“A man helped me.”
“A man you knew as Jhon.”
Carth nodded. So Invar knew that much. “Do you know him by a different name?”
Invar shrugged. “The name matters little. What matters is what he intends, the man that he is. Why did he help you?”
She hesitated, but this close to the palace, after she had seen the destruction and with Invar watching, she felt as if she had to share as much as possible. Not all. Carth didn’t think she could share everything about herself yet, but enough that would explain why Jhon had agreed to work with her. “He learned about my parents, and where I came from.”
Invar considered her. “Rel. Carth… short for Carthenne, I imagine?”
She flushed and nodded.
Invar’s eyes went closed and he nodded slowly. “You are of Ih-lash, then,” he said softly.
“My parents were. I don’t remember it.”
His eyes opened and he watched her. “Many from Ih-lash receive a certain kind of training. Is that what happened with you?”
Carth swallowed, thinking of what she used to do with her father. “My parents used to play games with me. They would lead me through the city with different tasks. Follow my mother without her seeing me. Find my father when he hid. Things like that. I think those games were his way of teaching me what I needed to know about Ih-lash.”
She would never know if her father had known that she was shadow blessed, or if he had suspected. Supposing he hadn’t suspected, would he have changed anything if he’d known? Would her parents have taught her any differently, or would it have been the very same as what she’d learned from them?
“Games. Interesting. I admit that I do not know much about the training used by the Ih-lash.”
She hesitated. Should she tell him about her connection to the shadows? If she didn’t, would he discover anyway?
“There’s something else, Master Invar. I… I’m connected to the shadows.”
The corners of his eyes twitched slightly. “You are shadow blessed?”
She nodded.
“That should not be possible.”
“Why?”
He rubbed his knuckles into the corner of his eyes. “Ah, Jhon, what have you done?” he said under his breath.
“Master Invar?”
He sighed. “What you are taught here is unlike the shadow blessing. That’s not to say that one cannot possess both magics, but it would be… unusual. It might explain why you are so easily able to detect A’ras magic, and why you detected the presence of the Hjan.”
Carth squeezed her hands together. “Master Invar? I haven’t managed to use the shadows since I’ve been here. It’s only been—”
“Since the attack.”
Carth nodded.
“When the first Hjan attacked the wall, he disrupted a flow of power that has been layered on the walls for hundreds of years, since the founders of the city came to Nyaesh. Layer after layer, like growth rings on a tree. All of that shattered. Those layers prevent most of the other powers in the world from working on this side of the wall. It is meant to protect us, but also to protect the royal family. The only magic that should exist within the palace grounds is the A’ras magic.”
“You’re saying that changed with the attack.”
“I’m saying they learned a way to destroy generations of magic. That is no small feat, Ms. Rel. And now that they did, we are more prone to another attack.” He looked at her askance. “I thought that I might ask you to notify us when you detect the Hjan again”—he tipped his head, and his mouth pinched into a thin line for a long moment—“but perhaps I need to do more than that.”
A sinking feeling began to form in Carth’s stomach.
“I think it is time that I take on another student. What do you say, Ms. Rel?”
What could she say? The offer should be a great honor. Why, then, did she feel like she was more trapped than ever?
8
The lower level of the palace was a dark and dank place, stinking of mold and the wet of earth. Carth heard a steady dripping sound but didn’t know if it was real or her imagination. A single lantern flickered in the corner, burning a thick oil that filled the air with another pungent aroma. She didn’t know why the flame flickered as it did and preferred not to think about what would cause it to dance in the small room where no wind blew. Her mind created plenty of suggestions as to what might be the cause, such as some creature lurking in the shadows, close enough to pounce on her if she lost her focus.
She stood with her back to the wall, focusing on the A’ras magic as Invar had instructed. Every attempt she made at pulling the magic from herself quickly failed. It didn’t want to come from her quickly—it never had—and regardless of what tricks and techniques he thought to show her, she wasn’t convinced she would be able to do it any better than she usually did.
“You struggle with your focus,” he said. It was possibly the fifth or sixth time he had said the same to her today. Each day had been the same.
“I have always struggled with pulling the A’ras magic from myself,” Carth said.
Invar stopped in front of her and crossed his arms. This close to her, he carried a floral scent, a strange smell that reminded her in some ways of her mother. “You use the power well enough when it comes.”
Carth nodded. “When it comes. Countless instructors have tried to coax it from me faster, but nothing works. It’s just not how I reach it.”
“There is something that prevents you from reaching it quickly,” Invar said, staring at Carth as if she was some sort of puzzle that he’d like to solve. “The power is there, which tells me that you have the ability, but you do not access it easily.”
“It’s taken you three days to be able to tell me what I already knew?” Carth immediately regretted snapping at him, but it seemed like Invar didn’t listen to her. None of her instructors ever really listened to her.
“I try to understand, Ms. Rel, as should you. The key to learning is understanding. I should think that you would be interested in trying to understand so that you can better reach your full potential.”
