, and I had to walk over from the homestead. And I'm hungry. I've had nothing to eat—since breakfast,' she finished, remembering.
`Let me get you something,' he said at once. 'Come
along—they're nice people even if they do look rough, you don't have to feel shy.'
Ellis braced herself, but with Martin as an escort, everything was different. She didn't mind in the least if it was assumed she was his girlfriend, and of course it was. Jokes were made, suggestive questions asked as they made their way through the crowd and he introduced her to men he knew, and when he would have explained that she was his cousin, she pressed his arm and murmured, 'Don't worry, Martin—I don't mind.' Secretly, she was relieved. It explained her presence here if explanations were needed.
When they reached the barbecue, Steve frowned as she held out the plate she'd collected.
`You've taken your time coming. I thought you'd heeded my warning and decided to stay home.'
`I wanted to see Martin,' she retorted. But I couldn't get the car to start, and I had to walk.'
He picked up a juicy-looking chop between tongs and put it on her plate. 'I'd have been over in half an hour to check up on you.' He dished out some meat for Martin, then turned away to speak to someone else, and Ellis and Martin moved away to get some bread and butter.
`I get the idea Steve Gascoyne can't stand the sight of me,' Martin remarked cheerfully. 'Must be something to do with Jan. That girl must be off her brain to have returned his ring. As a matter of fact, she's pretty obviously having second thoughts.'
Ellis's heart lurched alarmingly, but right then she had to smile at the women presiding over the piles of bread and butter and listen with half an ear to some remark about Martin being a lucky young man. Word seemed to have got around pretty quickly that she belonged to Martin.
It wasn't till a few minutes later, when they had found a place to sit on one of the wool bales, that she was able to ask' Martin the question that was burning a hole in her mind.
`What did you mean about Jan having second thoughts, Martin?'
`I had a letter from her—which is unusual to begin with. She's going to fly over here before I leave, and as I can't believe it's out of sisterly affection for me, I conclude she's weighed up the attractions of Paul Howard against those of Steve Gascoyne to the latter's advantage. In fact, I rather think she wants her ring back.'
Oh God ! Ellis felt sick. Jan was coming back. She had felt it in her bones it was going to happen, but it didn't make it any easier to bear. Already in imagination she was suffering the embarrassment of having Jan find her here.
Unaware of the tumult in her heart, Martin went on, `I heard from Dad too, by the way. He mentioned you hadn't written and wondered when you were coming home. I hope you're not going back, Ellis. If Jan gets married, he can pay someone to look after him—he can afford it. You've done more than your share of that.'
Ellis could do no more than give him a sickly smile and try to pretend she was enjoying her meal, though she'd eaten scarcely more than a mouthful of it, succulent though it was.
Presently Martin asked her, 'By the way, where's Charlie's wife? She's not here, is she?'
`She's gone to Melbourne for a break,' Ellis said reluctantly. 'She'll be back any time now When are you leaving, Martin?' she added hurriedly before he could ask her any more questions.
`I don't know. In a week—ten days. I'd like to get in
a bit more fishing before I leave, and it depends on Jan as well. I'd like to know what she's up to. What are your plans? It's no wonder you look so threadbare if Leanne's been away while shearing was on.'
`It hasn't been so bad,' she said uncomfortably. But I've had just about enough. I—I may go when Leanne comes back.'
`Very wise,' said Martin. 'Why don't you spend a week at the hote
l in Whitemark with me and Jan, when she comes?'
She shook her head. 'I'll probably be gone before Jan comes.'
`Really? You sound quite positively positive. But don't go back to Dad, will you? He must make himself independent of you two girls ... I'm as dry as a bone,' he remarked then. 'Would you like some beer, Ellis?'
She grimaced. 'No, thank you. But you go ahead and get some for yourself.'
He nodded, and promising to be right back, he left her.
