by Claire Adams
Her tone was wondrous, and the way she was devouring me with eyes even better. “It’s not our first thing. Our first thing was this insane chemistry that neither of us stood a chance at resisting.”
Juliana nodded and smiled. “And now you love me.”
“Fuck yeah I do.” I kissed her again, on the verge of losing myself in her when the doorbell buzzed. Tugger. He didn’t just breeze in anymore. I appreciated that.
“And I love you, Pacey,” Juliana said, cupping my cheek in her palm.
“You do,” I grinned, planting a kiss on her cheek. “I’ll be right back.”
“You should be happy we’re not in a horror movie, else you’d be dead in the next few minutes,” she called to my retreating back.
I let Tugger in, dished up breakfast for us all, and we ate, chatting about nothing. Tugger and Juliana took an instant liking to one another as soon as they met and though they’d only spent a couple of hours together so far, they loved ribbing me.
“He still all alpha caveman?” Tugger asked Juliana, who glanced at me with a small smile before she answered.
“Totally. I’m afraid he’s going to keep me here forever as his sex slave,” she joked.
I couldn’t not interject something there. “If anyone is anyone’s sex slave around here, I’m yours, love. I wasn’t the one who seduced you the other night, was I?”
Juliana’s ears and cheeks grew pink, and Tugger laughed when she answered me. “You were the one who kept us in bed until this morning.”
“Wait,” Tugger said. “Until this morning from when?”
“Friday night,” Juliana admitted sheepishly.
Tugger gaped at me and laughingly shook his head. “At our age?”
“Juliana brings it out in me,” I shrugged. She was also the first woman ever to keep up with me. In fact, she fueled me. Hot and ready. Every. Single. Fucking. Time. I didn’t blame myself for keeping her in bed all weekend. No one could.
“Okay, well, I’m ducking out now,” Juliana said, blushing. “You boys enjoy Sunday Game Day.”
Thankfully, she didn’t notice the puzzled look on Tugger’s face. Or she chose to ignore it. Either way was fine with me.
“I’m just gonna make sure that she’s comfortable,” I told him. Juliana tried waving me off, but I carried her Kindle, sunglasses, and a bottle of water out to a hammock I’d set up for her in the garden.
“You sure you’re gonna be okay?”
Juliana laughed and swatted at me with her Kindle. “I’m sure. Go. Watch football with your friend. I’m fine; I know that you were freaked out, and I love you all the more for it, but that man has been picking up your slack at work for days. Go fetch him a beer and have fun watching the game. I’ll be right here.”
“Fine,” I grunted, performing a perfunctory sweep of my own garden that had Juliana breaking into a fit of giggles.
“I’m fine, Pacey. Really. There’s no one hiding behind a tree,” she said, then grew more somber. “You got them all, baby. I’m safe, thanks to you. So, game. Now.”
Pressing a last kiss to her lips and grumbling all the way to my living room, I hated leaving her alone. Even though it’d been my idea, and even though I needed to talk to Tugger without her, leaving her unprotected so soon didn’t sit well with me.
While I’d been outside, Tugger had gotten the game going, but was scrolling on his phone, looking up when he heard me enter. He pointed to a seat he usually occupied, but which had a clear view of the hammock and Juliana relaxing in it. “Have at it, caveman.”
“Is this normal?” I asked. He knew me well enough that I didn’t need to clarify.
Instead, he fixed me with a knowing smile and scratched at the label of his beer. “Let me put it to you this way. Once, when we got back from deployment, Jess wasn’t at the airport. I tried to get hold of her, but her phone was off. Turns out she got held up at work, and her battery died, she wasn’t even in any danger, and I kept her in sight for a week. Just the thought of any alternative where she wasn’t at that airport because something had happened to her—”
He broke off, swallowed, and shrugged.
“So I’m not going crazy?”
His lips quirked into a grin. “Oh, no. You’re already crazy as fuck, but it comes with the territory.”
