As Jansy spoke Penny sat still and listened. When there was a break in the torrent of words Penny enquired quietly, “Have you prayed about the situation?”
Jansy hung her head and mumbled, “No.”
“Why?” she asked, surprised that Jansy hadn’t already done so. When there was no response Penny let the silence hang in the air for a time.
“You’ve always been one of the first to pray in the past.”
“I can’t pray,” Jansy responded.
“Why do you think that is?”
“I feel out of touch with God,” Jansy reluctantly admitted.
“For any particular reason?”
“I suppose I was influenced by Emma’s situation at Christmas.”
“Why was that?”
“Well, the death of her parents was distressing and I was troubled by the way it affected Em and her faith. I thought maybe she had a point. Where was God in a tragedy like that? My faith took a bad knock. Who can you trust,” said Jansy scathingly, “if God let’s you down like that?”
Penny pointed out the positive way Emma was coping with the tragedy but Jansy had seen very little of her friend in recent weeks and even then there had been little opportunity for in-depth conversation so was unaware of any change in Emma’s attitude.
“I can only remember that awful day and visualize her initial reaction to the news of the accident.”
“Believe me, Jansy, Emma has moved on since those early days of trauma. You really ought to chat to her about it.”
“That’s what Dad said.”
“Then why not do it and set your mind and heart at rest concerning your friend’s well being rather than speculating on what you think she’s feeling and making that the basis of your own feelings.”
“But…”
“Be honest with yourself, Jansy. Aren’t you using Emma’s experience to mask your own shortcomings and faithlessness?”
“I don’t think so.” Penny sensed a trace of uncertainty in Jansy’s reply.
“Come on, Jansy, this is all about you, your work situation and your relationship with Dave and the place you give the Lord in your life, not about Emma.” Penny paused for a moment to let Jansy think about what she was saying.
“Are you sure you’re in love with Dave and not with the idea of being in love?” Penny asked Jansy, gently. Jansy looked at her blankly.
“Of course I love him!”
“It’s always been assumed by everyone that you and Dave would marry one day. Have you drifted into this decision because of these assumptions? Has your relationship become a comfort zone because it’s familiar?”
“Of course not, Dave’s just being unreasonable.”
“Oh Jansy, it’s all very well having goals for the future but the here and now is also important; your here and now.”
“Oh, I agree, that’s why I want to do what I want to do before it’s too late.”
“Then why are you so unhappy about that decision?”
“I’m not.”
“Jansy, your whole demeanour indicates you are.”
CHAPTER EIGHT
Disappointed she was unable to get her own way with Dave Jansy became intent on pursuing her nursing career to the exclusion of all else. Her anger fuelled the conviction that, because Dave had not rushed immediately after her when she stormed out of her parent’s house, he no longer truly cared for her. She determined to obliterate him from her life. Jansy couldn’t face the distraught look on her mother’s face or the reproachful eyes her father cast upon her; nor cope with the soulful pleading in the texts, notes, telephone calls and messages Dave constantly sent to her. She convinced herself they were just a sop to make her feel guilty and acquiesce to what she considered to be his selfish demands to live in the village and accept the position of Practice Nurse offered by her father.
So, after her discussion with Penny Darnell, Jansy decided it might be best for her to cut short her leave and return to the nurse’s home near the hospital in Norwich, thus distancing herself from the tension that was building; tension she couldn’t handle; tension she blamed on Dave and her father. She stubbornly refused to countenance that the friction between them was any of her doing.
The following morning the postman brought a missive to the Cooper home containing the formal offer of promotion she craved. As soon as she had read it Jansy whooped with delight and punched the air. She held in her hand confirmation that she was moving up the ladder; the post of Senior Staff Nurse on the paediatric ward was hers. Surely, here was proof that she was right to pursue her own goals.
Straight away she penned her acceptance. Her feet barely touched the ground as she ran across The Green and down the lane to post it back to the hospital board believing this position would put her one step nearer to achieving her goal of becoming Sister of the ward. She made hasty preparations to rearrange her plans and depart from her parent’s home as soon as possible.
When gentle, loving Dave heard of the curtailed visit he became withdrawn. The hurt caused by Jansy’s refusal to talk things over with him and her resolve to return to live in the city in order to continue nursing at the hospital settled like a lump of lead around his heart. He saw it as a rejection of himself and a sign that Jansy did not want to resolve the rift between them.
Over the next few days Dave persistently called her mobile phone but Jansy wouldn’t answer. He phoned the Cooper’s house, “I’m sorry, Dave, but Jansy won’t come to the phone,” said Trixie apologetically.
One morning, when he couldn’t bear the stone wall of rejection any longer, he walked up the lane and crossed The Village Green to knock on the Cooper’s door. Doctor John threw open the door and put his arm around Dave’s shoulders, “She’s gone. I’m so sorry, my boy. Come on in.” But Dave unable to speak shook his head, and with tears in his eyes, and a pain so piercing it was difficult to breathe, retraced his steps. Dear Lord, why is she behaving like this? Whatever is going on in her heart and mind? That really bothered him but he was completely in the dark. For years we’ve always shared our plans and dreams. Isn’t that part of loving?
