by Hart, A.
Sawyer
The sound of gunfire as we approached had nearly made my heart stop, and I prayed that it wasn’t Megan who had been shot. Standing here I could see my prayer had been answered. I didn’t have to see his face to know who Megan was pointing a gun at. Although I was pretty sure that Stew would be alone, I wasn’t one hundred percent, and Cal refused to assume anything. So we flanked Megan and Stew as we had planned. From the brush I could see their shadows cast by the sinking sun and hear noise. I couldn’t make out exactly what they were saying, but I knew it couldn’t be good. My hands were clammy and my face felt hot. I could feel my heart beating in my ears and I was breathing heavily. The fact that Megan had the gun pointed at Stew, and not the other way around, had my nerves slightly calmed.
The hairs on the back of my neck still stood up as I watched for only a second. Chase had been silently following me. He had been trained to follow strict commands in order to be a certified rescue dog. One of those commands was to be stealthy. I caught Cal from across the way and saw him give the signal. Just as I was about to rush Stew from the brush, I saw Megan’s body shift. I couldn’t see her face or hear her, yet I knew, I knew she knew everything. I knew she was about to do something that she could never take back. Commanding Chase to attack Stew, I holstered my handgun and ran full force at Megan, hoping that I could prevent her from making a huge mistake.
My body collided with hers and we both flew violently to the ground. I knew Cal could handle Stew alone, he was more than experienced. As the boom of the gun erupted into the night air, I rolled to break Megan’s fall. I only managed to make it halfway as her whole body and the solid gun slammed down onto my arm. I grunted at the sensation of a large, hard rock crushing my shoulder, but instead of screaming like I wanted to, I just gritted my teeth. Chase was barking frantically when I rolled Megan off of me and took the gun from her. I threw it behind her and then sat up to check her. She was sitting up, with her gray eyes wider than I had ever seen them. She was staring wildly at Stew.
I put my hand on her shoulder and whispered, “It’s okay. You’re okay, Meg.” I kept my hand there to comfort her, but mostly to keep tabs on her while I turned to see Cal holding an unconscious Stew at gunpoint.
“Good?” I yelled over to cal.
He nodded “Good. She hurt?”
I turned and looked at Megan, running my eyes over her, taking inventory of her “You hurt?”
She shook her head and then spoke in a raspy voice, “No. No, my shoulder’s sore but I’m okay.”
I yelled back at Cal, “She’s fine.” I put my hand on her cheek and noticed how pale she was. I lowered my head so my eyes were in front of hers. “Meg, Pumpkin?” Her eyes flashed to mine and a tear leaked down her cheek.
I tried not to frown, but I hated this, I hated Stew. If it had been me with the gun, I would have shot him and damn it, if she had been anyone else, I would have let her shoot him. But I couldn’t let Megan live with that, not after everything she had been through and not with the life she had made for herself. I couldn’t let him ruin it for her. I wiped her tears with my thumb and her bottom lip quivered.
Her fear was physically painful for me, so I spoke to soothe her. “Sweetheart, it’s okay, I promise—”
Her low voice interrupted me as her eyes stared into my soul and she stammered, “It’s—It’s not . . . it’s not okay, SJ. He—he did it. He killed . . . he killed them. Because of me. I—I killed them.”
My heart broke right there and nearly fell out of my chest. In one swift movement, I picked her up and wrapped her in my arms. “Oh, baby, no you didn’t, it had nothing to do with you.”
Her eyes flashed up to mine and she placed a hand on my chest. “Wait—”
I cut her off, sighing. “Yes, I know, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner . . . but Meg?” She just blinked so I continued, “We can talk about it later. Just know that it’s not your fault. I don’t blame you, I would never blame you. Okay?”
Megan just nodded blankly, and then fear flashed into her eyes. “Lotte?!”
Right on time, Cal said, “Just got a text from Travis. Cops are here, they are coming down now, and Travis and Sarah are taking Lotte back to my house for a sleepover with Em and the girls! She knows nothing, thinks Megan is riding Buck. They are all safe!”
