by Dorothy Cork
From the hall, she caught the sound of Steve's voice. He was in the office, and she wondered if he had Leanne on the mat already over something, or if he was merely talking to Charlie. After a brief hesitation she went upstairs. She'd have a wash, then tidy herself up and come down to the kitchen. It was well after six, and if he was lecturing Leanne it was possible she hadn't even started to get dinner.
She had brushed out her dark gold hair and was standing in front of the mirror feeling rather tensed up when Steve came to the door. She turned swiftly, and was disconcerted by the look on his face; it was soproprietorial.
His green gaze took her in slowly from head to toe. She had put on a long cotton voile skirt and matching top, with the idea of giving a festive air to Leanne's return, and she knew the flimsy material accentuated her slender waist and the line of her bosom. There was colour in her cheeks from the day in the open and that, combined with the light tan she had acquired, made her look particularly fit.
After a long pause, Steve said slowly, 'You grow more beautiful by the hour, Ellis. But I didn't come upstairs to remark on the obvious, I've something else to tell you. There was a message from Charlie when I came home that Leanne's been taken to hospital, and he's taken the plane over to Melbourne. I've just been speaking to Mrs Burnett—Leanne's mother—on, the phone. The doctor diagnosed acute appendicitis and operated at once.'
`Oh, poor Leanne ! Is she all right?' Ellis breathed out.
`She's getting on fine—she has the best doctors looking after her, you may be sure. It could be fortunate she was on the mainland,' he added, and somehow, as he spoke, Ellis suddenly realised that now she and he were completely alone in the house, and she felt her pulses quicken nervously.
`When—will Charlie be back?' she asked jerkily.
`When he's ready to come,' said Steve. 'He can stay with his wife as long as he wishes, so don't look at me like that. I'm not heartless, whatever you may think.'
Ellis bit her lip and looked rather wildly round the room. She had been thinking of herself this time, not of Leanne, and crazily her thoughts had gone to that other room where Steve slept—in a bed even bigger than this one. It hadn't even entered her head that Steve might insist his brother should come back immediately,
and her cheeks were crimson and then pale as she said stiffly, 'I—I didn't for a moment think you'd expect Charlie to leave Leanne.'
`You didn't? Well, that's good news,' he said, and she turned away hastily from the look in his eyes and said hurriedly, 'I—I was just going downstairs to see about dinner.'
For two,' he said, and her nerves leapt.
But he didn't touch her as she moved past him through the doorway, and she heard him going into his bedroom as she made her way down the stairs.
In the kitchen she tried to consider the position calmly, but the fact that Steve had behaved himself so well lately didn't make it much better. She still didn't know what to expect from him—particularly if they were alone. The fact was plain from this afternoon's exchange that he hadn't by any means given up the idea of making her his wife, and as she prepared vegetables to accompany grilled chops, she came to the conclusion that the only thing to do was to move out of his house—as soon as possible ...
She was tense and nervous over dinner. There was a disturbing intimacy in sitting at the long narrow table with him with the sky dark outside and silence all around them—except for the soft music he had put on the cassette recorder. It was as if only the two of them existed in the whole world—herself and this handsome virile man with the enigmatic eyes and the dark hair with its dramatic streak of silver, and she glanced almost fearfully at the long curving mouth whose touch she knew so well and so much desired. Tonight he wore dark pants and a soft cream shirt with a narrow rolled collar that showed up his suntanned skin and the whiteness of his teeth, and she found it hard to keep her eyes off him.
They didn't talk much, and after they had eaten she took his coffee into the sitting room, then, leaving her own there, murmured a vague excuse and once outside the room went quickly upstairs. She would take the new car and go to the hotel in Whitemark—sneak out without telling him, because she felt quite positive he would try to stop her from going—and all too likely would succeed.