In the days that followed Dave continued to be deeply affected by the falling out with Jansy. His heart was heavy and he felt sick to the pit of his stomach. He wanted to be with his dearest girl, to hold her hand, to look into her lovely blue eyes, to assure her of his love but knew that the wall she had erected between them was at present insurmountable. The oneness that had been a characteristic of their dealings with one another had evaporated so rapidly Dave doubted that it had been genuinely meaningful on her part. Jansy’s ambition to be a ward sister seemed to have completely taken over her life to the exclusion of all else including a future with him. Dave struggled to make sense of it all.
In this deeply troubled state of mind he called into the office of his brother-in-law. Ben listened as Dave, hesitatingly, requested a moment of his time to talk. “It’s about Jansy,” he said awkwardly.
Ben noted the strained expression in his friend’s eyes. His normally bronzed, rugged face also displayed an unhealthy pallor that was etched with pained tautness. Dave’s usual upright stance evidenced an uncharacteristic slump of his broad shoulders.
Straightaway, realising the importance of Dave’s need to share with someone, Ben quickly made him a strong, sweet cup of tea and said, “Look, Dave sit here, have this drink, give me five minutes and I’ll be with you.” Dave collapsed heavily into the chair that Ben indicated. Ben found it most disquieting that Dave appeared to have aged ten years overnight and his entire behaviour spoke of dejection.
In the past the two men had shared many deep meaningful discussions together. They were comfortable with one another and each held the other in high regard. Both were keen walkers and so when Ben had wrapped up his business he suggested to Dave, “Let’s go out on the heritage coastal path, we’ll have privacy and a chance to chat without interruption.”
Ben was a natural listener but Dave was not a natural talker particularly about
something as personal as his relationship with Jansy. For some time they walked in companionable silence but gradually Ben encouraged Dave to speak of the hurt that was causing him such heartache.
Squawking seagulls hovered above them, numerous rabbits scampered along the hedgerow beside them and relentless waves pounded at the foot of the cliffs beneath them but Dave saw none of these. His voice thick with emotion he haltingly spoke of his sadness and despair at the gulf that had unexpectedly come between him and Jansy.
“What did I do wrong, Ben?” he implored of his brother-in-law. “It all happened so suddenly. I keep asking myself, why? We knew each other so well. We’d been going out together for such a long time. Did I take her for granted? Didn’t I make it clear how much I loved her?”
“Don’t blame yourself so, Dave,” said Ben quietly. “The workings of a woman’s mind are vastly different to ours. Once we realise that, it still takes a lifetime to understand it. It’s quite a challenge, I know from experience, but well worth the effort.” Ben paused for a moment.
“But, we’d always planned things together. We spoke at all times about everything before making a decision,” explained Dave defensively.
“From what you’ve told me, I think Jansy had a different agenda to yours for the immediate future.”
“What do you mean?” Dave asked, puzzled.
“Your marriage has always been something to plan and prepare for in the future. Suddenly it’s imminent.” Dave nodded. “Career wise, Jansy’s aim since childhood has been to become Sister-in-charge on the paediatric ward. All at once that objective is in view.”
“I know that and I’ve always supported Jansy in her ambition but I don’t see why there should be this conflict.”
“Marriage and a Sister’s post are no longer aspirations for the future, they are here now and they’ve arrived together. I guess Jansy feels she is being pulled in two opposing directions.”
“But why sacrifice one for the sake of the other?”
“Only Jansy can answer that,” commented Ben wisely.
“I’m sure we could have resolved the issue of where to live if only she had been willing to discuss it rationally.”
“There has to be compromise on both sides.”
“I realise that,” Dave shook his head and uttered with a deep sigh, “I’d live in a tent in the hospital grounds if that would make her happy. I do miss her so.”
“What do you miss?”
“Her smile, her laughter, her company, the joy she generated, her presence, the sharing and praying together.” Dave stood still, as though he was looking out to sea, but the manner with which he spoke the words suggested he was reaching out in desperation to grasp something precious that he had lost.
Ben gently touched his arm, “Would you like us to pray together, now?” With pleading in his eyes Dave nodded.
Ben caringly committed Jansy and Dave and their situation to the Lord. He prayed for guidance and a willingness to accept God’s will for their lives, whatever that might be.
As a result of their conversation a renewal of faith and deep trust in God about the future with Jansy came about for Dave. Ben also reminded him of a verse that had been discussed recently in Bible study that spoke of the presence of God completely surrounding a person.
“Oh yes, I remember,” Dave recalled, “from the Old Testament, wasn’t it?”
“Yes, Psalm 139 verse 5, ‘You hem me in, behind and before.’ ”
“That’s a reassuring thought.”
“It certainly is. God’s presence is constant and all-embracing.”
