by Hart, A.
I cleared my throat and put out my hand. “Hello, ma’am. I’m Sawyer Prescott.” I winked at her. She stared at me with her steel grey eyes and then took my hand. “How are you doing today, Miss Santos?” She looked at me, stunned. My Lord, I knew her since kindergarten, of course I knew her last freaking name.
She cleared her throat and then smiled lightly. “It’s, Uh . . . Its Ms. Maxwell.”
Well, damn, I thought she would have taken her maiden name back. I guess with her having a daughter, it made sense. I nodded with her hand still in mine. I tried to pretend like it didn’t sting me deep in my gut and smiled back at her. “Nice to see you,” I said with a fake confidence.
She quickly pulled her hand from mine and stepped backwards. “Uh . . . yeah, um . . . you—uh, you too.” I walked over by Miller and stood in front of the great room as Megan rounded up her students to listen.
Megan
What the hell is SJ doing here? He’s a firefighter? Damn it. Of course he is. Wasn’t I just telling myself the other day that there was no way he would be here? He was a freaking firefighter? Since when? Crap. I guess he wasn’t a lawyer like his dad, and I guess a lot can happen in eight years. As I listened to Sawyer talk, I realized why the short, round man looked so familiar. His rosy cheeks and shimmering eyes where those of Beth, Sawyer’s mom. Slowly remembering that Beth had grown up in California and that she had a brother, who was a fire chief and still lived in their home town, I swallowed hard. What were the chances? How was this even possible? Fate. Charles would say it was fate. I shook my head to myself, trying not to give away my confusion.
After we listened to a lecture about what firefighters do, when to call them, how to call them and some basic fire safety rules, Sawyer and the other firefighter talked about some of the things on the walls. Then they let the kids go in one of the fire trucks and try on their heavy gear. I kept dodging the awkward stares my childhood best friend was giving me the entire time. He was the one person I had ever trusted and loved before Charles. The one person who confessed his love to me, who I then left alone and vulnerable. A person who had grown up nicely in eight years. In fact, he had grown so nicely that I’d made out with him at a club, unaware of who he was. Granted, I had been a little tipsy—okay, fine, I was drunk as a skunk. But to my defense, I hadn’t drunk in years. To give me a little credit, though, he had never, ever gone by Sawyer. He was always SJ. His parents had never called him Sawyer, not even when he was in trouble. In fact, for most of my childhood I thought SJ was his actual name until he got his driver’s license. Only then did I see his name was Sawyer James.
The shame I felt for leaving him that night eight years ago was unbearable. I hadn’t forgotten. Over the last eight years, I occasionally had nightmares about it. When Charles would ask me what was wrong, I would find a way to avoid it. I bit my lip as Sawyer helped my students off of the fire truck, one at a time. My cheeks burned, and I could feel his stares caressing my body. I somehow felt naked in my conservative outfit and kept fighting the urge to go running out the door. I blew out a long breath when I realized the time. “Okay, class, we have time for one more short demonstration, and then we have to head back to school.” An array of “awws” and “that’s not fair” filled the air.
Sawyer stepped forward. “That’s alright, we saved the best for last.” He shot me an all-knowing grin and picked up the heavy firehose. “Who wants to spray the wall?” All twenty-five little hands shot in the air, followed by a couple of grownup hands.
I crossed my arms in front of my chest, begging him not to ask me to do anything. I knew SJ. He may have gotten taller, more toned and somehow more devilishly charming, but he was still the same boy. He winked at me and then said, “Alright. How about everyone gets a turn?”
One of my more rambunctious students, Ana, stepped forward. “Yeah!”
Another student, Jason, leaped in the air. “Best for last, Ms. Maxwell!”
I smiled at my sweet students and ignored their suggestions. “Okay.” I smiled. “Kiddos, line up behind Samantha.” All twenty-five students—and some parents—got in line accordingly.
After each child had a turn to hold the hose and spray the wall, I announced, “Okay, peanuts, line up.”
Ana put her hands on her hips. “Ms. Maxwell, it’s your turn.”
I shook my head. “Oh no, thank you, sweetheart—”
She cut me off. “But you said okay.”
