by Ben Zackheim
It was the skull helmet guy. The guy we’d fought in Hel and the museum.
Was he back to steal something new from under our noses? Or did he just want to off us this time?
I got my first good look at him as he stood to face us.
His whole head was covered in a white carbon fiber helmet. The skull face I’d seen from a distance was actually the laser-cut structure of the helmet. It was carved to fit snug up against the guy’s face so it wrapped tight around him. There was no ornamentation on the white surface. Not even eye holes.
His overcoat was loose enough to hide an arsenal, which I’d bet my right nut was exactly what he was carrying. His white chest plate was like a big fat target for a shooter like me. I’d have to work hard not to aim at it. It was likely designed to make his enemies aim at its bullet-proof surface.
Even as I maneuvered to stay alive I hoped I’d have a chance to see the armor up close. It must have been lightweight because the fucker moved like Rebel. He was as fast and smooth as a red chili omelet with a double espresso breakfast.
Rebel nodded at me and threw her blade. Her aim was famous for missing as often as my punches did. That was okay. Her move did its job.
The armored guy leaped straight for the ceiling. He grabbed a pipe and pulled himself up, disappearing into the shadows.
But not before I got a shot off.
His foot snapped back slightly before getting sucked into the darkness.
“You got him,” she said.
“Just stay down,” I whispered. “He has the advantage again.”
I could feel his eyes on us from above. Why wasn’t he shooting? I guessed he was tending to his wound.
What happened next was 100% avoidable and I never let Rebel forget it.
Rebel was hard to read. I never knew what she was going to do when she got a gun in her hand. So when she pulled it out and fired off a few into the ceiling, I had no idea why. She knew as well as I did that he’d moved somewhere else in the blanket of black above us.
“What the hell was that?” I asked.
She looked at me like it was a stupid question that she had to dumb herself down to answer. “Cover fire?” she finally said before getting shot in the shoulder. She fell onto the wide, carpeted theater steps and threw some cuss words together that had never been heard in the history of humanity. Poetry, really.
She frowned at the ceiling, breathing through her mouth heavily, spit flying from between her teeth. She made a fist and a light peeked out from between her fingers. When she released them a small ball of light floated above her palm.
He shot her again. I couldn’t tell where she was hit. I shot the spot where I guessed he was perched and hoped it was close enough to let me get to my partner.
She didn’t wait for me. Instead she flipped her little ball of fire at my face. I instinctively caught it and immediately regretted it. It burned like lava. As I fumbled it, Rebel yelled, “LIGHT IT!”
Oh yeah. We’d practiced this. I was grateful for the reminder.
I threw the ball into the air before it hit the carpet and aimed for its core. I shot and the thing blew wide open, releasing a blinding light that Rebel and I were ready for.
We covered our eyes.
I hoped that he hadn’t.
I heard a grunt of pain and surprise above us and opened my eyes. The secondary effect of the spell was that the light faded but lingered in the room. It could keep illuminating a space for five minutes.
Suddenly the ceiling was a web of very well-lit pipes with a slippery motherfucker perched in the middle.
There was a loud bang and smoke began to fill the room. This guy was all about hiding. I managed to get a shot off before my vision was blocked by the smoke and heard him fall to the ground.
I ducked low and crawled to Rebel.
“I’m okay,” she lied. “Get that fucker.” She pulled a small vial from her belt pouch and took a sip of one of Skyler’s brews. He liked to share them with her because she played to his ego. He never gave me the potions that took pain away. I only got the potions that fixed the surface wound and then caused slightly less pain.
I stayed low and crept down the stairs, looking for any sign of movement.
“What do you want with us, Bonehead?” I asked him, wherever he was.
It was risky to reveal my location but I also knew he could have taken us out five times if he’d wanted to do so. The fact that he hadn’t may have meant that all of this was foreplay for a conversation.
Or a test.
“You know what I’m looking for,” he said. “Hand it over and I won’t kill you.”
“My virginity?” Rebel yelled from higher up in the theater. Bleeding and sassing. That’s my girl.
“The shield,” I said. “Who do you work for? Maybe we can work something out.”
“Nice try, asshole,” he said. He stood on the edge of the stage’s shadows. He was going to take me on hand-to-hand. I’d lose that fight. So I did what I told Rebel I’d do the next time I was about to get my ass kicked.
I started to open my Swap Portal and crossed my fingers.
“I’m just as curious as you are about what the hammer and shield can do,” I said. “Come on. Work with me. I’m not saying we won’t kill each other once we see what they’re capable of, but we can cross that bridge then.”
He was silent as he took two steps toward me. I made myself into the smallest target I could manage.
He didn’t see the open portal. He jumped at me and disappeared into it.
Then someone landed on me.
The poor sap, whoever it was, would want a good explanation for why he was suddenly in New York City.
“You mind telling me what the hell is going on?” Coleslaw asked, pushing himself off of me.
Chapter 29
The Traveler shook himself off like I’d given him cooties.
“What am I doing here, Kane and Rebel?”
“You sent the bad guy through the portal, Kane?” Rebel asked. I shrugged. “Nice.”
