by Claire Adams
The weeks I had gotten to spend close to Nate were behind me now, and if I tried, I could pretend that nothing had happened. It helped that I hadn't seen him and he hadn't called the front desk. He must have locked himself up in his suite again. If that was what he had done, then, oh well, that was what he wanted to do with his time.
It was callous to say he wasn't my problem anymore, but I realized around four days in when I had still been feeling like shit, with Makani's help, that there was a difference between mourning and moping.
It had been about two weeks now, and I was feeling better. I’d let myself feel deeply for Nate in the short time that we had been in contact, but that was over now. Other things had begun, and other things were going to keep happening.
Simply put, I had to move on. I had stuck my neck out for Nate and put my heart out there. This was something that he didn't want, and even though that rejection had hurt, all it signaled was the end; it didn't erase everything that had happened. The summer wasn't over yet. It was fine if he wasn't part of it because there were so many other people who were going to be.
I wasn't so distraught that I couldn't work anymore. I'd been spending most of my time back at the desk with Makani, but today I was outside, on tour duty again, and this was a little different.
Rayleigh and Hank had just gotten married and were here for their honeymoon. In the time it had taken me to show them around the resort, barring the golf course, they had managed to give me an entire rundown of their gorgeous wedding and how it almost hadn't happened. They had meant to have the wedding and the honeymoon at the Four Seasons, but a mistake booking had meant they thought they were getting married in Hawai’i before they had called to confirm their booking.
They were a young couple from Texas; they hadn't had to tell me because I could hear their accents. I didn't think I sounded very Texan since moving to Lanai, but when I would hear people who were, I heard my accent slip out a little when I spoke to them.
I loved the weddings we had on the island, but honeymoons were the next best thing. It was nice to think you were part of this experience the couple would remember forever. Rayleigh and Hank were following me back up to the resort from the beach, which they had asked me to show them: the end of their tour.
They had fallen slightly behind me, holding hands and whispering to each other.
"Abby?" Hank called. I stopped walking and let them catch up.
"Yeah?"
"Hey, you might get this a lot, but I mentioned it to Ray, and she said she sees it, too. Have you ever been on television? You're awfully familiar." I felt ice run up my spine, but cleared my throat, giving them my practiced, professional smile.
"Maybe someone should put me on television. You wouldn't believe the number of people who have asked me," I said jokingly. He laughed, making me relax.
"We were just convinced we had to have seen you somewhere."
"If I was on television, someone still owes me a check," I said lightly. His wife caught up, and I sent them on their way, returning to the lobby and getting behind the desk.
That could have gone horribly left, I thought. I hadn't had to lie to a guest like that in a while now. It wasn't something I liked having to talk about, but like my neck, I had to. I guess I always ran the risk of being recognized by someone who might have heard about my father on the mainland and was here on vacation, but I had time and a new name on my side. Most of the time.
I got back to work, sitting down next to Makani. She told me she was going to the bathroom and left, heading to the rear, near our changing room. I looked at my computer for a while before glancing up. A tall man with dark hair caught my eye, and I admonished myself for thinking it was Nate. I looked twice and froze.
It was Nate. I wasn't imagining anything. Fuck. I was alone behind the desk; I had to talk to him.
My heart started pounding, and my throat dried out. We hadn't talked since he had told me in as many words that he was done with me. Seeing him walking towards me, I felt the resentment I had tried to bury beneath my work and being busy rearing up.
I looked down and steeled myself for the conversation as he approached. This was still my job. I'd tell him what he wanted to know and he could leave. What was so important that he had left his room to say it instead of calling, though? I thought despite myself.
"Good afternoon, Mr. Stone," I said stiffly, giving him a detached smile. "How can I help you?"
"Please stop calling me that," he said, smiling. His complexion was alive and bright. He looked rested and peaceful; he looked great. He was a handsome guy anyway, but he looked healthy like he had managed to stay off the drugs.
I had to stop myself from asking because as it stood between us now, I wasn't his friend…or anything else for that matter. I was asking him as an employee of the Four Seasons how I could make his stay more comfortable.
"Is there something I can help you with?" I asked again.
"Actually, yeah," he said suggestively, raking his eyes over my face and body in a way that made me start to sweat. "I want to see you tonight."
"I'm sorry, the resort forbids personal relationships between the staff and guests," I said dismissively.
"Do I have to find your manager and get him to make you come out with me?"
"Is that what you would resort to in order to get me to see you when I clearly don't want to?"
"Come on, Abby. Stop acting like we just met."
"I don't know what you're talking about. I'm doing my job, Mr. Stone."
"I want to apologize for the past couple weeks. I shouldn't have said what I said to you. I want to talk." I allowed myself to look in his eyes.
"No.”
"Abby," he pleaded.
"I can't give you that if that is all you're looking for. I'm working. You know the limits to what I can and can't give you within those boundaries."
"I know I fucked up. Let me fix this," he said. I shook my head.
