by Coralee June
"Oh Jules, do you mind if I call you Jules? I can assure you that we will have only the best food for you here in the Stonewell home." She beamed with pride which made me swallow the thick bile that rose up my throat. The two women then started chatting endlessly about hiring a new Walker with more skills than me.
After a few more minutes of finalizing details, Josiah dismissed me.
"Ashleigh, you are dismissed for the evening. I'm sure you have a lot of preparing to do, as Master Black here leaves by train in the morning with the first wave of Walkers."
The thought of spending four days on a train full of Walkers and Cyler Black made me reconsider my decision, but instead of vocalizing my concern like I wanted to, I merely nodded my head and walked down to my basement bedroom for the last time.
Chapter 7
There wasn't much for me to pack. I owned only four dresses, one pair of shoes, and a small bag of toiletries. I owned more than what most in my position possessed. I was ready for my new life in the Dorma Providence in fifteen minutes, which left me with hours to agonize over the betrayal I felt of Josiah's swift dismissal of me.
The past decade and a half had built a relationship that surpassed my unfortunate situation and made serving the Stonewell family worth all the work and restraint. If I had him, I could handle anything, could do almost anything. The realization that he honestly never would be mine was devastating.
The hours passed, and I cried silently to myself. I mourned for Josiah. For my freedom. For my fears. I researched information on the Dorma Providence on the house Tablet. After a few general statistics and news reports of attacks by the savages, I felt even more anxious about my decision.
My new home was underdeveloped and small. Walkers didn’t exist, but until very recently, they lacked the necessary means for survival. Their citizens had to abide by strict rationing policies, and everyone was required to work.
It was a rural area, known to be hot and humid year round. The citizens of Dormas dressed differently there then they did in Galla, too. Everything about my new home would be different. I wanted to feel excited but found it to be difficult.
In the middle of the night, just as I was about to fall asleep from exhaustion, the door to the basement creaked open, and I heard the padding of footsteps down the stairs, leading to my bed.
"Ashleigh, are you awake?" Josiah's voice whispered.
I immediately sat up and searched the dark room for his face. I clicked on the nightlight he gave me, and we found ourselves staring silently at one another. Josiah then sat on the edge of my cot, clenching his fist. I watched him with trepidation and tried to swallow the sobs that demanded to break free.
"Why didn't you say no?" he finally asked quietly.
I considered his question for a moment then replied.
"Why didn't you?"
"I'm stuck, Ashleigh. I wanted to tell him to fuck off and leave my girl alone, but I'm not in the position to do that." I shivered at his use of ‘my girl’ and allowed the tears to fall, finally. The ever dutiful Josiah. His first love would always be the Stonewell name. I never stood a chance.
"You could have stopped him. You could have chosen me." I answered in a choked voice. The hurt from his secret engagement and dismissal piled on our conversation, and silent tears trickled down my cheeks.
"I wanted to choose you. Can't wanting be enough for us?" he asked. We’d spent the last fifteen years wanting, and look where we were. Staring down the barrel of heartbreak and trying to cling to something we never had.
I inched closer to him on the bed and allowed myself the brief comfort of touching his hand with mine. My calloused fingertips felt rough against his porcelain skin.
"I used to think wanting you was enough. But, I can't watch you be with someone else. I can't love something I can't have. I don't know what waits for me in Dormas, but if I have any hopes of falling out of love with you, I have to leave." I said honestly. This moment was the first time I so openly, and frankly, admitted my feelings for Josiah. The admission felt freeing but also damning.
Josiah grabbed me and pulled me onto his lap. He clutched me tightly for what seemed like forever. His tears mixed with mine in a painful river down my cheeks. We stayed like that for a while, whispering about the good times and chuckling over our mischievous, childhood selves. I soaked up every possible sensation between us. I wanted to vividly remember these last moments with the love of my life.
Each passing moment, his fingers gripped me in a way that made my heart race. After a while, our tears dried, and we were barely an exhale away from kissing one another. I tried to gather up enough courage to close the distance between us, but each time I considered it, something held me back.