I began to protest and then realized. “I said okay, line up.”
She shook her head. “You still said okay. Oh please, Ms. Maxwell, it will be so fun and we want you to! Try it. You might like it.”
I gritted my teeth at the sound of my sweet five-year-old student using my own words against me. Touché, little girl, touché. All the kids clapped and jumped up and down. “Your turn, Ms. Maxwell, it’s so fun!” I shook my head and smiled in awe at the power of peer pressure.
Sawyer had that smile, the one that I knew too damn well. It was the same smile he had the day he convinced me that jumping into the river from a fifty foot bridge was a good idea. We had been twelve. Sawyer motioned for me to come over.
I put on a sweet smile. “Alright.”
They all jumped up and down. “Yay!”
Sawyer held the hose up, just like he had for everyone else, and then he gave me the instructions. “Okay, feet a little apart, hold tight, here”—he lightly brushed my hand in the direction, and I caught my breath—“and here.” He did it to my other hand, and my stomach flipped. Damn him. He is doing this on purpose.
I closed my eyes and tried to concentrate on breathing. That was near impossible with the warmth of his body heat right behind me. “Now, hold on tight, Pumpkin, because it’s more powerful than you think.” He smiled down at me with a wink.
Then, because I was completely distracted by his beautiful smile and stupid boyish charm, my body jerked forward as the hose turned on. I shook my head and concentrated on not falling, and then, as the hose turned off, my body lurched backwards. Two strong hands gripped my waist and steadied me, sending waves of warmth up my body. I handed him the hose and jumped out of his grip.
My students laughed and clapped. “That was so funny, Ms. Maxwell!”
I smiled at them. “Okay, kiddos, now line up here.”
As they stood in line ready to leave, I turned to the chief. “Thank you so much for having us; we left some pumpkin muffins in the kitchen for everyone.” I didn’t miss Sawyer’s chuckle when I said the word “pumpkin” and looked up to glare at him. He winked at me again, and I wanted to punch him . . . and maybe kiss him . . . No, no. Don’t even go there, Megan!
It was easiest to group the kids with their parent driver from a line. I began calling names to go to their groups when I felt a strong presence behind me. I turned to see Sawyer’s big, brown eyes looking down on me. “Hi.”
I looked down at my paper and then back at him. “Hi.” He cleared his throat. “Can I talk to you for a second?”
I looked around. “Hey, Terry, could you finish taking role and grouping the kids?” I asked my group mom.
She smiled. “Of course!”
I looked back at Sawyer, who looked a little smug. “Whatcha think of the presentation, Pumpkin?”
I chewed on my lip, trying not to puke on his shoes. “I, um . . . I thought it was . . . educational.”
He smiled as he whispered down. “I can’t believe I found you.”
I swallowed hard. “Yeah . . . I’m a little thrown.”
He nodded. “Me, too. But I’m glad. Can I have your number?”
My eyes shot up to his and then looked cautiously around the room. “Umm, SJ . . . no, bad idea.” I looked around and then back up at him.
“Megan, I finally found you after eight years. I’m not asking you to marry me, just for your number so we can catch up.”
I rolled my lips in and looked up at him, thinking about it. Nope, terrible idea. He gave me a curious look, and before he could speak, I
acted. I put out my hand to shake his. He hesitantly shook my hand as he gave me another odd look.
“Thank you so much for having us! Great tour, we appreciate all you do!” I made sure I said it loud enough for the entire room to hear, and then I turned on my heels and booked it to the front of my students. “Okay let’s go!” I said with too large of a smile.
I turned around and blew out a breath. I had forgotten how anxious those tingles that Sawyer gave made me, but I knew that even though I wanted more, it was a dangerous anxiety. I had left Sawyer alone all those years ago. I was tainted, and he knew all too well how. He needed someone whole. I was more broken now than ever before. I loved him, I always had. I realized in that moment, that no matter how much I fought it, I probably always would. The issue was and always would be that I was not what he needed. He had been, and always would be, too good for me.