"How could you come back to me asking for that after telling me to leave you alone?"
"I made a mistake."
"‘I don't need you anymore,’" I said quietly. "Those were the words you said to me. You made your mind up, and after that, I made my mind up, too. If there is nothing I can help you with, please leave."
"You don't mean that," he said.
"I mean it as much as you did. I didn't hound you after you told me to leave you alone. All I want is the same respect," I said looking back down at my computer. He was silent for a moment, but he didn't move.
"I'm sorry if what I said to you made you hate me. Don't shut me out when I'm trying to apologize to you." I shook my head again.
"You shouldn't have come here to talk to me knowing I wouldn't be able to stop you. Please leave. This is the last time I'm asking," I said.
I kept my eyes down because I didn't want to cry in front of him. I heard him hesitate before finally leaving. I sighed. It was ragged and long; I had been holding my breath. Goddammit, Nate, I thought, touching the corners of my eyes to catch the tears before they started falling.
"Abby?"
I jumped at hearing Makani come back behind the desk.
"Are you okay? I heard what you said to him."
"I'm fine," I said.
"Hey, if you need a little time, it's okay," she said.
I shook my head, sniffing. I didn't want to go to the bathroom and cry like he and I had broken up. That wasn't what it was. We hadn't been together in the first place, so there was no good reason for me to feel like I had lost him. He was never mine.
It just sucked. Why did he have to choose today to come and see me? I was finally feeling normal. He was finally starting to matter less and now, I had to start again from scratch.
And then what he said? He wanted to see me again? How dare he. How dare he act like he hadn't told me to fuck off. No. No way. I couldn't do it. There was a good reason I didn't put myself in this position with anybody, and this was it.
"I'll be fine," I said hollowly to Ma
kani. Still, I felt her watching me the whole day. She didn't believe me. I didn't either.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Nate
Keno might have been kidding about that comment he made the other day on our hike, the one about me hanging out with him because I was on the outs with Abby, and it might have been true at the time, but things had changed since then.
He was a cool guy; I wasn't sure if I was giving him enough credit. There was no other way our paths would have crossed than if I hadn't come to Lanai. On top of that, if things were different and he lived in LA, I don't know whether he'd be the sort of person I hung out with.
I didn't have friends. Not real ones, anyway. Your friend wasn't someone who only had something to say to you when there was something you could offer them. They just liked you.
Keno might have been becoming my friend. I felt like Abby was my friend, in a lot of ways. She cared about me. She went out of her way to do stuff for me. She didn't let me keep hurting myself when I wanted her to. I didn't want to be her friend, though. Not just her friend. Keno could be my friend. I wanted her to be more than that. How much more? It wasn't worth asking since she wanted nothing to do with me now.
I came to the bar more often now, but not to drink in the morning like a crazy person. It was pretty early, but there were still some people lounging around the pool when I passed by it to get to the bar. I said hey to Keno, seeing him in his usual spot. He asked me what I had going on today. Nothing, as usual.
“I was going to head out to the beach. The waves look good today,” he said.
“You want to swim?”
“Surf,” he said. “You’re coming with me.”
“I don’t know how to surf,” I said.
“You’re still coming with me,” he announced, coming around the bar.
“You mean right now?”
“No time like the present,” he said.
“Can you just leave? Aren’t you working?”
“Hawai’i is the freest state in the US; you can do whatever you want here,” he said, laughing.
Shit. Okay, if he said so. I was down. I hadn’t spent much time at the resort’s beach, but I looked at it from my suite every day. I had seen people surfing. I had never done it a day in my life, but why not? Keno was cool.
After giving me a Surf 101 lesson on the beach on our rented boards, we went out on the water. It was a lot harder than he made it look. I watched him more than actually managing to do it myself, but it wasn’t a bad way to spend a morning. He sat on his board and paddled over to me.
“I don’t know if this is my sport, man,” I said.
“You should learn. Girls love it,” he said, laughing. Since he had brought up girls…
"I talked to Abby the other day," I told him.
"That's great. How'd it go?"
"Not good," I admitted.
"She refused to talk to you?"
"No, it wasn't that. I went to talk to her at her desk. I asked her to go out with me. She gave this bum excuse about not being able to see guests personally. That isn't true, is it?"
"Whether it's true or not, that was a really convenient time for her to bring it up," Keno remarked.
"I fucked up. I want to see her, and she won't even give me the time of day."
"You miss her."
"I just want to see her again. It wasn't fair, what I did to her. And it didn't even do anything. I still feel like shit."
"I don't know what you're waiting for, brother," Keno said.
"What do you mean?"
"I mean, you don't have to do this to yourself."
"I already tried to talk to her. I have to try something else. I don't know. I'll think of something."
"How long will that take?" he asked. "You said it yourself: you’re leaving, she’s staying here. You only have so many days till you have to get on that plane."