Ellis stayed where she was, then glanced uneasily in Steve's direction and saw he was in the act of handing over his duties as barbecue chef to a husky middle-aged man she remembered Martin introducing to her as Bob Mussett. The next moment he came towards her, and there was something decidedly menacing in his broad muscular shoulders in the checked shirt. The silver streak in his hair glinted in the light from the unshaded light bulbs, and Ellis sent him a nervous smile, then glanced guiltily at the uneaten meat on her plate.
`Not hungry, Ellis His eyes raked over her and he reached out and took her plate from her, setting it down on the wool bale beside her. 'Stop playing with it. You can come outside for a walk with me. I want to
talk to you—but not in this hubbub.'
She bit her lip nervously and looked for Martin, but a group of men obstructed her view across the shed.
`Forget about Martin,' he said, aware of what she was doing. 'You've spent enough time with your cousin.' He took her roughly by the arm and hauled her to her feet, and perforce she had to go ahead of him to the steps and outside.
`What do you want to talk to me about?' she demanded, when at last, having reached a place well away from the lights and noise of the shed, he brought her to a halt with a jerk at her wrist that twisted her round to face him.
`First I want to tell you I haven't been amused by your performance tonight. You've deliberately given everyone the idea that you're Martin Webster's girlfriend, haven't you?'
`That's not true,' she retorted, glad that the darkness hid her guilty looks. But anyhow, why should it matter? It's better than having them ' She faltered and her voice trailed off. She could see his cynical smile now that her eyes were becoming accustomed to the dark.
`Better than having them—speculate about you and me?' he finished for her. 'You can't-say you weren't warned about that. Right at this moment there'll be one or two people wondering what you and I are doing out here in the dark together, by the way. And since I don't intend taking you back inside again, they'll pretty soon be aware they made a mistake in assigning you to Martin Webster.'
She drew back from him a little. 'You're despicable, Steve Gascoyne ! Thank goodness I shan't have to put up with you much longer ! '
`What do you mean by that?' His eyes bored down into her in the darkness.
`Shearing's over. You said I could go.'
`I said we'd discuss it—but I've changed my mind about that,' he said. 'I gave you your way once and I regret it. I'm not going to be so agreeable this time.'
Ellis's heart was beating fast. She had to go, and yet she felt this crazy weakness in her, almost as -if she could give in here and now, and say the fateful words, `I'll marry you'. But he didn't love her. Besides which, Jan was coming back. And Jan always got what she wanted. She wouldn't stand a chance against Jan. It was funny, that—to think of the two of them vying for a man who didn't love either of them. Did Jan feel about him as she did, she wondered, or was it the fact that he was a Koolong Gascoyne that attracted her?
She raised her head, aware that a few seconds had gone by and she hadn't spoken. With an effort she told him, 'I don't want to stay.'
`Why not? What have you and Martin been talking about tonight?'
`I—I don't know what you mean,' she stammered.
`Is your boy-friend available again, that's what I mean,' he said. 'Do you want to go back to him?'
Ellis searched her mind wildly for an answer. Of course she didn't want to go back to Paul—but it would be an excuse. She said confusedly, 'Going back is not —not as easy as all that, is it?'
`I wouldn't know,' he said dryly. 'It's not part of my philosophy as a rule ... Do you want to go back to Paul, Ellis?'
She gazed at him helplessly, her breath coming fast, and the next minute she was in his arms. He held her hard against him, but he didn't kiss her, and she could
feel her own heart beating but not his, close though she was to him. But of course, he didn't have a heart, she thought madly. He had slid a hand under her blouse and she could feel its warmth against her bare back as he looked down into her face. She had the strange feeling he could see her face as clearly as if it were day, and her eyes dwelt on his own features—the dark inscrutable eyes, the wide mouth, the lips curved in a line that was so often cynical and cruel, though in this light she didn't know what it was. Not for the first time she wondered about the place he called Disillusion Island, and a thousand unanswered questions came into her mind. She knew so little about him and about his reasons for despising women. She wished he had talked to her more about himself
Her thoughts suddenly flew into confusion. His fingers were gently caressing her bare skin, and soon all she was conscious of was the fact that their two bodies were pressed burningly together and that he wanted her.