The living room clock chimed, reminding us that dawn was coming. So, instead of giving in to what we wanted, we both stood and stared at one another. I considered what our life would be like if there weren't this imaginary divide built upon status keeping us apart. I wondered if he would have married me. If we would have had kids. If we would have grown old together.
I walked him towards the stairs, and just as he began his ascent, I grabbed his shoulders and dusted them off, the gesture of care and love that I’d performed every morning with him for as long as I could remember. Josiah stiffened at the touch of my fingertips, but I ignored it. I wanted to claim this last bit of him.
Just as I turned to head back to my small cot, Josiah grabbed my wrists and held them over my head while pushing me against the cold, concrete, basement wall. His lips crashed upon mine, and I gasped in shock. He moved with the intention of being unforgettable, and I doubted I would ever forget.
His tongue begged entrance into my closed lips, and I greedily accepted him. He tasted like mint and sugar and sin. His hands released my wrists then snaked around my neck. My skin burned wherever he touched. He forced his thigh between my legs, pressing me tightly against him and the wall. His body was everywhere, it encompassed me, and I was helpless to stop the onslaught of sensations. I gripped his back, pulling Josiah even tighter against me. The act encouraged him, and I felt his smile on my lips. Feeling Josiah let go was blissful and addicting. It hinted at everything we could be.
He then bit my lip, and the slight pain brought me back to reality. I quickly pulled away and calmed my breathing. The kiss was amazing. Earth shattering. But, Josiah wasn't mine. He never would be. His fiery eyes blazed at me, igniting all the pain and passion between us.
"Stay with me. We can make this work," he pleaded.
I simply remained silent. I allowed Josiah's hopes to permeate my soul. It felt good to feel wanted by Josiah Stonewell, even if only for a brief moment.
"I can't be your secret, Josiah. I love you too much for that," I replied. I couldn't live knowing that I risked his status amongst the community. Josiah was headed for greater things. Instead of responding, Josiah pulled me in for a tight hug. It was the goodbye he wouldn't be able to give me tomorrow in front of everyone.
"I love you, Ashleigh," he whispered then turned to walk upstairs and out of my life. Once the basement door shut, announcing his departure, the emptiness of the basement surrounded me, and I collapsed on the floor and sobbed.
Chapter 8
Morning came too soon. The circles under my eyes clashed against my skin, and my eyes were red from the stress of saying goodbye to Josiah. I packed food for our travels, and we endured breakfast in silence. Jules kept throwing satisfactory smiles my way. She seemed to enjoy the turmoil I was in, which furthered my sorrow at this devastating situation.
I allowed myself to observe her openly. She was beautiful and refined. Everything expected of a Stonewell. Her perfectly manicured nails and her bright smile would fit in nicely at political functions and parties.
I envied her as she exchanged pleasantries with Mistress Stonewell. I knew not to expect any tears shed on behalf of Linda, but her absolute joy at my departure made me resentful. She’d never liked how close Josiah and I were, and this was the perfec
t solution to remove me without undermining him.
I carefully cleaned the kitchen for the last time, and Cyler helped me load our belongings into the transport. Jules and Cyler's goodbye was brief and formal. It lacked the sentimentality you’d expect between siblings, and both seemed eager to be rid of one another, which was curious to me.
Linda gripped my shoulder in mock affection, furthering the ruse that I was meaningful to the family. “Do well, Ashleigh. Thank you for your service to our family,” she said. It was probably the kindest thing she has ever said to me, but the gesture left a bad taste in my mouth.
I turned to Josiah, and my stomach dropped, but I refused to let any tears fall on his behalf. I was determined to detach myself from the grief that filled me. I resolved that the last of my tears were shed last night when he kissed me. When I walked near, Josiah brushed the imaginary dust off my shoulders, an act that almost broke me. Then, I noticed him slip a Tablet into my small messenger bag of belongings.