Carth suppressed a frustrated sigh. She had been through this with countless other instructors, and she didn’t expect a different result just because she now worked with one of the masters, but she owed it to Invar to at least give him a chance. “I have spent the last five years trying to understand my abilities,” Carth said. “As you say, the power is there, and I have managed to use it, but it takes me longer to get it going. It’s like it’s… thick,” she said. “The more I use it, the thinner it becomes, and the easier it is for me to draw upon.”
That fit with what she felt, even if the explanation made little sense. The magic burned inside her and seemed to flow from within her blood. When she reached for it, she had to pull it out of her blood. Those first attempts took incredible strength and pained her in the process. The more she pulled on it, the easier it became. The problem was, the longer she held on to that power, the more strength it required. Eventually, she ran out of the strength needed to maintain it.
“Thick,” Invar said. “I do not believe that I’ve ever heard the magic described as thick.”
He paused as he paced in front of her, the shadows from the single lantern leaving half of his face in darkness. When he’d first brought her to this room, Carth had hoped she might be able to reach the shadows and use her shadow magic, half-hoping that Invar could help with that, but he had made it clear he was only interested in her A’ras potential. The lower-level room, one that was deep beneath the palace, was meant to confine the magic they used and prevent others from noting what she did.
“What’s it like when you reach for your potential?” Invar asked.
“I’ve told you what it’s like.”
“No. You said that it’s thick and that it is harder to get going, but once you do, it becomes easier to draw upon. Did that sum up what you have told me?”
Carth nodded.
; “That explains nothing about what you do, only what you sense.”
Carth started pulling on the potential within her, using the focus of the knife that she’d taken from the A’ras, drawing through her blood as she did. As always, power came to her slowly, so that she had to tear it from herself. She held it, letting it flow through her and through the knife so that she could maintain the focus.
“You’re holding power now,” Invar noted.
“I am.” He had said that others didn’t detect the use of power the same way she did, but Invar seemed plenty able to note when she prepared to use her magic.
“What did you do to draw it?”
“I… I pulled on the source from within me. It’s in my blood, I think, but I have to tear it free. That’s what hurts the most.”
“Hurts?”
She nodded. That was the part of using the A’ras magic that made her the most miserable. She had to tear it from herself, and when she did, she felt the way it ripped free, like a scab torn from a wound.
“Once you hold it, what do you feel?” he asked.
“I feel… I feel the power as it flows through me,” she answered. “Now that I’m holding it, I can use it.”
“Show me.”
“Show you what?”
“Create a barrier. Do not let me through.”
“Master Invar?”
“Don’t you think you can do it, Ms. Rel? You have been an ashai for five years. I think this is a fairly straightforward request, do you not?”
She nodded. It was an easy enough request, and actually similar to what she used when she sparred, only she wasn’t accustomed to simply holding a barrier.
“Now, Ms. Rel.”
Carth pulled through herself, drawing on the strength she summoned, that potential that was deep within her, and then curved it out and around her. A sizzling barrier of energy surged, pressing out and away from her until it snapped into focus.
Invar tipped his head. Even with the barrier, Carth was aware of how he used his magic, feeling it as a burning sense that raced through her blood. Invar was a powerful practitioner of the A’ras magic, and the force he drew upon left her mouth dry.
When he took a step forward, he butted up against the barrier.
Then he pushed.
Invar used a combination of magic and sheer strength as he attempted to push past her barrier. Carth held strong, a battle of wills that she refused to lose. The magic flowed through her, and she pulled on more and more, sending the barrier out and out until it pushed Invar back.
Had she not already pulled on her power, she wouldn’t have been able to do it. If she had needed to create the connection, she would have been too slow to protect herself, but holding on to it was different and allowed her to use her focus on the magic itself and not the creation of it, or the reaching of her potential.
“Good,” Invar said.
Power flooded from him in a heartbeat. It seared through her so quickly that she barely had the time to react. Invar took a step forward, easing past her barrier until he stood directly in front of her, a hard expression on his face.
“You have much strength, Ms. Rel. Are you aware of that?”
“I do all right when I can use the power, but it’s the reaching that slows me down.”
“I can see that. But once you manage, you have nearly as much strength as the masters I have trained. With time, and with training, you could be quite skilled.”
Invar took a step back, and his magic faded. “We will work on your speed. I believe this must be something in your mind, and if we can get past this fear you have of using your magic—”
“I’m not afraid of using it.”
“No? If you didn’t fear it, you wouldn’t have such difficulty drawing upon it when needed. I wonder if it is something about the way your parents taught you to reach the… other… talents you possess.” He said that last to himself but watched her as he said it. “Tomorrow, we will meet at the palace gate. I believe you know how to find it?”
Carth flushed, realizing that Invar must have been watching her longer than she had realized. That was the only way he would know that she went to the palace gates, and that she checked them to see if they were locked, always hoping that one day she would find them open and would catch a glimpse of the city on the other side. Eventually, she knew, she would be granted the ability to leave, but that day seemed impossibly far away.