Neither Tugger nor I watched the game. It was on, sure. But it wasn’t a ritual for a reason. Neither of us were hardcore, diehard fans.
“Sunday Game Day?” Tugger asked then. I watched Juliana in my peripheral vision, lying in the hammock, reading in the shade of the trees.
“Long story,” I told him.
“Okay, but what’s really going on then?” He really did know me too well.
I struggled to find the words, finally just blurting them out. “I can’t live without her, man. I just fucking can’t. I keep having these nightmares about losing her, same as I did May, and it kills me.”
“We didn’t lose though, bud. Weren’t gonna.”
“But what if we did? We lost May, but she was a trained soldier. She put herself in that position; she was there of her own free will. Juliana wasn’t. She was a fucking innocent. A civilian. May put herself at risk, but Juliana did not. If I lost her—” I dropped off, not even wanting to consider the possibility.
“You never woulda come back,” Tugger said. “You’da been lost forever.”
The way that Tugger got me still surprised me sometimes. “Exactly. I don’t know if I would’ve been able to come back from that.”
“So what’re you going to do about it?” he asked, taking a long sip of beer. “I know you’re allergic to relationships or anything resembling them nowadays, but don’t you think some kind of commitment with her would settle you?”
“I do. She needs to be mine. Officially and properly. Forever.”
Tugger’s eyebrows hiked up, and he leaned forward, elbows on his knees. “What exactly are you saying, Pacey?”
“I’m saying that I need a ring. It doesn’t matter if she wants to wait a while before we get married, but I want to pop the question,” I admitted. “I need her in my life, I need to know she’s not going anywhere, and I need her to know what I feel about her.”
“And what exactly is that?”
“She’s the one, Tug. She’s the only one I want to spend the rest of my life with. May and I talked about it in vague terms, but there wasn’t time. I don’t want to waste time with Juliana.”
“You sure about this?” he asked, but he was already grinning.
“I am. I need a ring, Johnson.”
“So go get one,” he said. “I’ll help you. I’ve had a bit of experience with the whole search of the perfect diamond.”
Wincing, I met his eyes again. “That’s the thing. I can’t leave her. Not yet. I need to make her mine and get that ring, but I also can’t leave her or go shopping for a ring with her watching me, so I’m fucked. I get all anxious just from the thought of leaving her by herself. I can’t do it.”
“You’re not fucked. Not by a long shot,” Tugger smiled. “You have friends, Pacey. You’re not used to leaning on people, and I get that, but lean on me now.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean there’s this great thing called the internet. Go on it, choose your ring, and I’ll go pick it up and bring it to you. It’s not a big deal.”
“Not a big deal?” I asked.
“You know what I mean,” Tugger shrugged. “It’s running to a store. You don’t want to leave her yet; you don’t have to. If you can’t bring Mohammed to the mountain.”
“You’re bringing the mountain to me,” I finished for Tugger, taking another a sip of his beer.
“Well, yeah,” his brow furrowed. “Going to the jewelers, more accurately. No mountains involved. Hopefully.”
“No mountains,” I assured him. “Even so, I cannot thank you enough, T.J.”
I only called him T.J. when shit got real. Thomas ‘Tugger’ Johnson preferred his last name or his nickn
ame, but he allowed the shortening when people got serious. He smiled at me.
“Tighten your towel, Nelson. You’re about to jump out of the frying pan straight into the fire. You sure this is what you want?”
“I’m sure.”
“Okay, let’s fire up your laptop then. You’ve got shopping to do.” He nodded at my computer lying on the coffee table and scooted in beside me.
“Just so you know,” I said, starting to type the names of local jewelry designers into the search engine, “I wasn’t only saying thank you for this. I was saying thank you for everything.”
“I know,” he said. “SEALs are comrades for life; you know that. Now, are we shopping for a ring or browsing sites with girly shit on them for no reason?