I put a thumb in the air and then looked down at Megan, brushing her long, black hair out of her gray eyes. “Hear that?” She just nodded and then shivered. I rubbed her back and then placed a kiss on her forehead, willing her to calm down, willing her to understand how much I loved her. Chase was still barking at the unconscious Stew every few minutes, so I yelled over at him, “Enough, boy. Come.”
Just as the cops came trampling down the trail with guns drawn, Chase looked at them and then me. “Leave it boy, lay down.” And just as I asked, he did. I stood up, gave Megan my hand, and pulled her up with me. The cops assessed the situation and called an ambulance for Stew, who was just high and punched unconscious. He would live, unfortunately. The medics checked Megan’s shoulder that she had bruised from shooting the shotgun, and then mine that I had sprained from Megan and the gun landing on me. We were both fine.
The cops checked Cal’s and my carry permits along with our statements. They told Megan she could give a brief statement tonight and come in tomorrow after the shock was less powerful to tell the entire story. I knew that would be rough, rougher than anyone could imagine. I knew she hadn’t told a soul about all the things Stew had done to her, all the things that she had experienced. Now, thanks to Stew, she would have to air it out for all of the local police to hear. I saw it in her eyes again—the shame, the embarrassment—and it made me want to walk up to the passed out idiot and punch him again, maybe shoot him.
After the cops left us, we said goodbye to Cal and arranged to pick up Charlotte after we went to the police station in the morning. I was grateful that it was a Saturday, so she didn’t have work, and I was off. Granted, I was still on call for the big fires that seemed to still be spreading, but I was hopeful that they would die down. Unfortunately, the wind started to pick up during the Stew incident, and wind plus fire is not a good combination.
Once everyone was gone and it was only Megan and me, I walked around the house, locking down the house and closing all the curtains. I had an alarm system that I never felt the need to use, since I lived on a large plot of land, but for Megan, I turned it on and then informed her. She sat on my couch, wrapped in her purple blanket that I had given her, staring blankly at the fire.
I grabbed some water and sat next to her. “You need to drink something.” She just nodded and then took a small sip. I placed my arm around her and, to my surprise, she jumped. She had never reacted that way with me, not ever. Concerned, I furrowed my brows and looked down at her. “Meg, it’s me, you’re safe.” She nodded silently as she continued to watch the fire. I settled down, holding her, and she didn’t stiffen or melt.
Then she broke my train of thought with her quiet voice. “Why did you stop me?”
I sighed, knowing what she was talking about. “Because you don’t need that.”
She shrugged. “Need what, SJ? Revenge? Closure? Peace?”
I licked my lips and sighed. “Regret.”
She just took a deep breath. “You knew?”
I bit my lip, not wanting to have this conversation, especially after the night she’d just had, but I decided that prolonging it just made things worse. Just like before, I didn’t have to guess what she was talking about. I knew. “Yes.”
She nodded. “How long?”
I sighed. “Four years.”
She cleared her throat and then took a long, slow breath. “And?”
I laughed lightly, not because it was funny, but because it was ridiculous. Like I would hold her accountable for anything her birth mom or Stew did? Like I would blame my parents’ death on her? Never. Absolutely never. “And it is not your fault.”
She shook her head, and I could
hear the tears coming from her eyes. “But it is, he said so. It’s all my fault, SJ, and I’m so . . . I’m so . . . I’m so sorry!”
I couldn’t take it anymore. I didn’t care how fragile she was or what she had gone through. She needed to get those thoughts out of her mind right then and there. Needing her to listen to me, needing her to see me, but mostly needing to see her, I picked her up and flipped her around, placing her on my lap so she was straddling me and so we were eye to eye. Just like when we were kids and I was taking care of her, she didn’t fight me, she just let me move her.