Chapter Thirteen
Megan
It was the Saturday after the field trip. I sat on Cal and Emerson’s balcony, enjoying the late summer breeze, still unable to stop thinking about Sawyer. His smirk that day played over and over in my head, and I tried with everything I had to ignore the emotions it stirred inside of me. My thoughts were interrupted with Cal’s voice.
“So, how’s work going?” He asked as he handed me an iced tea.
“Thanks, and it’s going well. Some of the kids are . . . interesting, but I love it of course, and I love them.” I smiled up at him, taking a sip of my tea.
“Glad to hear it, Meg.” He nodded as he took his daughter, Mariam, from Emerson’s arms. “I’m going to go lay her down with Maxi.”
Emerson nodded and then relaxed when her arms were finally free from the wiggling toddler. “Hey, Meg, where’d you go?”
I looked up at her with blank eyes. “Hmm? Oh, sorry, just tired.”
Emerson raised her eyebrows, and then, to cut her off before she dug more, I smiled. “Hey when’s Sarah coming?”
Emerson eyed me for a moment and then shrugged. “She should be here any minute.”
I nodded as I took another sip of tea. Cal came back out on the deck and started up the grill. Just then, Travis and Charlotte came running up the hill. “You’re so fast, Princess!”
Charlotte laughed and clapped as she came running up to me. “I pet horsy.”
I squeezed her. “You did?”
She nodded. “I go play now?”
Emerson got up. “Here, honey, I have some cool toys.” Emerson grabbed some dolls and placed them on the floor near us. Charlotte became entertained immediately and allowed us to talk.
As Cal and I were talking about his job as a paramedic for the Auburn Fire Department, I couldn’t help but think about Sawyer. Had they possibly run into each other? I knew the local stations worked together. Did they know each other? How long had Sawyer been here? How long had he worked there? All things I could ask him, if I had given him my number. However, I chose not to because I knew that was a terrible idea.
Travis broke my train of thought when he came up behind me and placed both hands on my shoulders. The pressure of his hands felt like they were burning through my clothes. “You guys worried about the drought? It was a pretty hot summer.”
Cal nodded as he flipped the burgers on the grill. “Yeah, we’re expecting some fires. Hopefully people are smart and don’t contribute to the problem.”
I felt Travis nod his head, and then he leaned down and placed a light kiss on my cheek. My body went completely stiff and my hands clenched onto the armrest. Travis’s mouth hovered an inch from my face as his eyes stared at me in confusion. Why he was confused, I didn’t know. I had seen him about twice a week lately, and we had been back to normal, back to how it was before we kissed. Now he was kissing me on the cheek in front of our friends? What was he doing? Just then, someone cleared their throat, and my eyes flew up to see Sarah standing there.
“Sorry to interrupt,” Sarah said dryly. Cal chuckled quietly to himself as he continued to flip the burgers and hot dogs.
Charlotte flew up. “Auntie Sawa!”
Sarah bent down and put her arms out wide. “Hey, Goldilocks!”
They hugged as Emerson walked out with both daughters squirming in her arms. “That was short-lived,” Cal mumbled, and I laughed to myself, understanding how they had their hands full.
Sarah received hugs and hellos from everyone until she got to Travis. She stopped and gave him an evil up and down glance, shook her head, and walked away. “I need a drink, anyone want one?” She yelled over her shoulder.
I chuckled again and threw my hand up in the air. “Me!” I stood up and followed her.
I heard Travis yell, “Nice to see you too, Sunshine!”
Sarah walked into the kitchen, followed by Emerson and myself. She pulled out a bottle of wine and began opening it with a little more aggression than necessary. “What’s got your panties in a bunch?” Emerson asked.
Sarah laughed sarcastically. “Ha!”
Emerson’s eyes narrowed a little at Sarah as she handed us both a glass of wine. “You know I can’t read minds,” Emerson stated.
Sarah drained her glass of wine, poured herself another, and nodded before taking a sip. “Yeah, sorry, Em, just a long day, and that”—She pointed out at the patio to Travis and took another slow sip of her wine, and then she shook her head—“I . . . it’s just . . . Uh, you said he wouldn’t be here. I was just caught off guard.”