“I know how to find it.”
Invar turned toward the door. “Now, you will practice reaching your potential. I will come for you when it is time for you to depart.”
Carth sat at a table in the dining hall, her mind feeling like she’d spent the night drinking ale. All she wanted was sleep, but first she needed food. Exhaustion threatened to topple her over where she sat, and she fought to remain upright in the chair.
Alison sat across from her, slowly chewing the crisp carrot she held up to her face. “Why does he take you into the basement of the palace?” she asked between bites.
Carth shook her head. “I think he intends for me to learn there,” she answered. “It’s his practice room.”
Alison took another bite of the carrot and chewed slowly, making a face as she did. “What kind of things does he have you learning? Most think that you’re already moving past what you need to know to pass out of the ashai.”
Carth snorted. “I’m practicing reaching my potential. Over and over and over and—”
“That’s it? That’s the sort of thing you learn when you first come to the palace! Why would he have you practicing that?”
Carth pushed her lump of stale bread through the gravy on her plate and took a bite. The food didn’t even taste good today, she was so tired. What she needed was to sleep, maybe for the next two days, but unfortunately she would be going with Invar again tomorrow, and the next day, and the one after that…
She should have refused him, but if she thought the whispers about her were bad now, what would they have been like if the others found out that she had refused to learn from one of the masters?
“That’s all I’ve been learning,” Carth said.
“I’m sorry,” Alison said with a whisper. “Don’t tell others, though. They all think Invar is showing you some of his complicated magic, and training you to follow him as master. It might be better to let them keep believing.”
Carth doubted that would ever be the case. She could barely reach her magic fast enough, let alone do anything more with it, and certainly nothing like what Invar could do. When she held on to her magic, she managed to push him back, but there needed to be more to it than that.
“Let them think whatever they want,” she said, pushing the rest of her bread into her mouth. She stood and carried her tray to the kitchen, rinsing it as was expected of the ashai. One of the other students—a slightly older boy named Marten—was in the kitchen and glanced over as she entered, a half smile on his face. Carth ignored him.
Alison trailed after her as she departed the kitchen, saying nothing but giving her space. When Carth stepped out of the dining hall, a trio of boys stood waiting. Two were Samis’s friends, Bardin and Kale, both with the same swath of dark hair and the high cheeks that marked them of Nyaesh birth. The third was Landon, an older boy who would be fully A’ras whenever he passed the test. Carth always thought he had a certain arrogance about him that came from being distantly descended from the ruling family. From what she’d learned, he had been raised within the palace walls. All three carried short swords and rested their hands on the hilts.
Fatigue or the food had made her nauseous, and she tried turning away from them.
“What is this?” Alison demanded, stepping in front of them and blocking Carth from confronting them. As tired as she was, she didn’t think she had the strength to deal with them.
“Right of spar,” Landon said.
“That’s not fair. You can’t do that after we’ve just eaten,” Alison said.
He shook his head. Unlike the ot
her two boys, he had blond hair and was muscular, standing nearly a foot taller than Carth. Whereas most found Samis attractive, his muscular build matching his symmetrical face and easy smile, Landon had a long, hooked nose, and his hair hung straight—almost limp—to his shoulders.
“There’s always the right of sparring. I claim the right.”
“As do I,” Bardin and Kale both said, almost in unison.
“Fine. Let me get this over with,” Alison muttered.
Landon scowled at her. “Not you. Where’s the challenge in that? Her,” he said, motioning to Carth.
Carth hadn’t expected them to come for Alison. She might be a reasonably gifted student, but there were many who knew that she chose to ignore the tradition of sparring, and often flat-out refused if challenged.
“You can’t think you’ll face Carth after what she’s been through, can you?” she asked, watching Carth as she said it. As tired as she was, Carth didn’t think she’d have the strength to even lift the knife, let alone use it to focus her potential as she pulled on the magic.
“The right of sparring sets no limits, much like the A’ras cannot have any limits,” Landon said.
“You’ve been spending too much time in Kellen’s classes,” Alison said.
Landon’s scowl deepened. “Are you going to step aside, or am I going to have to—”
Alison let out a frustrated sigh. “Fine. If you’re going to pull this shit with Carth, then I challenge you with the right of sparring.”
Landon slowly pulled his gaze away from Carth and fixed Alison with a look that bordered on amusement. “You challenge me? Is that really what you want to do, Cantor?”
Alison stepped closer to Landon and pulled her pair of knives from sheaths at her waist. Carth had rarely seen her use her knives and doubted that Alison was as skilled with them as Landon was, but he at least eyed them carefully. “Does that make you nervous?” She twisted one of the knives so that she could jab it toward Bardin. “What about you? Think you want to try your luck?”
The Shadow Accords Box Set: Books 1-3 Page 26