“Megan, listen to me right now.” She looked down, and I gently urged her chin up with my fist. “It. Is. Not, nor will ever be. Your. Fault.” A tear leaked from her eye onto her cheek and I wiped it with my thumb, then kissed her red button nose. “Has anything Stew ever said been true, Pumpkin?” She stared at me for a minute, and then her whole body shuddered, followed by a swell of tears.
“Whoa. Whoa, Megan.” Her hands were now covering her face as her whole body shook into them. I placed my hands over hers and slowly pulled them away from her face. I dipped down so our eyes could meet, and when they did, I felt a hot wave of emotion run through my body.
She swallowed hard and then, through the tears, she blubbered out, “He has. He did. He said I would never be good enough—enough for you—and he was right . . . and that I was used. I was tainted, trash, and he was . . . SJ, he was right!” Holy shit. No. I took a deep breath as my heart broke for the second time tonight. Tears pushed at the back of my eyes but I refused, I fucking refused to cry right now.
Megan needed me to be strong, not a blubbering fool. I cleared my throat and spoke slow, willing the emotion to ease up “Megan. You are not tainted, used, or trash. I am not too good for you. In fact, it may be the other way around. You are not at fault for anything that Missy or Stew have ever done. You are not, nor will you ever be, Missy. She is not your mom. Beth was. You are one of us, not her . . . ” I paused to look down at her. She was sniffling and wiping her tears. “Megan?” She looked up at me, and I placed my hands on both her cheeks and then rubbed my thumbs over her warm face. “Do you hear me, love?” She nodded and then sniffled.
I laid her head on my chest and she slowly melted into me like old times. I rubbed my hands up and down her back and then, after a moment, I kissed the top of her head. She sighed and then whispered, “I left because Stew said he was going to sue you for beating him up, and I didn’t want him to. It didn’t matter though. He came back anyway, he always will, and I don’t want him to ever hurt you, SJ. I left because of what he said, and what he said he would do.”
My heart stilled and I rubbed her back. I was right, Stew was why she left. I don’t think I could ever hate a person more than I hated Stew in that moment. I sighed and then spoke low, “Honey, never, ever listen to anything someone like Stew says. I don’t care if he tries to sue me. Let him. And always . . . absolutely always talk to me before you take off on me again—better yet, don’t.”
Megan sniffled into my shirt again and whispered, “I know, I’m sorry, but I won’t again. I can’t, I’m too weak. I need you.” That stirred emotions in my chest that were pleasant and painful all at once.
I took a deep breath and kissed the top of her head. With my hand brushing her long hair over her back, I sighed. “Baby, that doesn’t make you weak. I need you, too.” She said nothing, but she nuzzled her head into my chest. “I’m going to tell you two things so you can sleep easy, and then that is all.” I took a deep breath and let the words flow from my mouth. “Missy is in prison for life for admitting to the murder of my parents and various other crimes. The mob was after her, so prison was a safer option for her. You won’t ever see or hear from her. Stew has warrants from various states for various crimes, including the murder of my parents. He will go to prison for a long time. He won’t be a bother anymore, either. Now, after you give your statement tomorrow, I think we can leave them behind. Don’t you?”
She nodded into my chest and whispered, “I’d like that.”
I sighed and rubbed her back again. “We don’t need to talk about the past.” I took another deep breath and then continued with, “just the future.” And as the words left my mouth, I knew I meant them.
I knew I didn’t want just any future, but one that included being Megan and Charlotte’s everything. A future that included holding Megan like this and protecting them both, loving them both. Megan nodded and then, after a while, I could tell she had fallen into a deep, steady sleep on my chest. I’d told her and promised myself I wouldn’t push her, that I wouldn’t tell her I loved her until she was ready, that she would come to me. Yet as I held her tightly to my chest, I struggled. It would happen, we would happen, and now I knew it was always supposed to. I kissed her head and followed her into my dreams.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Megan
I woke this morning with my head on Sawyer’s lap and my body sprawled across the couch. My head ached from all of the emotions and feelings that last night ignited. The truths coming out were painful to hear and freeing to know. Stew said that Missy knew who my birth dad was and that he was rich, that he left me an inheritance. I didn’t care. I was done searching through my past for answers to who I was. Looking at Sawyer now, thinking about Charlotte . . . I know that the answers to who I was lay in their eyes. Last night had finally sealed the painful door to my past, and just as Sawyer said last night, I didn’t plan to open it. This wasn’t like before. Before, I was running. Now, I was doing the opposite. I stood and faced my fears, faced the truth, and now I could truly leave it all behind. I knew now that I had made a mistake all those years ago. I thought that Sawyer knowing my past meant he was my past. Now I knew that wasn’t true. He was my future.