I looked between Emerson and Sarah. “What’s going on? Travis and you are even more hot and cold lately. Are you guys dating?”
Sarah huffed and then patted my hand gently. “No—God, no—Nothing, I’m just having a rough day and he just knows how to piss me off. Don’t worry about it, Meg.”
I furrowed my brows at her and then nodded, taking a slow sip of wine. “I’m going to check on Lotte,” I announced, and then, feeling the obvious tension in the room, I left Emerson to talk Sarah down.
I knew Sarah had feelings for Travis, and now that was even more obvious. What I couldn’t get a read on was Travis. He was still slightly convinced that he could follow through with Charles’s plan, which was for us—Travis, Charlotte and me—to be a family. However, like I had told him a thousand times, that wasn’t going to happen. It had nothing to do with Sawyer, it had everything to do with the fact that Travis didn’t love me and I didn’t love him. I had experienced what real love felt like, not once, but twice. I wasn’t willing to settle, and I wasn’t willing to let Travis settle. Whatever was going on between Travis and Sarah interested me. Maybe I could get one of them to open up about it and give them a little nudge in the right direction.
I stopped by Charlotte and plopped on the ground next to her. She stopped playing with her dolls and looked up at me. “No, Mama. I play all by myself.”
I sighed and smiled. “Okay, baby.” I leaned down and kissed her on her head, then I stood to go to the patio.
I stopped right outside the door as I heard Travis raise his voice a little. “I don’t know, Cal! What the hell am I supposed to do? I made a promise to Charles that I would do whatever he asked in his letter, just like you did. Are you telling me you would back out on your promise?” I slyly peeked around the corner. Cal paused and then took a long pull of his beer. That stupid promise again.
I slipped back to where I was unseen, and I strained to listen to Cal as he lowered his voice. “Well, crap . . . no. I don’t know. Sarah and you obviously have something. I know you care for Megan, but do you love her? Does she love you? I know you made Charles a promise, but damn, man, I don’t think he would want you messing with your life like this.”
My heart dropped into my stomach and my face felt hot. Was I messing with Travis’s life? I didn’t want to. I wanted him to be happy. I kept telling him that! I wanted nothing to do with the unfair promise Travis made to my late husband. Shaking my head in confusion, I backed up, and because I had the best luck in the world, I tripped on an end table, sending my wine glass crashing onto the floor
next to me.
My butt hit the ground and I winced, knowing that I just blew my cover. Great. I heard Travis mutter “Shit” under his breath, and then him and Cal were in front of me. Emerson and Sarah walked in from behind me, laughing.
“Jeez, Meg, you really are a lightweight,” Sarah stated with a laugh.
Travis gave her a scowl and then bent down with a concerned look on his face. He put his hand out to me, but I just shook my head and pushed myself up using my hands. I laughed casually. “I guess I am.” I gave Travis a half-smile, trying to play it cool, and then walked out to the patio.
Cal shrugged his shoulders and announced that the food was ready.
“Thank God. I’m starving.” I smiled.
Emerson went over to the playpen by Charlotte and grabbed the twins. They clapped and laughed as they wiggled in Emerson’s arms. Emerson grunted with a smile as she handed one baby to Cal. They placed both in their highchairs and buckled them in.
“Alright, you two rascals, no escaping for you,” Cal said as he slid cut-up hotdogs and watermelon on their trays.
Charlotte came running outside. “I so hungy, Uncky Travey!”
Travis leaned down and grabbed her. “Alright, my love, let’s get you fed.”
Everyone grabbed their plates and loaded up on hamburgers, hot dogs, pasta salad and watermelon. We had easy conversations and the air filled with laughter.
Surprisingly, Sarah and Travis didn’t kill each other. The late summer air was warm and the bright sun was in the middle of the sky when Travis stood. “I have an announcement.”
Everyone froze and stared at him. He smiled wide. “I’m putting my degree to use. I’m starting the police academy in Sacramento next week. If I do well, I will have a job by Christmas.” I smiled wide while everyone shouted and hollered.
“Awesome, man, Congrats!” Cal said as he patted Travis’s back.