And that she wanted him.
Afraid, she twisted, trying uselessly to withdraw from him, knowing how terribly easy it would be for him to persuade her to give in to him right now. And he knew it too—he knew she was weakening.
She said in a low husky voice, 'Please—let me go.'
He released her slowly, then caught her hands in his. `You've-answered my question, Ellis. You want to stay here with me, don't you?'
She lowered her head and pulled her hands away from him, then tremblingly straightened her blouse, pushing it back under the waistband of her skirt. Her cheeks were hot and her senses were whirling. When he spoke to her like that, she was so terribly tempted.
She wished insanely that she'd agreed to his proposition in the first place—married him, taken a chance. But she hadn't wanted it then, and now it was too late. Jan was coming back to—to kiss and make up. An engagement ring would mean nothing to Jan, who anyway would be furious to find Ellis here at all, and could easily accuse her of sneaking in behind her back—trying to steal her man
`Well?' Steve persisted, and she said nervily, 'We've been over all that. I—I happen to believe in love, even if you don't.'
`That's no disadvantage,' he said slowly. 'If a woman believes in love, and a man makes her happy, she'll learn to love him. Give yourself a bit more time, Ellis —stay on as long as you need. I want you.'
`You want a woman in your bed,' she said tremblingly. All he thought of when she talked of love was that she would come to love him. He didn't see that she wanted to be loved too, and she remembered what she had heard Leanne say, and repeated it now. 'Women are only useful for breeding—that's how you see it. There's no point in my staying here.'
He said dryly, 'I could persuade you if I wanted—right here and now. But I'll let you sleep on it. Remember this, though—my wife will have everything she wants—everything she asks for.'
Ellis raised her head. 'Everything? You mean you'd go and live at Koolong?'
`Oh, I don't think you'd try to talk me into that, Ellis,' he said with a crooked smile.
No, she wouldn't. And that, she thought bleakly, was the one and only advantage she had over Jan. It was hardly a reflection that comforted her.
A moment later Martin came towards them from the direction of the shearing shed.
`Are you all right, Ellis?' he asked rather sharply, seeing her standing in the dark with Steve.
Steve answered for her, his voice irritated. For God's sake, of course she's all right! But she's not going back inside. She's had enough of that rowdy lot in the shed. I'm taking her home.'
`I can do that,' said Martin.
Steve completely ignored his offer. 'Tell my brother to take over from Bob Mussett,
will you?' he ordered briefly. 'Come along, Ellis.'
Ellis knew it was no use protesting. She told Martin, `I'll be in touch. It was lovely seeing you. Goodnight,' and almost before he had time to reply Steve had taken her arm and they were heading for his car.
During the few minutes it took to drive to the homestead, she sat beside him shivering slightly and wondering if he'd want to come inside with her. Surelysurely he'd want to go back to the shearing shed. Yet she wouldn't put it past him to stay away—to let it be noticed that he and she had disappeared together.
As soon as he pulled up on the driveway she had her fingers on the door handle. 'Thank you, Steve. I'll be all right now.'
To her infinite relief he let her go, merely telling her, `Think over what I've said—and remember I want you to stay just as much as I did when I first brought you here.'
`I'll remember,' she said dryly, and left him to run up the steps and in at the open front door. Why couldn't everything be different? she wondered despairingly, as she went upstairs. Why couldn't he love her? Why couldn't he at the very least say that he loved her—pretend to it? She could give in to him then without the feeling of shame she'd have otherwise. If it hadn't been for Martin's news about Jan, she might have been
tempted to stay. But she could imagine Jan's reaction on finding her here. It would be—shattering. She knew she couldn't face it.
Well, she didn't have to, she reminded herself a little later as she got into bed. There was nothing in the world to stop her leaving long before Jan came.
Astonishingly, she fell asleep quickly, then woke in the small hours of the morning, disturbed by the soft sounds of Steve and Charlie coming up the stairs to bed.