Dave nodded in agreement. “You know, Ben, I still believe it is the will of God that Jansy is the wife for me.”
“Are you prepared to let her go till she finds this out for herself?”
“Mmm. I’ll do whatever it takes.”
“That same psalm goes on to speak about the Lord knowing all things.”
“I find that a great encouragement so I’m going to leave all this in His hands.”
“It’s not going to be easy,” replied Ben.
“Yes, I’m very conscious of that, Ben, but I feel Jans needs a bit of space to sort out her own commitment about the future.”
“So, what will you do in the meantime?”
“I’ll need to chat it through with Dad but I’m thinking I might sail south for a spell.”
“Oh?”
“Well, if I’m not around I won’t be causing unnecessary pressure for Jansy, will I?”
“I suppose not. Have you spoken with Rev Hugh?”
“Yes, and he graciously agreed to postpone the wedding date, indefinitely.”
Thus, after talking to his brother-in-law, Dave decided to go for a time to Brixham, in Devon, to fish. He was concerned for his father, because the sea was also his livelihood and he was more used to fishing the North Sea waters, so after explaining his position Dave asked him, “What will you do, Dad? Will you come with me?”
“No, m’bor, Oi’ll be glad to ’ave some time ashore. Give yourn Mother a break from the fish stall, too, ’specially now she be doin’ more hours in the Stores. Oi’m sure you’ll find one or two of the lads down the quay will readily mate for you.”
That same evening the worship group and music team met as usual in the Church for the weekly rehearsal. In Adam’s absence Justin Durrant took charge of proceedings. He had earlier in the day visited Adam at the hospital so, when everyone had assembled, he shared the up to date news concerning Laura, in answer to the many questions put to him on arrival.
“I’m afraid the report about Laura is not very good,” Justin began. “The surgeons operated again today, to stem leaking blood in Laura’s brain, but they are unable, at this stage, to say how successful it has been.”
“Do they know what’s wrong with Laura?”
“The Doctors gave Adam to understand they believe Laura has suffered a haemorrhagic stroke, which I understand is a bleed in the brain. She was unconscious when she was admitted but they are unsure if this is as a result of the stroke or whether she banged her head when she collapsed. She hasn’t been able to communicate and the children were too frightened to notice whether the swing caught her on the head or if Laura hit her head on the ground as she fell. But, she’s in the care of a skilled team and we have a great God so, let’s pray for her, Adam and the children, believing for a miracle.”
The friends drew closer together and bowed their heads in prayer, as one by one, a number prayed aloud, earnestly pleading for Laura’s healing. Unspoken prayers, too, ascended from aching hearts on behalf of Laura and Adam.
For a short time following the prayers the group spoke with affectionate concern about their friends.
“How is Adam bearing up?” Emma asked.
“He’s obviously very distressed but also incredibly calm,” Justin explained.
“What about the children?” enquired Annette Andaman.
“Adam doesn’t want Daniel and Kirsten to see Laura at the moment. He feels it would distress them to see her in an unconscious state and the many tubes to which she is attached might frighten them. I did bring him home while she was still in recovery so that he could spend time with the children and explain as clearly as possible what was happening to their Mum. Poppy is obviously too young to comprehend what’s occurred but I think Daniel and Kirsten have a fair understanding of the situation, that their Mum is rather poorly.”
“Will Adam continue staying at the hospital?” asked Emma.
“As you can imagine he is very torn and doesn’t want to be apart from the children for longer than is necessary, but on the other hand, he can’t bear to leave Laura, at least, while the situation is so critical.”
“That’s understandable,” Emma affirmed.
“How will we know where to link up with Adam?” asked Stephen Cooper.
“Rev Hugh’s rota is going well but there are still one or two times not covered so if you are able to fill the gap give Penny a ring. She, too, will keep y
ou abreast of Adam’s whereabouts.”
“I hear the programme of care for the children, Miranda and Jackie have put in place, is working out quite well,” commented Annette.
“Yes,” replied Justin, “Adam was quite overwhelmed at the way so many have pulled together to ensure he can be with Laura, yet at the same time, the children be well taken care of.”
“But then, that’s what we’ve come to expect from those two,” said Alex with warm appreciation.
“What will happen next week, though, when Jackie has to return to school? Miranda can’t be expected to hold the fort on her own because she too has responsibilities at the surgery,” Annette observed.
“True,” agreed Justin “but I have some surprising but positive news. The motorbike chap whom we simply know as RK is in fact a girl…” There were gasps of surprise from some quarters, “No…o!”
“Anyway,” Justin continued when the hubbub died down, “it appears that our motorbike friend is well qualified in childcare and has impeccable references. RK is currently between jobs so has offered her services to Adam, as Nanny to his children, for as long as she is required. Adam, as you can imagine, is mightily relieved and has accepted the offer, subject to references.” As Justin concluded this revelation there was further astonishment.
“I thought RK worked in the nurseries on her father’s flower farm,” Emma remarked.
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