“Laina.”
She looked over at Elizabeth. “Yes?”
“Justin and I are entertaining tomorrow night. Would you and Thad be free to join us for dinner?” She gave her a twisted smile. “Before you answer I feel it’s only fair to warn you that Mr. Henry Rhodes will be among our guests.”
Laina stiffened. Her gaze shifted to Billy, her fingertips tingling with the memory of the raised scar on the back of his head. “Thank you for the invitation, Elizabeth, but no.” She looked back at her sister-in-law. “I have no desire to be in the same room with Mr. Rhodes—let alone break bread with him!”
Elizabeth gave her one of those penetrating looks that made her want to squirm. “You know you have to forgive him eventually, Laina. It’s in God’s word.”
She wrinkled her nose at her. “Yes, I know. And I will forgive him…eventually.” She laughed. “I’m doing my best to follow God’s ways, Elizabeth, but I only seem able to manage one lesson at a time.”
Laina brushed her hair, gathered it on top of her head, twisted it into a thick coil of brown curls and shoved in the combs to hold it in place. A smile of satisfaction curved her lips. She was getting quite good at styling her hair. She wound the wine-red silk ribbon that matched her dress around the base of the coil and tied it in place. There! She was ready for the day. Now to wake Anne.
Laina opened the bedroom door and walked out into the hall. The smell of cooking greeted her. She smiled. Mrs. Harding was frying bacon and eggs, Billy’s favorite breakfast. Her smile faded as her stomach churned. She took a deep breath to quell the sudden spate of nausea and her eyes widened. The eggs! She clapped her hand over her nose and mouth and ran for the dressing room.
“Mama.”
Laina rinsed her mouth, wiped her face with a cool, moist rag and went into her bedroom. Anne was standing in her long ruffled flannel nightgown in the middle of the room, rubbing her sleepy eyes.
“I’m here, sweetie.” Laina lifted her youngest child up in her arms and sat down on the side of the bed.
“Me hungry, Mama.”
Laina’s stomach turned over at the thought of food. “I know you are, Anne. Mama will take you downstairs in a moment, but first we have to get you dressed.” She carried her into the dressing room and closed the door. That was better. She couldn’t smell the eggs in here. She washed Anne’s face and hands, then brushed her hair.
“Go see Mary?”
Laina smiled. “Not today, sweetie. Today we’re going to Twiggs Manor. Mama is going to visit with the nice people who adopted Tom.” She put stockings on Anne’s small feet, then tugged pantalettes on over them. “They want a sister for Tom. Isn’t that nice?” What was wrong with her stomach? She took a deep breath, pulled the green gingham dress over Anne’s head and tied the sashes on the matching apron.
“Laina?”
“I’m in the dressing room with Anne.” She looked up as Thad opened the door. The smell of eggs assailed her nostrils. Her stomach heaved. “Take Anne!” She shoved the toddler into Thad’s arms, slammed the dressing-room door and spun toward the washbasin, gagging.
“Stay right here a moment, sweetie.” Thad put Anne in the middle of the bed and closed the bedroom door so she couldn’t go down the stairs. “Papa will be right back. Here, look at this.” He gave her his pocket watch, opened the dressing-room door and stepped inside.
Laina was sitting on the wood chair by the window she’d tugged open. She made pushing motions with her hand. “Close the door, please!” She put the moist cloth back over her nose and mouth.
“Laina, what’s wrong?” Thad went on his knees in front of her, his eyes searching her pale face as he took her hand in his. It was trembling. His fingers slid upward to her wrist.
She opened her eyes and shook her head. “I don’t know. I was fine, and then I smelled the eggs.” She shuddered. “I got sick twice.” She shuddered again and handed him Anne’s shoes. “Will you take Anne down to breakfast, please? I don’t want to get near her again. I think I must have the ague that’s going around.” She leaned her head back against the wall and closed her eyes.
Thad set Anne’s shoes aside and laid his palm on Laina’s forehead. “You have no fever, and you’re not shivering. Are you chilled?”
“No.”
“Do you ache anywhere? Does your skin hurt? Your head?”
“No. It’s only my stomach.”
“And you were fine until you smelled the eggs?”
She shuddered and nodded. “Don’t talk about them.”
Lord, can it be? Excitement coursed through Thad. He fought to keep the grin from his face. He could be wrong. It could be the winter ague. Several children at the orphanage had it. He mustn’t build her hopes, but he was almost positive… The grin spread his lips wide. He couldn’t stop it. He lowered his head.
“Why are you grinning?”
He hadn’t been fast enough. He looked up. Laina was staring at him, a mixture of hurt and confusion in her beautiful eyes.
“You find my taking sick amusing?” Tears welled into her eyes.
“No, Laina! Never.” Thad rose and took her in his arms.
She stiffened and leaned back to look up at him. “Then why were you grinning? Something was amusing you.”
The hurt was still in her eyes. He’d have to tell her. He slid his hands to her upper arms and took a deep breath. “I was grinning because I don’t believe you’re sick, Laina. I don’t think you have the ague. I think you’re going to have our baby.”
The color drained from her face. She stared at him a long moment, then shook her head and stepped back out of his grasp. “That’s quite impossible, Thad.” Her voice broke. He reached for her, but she moved away. “I didn’t know you were hoping for such a thing to happen. How can you— How can you even say such a thing to me? You know I’m barren.”