"You want me to go to her house and refuse to leave until she agrees to talk to me?" I asked, getting frustrated.
"You remind me of a story I heard once about a man. He was like you, a good guy. He had a good life and he was happy, but he was missing something. He was alone. He wanted a woman, a wife he could spend the rest of his life with. He knew his life was good the way it was, but he couldn't help thinking and dreaming about the life he could have when he finally found her.
“So he started planning for it. He started planning the life he was going to have when he finally found the woman of his dreams. He planned everything: the home they would build together, the family they would raise, even the conversations they would have together, every day for the rest of their lives. He wanted everything to be perfect when he finally found her, but there was one problem.
“He planned for so long, it was all he could think about. He never did all the things he planned to do. He never took time away from his planning to go out and actually find the woman he wanted in the first place. He died with nothing but his big book of plans."
I looked at Keno, pausing because I was sure he was about to keep going. The hell kind of story was that? He died alone in the end anyway?
"He didn't get her in the end?" I asked.
"He was focusing on the wrong thing. Instead of going out to get his girl-"
"He spent all his time figuring what he would do when he got her," I said. "What does that have to do with me?"
"You're him, Nate. Or you're going to be if you let yourself spend all your time thinking about what you could have with Abby, instead of going out and getting her. You're leaving, yeah, but you know what? You're here now. You need to act now and stop planning."
"Was that story supposed to make me feel better?" I asked.
"No. It's supposed to warn you. You're focusing on the wrong thing, brother. You're thinking about that girl when you could be kissing her."
"I can't just go up to her without thinking about what to do first."
"Just watch how long you wait," he said simply. "Watch how long you make her wait, too."
I thought about that while watching him catch a wave. The story had been cool or whatever, but just telling me to hurry it up before she got over me would have worked just as good. Would have taken a lot less time, too. He was a talker, that guy. He had a lot of stories.
He was completely right, though. It sucked and it was a little embarrassing, but he was right.
What I wanted was Abby. If I wasn't careful, I would make it to the end of my vacation without ever getting her. We stayed on the water a little while longer before heading back up to the hotel, me to my suite and Keno back to work.
I took a shower when I got there, finding my way over to the piano after. No more planning, I thought. A plan’s useless unless it actually gets you what you want. The music came to me before the words, and finally I was writing. No more planning.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Abby
I attended every single luau that the resort held during the peak season. I had to for work, of course, but I still would have even if I didn't have to work.
I was still waiting for the events to get old and staid from the number I had been to, but they still hadn't. The performances were the most important part of the night, but the party atmosphere and the energy were always electric. Being around people who were having a good time was a good time to me.
Besides doing the lei greeting, I got to hang out and socialize with the guests, which was always a great time. Some of them would recognize me from the front desk and strike up conversation. That was the thing about talking to people: they didn't want to be treated like someone you couldn't talk to; they wanted to be treated like human beings.
This was good for me. I felt secure with all the people around me because that meant he would be harder to see, and it would be harder for him to see me. I never wanted to feel that way about anybody, but I wasn't foolish enough to hang onto something that he had said to my face was not something he could give me. It was good to be hopeful, but some things weren't worth risking your h
eart over.
I smiled seeing Hank and Rayleigh walking into the luau, their first since they'd checked in. I waved, and Rayleigh waved back, seeing me first. I liked them. There was the fact that they were from Texas, which was something I felt connected us a little. Also, they were on their honeymoon — the time in your life that is literally dedicated to nothing but happiness and fun.
"How are you guys tonight?" I asked them as they came closer.
"Great. This is amazing," Rayleigh gushed.
“You guys are early; you can pick some good seats,” Makani told them from next to me.
“Abby warned us how packed these get; she’s been such a great host since we got here,” Rayleigh said, looking over to smile at me. I smiled back.
“Dinner starts in about fifteen minutes; have a great time, guys,” I said. I put a lei over Abby’s head as Makani gave one to Hank. The stream of people coming in had thinned to a trickle, and none of them had been Nate. Good, I thought. I could breathe tonight.
We moved closer to the stage when the performances began, watching from the sidelines. I stood by Makani listening to the host introduce the first act. There were enough seats at the tables, but some people preferred to stand, especially when they weren’t having anything to eat. A small group of guests was standing with us, watching the show. Somebody brushing against my shoulder caught my attention. I looked over. It was a guy, smiling down at me.
“Hey,” he said. “I’m Trent.”
“Abby,” I said, introducing myself. He was tall and blond, with long wavy hair. He was in a t-shirt and board shorts, not that much older than I was if I had to estimate.
“What are you drinking tonight, Abby? It’s on me,” he said.
“Nothing tonight. I’m working.” I smiled politely.
“You gotta clock out at some point,” he said flirtatiously. He was right. I was going to clock out and go home tonight. I could have taken that opportunity to invite him over so I didn’t have to spend the night alone, but I was good. What the hell had happened the last time I had gotten too close to a guest?