“What portal?” Coleslaw asked.
“The Swap Portal,” I said, standing up and brushing myself off.
“You have the Swap Portal?”
“And the Vault Portal,” Rebel said as she examined the room for more trouble.
Coleslaw’s eyes opened wide. “Why would one human have two Solos? There are only two in the world!”
“Really?” I said. “Wow, thanks for telling me. And thanks for the vote of confidence, too.”
“It’s not that, it’s just…” He got distracted by the blood on Rebel’s clothes. Without a word he walked to her and put his hands on the wounds.
“Where were you when I swapped you here just now?” I asked.
“I was at the church,” he said.
“Alone?” I was worried about who I’d left with bonehead.
“No, there was a service going on.” His voice trailed off as he realized what I’d done.
“Shit,” he and I said together.
“You sent a Vampire to Iceland and the portal swapped me here?” Rebel flinched as a bullet slithered out from a shoulder wound and dropped to the carpet.
“That’s the way it works.”
“And you didn’t think about the people on the other side? They’re stuck with your Vampire now.”
“He’s not a Vampire. I don’t think he is, at least. He’s some kind of hired hand.”
“Who hired him?”
I shrugged. “Vampires,” I said. “Probably,” I added. “Don’t worry about it. He’s after us and the shield. He won’t hurt anyone unless they try to get in his way.”
“One look at that armor of his and no one will try that,” Rebel said.
“Shield? What shield?” Coleslaw asked.
“Fox is gone,” Rebel broke in.
“Yeah, he’ll be okay.”
“He stole the photo of your dad,” she said.
“What? Are you sure?” I looked around for it. “Why the hel
l would he do that?”
“What shield?” Coleslaw repeated, taking a look around for the first time. “Where are we?”
“How about you heal us for some answers?” I asked. He frowned at me and I put on my best charming smile.
After a couple of minutes and several inappropriate touches, Coleslaw had us as good as new. He wasn’t as good as Scarlett, our go-to healer, but I wasn’t going to complain.
“Limp with us,” I said. I put my hand on his shoulder and used him for support as I guided him out the door.
“Where are we going?” Rebel called out from behind us.
“We need to get back to Iceland,” I said.
“You don’t have a jet last I checked.”
“I know someone who does.”
Rebel drove the Jeep while Coleslaw sat on my lap, slouched down as far as he could as he peeked out the window at Manhattan. From the looks of it he’d never been to a big city before. That made sense. He was an Icelandic supernatural after all.
I opened my Vault Portal and searched for something I could use as enticement. Dino, my friend with the jet, had expensive tastes. Well, exotic tastes would be more accurate. I thought I knew just what would get his good side to shine. If I could just find it.
The portal floated in front of me, its purple hue casting the interior of the car in an eerie glow. It caught the attention of some New Yorkers, which is a hard thing to do. But they just hooted and gave the thumbs-up. They probably thought we were on our way to a rave with our trippy, flashing thingies.
“What are you looking for in there?” Rebel asked.
“Something for Dino.”
“An exploding cigar would be cool,” she said. “But one that like actually explodes and blows his brains all over the leather walls. That would be funny.”
“You don’t like any of my friends, do you?”
“No.”
“He has a jet. He owes me a dozen favors. He’s a good person to know.”
“That’s the first time the word good has ever been used to describe Dino.”
“He’s not that bad.”
“He held you ransom when you were ten.”
“Those were different times.”
“Yeah, kidnapping was okay in 2002.”
“He was in the Troll Guild. That’s just the kind of shit they do. He quit in 2010.”
“No one quits the guild. And he’s still a troll. He’ll screw you again the first chance he gets.”
“Not if I screw him first,” I said. She saw my smile.
“What are you planning?”
I told her.
Chapter 30
“Dino!”
“Kane!”
Dino liked big greetings. He was a big guy. Most Trolls are.
He gave me a Troll hug, which is like a bear hug without the love. It was a tradition. If you were going to be a friend to a Troll you had to tolerate the greeting. He stuck a dulled fingernail in my ear and licked it.
“Oh, fuck,” Rebel said, gagging.
“Rebel!” I yelled. She knew the rules. There was one more step to the traditional Troll greeting.
Dino spread his legs wide. I crouched low, shifted my weight and kicked Dino as hard as I could in the Troll nuts. He reeled back in pain, roaring and laughing. He fell into his plus-sized La-Z Boy and cupped his Trollhood, writhing.
“HAHAHAHAHAHA I PEED!” he yelled in delight.
“I like that tradition,” Rebel mumbled loud enough for me to hear. “Coleslaw, you can come in now.”
The Travelers’ Friend peeked around the front door to the huge, lavish apartment and saw that the Troll was incapacitated for the moment. He also scoped it out for ways to escape.
We had to wait a minute for Dino to gather himself. Nothing like the image of a Troll curled up in a big ball, muttering and chuckling to himself.
“You guys want to grab a bite?” he asked, pushing himself up from the chair and looming over us. I’d known him for a long time but it was still an impressive, frightening sight. Nothing is as ugly as a Troll, not even the ugliest demons. But Dino had a human or two somewhere in his bloodline because he could pass for a big ugly man with the right makeup in the right places. He spent two hours in the beauty chair every morning so he could go outside without terrifying people too much.