She sounded hurt…wounded. He took her by the shoulders and turned her to face him. Her face looked frozen with pain. “Laina, listen to me. If you never have our child it won’t matter. I love you now, and I’ll love you forever. But I don’t know that you are barren, and neither do you.”
He searched her eyes, looking for some sign that he was reaching her through the fear and hurt she’d carried for so many years. “You told me your first husband was a childless widower twenty years older than you.” He wiped a tear from her cheek. “I don’t know, Laina, but it’s possible that Stanford was unable to father a child.”
For an instant hope blazed in her eyes. A hope so fervent, so pure it seared his heart. She took a breath and turned away. “Please don’t ever say that again, Thad. I’ve finally accepted what God has willed for my life. I read a verse a few weeks ago that says it perfectly. ‘He maketh the barren woman to keep house, and to be a joyful mother of children.’ It’s true.” She turned back to look at him. “You and Emma and Billy and Anne are my joy and my blessings from the Lord. I’ll not hope or ask for more. Not ever again.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Laina frowned and fastened the ties on her nightgown. Why couldn’t she get over the ague? She was so tired of the alternate spurts of boundless energy and bone-weary fatigue. And her stomach still wasn’t normal.
Laina picked up her brush and stroked it through her hair, using the steady rhythm to calm her nerves. Tears were far too ready to fall these days, her emotions far too touchy. But that was understandable. Thad treated her like a piece of fragile china and walked around with a proud grin on his face. Oh, if only he would stop hoping! It was forming a chasm between them she didn’t know how to bridge. She couldn’t bear to disappoint him, but it had taken her too long to come to the place where she could accept God’s will for her life to go back to the place of hope and despair. It would destroy her.
At the sound of Thad’s footfalls on the stairs Laina took a deep breath and blinked away the hot tears stinging her eyes. She grabbed a ribbon and busied herself tying her hair back at the nape of her neck as he came into the bedroom.
; “Umm, you look delicious.” He leaned down and kissed that tender spot under her ear. “How do you feel?”
She hated that question. “I’m fine. No reason I shouldn’t be.” Laina rose and went to turn down the bed. “How is Mrs. Ferguson?”
“She’s doing fine, now that I managed to talk her family into opening the windows a bit to give her some fresh air to breathe.” He came and put his arms around her. “I owe that bit of knowledge to you, my love. I was so terrified of losing you I was willing to try anything, even if it went against conventional practice.” She felt him shudder. “I never want to go through anything like that again!”
“Well, you won’t have to.” She put her arms around him and smiled, trying to tease away the bad memory. “I’ve had the measles now.”
“So you have.” He kissed her and went to the dressing room.
Laina climbed into bed, aching with love for Thad, hating the distance his stubborn belief in his diagnosis was causing between them. Why couldn’t he simply accept her barren condition? Oh, Lord, help us. Please do something to help us be as one again. Please send an undeniable sign so—
Laina jerked to a sitting position. A sign! She’d been so upset she hadn’t considered… When had she last… She stared down at her fingers, counting the weeks. Of course, with her irregular—
“I had to cover Emma again when I went to their rooms to bank the fires.” Thad climbed into bed, put his arm around her. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.” Could it be?
“You’re shivering, Laina.”
“I’m fine. A little chilled.” Lord?
“Come here.” Thad lay back against his pillow and pulled her close against him. “Is that better?”
“Yes. Thank you.”
“My pleasure, Mrs. Allen.” He turned his head and brushed her lips with a soft kiss.
Laina went rigid.
“What’s the matter?” Thad lifted himself up onto an elbow and looked down at her. Her eyes were wide, startled. “Laina, what is it?”
“Something moved. In my stomach. Like—like butterfly wings brushing against me. Oh!” She sucked in a breath. “There it is again. Oh, Thad, we’re going to have a baby! God truly does answer prayer!” Laina threw herself into his arms, laughing and sobbing as he crushed her against him.
DISCUSSION QUESTIONS
1. For ten years, Laina prayed the Lord would give her a child. It didn’t happen. What are the roots of Laina’s anger? Have you, or someone you know, dealt with the problem of infertility? What scriptures might help a person deal with this issue?
2. Laina has her plans made, her goals set. She is in pursuit of those goals when Billy is struck down by a carriage in front of her. Laina believes this was merely a coincidence; Elizabeth believes it was divine intervention. Do you agree with Laina or Elizabeth? Why?
3. When Billy is injured in front of Laina, Dr. Thaddeous Allen appears on the scene. How did Thad serve as an answer to one of the reasons Laina was so furious with God?
4. Laina’s brother, Justin, and his wife, Elizabeth, are moved by their love and compassion to pray for Laina. Why were their prayers important? Have you had a personal experience that shows the power of prayer? What was it?
5. In the story, incident after incident lead Laina toward opening an orphanage, and then, to the fulfillment of her own deepest desires, she becomes pregnant. If you believe, as Elizabeth did, that this was God’s plan for Laina, on what do you base that belief? Do you believe God has a plan for each of us? Can we mess up the plan? Are there consequences if we do? If you believe God has a plan for everyone, do you know what His plan for you is? How can you find out?
6. When Laina becomes ill and her life hangs in the balance, Thad becomes desperate, while Justin becomes frightened and frustrated. Why? What is the underlying cause of these emotions? What do these men learn from this situation?
7. Pride is a sin. How did God deal with pride in the various characters in this story?
ISBN: 978-1-4268-5958-8
JOY FOR MOURNING
Copyright © 2005 by Dorothy Clark
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