Epilogue
"God, Tara," I said. "This is exactly what I needed today. I can't even tell you, how wonderful this is."
I sat at a little two-person table in the food court of the mall. Tara sat in front of me, a mango smoothie in hand and several bags at our feet. "I can't believe how busy we have been. I am so glad we did this."
"Me too."
Tara sat up and stared me down. "You okay?"
"Yeah, why?"
She shrugged. "You've been a little distant lately. Plus you look at little worse for wear. What happened to your face?"
I wondered if she would notice all my bumps and bruises that I carried from the battle. I had taken extra time and care with my makeup that morning, but it didn't seem to be enough. She saw right through it.
Tara was one of the few people in that realm I trusted. I had every intention of telling her about Acadia and the other realms. But, not today. She wasn't ready for it, yet. So instead, I lied. "Lucas and I have been taking horse riding lessons. I'm not a fast learner apparently."
She shook her head sagely at me and said, "I didn't know you were into horses. Why didn't you ask me? You know I love horses. I could have helped you."
"It was something Lucas and I were doing. Sorry."
"Eh, I understand," she said. I knew she did too. That was one of the great things about Tara. She understood where others would continue to pry.
"So, you want to hit the accessory store or the bag store before we head out?" I asked.
She shot me a 'duh' look and said, "Accessories! As if you have to ask."
I laughed. Everything was so easy right at that moment, Tara, the mall, my life. I got up and gathered our trash to toss in the garbage. Now that Gideon was…dead, I should be feeling better, but I wasn't. Not entirely. Even just thinking about it made my heart pang. It was a bit of a guilty pang and bit of a loss pang, but it hit every time I thought about him. I knew it would fade in time, but it hadn't even been two full days, so it still stung.
I thought having to live in two realms would be hard. At times it was, but then there were times that it was a welcome relief. Like that day, a simple girls day out. A day away from everything, spent with Tara, that gave me a chance to be what I was, a teenager. Not a queen. Not the savior of a kingdom. I could just be a simple, teenager. Even if it was for only a small span of time, it felt wonderful.
I glanced at my watch and saw that I still had a few more hours before I was due back in Acadia. I was going to enjoy every moment of silliness I could get in the meantime. Who knew when I would get another opportunity?
There was still so much to be done in Acadia that if I let it, the load would overwhelm me. So many people needed help and so much needed rebuilt. It wasn't going to be done over night, but it would be done. I was committed to my kingdom and my people one hundred percent. I had plans to make it wonderful again.
"So, how's things with Lucas?" Tara asked as we headed through the mall.
Lucas. I felt a building flush of heat spread through my body at the thought of my Lucas. A brief flash of memory, of skin, hands, and bodies. I closed my eyes as a delicious shiver shot down my spin.
"What was that? I saw you," Tara said and pulled us to a halt. She stared with wide twinkling eyes, at my smiling and blushing face, and squealed. Loud. "Oh. My. God! You did it!"
I laughed. What else could I say?
"Tell me everything!" Tara demanded. "Use all bad words!"
The world was good and right at that moment. Queen or not, ruler of a kingdom or not, I was also a teenager. I gave into my teenage emotions and allowed the giddiness of the moment to take over. There was time enough to be a grown up.
Shadow Fire
Chapter One
Present
What's this? Oh, a celebration. I love celebrations. It's not just any celebration, either. Lovely. The stupid cow! She thinks her world is all roses and sunshine. Well, I'm about to show her how dark and horrible her world can get. I will show her how dark my world is now, thanks to her. My life is all her fault. If it weren't for her, I would still have love. I would still have home and family. Not anymore. She took it all from me. She will pay and she will pay with her life. I will be the one to take everything away from her this time, just like she did me, and I'm going to make her watch while I do it.
Chapter Two
Twelve Years Ago
I don't know much about my early years. What I do remember is the same ole sad story of an orphan being shuffled from home to home and people to people and never really fitting in anywhere, because I was…an orphan. Vicious circle, but that was my life.
I thought back to the moment I got free, though. I liked to think about the look on my foster parent Ray's face, when he could hear me giggling at him, but couldn't find me. He was so mad and so confused and I knew if he got a hand on me, I'd be dead. I was in the shadows, though, where he could never find me. I loved the feeling of safety within the cool blanket of the shadows. Yeah, it was only for one moment, one frightening, but clarifying event, but afterwards, I was something more than just an orphan. I was something better.
I didn't really know what I was, other than I could make myself invisible. That was enough, though. Right there, that little gift of invisibility made me a super hero and no one was going to hurt me ever again. No one was going to touch me once more. I was special. Even at only ten years old, that was some pretty heady stuff. As I left the house, I decided I was going to right wrongs and I was going to help the victims, the kids. I made plans. I was going to be the good guy. I was going to be something more than just that orphan. I hated that word! I'd show all those people who had abused me or hated me or just didn't want me, that they'd made a mistake. They would be sorry. It was a wonderful dream, a fantastic plan.