In her room she changed quickly into pants and shirt, then proceeded to pack a few things in one of her suitcases. She could hear music floating up the stairs, and she thought that, with luck, he wouldn't hear the car. It wasn't as if it was the noisy old thing that she customarily drove.
She had reached the foot of the stairs when Steve appeared in the hallway from the sitting room. Ellis stood stock still and stared at him, feeling as guilty as if she'd been caught out doing something thoroughly dishonest—which in a way she had.
`I wondered what you were up to when you disappeared,' he said dryly. 'What are you trying to do? Run away before I seduce you? Haven't I already convinced you I'm not going to do that? It wasn't Charlie's presence that prevented it from happening, you know —I've had plenty of opportunity—'
Ellis felt an absolute fool. But all the same, she didn't trust him, and she trusted herself still less, if he only knew it. She said shakily but determinedly, 'There's just no point in my being here now. Leanne won't be back for a while, and I—I only stayed on to please Charlie.'
`Haven't we already disagreed about that?' He came towards her purposefully as he spoke and she shrank back against the wall, her heart beating fast. His voice, his look, unnerved her, and she was intensely aware
that he had only to take her in his arms for all her resolution to melt away. But there was no escaping him, and in a split second it had happened. She heard the slight thud as her suitcase hit the floor and then her body was brought into contact with Steve's. His mouth was against hers and she was twisting futilely against his strength and feeling, second by second, her self-control slipping, her desire to escape from him fading out like the lights in a theatre as the music begins.
And now for her too the music was beginning, its rhythm pounding through her blood as she helplessly —willingly—let him gather her closer and closer. His hand found her breast and she clung to him, feeling the warmth of his body spreading through her in ripples right to her very heart. When he took his lips away from hers so that they could both draw breath, his head was still close to hers and their eyes were locked in a long unbreakable exchange. His eyes were not emeralds tonight, they were not hard and cynical—they were fragments of the watery jewel that was the sea, sparked with light, deep enough to drown in, enticing enough —and Ellis was drowning—drowning.
`Steve—' she heard herself whisper as again he crushed her to him, and she knew with a shudder that was part fear, part anticipation, that if he wanted her now he could have her—he could carry her up the stairs to his bed and make love to her all night long. And after that—after that
She should at that point have dragged herself away from him, but she couldn't. She was beyond making any kind of moral effort.
It was he who brought the passions that were rising between them to an end eventually. Even while she was silently imploring, 'Don't let me go—love me—make me yours ' she heard him swear beneath his breath,
and the next instant, stunned and helpless, she found the embrace had come to an abrupt and cruel end.
Steve picked up her suitcase, took her roughly by the arm, and propelled her towards the door.
`You'd better go, Ellis—you were quite right, you'll be safer in Whitemark. I'll take you to the hotel.'
Ellis wanted to protest, to say no, but that would be to agree to everything that would follow. And she just couldn't see Steve marrying her once Jan turned up—Jan wouldn't allow it.
Neither of them said anything further and she went with him on shaking legs to his car. It was no use offering to drive herself—the Mazda was his, not hers, and besides, the way she was feeling now she wouldn't trust herself to drive a hundred yards with safety. As she sat by his side and they followed the lo
ng white road through the darkness, she prayed silently that he would tell her he loved her. Oh God, if only he would say that then nothing else would matter in the whole world.
But he didn't tell her he loved her, and she knew why. Love simply didn't enter his scheme of things. He didn't trust women—they were cheats. The wonder was that he was letting her go instead of—
In the darkness she closed her eyes and drew a quivering breath. If she had never been grateful to Steve Gascoyne before, she should feel grateful to him now. He could have done anything to her, back at the house, and she'd have regretted it bitterly afterwards.
When he pulled up outside the hotel in Whitemark he turned in the seat and asked her soberly, 'Will you be all right, Ellis?'
She nodded, but didn't speak and she didn't even look at him. Shame and embarrassment swept over her in waves and she thanked heaven that the light from
the hotel didn't fall on her face. She climbed unsteadily out of the car and when he set her suitcase down on the footpath, she told him, 'Don't come in with me. I can —manage everything for myself.'