I got up and made coffee while he quietly snored. I loved him. I totally and completely loved him, and I was never going to stop. Now that he was back, I felt like he was my air and I couldn’t breathe without him. The guilt I felt before had left me last night when I realized that I had always loved Sawyer. I also realized that I didn’t love Sawyer more than Charles, but just in a different way. I would never have what I had with one, with the other. They were two completely different, but equally powerful, loves.
I sipped my coffee as I watched Sawyer’s chest rise and fall. I would tell him tonight. After we put Stew behind us at the police station, after we picked up Charlotte and laid her down for bed, I would tell him in front of the fire. As kids, we would tell secrets in front of the fire, so I would tell him the biggest secret I had ever kept. A secret I had kept from everyone, including myself. And I would do it tonight. I didn’t want to wait any longer. After last night, after almost losing it all, I didn’t want to wait another second. However, I wanted to do it right, so I would wait until tonight. I took a sip of my coffee and watched SJ’s chest rise and fall, contemplating how our lives may change after tonight. Suddenly, his body shifted and then he jerked awake.
“Good Morning,” I said with a weak smile.
His blurry eyes focused on me and held my gaze for a moment, and then he shifted his body and wiped a hand down his face. In a low, raspy morning voice, he replied, “Morning. What’s up?”
Oh, nothing, I’m just in love with you. Instead, I shrugged. “Nothing. Got you coffee.” I pointed to the mug sitting in front of him on the coffee table.
He grunted. “Mmm, thanks.” And gave me a sleepy smile.
“Sorry about last night.” I pointed to his sleeping arrangement.
He took a sip of his coffee and then shot me a boyish grin. “About sleeping on me?”
I nodded as I held my cup with both hands and took a sip. His grin grew, and he shook his head. “Don’t be, I’m not.”
I tried not to smile, but I couldn’t resist it. The glee that filled my body at his smile was overpowering. I took a sip of my coffee to try and cover up my smile, but he caught it all the same. I shook my head and ground out, “Shut up.” through my clenched tee
th. After he raised his brows at me, he laughed a deep chuckle that made the heat rise to my cheeks. I shook my head and stood up. “I’m going to get ready. Leave in 20 to go to the police station?” He laughed through a nod, and I walked away shaking my head and trying not to smile. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like everything was right.
Sawyer
After two hours at the police station giving her statement, Megan looked drained. I drove my truck down a winding road to Cal and Emerson’s house. In the corner of my eye, I watched Megan throughout our drive. She was pretty quiet and still. I let her be that way. Her eyes looked heavy and her soul a little crushed. Deciding to go out on a limb, I softly grabbed her hand and placed it in mine. Megan slowly turned her head to look at me, and when I returned her gaze, she slowly laced our fingers together. The movement of her hand in mine, combined with the sudden shift in the air, made my entire body alert. The warmth in her eyes rocked me to my core. She smiled weakly, and I returned her smile before turning back to the road “It’s all going to be okay.”
She seemed confident when she bluntly stated, “I know.”
I drove for a second, and then, after I licked my lips, I nodded. “Good.”
Charlotte was excited to see us when we reached the door. Megan threw her in the air and kissed her. Next, she came over to me and gave me a huge hug and kiss. I smiled, looking down at a version of the little girl who stole my heart when I was five. History repeated itself, because Charlotte had stolen it again.
“Hey man!” Cal called from the upstairs. I turned my neck to see him in his work attire, jetting down the stairs.