I walked through the empty city streets alone and proud, with nothing but a faded and tattered backpack and the clothes on my back. I had a piggybank; it wasn't actually a pig, it was in the shape of a barrel, but I had it all the same. I'd grabbed it on my way out the door of the foster home. I vowed it would be the last foster home I would ever have. The bank held a handful of money. That was all I needed.
The night wore on, and hunger set in. Days passed and the air grew cold around me. I had nowhere to go, and nowhere to stay. My plans of being a hero evaporated before I could really even put them into action. I went from being a hero to being a thief in another clarifying moment. Hunger will do that to you. Being cold will do that to you. If you have never been either of those two things, count yourself lucky. Those had been the defining feelings all my life.
I could deal with not having any friends or family to count on. I could deal with not having a nice home or clean clothes. I could deal with not going to school. Hell, I was one lucky kid, because I didn't have to sit all day in a stifling classroom with a bunch of kids who hated me, with a teacher who didn't want to deal with me. I'd lived that life. Now, I was invisible. Not just because of my gift, either. I was invisible, because no one wanted to see me. I was a wraith-like, half starved boy, running and living on the streets. It was easier to ignore me than to think about my pitiful existence.
What I couldn't deal with was the gnawing, painful hunger than tore at my body day and night. The pain that even in sleep would not leave me alone. It would come in waves of churning movements in my stomach, which never seemed to let go. The smells of the restaurants wafted out on the breeze. They were sent to torment me. They would chase after me even into my dreams and made the hunger all the more intense. Hunger is torture. Hunger will change you. Don't believe me? Try it sometime. I dare you.
Then there was the almost unbearable cold. Sleeping in dark alleys wasn't so bad. I'd made friends with the stray dogs. They would press up against my body in the night and keep the rats at bay. The snow came and the warmth from their furred bodies wasn't enough. I would lie there, shivering into the early dawn of the mornings, praying for sleep so I could escape from the cold and the hunger for just a li
ttle while. Just a small reprieve was all I asked. Sleep, though, was no longer a refuge. It became an unattainable feat.
I sat and watched the sunrise one morning, about ten days after my escape from the home. I was so hungry and so cold that the light and the small warmth of the sun didn't help cut through my misery. Usually the sun calmed me; would make me feel better just for its bright strength on my skin. Not that day, though. That day, all it did was allow a dam to burst within me, and tears to overflow my hollow eyes. I was a pitiful sight. Crying tears and snot, sobbing into the flea invested coat of a mangy brown mutt of a dog. I was so hungry and so cold and so tired.
The door to the bar, which opened up into the alley, suddenly slammed against the brick wall almost taking my head off with it. I jerked back as a big man with a belly the size of a small car came towering out.
I quickly phased into the shadows and hid. It was more instinct than cognitive thought. Phasing into the shadows was still very new and strange to me. When I felt fear or danger of any kind, I would always find myself suddenly and without meaning to, safely within the cool folds of the shadows. Since I felt danger coming off that man in waves, I wasn't all that surprised to realize I'd done it again.
"Where you at, you little brat!" he shouted. "I know you're out here. I heard your sniveling all the way to my office."
He stomped and kicked around the alley searching. The strays took off down the alleyway without me. They knew better than to stay. They could feel the danger on that pig of a man as much as I could. If he got one of his beef paws on me, I was in for a pounding like I'd never seen before.
That was his way. All the street kids knew of the guy. Everyone warned the littler ones to stay away from him. I'd been warned, as well, with stories of kids vanishing, and all were attributed to him. Did he really kill kids in the night? Was he actually a pedophile out on the hunt? At that moment as he stormed by me, and I got a whiff of the stench coming off his sweat-crusted body, I didn't care what he had done before. I cared about what he was about to do right then, to me.
I didn't move an inch. I didn't breathe. I never made one single, solitary sound. I sat there and watched. He did a hopping run down the alley to the street entrance and hurriedly looked both ways. He was searching for me. That I knew.
He turned the corner and stepped out of my line of sight. When the fear inducing panic ebbed, a new sensation began to take over. A scent so wonderful drifted by on the air and my mouth watered. I got to my feet before even realizing I was moving. Without my telling them to, my legs carried me inside the old bar, into the darkness that was within. I wasn't afraid at that moment. I was hungry and I was on a mission.
I followed my nose to the tantalizing smell and found before me the remains of breakfast on a chipped and cracked off-white plate. I didn't stop to think, I simply gobbled down the two crusts of bread, and pieces of cold egg still on the plate. I inhaled the leftover food so fast, that I couldn't recall the taste afterward. When it was gone, and it was quickly, I turned and looked around, desperate for more. Anything more would do. My stomach growled in painful demand.
I heard the shuffling of feet and realized the fat man was back and I was about to be found out if I didn't move quickly. I grabbed a bag, half full of bread, a noisy crinkling container of pink cookies, and the three cans of what was left of a six-pack of soda and made a dash back to the door I had entered, with the loot clutched tightly against my body.
I slipped unnoticed past the red faced and angry man. I ran out the back door and down the alley as fast as my legs would go. Did he sense me? Did he know I'd been there and what I'd done? I didn't stop to find out. I ran for two full blocks before I slowed. I found a safe place behind a red, rusted trash dumpster. I slipped out of the shadows, sat down right there on the cold ground, and took stock of my stolen goods, with a happy sort of glee and relief. Food, thank God!