“No thanks,” I said. “We’re in a hurry.”
“How about a drink?”
“A plane would do,” I said.
“Ah, I see. On one of your adventures, then. Which plane?” He glanced at me sideways, suspicious about where this conversation was going.
“You still have the Gulfstream V?”
His eyes lit up. Trolls love planes. It’s the primary reason they came out of hiding back in the early 20th century. They saw flying machines and that was all they needed to shed their wet holes in the ground and start making fortunes.
“Ah, so you want top speed for low distance,” he said. “California?”
“Iceland. You have it?”
“Nah. I got rid of it when the new Boeing Business Jet rev came out. You want that?”
“Sounds good. We’ll need the pilot too.”
“That would be me then,” he said, beaming. His large flat teeth emerged behind lips the size of my arm. Rebel made a disgusted sound and I elbowed her.
“What happened to Bob?” I asked. His old pilot was a maestro. He’d saved us from certain death half a dozen times.
Dino’s eyes lit red and his brow folded over them. “I ate him.”
The room was silent. Except for Coleslaw’s whimper from somewhere near the kitchen.
Dino started laughing. The sound shook the whole room. A vase dropped off its stand and shattered on the marble floor.
“Shit, I loved that vase. Bob retired last year,” the Troll said, sticking a cigar between his teeth and lighting up with a lighter that was big enough to blow the place up. “You want the plane? You get the Troll.”
Rebel and I glanced at each other.
“All of me if you’re in the mood, darlin’,” he added for Rebel’s benefit. His eyebrows jerked up and down. He was impressed with himself. Another Troll trait.
“What do you mean?” Rebel asked, playing dumb.
The question threw Dino off. He was used to women blushing or getting the hell out of there.
“What?” he asked.
“I don’t know what you mean, Dino. Just now, you said something about giving all of you and then you moved your eyebrows around. They were all like…” She moved her fingers around spastically. “Is that supposed to mean something?”
“Well, yeah…” He stopped there. She kept staring, waiting. “It means… you know… I’m a big guy.” She shifted her weight, letting her hips relax. “So you can have it if you’re in the mood for… all the bigness.”
“Rebel…” I said.
“No, no, I’m just trying to understand what he’s saying,” she said. “Because I think we came in here as a couple of pros who have killed about a hundred Trolls in our career and I’m wondering what he can do for us that we can’t do for ourselves.”
“Hey, if you don’t know what I’m talking about then you can take it up with your partner,” Dino said. He was getting defensive. Defensive Trolls are not friendly to anyone. Even a friend.
“Don’t pull me into this,” I said.
“I want to know what he meant!”
“I am 100% walking manhood, woman! My prick has killed Dragons!” Dino yelled, shattering another vase.
“Ah, I see,” she said.
“I could pull down my pants right now and get you off!”
“Excellent,” she said. “Let’s go then. Kane, Coleslaw, will you give us a minute?”
“No,” I said.
Dino’s eyes were wide. I couldn’t tell if he was happy or stunned.
“Go!” Dino and Rebel yelled at the same time.
“We’ve got a mission here!” I yelled back. “Saving the world is more important than wha
tever the hell this is you two have going on!”
Rebel crossed her arms. Dino, standing behind her, waved me away with his fingers.
I walked down the hall and took my pick of rooms to enter. Coleslaw followed me.
My memory had served me right.
We were in his study.
A door led to the next room which was a hobby room.
It’s where Dino showed off his favorite finds. He’d made his fortune pillaging artifacts from ancient civilizations.
It sounded like someone was taking a sledgehammer to the apartment down the hall. Rebel screamed. Dino grunted. This went on for way too long. There was a loud crack, a searing screech and then silence.
“Is that it?” Coleslaw asked.
I held a finger up and listened. There was the whimper I was waiting for.
When we got back to the living room, Rebel was sitting in a chair, fully clothed, filing her nails.
Dino was bent over his coffee table, his butt in the air. He was covered in slashes and bleeding yellow blood all over his Persian rug.
“Hey guys,” Rebel said.
“Hey,” I said back. “You okay Dino?”
“I think I love her, Kane,” the Troll said, sobbing.
“That’s great, buddy. Can we go now?”
“He’s going to need a minute, I think,” Rebel said, slipping her file back into its scabbard on her belt. She hopped up and led us down the hall to a bedroom.
“He needs to get something out of him before he’s going to fly us anywhere.”
“I don’t need to know anything else, thanks.”
“What does…” Coleslaw started to ask.
“Stop, Slaw,” I said. “Just stop. Trust me.”
“Did you get it?” Rebel asked.
I smiled and held it up. The Troll’s Cross.
I knew Dino would have one. All Trolls do. The Vikings and Norse gods used the symbol to ward off evil magic. But it could also call forth a Troll army of immense power.
We’d need that perk in the battles ahead.
Did I feel guilty that I was using a friend for more than a plane ride? Kind of. But we were on a mission.
And our plan to distract Dino so we could get the Troll’s Cross had worked.