Chapter 38
Juliana
Nine days. Nine glorious days spent mostly alone with Pacey. I would never complain about that. I’d spend the rest of my life living out in the woods with him if that was what it took, but I was also excited when he told me we were going out that night.
Excited and just a little bit anxious, because it was my first time going out after my abduction. Pacey had taken vacation time with me while I recovered for nearly two weeks, staying by my side and supporting me every step of the way.
The man was absolutely phenomenal. Extraordinary in every sense of the word. I couldn’t get enough of him—being with him, around him, under him. It still confounded me that he felt the same way about me as I did about him.
He’d mentioned something about a nuclear level glow in his chest when he saw me or thought about me, and I had to admit to feeling the same thing about him. Abduction aside, I couldn’t stop smiling.
Tonight, we were going to the most expensive restaurant in town, and I had to get ready. I stood in front of Pacey’s walk-in closet and stared at my side of it. Because I had my own side. In his—no, our—closet. It was unbelievable that somehow, though we’d never talked about it after that one time, I was basically moved in with him.
Everything with him seemed to happen that way—completely naturally, like falling into thousand-year-old habits that we’d been stupid enough to try to break. I’d had a thought while falling asleep in his arms the other night, and the more I thought about it, the more I realized it was true.
Being with Pacey was like coming home after a really long, really terrible day, and knowing it was over now. That you were loved and safe, and that everything bad about the day, every storm you’d weathered, and every fight you’d fought, was over.
He was home to me. I didn’t how or when it happened, but it had. And I loved every second of being home.
My clothes hung in a neat row from a shiny silver rod and my shoes were stacked beneath them. My eyes roamed over my dresses, trying to pick the perfect one. I kept being drawn back to the red wrap dress that I’d worn the first night we kissed, and though the memory of the evening was tarnished by Scott, I wanted to reclaim it. Both the memory and the dress.
Slipping into it, Pacey came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist, pressing a soft kiss to my neck. “I love that fucking dress.”
I turned to face him and looped my arms around his neck. “And I love you.”
The smile he gave me deserved to have books written about it. Freshly showered, his hair was still wet, and he was wearing only a white towel wrapped around his hips. He was delicious—good enough to eat.
He caught the look in my eye and brought a hand to my chin, forcing me to look at his eyes instead of his body. They were filled with mischief and amusement, but they were also already half-lidded. “Later, baby. Our reservation is in half an hour.”
“Can’t we be just a little bit late?” I groaned, leaning into him and up to brush his lips with mine.
“Not tonight,” he said, slapping my ass lightly before squeezing it with both hands and bringing my lower body to his so I would feel exactly how much we were on the same page about wanting to be late. He sighed and pecked my cheek. “Trust me, if it wasn’t important, there’s no way I’d be trying to get clothes on you instead of taking them off.”
Emotion was burning so intensely from his eyes that it stole my breath and made me feel slightly dizzy. I didn’t know what was so important about dinner, but it was clearly a big deal to him. It was all I could do to break apart from him, but I nodded and stepped away.
“Fine, but you’d better get some clothes on if you want to get out of here anytime soon.”
He laughed and turned to his side of the closet. In the time it took me to select a pair of shoes, one minute tops, Pacey was fully dressed in black slacks and a white button-up shirt that he was rolling up to his elbows.
God, he’s beautiful.
“I’ve changed my mind,” I told him. He quirked a brow and waited for me to continue. “If you want to get out of here anytime soon, you should put a paper bag over your head and change into a really baggy jumpsuit or something.”
Even then, I’d probably want to jump the man. Pacey flashed me a panty-melting smile and sauntered out of the closet, pausing at the doorway to look at me over his shoulder. “Same goes for you, love. But I’m fresh out of really baggy jumpsuits, so this’ll have to do. I’ll be in the living room when you’re ready.”
Fifteen minutes later, we were on our way. Pacey kept his hand in mine all the way there and placed his palm on the small of my back as he guided me into the restaurant. Once inside, the hostess guided us to table right in the middle and Pacey pulled out my chair, waiting for me to sit before taking his own place.