I downed several slices of bread, and all the cookies, as fast as I could swallow them. I opened a soda and gulped it down, all in a few swigs. I giggled at the loud, throat burning burps that followed. Once my tummy was full and swollen under my hands, I laid my head back against the brick wall and sighed contently. I felt happy, for a moment.
Then the guilt hit. I stole. Yes, I was hungry, but I stole. A hero was not a thief, no matter what. There were no ifs, ands, or buts about it. A hero didn't steal. I made a pledge to myself right then and there that I was not a thief and I was never going to steal again.
My pledge lasted all of thirteen hours. Once the sunset and the night hit, the cold and hunger returned with a vengeance. I didn't really even try to honor my pledge to myself. I was tired and alone and so sick of being hungry. I pulled into the shadows, and slipped into a small grocery store just before closing. I waited silently against a dark corner.
I didn't have to wait long before the store was closed up for the night with me safely inside. I ate my way through that store without a pang of guilt. Why should I be guilty? I was just a kid and I was hungry. It was easy to convince myself that the owner would have given me food if he knew I needed it. After I was feeling slightly overfull, I curled up in a pile of rags, coats, and aprons I had scavenged from around the store and slept. Really slept for the first time in days. It was wonderful.
The next morning, as I walked the day away on the cold city sidewalks, I realized I wasn't a hero. I was just a kid living on the streets, trying not to die of starvation.
That was the beginning of my life as a thief.
Chapter Three
Three Days ago
"I have been looking for you."
I opened my eyes, turned my head, and stared up, way up into a pair of big brown eyes fringed in long lashes. Eyes so dark they looked almost black.
"You're a hard person to find."
That was the point. I didn't want to be found. I liked my hermit existence. I didn't have to see anyone or talk to anyone if I didn't want. I liked to roam the realms and see what I could find. There were so many things we didn't know about the four realms. It wasn't so much as fun, as it was time consuming. That was what I wanted, though. The sooner time passed, the better off I would be.
"You look like crap, Leif," she said when I didn't respond.
Her voice, although lowered in disdain, was soft and feminine. If I weren't waiting for death, maybe I would have cared more. I tried not to notice her creamy, pink tinged skin. I tried not to notice her high cheekbones, and lush lips. I tried not to, but I did anyway. How could I not? She was beautiful. Not that I cared.
"Man, and you stink. God, when was the last time you shaved…"
I lifted a hand up to my face and felt the length of coarse hair that covered the bottom part of my face. How long had it been?
"…or taken a bath for that matter."
A bit longer than I had realized apparently. "What do you want, Cinder?"
She was silent for a moment. Was it my voice? It was gravelly with disuse, but the tone was indifferent, not aggressive.
Finally she said, "I came to bring you this." This, being a sunshine yellow envelope with my name written in bold calligraphy on the front. She held it down to where I lay on the rocky red ground.
I hesitated a moment before I took the proffered envelope. I didn't open it. I could only stare at the writing. I knew the writing and, therefore, who it was from without even having to open it. What did she want? What did it say?
"Why are you here? Why are you laying down there on the ground like that?" Cinder asked.
I used her questions as an excuse to put off the inevitable and said, "I like it down here." I lay sprawled out on the rocky red dirt that made up the Fire Realm. The air was hot, the sun even hotter. If I lay there long enough, maybe I would just evaporate and be gone. No more Leif. No more running. No more hiding. Just gone. Finally.
"Yeah, but why?"
I didn't answer, instead my attention returned to the yellow envelope. I lifted the unsealed flap, and slid out the thick ivory card with silver w
riting.
…cordially invited…..
…..Sunshine…..
….Lucas….
….Wedding.
I slipped the card back within the envelope and dropped it down next to where I lay. One grain of the red clay had found its way on top. My eyes fell to that red dot.
"So?"
"So, what?" I said still focused on the grain of clay.
"So, are you going to come?"
"No."
"No?"
"No."
"Why not?"
I stayed silent. Everyone knew why not.
"She's not mad at you. In fact, she misses you. She talks about you all the time," Cinder said.
She did? Did she talk about how I tried to kill her? What about how I used her?
"She really is hoping you will come. That's why I'm hand delivering your invite. She wanted to make sure you got it. Saw it."
Did she really want me there? Was it all just a joke to get me back for all I had done?
"Will you at least think about it?"
A breeze lifted her long dark hair back and away from her face. Again, her eyes drew me in. They didn't stay brown, though. They changed to a pair of dark, lovely, and blue eyes, with golden lashes and pale white skin. I saw in my mind, hair the color of the sun as it flowed back with the breeze, not the black locks of the girl that stood before me. I closed my eyes and saw those blue eyes, turn to me in fear and pain. I could feel the break of skin, the slide of metal through skin and muscles, the soft, almost non-existent bump against bone. I could hear the gasp, both in surprise and in pain. That sound had haunted me for months. The weight of her lush body as it fell against mine. Yes, I could see it all.
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