`All right, Ellis,' he agreed. Then with a brief goodnight, he got back into the car and as she went into the hotel she heard him drive away.
Fortunately, she didn't see Martin, and she didn't ask for him. All she wanted now was to hide herself away in the hotel bedroom and wake to find it had all been a dream. But of course she didn't do that. She lay awake, her body burning with longing for Steve. Over and over she wished he hadn't let her go—that he had done what she had imagined, taken her to his bed and made love to her. She was wishing it still when she fell asleep at last, the warmth of tears on her cheeks.
When morning came she was pale and there were shadows under her ,eyes, but she was in full control of her senses again. She wanted never to have to see Steve Gascoyne again, and she wished she had brought all her possessions with her instead of just the one suitcase containing a few things. She decided to ask Martin to come with her to Warrianda, and then she could take the plane in the afternoon—to Melbourne, she decided despairingly.
But when she went down to breakfast and enquired about Martin, it was only to be told that he had left early that morning for Burnett Lagoon. Immediately she felt exposed—vulnerable—like some little sea creature without its shell. Or like—yes, like the little moonbird chick Steve had once called her. Then presently she calmed down. She'd hire a car and drive out to Burnett Lagoon and find Martin.
In a very short time she was on her way, but the drive took longer than she had expected and the last part of it
was decidedly rough. Then when the great sheet of water appeared, there was not a sign of Martin or of any other human being. Ellis sat in the car and realised how rashly and foolishly she had acted. Martin must have moved on to somewhere else. She shouldn't have wasted time coming to look for him, and now she'd have to do what she should have done in the first place —drive to Warrianda for her things and then go to the airport. After all, Steve couldn't stop her. She was being melodramtic.
Instead of going back through Whitemark, she decided to cut across the island, even though she had no map, but eventually it took her longer that way because she was soon hopelessly lost. It wasn't till she recognised Mount Killiecrankie that she knew where she was, and finally she reached Warrianda just in time to see another car disappearing along the white road—a taxi, she realised later, but at the time all she knew was that it was not Steve's car.
His car was not in the driveway either, she found a moment later as she drove up to the house, and though she told herself she was in luck, a deeper part of her being was desolated. Not even to be able to say goodbye— Yet it was safer that way. She parked the hire car under a red flowering gum, and for the first time realised she couldn't catch the plane after all. It was well after lunch time, and she was desperately hungry. She'd had a very light breakfast and she hadn't brought even as much as a bar of chocolate with her. She went quickly into the house, wondering nervously if she'd get herself something to eat in the kitchen before she went up to pack. Then, just inside the front door, she stopped short, her heart pounding.
Jan Webster had come out of the sitting room and she stood and stared at Ellis, her beautiful black-lashed
grey eyes flaring into anger.
`Where's Steve?' she snapped out, looking over Ellis's shoulder.
Ellis swallowed, her throat dry. She moved her hands in a vague gesture implying she didn't know, and Jan's glance moved sharply and disparagingly over her.
`What on earth have you been doing to yourself?' she demanded. 'Where did you get those clothes—and that watch—' With a few quick steps she came closer and seized Ellis by the wrist, staring unbelievingly at the little jewelled watch Jake had given her. Then without warning she raised her hand and slapped Ellis's cheek with one stingingly swift blow. 'You —you sneaky little beast—chasing after Steve behind my back! What's going on? What's happened between you and him? And where is everyone? Where's Leanne? Where's Charlie?'
Ellis was still reeling from that blow, and she could hardly follow the questions that followed each other like rifle shots. For the first time in her life she saw real hatred looking back at her from someone's eyes, and she stared back at Jan as if she had been struck dumb.
Her silence seemed to make Jan angrier than ever, but this time she didn't slap her. She darted up the Stairs.