“Keep in touch, Ash,” he whispered affectionately, just low enough so that only I could hear.
“Yes, Master Stonewell,” I replied robotically. His eyes flashed at the verbal distance I placed between us. It was the last axe upon our relationship. He was bound to his duty, and I was determined to recognize that he chose that over me.
Cyler grabbed my elbow with one hand and nodded at Josiah with an award-winning smile.
“Thank you, please take proper care of my sister. I’ll see you again at the wedding,” he said hurriedly. He yanked me towards the transport at a brisk pace. I couldn’t tell if he was trying to spare me the pain of saying goodbye, or if he was worried that I would change my mind.
We then made our way to the transport that would lead us to the train station. I stole a quick glance back at Josiah, but he was absorbed in conversation with Jules. I looked away and sat in the transport, willing the pain in my heart to disappear.
As soon as the door shut, Cyler released his hold on my arm and dropped the easy-going smile he held. I noticed that his entire body seemed to relax.
“If you’re going to cry, please get it over with. We have four days of traveling ahead of us,” Cyler said in a bored tone.
“I’m done crying over Josiah Stonewell,” I replied with more force than necessary, which awarded me a curious stare from Cyler.
“It appears you’re stronger than I thought. Good–you’ll need it where we’re going,” he replied.
We rode to the train station in silence. It was a short drive, and Cyler spent most of the trip typing furiously on his Tablet and making brief phone calls, updating whoever was on the other line of our itinerary and delivering orders to prepare for my arrival.
When we arrived at the station, four dozen, or so, Walkers were lined up, receiving shots of the Influenza X Vaccine in their necks. There was excited chatter amongst them, and I was surprised to find that there were a large number of women in the group that appeared to be my age.
“I thought you needed soldiers and workers?” I asked no one in particular.
“Our female population has dwindled significantly, too,” he replied simply. “We need women for other tasks.” I prayed that those other tasks didn’t involve forced companionship. Cyler seemed respectful enough, but desire and need can make people do harmful things.
I watched in awe as the line of Walkers boarded the train, and Cyler monitored them as a large, wooden chest was given to the Galla guards that stood watch over the transaction. Cyler guided me towards them and opened the chest, revealing an insane amount of gold. I dropped my mouth in astonishment.
“We had over three hundred applicants.” Cyler said with a hint of pain in his voice. “This was all we could take right now.”
Cyler then walked towards the Governer’s Guard that stood watch over the entire ordeal.
“This should cover the cost of the vaccinations and Walkers. The Dorma Providence thanks you for your cooperation.” Cyler bowed while throwing a wink in my direction.
Slowly, the Walkers boarded the train in hopeful anticipation. Cyrus led me towards the front of the train, into the first class cabin.
“Oh, I don’t mind sitting with the other Walkers, Master Black,” I said.
“Oh hush, I don't bite." Cyrus gathered my curly, light-brown hair with his large hands into a thick bun on top of my head, revealing the tag placed on my ear, signifying my role as a Walker. He glared at it and motioned for a member of the Guard to come and remove it. A beefy man with an angry expression strolled over with apparent disdain and clipped it off quickly. The tag fell on the ground, and I gripped my now naked ear. I noticed others appraise us curiously, apparently unsure about the nature of our companionship. Some Walkers even smiled.
Cyler then grabbed my hand and led me up the stairs to the main cabin, then dropped it as soon as we were out of sight. I felt like a political pawn in whatever games he played.
The cabin was plush and luxurious. A bar sat on the far-east side, fully stocked with liquor and other novelty, drink items. The seats were purple velvet with gold trim. Never once, did I imagine that I would be allowed to travel in such conditions. Once again, Cyler surprised me.
I looked at him in awe. His whiplash of moods always had me questioning myself, but ultimately he seemed to be a good leader that wanted to provide for his people.
“Can I get you anything to drink, Master Black?” I asked. Cyler looked up from his Tablet with an annoyed expression.