“I’ve never been here before,” I told him, smoothing the starched white tablecloth and taking in the romantic setting. Chandeliers provided soft lighting, accompanied by white candles on each table and soft jazz music.
The place was packed, not surprising since it was Friday night and the restaurant to bring a date to. For men who cared about romance, at least. None of my ex-douches had.
It was for the best though, because they’d all been gigantic mistakes and stepping stones that led me to the man of my dreams, the one I’d been afraid to even hope for. He was the most handsome, caring, incredible man, and for some reason that I’d never understand, Pacey Nelson was looking at me like I’d lit up the sun.
“Yeah? Well, I’m happy to be the first. You deserve only the best.”
“Is that your way of saying that you’re the best?” I teased lightly, not understanding the sudden seriousness in his eyes or the tightness of his locked shoulders.
“Maybe.” He reached across the table for my hands, gave them a squeeze and rose from his seat. “That being said, there’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you. I was going to wait until after dinner, but I can’t.”
“What’re you doing?” I whispered, as I watched him reach for his empty wine glass and start tapping it with his knife.
“Patience, love,” he said, waiting for the attention of the other patrons in the restaurant. One by one, they started turning in their seats, eyes on us. Pacey waited patiently as the conversations around us ceased, and curious gazes drifted our way.
“Thanks for your attention, guys. I won’t keep you long, I promise. I have a confession to make, and I wanted you all to be a part of it,” he said with a half-smile as he looked around the restaurant. Several people chuckled softly and whispered to one another.
My eyes were locked on Pacey, and my breath was coming in short, shallow pants. What was he doing?
“I love this woman,” he continued, making eye contact with the other patrons until his gaze fell to mine, a look on his face that I’d never seen before. “I love her with all my heart and soul. I can’t live without her, and I thought it was time to make that official.”
Without breaking eye contact with me, he dropped to one knee, and I gasped, all the pieces of the way he’d been acting all day and the looks he’d been giving me clicking into place.
He wants the whole town to know he’s claiming me; that’s why he’s doing it in a public plac
e. Realization dawned as I watched him pull a ring box out of his pocket. Flipping the lid, he took out a ring and reached for my hand.
I gave it willingly, shaky as it might have been. Holding up the ring, he placed it right at the tip of my finger, poised to be slid on. “I love you, Juliana. I’m yours; I’m all in, love. Forever. Will you do me the eternal honor of being mine forever too? Will you marry me?”
There really was only one answer to that question. “Yes.”
He slid the ring onto my finger and put his hands on my thighs, raising himself up to claim my mouth with his in a deep, long kiss that sparked a slow burn all through my body. The entire restaurant broke into cheers around us as tears started streaming from my eyes.
Pacey brushed them away with the pads of his thumbs, breaking the kiss to look into my eyes, though I was sure that he could see all the way to my soul, the way his eyes were piercing mine.
“Thank you,” he whispered, and his words touched my heart in ways that I’d never imagined possible.
“I’m already yours, Pacey. I’m all in, too,” I told him softly, cupping his face in my hands. “I always have been.”
The ring was heavy on my finger, catching the light where it sat on his cheek. It was a brilliant cut diamond, huge and surrounded by smaller diamonds. Clamps raised the center diamond, and two bands ran from it, joining into one when they met my finger.
It was gorgeous, more than I ever could’ve asked for. Yet it wasn’t its beauty that made it that way; it was what it symbolized. My heart clenched as it sparkled in the soft light. He was mine. Fully. Finally. Forever.
Dinner flew by in a rush of congratulations, delicious food, and better wine. I wanted to go home straight away, but Pacey insisted that we were celebrating and that my first foray out in the world after the abduction couldn’t last less than an hour.
When we got home, he carried me over the threshold and all the way to our bed. “You know that you’re technically only supposed to do this once we’re married, right?”