`I'm going to see for myself just where you've been sleeping!' Ellis heard her hiss.
Ellis leaned against the wall for a few seconds, breathing deeply, then with an effort she too went up the stairs and was just in time to receive an armful of her own clothes in her face as Jan hurled them through the door.
`You and your housekeeping!' Jan shouted furiously. `Where did you get all these expensive things, I'd like
to know? From Steve, of course—didn't you?' Her voice rose as she rushed back into the bedroom, and Ellis stood in the doorway watching as in a frenzy she began dragging the clothes from the wardrobe and flinging them around the room.
Jan, don't,' Ellis begged, hating to see her lovely things so mistreated. `It—it was true what I told you in my letter. I—I came here to cook for the shearers—to keep house—'
`As if I'd ever believe such lies ! ' Jan exclaimed. She threw a pair of shoes across the room. 'You never had clothes like this when you were in East Ivanhoe looking after Father. Don't tell me your creepy little stories about working here—I can imagine for myself what you're getting paid for and I know exactly why you came. Well, he won't marry you—don't fool yourself about that! He wants me, do you understand? And now I've decided to let him have his way over a little difference of opinion we had, he won't want you hanging around anymore. You'd better pack up your clothes and get out now ... I'd like to know how you tricked Martin into keeping quiet about your being here ! '
Watching her cousin, listening to her angry ranting, Ellis found she had lost her fear and was becoming deadly calm. She caught sight of her own reflection in the mirror—her face chalk white, except for one red spot on either cheek, and those dark shadows under her eyes.
Jan,' she said quietly, 'if you'll listen I'll tell you—I'll explain
`I don't want to hear,' Jan snapped. She had asked all those questions, but now she didn't want to hear. 'It wouldn't be the truth—I wouldn't trust you this much,' she added, snapping her fingers. But believe me, Ellis,
when I see Steve I'm going to tell him a few things about you that will upset your rosy apple cart.'
Ellis's eyes widened. 'What—what things?'
`About your affair with Paul—your passionate affair,' Jan snapped, her eyes sparkling with malice.
Ellis gasped. 'It—it wasn't passionate ! '
`Oh, but it was,' Jan insisted. 'I heard all about it direct from him You asked me in your letter to remember you to Paul, so I did—and that's when I heard all about how you were throwing yourself into his arms every opportunity you got. I'll tell Steve Father decided he couldn
't have you in the house any longer, the things you were getting up to. Paul's girlfriend's back, by the way, if you're interested to know.'
`What—what girlfriend?' Ellis asked blankly, and Jan gave her an amused look.
`Oh, I thought you must have found out about her—she's been overseas for six months. They're being married next month. Well, I don't care—I have Steve,' she added viciously.
She dragged Ellis's suitcase on to the bed and opened it, then began to pile clothes into it any old how. Ellis watched her tremblingly for. a moment, then stepped forward.
`Don't, Jan. I'll pack up. That's—that's why I came back.'
`What?' Jan spun round. 'You came back? What do you mean?'
`I—I left here last night,' said Ellis. 'Leanne had to go to hospital in Melbourne, and Charlie took the plane over to the mainland in the afternoon. It—it wasn't right I should be here alone with Steve, so he took me in to the hotel in Whitemark.'
Jan stared and then began to laugh. 'Oh, Ellis ! You're incredible ! You mean you wouldn't stay here
alone with him? But wasn't it a bit late? I mean—I know Steve ! You're such a phoney it's unreal. Why not admit to what you've been up to? All those clothes —that watch—they're evidence.' She had laughed, but now the hatred and venom were back in her face and Ellis drew back. Jan was so cruel—so domineering. Oh, she had known there would be a shattering scene when she came, but not that it would be anything like this, she thought, surveying the shambles Jan had made of her room. Deep in her heart she wished she had stayed here last night—that somehow she had made Steve hers. Yet Steve would never belong to any woman