“What’s with this ‘Master’ business? I hate that, just call me Cyler. And, before you fall in love with me, I’d like to make it clear that my informal preferences stem from feeling extremely uncomfortable about my new role in this society.”
His candid admission made me feel simultaneously vulnerable and angry.
“Don’t mistake my politeness for affection, Cyler. Old habits are hard to break, and I think it would be challenging to fall for someone that uses people as pawns for political gains.”
“Then, how did you ever fall for a guy like Josiah Stonewell?" he asked in a sharp tone, and the truthfulness of it felt like a slap in the face. "I do what I have to for my people,” he said simply. “Our numbers have dwindled while these pompous assholes hoard the cure for a preventable virus. Now that we’ve become one of the most profitable providences in the empire, there are certain steps we have to take to make sure what we have isn’t taken from us.”
He had a point. It would be easy for Josiah to lead a team and capture the Dormas lands.
“So, you’re giving them gold while building an army,” I said.
“Ah, you’re a smart one. Yes. Galla men are greedy. It's easy to flash some gold and offer to allow their lower class population into our Providence. It’ll also be easy to motivate the Walkers to defend their new home. I will provide them with freedom and respect. Something they’ve obviously never had. We have enough gold stockpiled that we can afford the Galla Providence’s steep rates and enough vaccines to protect our people from Influenza X. And, letting my brainless sister marry the poor lad as a gesture of good will buys us some more time.” he continued with a chuckle. “The alliance will make them feel good about our partnership.”
Hearing his brash opinion of his sister made Cyler that much more menacing. Could he honestly be that heartless to pawn his blood off? Although I wasn’t necessarily a fan of Jules, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her brother’s opinion of her.
“Why tell me this?” I asked Cyler, while he rose and poured two glasses of amber liquid in chilled glasses. Cyler handed one to me and swallowed his in one gulp. I watched his Adam's apple bob up and down.
“You would have figured it out, anyways. I need to build a rapport with the Walkers. I’ll need your help to do that,” he said. I took a swig of the drink and coughed down the flames that scorched my mouth and throat. My belly immediately felt warm. Cyler chuckled at me, and we then sat in awkward silence.
Within the hour the train started up, and we were moving towa
rds the Dormas Providence. Cyler set up his office in the main cabin and worked throughout the day. I brought him lunch and snacks but mostly listened to the various calls he made.
I watched in awe as we passed through different terrain. Abandoned cities and desert made a dramatic wasteland portrait in the huge window. It made me feel small and insignificant. The Stonewell home was where I’d spent the majority of my life. My existence revolved around their routine and in that, I lost myself. It was equal parts humbling and saddening to see that the world was so much bigger than Josiah. So much bigger than me.
I felt hopeful about my future, despite the fear of the unknown. I felt excited to experience life outside of pining for Josiah Stonewell and wishing I was something I’m not. Ultimately, I looked forward to figuring out who I was outside of my duties as a Walker. Cyler said I would be free in the Dormas Providence, and that train ride made me realize that I wanted to use my freedom to become something more than the timid Walker that obeyed every command.
Later that evening, a call came through for Cyler that caught my attention. It was about Jules, and the person on the other end of the line seemed acquainted with her.
“Ay, brother. She’s gone for good. It's for the best. I don’t think the poor fool truly realized that we got the better end of the deal. Wait till you see what I got in exchange for her.” Cyler looked up to meet my gaze and winked at me. His words made me feel like auctioned cattle, and I frowned. Cyler then told the person on the other line goodbye and hung up.
“Whats with the frown, Ash?” The nickname rolled off his tongue, and the familiarity surprised me.
“I feel like cattle,” I replied.
“Oh don’t worry. I was just messing with my brother. He has a soft spot for pretty gals, and I’m sure he’ll drop his jaw when I waltz in with you. But, I want to be abundantly clear– you aren’t my property.” Cyler got up, grabbed my chin and forced me to look him in the eye.