“Why not?”
Keeping my head down, I answer him.
“Because what if it’s me - huh? What if I am the reason I can’t give my wife the one thing she wants in the world. She would look at me as less of a man.”
I hear him get up from the sofa as he approaches me, picking up the pillow that he tossed at me earlier. Before I know it, he slaps me with the pillow upside my head - not once, but twice.
He makes his way back to the sofa before speaking again.
“Imma need you to man the fuck up and handle your business. Talk to Zoe. Tell her what you have told me. And together both of you decide about going to a specialist. The sooner you find out why she is not getting pregnant, the sooner the problem can be fixed - if there is problem. It could be just stress that is preventing it.”
********
Meanwhile… Around the Corner at the Sloane House
Zoe
I can feel Ivy’s eyes on me as I dig my spoon into the carton of Häagen-Dazs Belgian chocolate ice cream. I shove the ice-cream laden spoon into my mouth and moan at the rich taste of it. When I go to dig my spoon in again, the carton is abruptly taken from me. My empty spoon hovers in the air as I watch Ivy put the lid on the carton of ice cream and place it in the freezer.
“I didn’t come over here to watch you stuff your face with ice cream Zoe,” Ivy says as she takes a seat on the barstool next to me before she continues. “Not less than thirty minutes ago, you called my house, barely coherent, telling me that Charlie left you and now you are acting like everything is fine.”
I swivel my barstool around to look at her. I give the spoon one last lick before I pitch it into the nearby sink. I sigh heavily and proceed to tell her about the fight Charlie and I had and as I’m telling her, I’m realizing that I have been selfish.
No wonder Charlie blew up at me. If the roles were reversed and he was the one coming at me all the time trying to impregnate me, I would be pissed too.
“And now that I am telling this all to you, I’m seeing that I may have fucked up,” I say at the end of my tale.
She raises a perfectly arched eyebrow at me as if to say ‘May have?’.
I let out a loud dramatic groan as I scrub my hands over my face.
“What am I going to do Ivy?” I say as I look at her. “Just saying ‘I’m sorry’ doesn’t seem to be enough.”
“True, but you’re still going to apologize and you’re going to have to ease up on jumping him every time he walks through the door.”
“But I want a baby, I want to be pregnant already,” I whisper as tears well in my eyes. “Most days I am okay, but there are times when it is almost unbearable and lately those times seem to be happening more frequently. Sometimes - when I look at Livy, I just think it is so unfair.” I swipe at the tears on my face, but they are relentless at falling from my eyes. “I know this is going to sound awful, but why her and not me? Charlie and I have been trying since last year. She and Isaac weren’t even trying - hell, she was still on birth control when she got pregnant.”
“First of all,” Ivy says in a quiet voice as she gets down from the bar stool and pulls me with her and leads me to the sofa in the TV room. We both sit down and I lean my head against her shoulder as she wraps her arms around me.
“I can understand wanting something so bad and being almost powerless to get it. That no matter what you do or how much you will it and want it to happen, it just doesn’t happen.”
She is quiet for a moment and I curl my legs under me as she tightens her arms around me.
“When Keith dumped me all those years ago,” she begins and I nod letting her know that I am listening. “I would have given anything to have him come back to me. Even though he cheated on me, I still would have given anything for him to want me again. If it wasn’t for you guys ‘Ivy-sitting’ me after we broke up, I am sure I would have gone to him and begged for him to take me back. At night, I would lie awake and make all these bargains and promises with God - just so that he would want me again and we could get back together.”
My tears start again, because this is just what I have been doing in terms of getting pregnant - bargaining with the Man above.
I cry silently as Ivy continues to hold me. I don’t know how much time has passed before she speaks again. By now, my tears have subsided and I am just sniffling.
“Have you and Charlie discussed going to a specialist to see if something is wrong?”
“No,” I say - shaking my head as I sit up and lean back against the sofa arm.
“Why not?”
“Because what if something is wrong. What if it’s me? What if I am defective?” I feel a fresh round of tears starting, but before another tear can drop, Ivy smacks my leg - hard.
“Oww! What the hell was that for?”
“That was for you saying dumb shit. If something were wrong, you would not be defective. It would just be an issue that a specialist could help you fix.”
I just give her a blank stare.
“Let me put it this way,” she continues. “What if you went to a specialist and it was discovered that Charlie’s little swimmers were slow or something - would you call him defective?”
I shake my head.
“Then why would you call yourself defective if the problem was with you?”
My only reply is to shrug my shoulders.
I am saved from having to verbalize a response when Ivy’s phone chimes, indicating an incoming text message. She picks up her phone from the coffee table, looking at it before quickly typing out a message.
“That was Wood,” she says as she sets her phone back on the coffee table. “He and Charlie are headed back this way. They should be here in about ten or fifteen minutes.”
My heart beats a little faster because I am not sure if I am ready to face Charlie after acting like a crazy woman.
“Why don’t you get cleaned up?” She asks, giving me a pointed look.
I look down and see splotches of dried ice cream on my t-shirt and I even spy a bit of it on my thigh. I frown and look at Ivy.
She cocks an eyebrow at me and says, “Yeah, you even have dried ice cream around your mouth and on your face.”
I lightly push her shoulder.
“You could have told me I look like a toddler who has been playing in ice cream.”
I hurry upstairs to clean myself up.
********
Ivy and I are both sitting on the stairs when the front door opens and it takes everything in me not to rush to Charlie. I watch him walk in with Wood behind him. His eyes instantly find me and he gives me a slight smile.
I give him one right back. I watch him as he walks over to me and I am vaguely aware of Ivy leaving her spot next to me. Charlie takes her place and takes my hand in his. I lean against his shoulder. We don’t say anything as Ivy and Wood quietly slip out the front door.
“Did you eat?” I finally ask him.
“Yeah, Wood and Ivy had a load of Chinese takeout.”
He looks down at me. He runs a thumb softly under my eye then down my cheek.
“Did you eat?” he asks me.
“Not really,” I say as I shake my head. “I had a couple spoonfuls of ice cream but Ivy took it away from me.”
He stands and tugs me up.
“Come on, let me make you something to eat.”
Once we are in the kitchen, I settle on a barstool and watch him go about preparing my favorite comfort food - Velveeta mac n cheese - the kind with the neon orange cheese-like-goo.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt out.
He turns around and leans against the kitchen counter.
“After I had time to think about it - I realized you were right; I have been selfish. If it were reversed, I would be pissed.”
I watch him as he walks to me, spinning my barstool around until I am facing him.
“I’m sorry too Zoe.” He takes my hand and brings it to his mouth for a sweet kiss. “While I’m sorry - I’m not sorry for wha
t I said, just how I said it. I should have come to you earlier and discussed this with you.”
I nod my head as my eyes well with tears. He uses his thumb to catch a fallen tear.
“We are better than this. We don’t let shit go unsaid or fester between us. We talk it out. I’m sorry for not telling you to ease up on the sex thing.”
My tears are falling freely now and he leans down to kiss them one by one. Giving me another sweet kiss, this time on my lips.
“I’m so sorry,” I mumble against his lips as I start to cry in earnest.
Charlie pulls me into a hug and I cling to him as I cry out all of my pent-up frustration and disappointment. After I have gotten most of it out of my system, I do feel somewhat better.
He tells me to go upstairs to take a hot bath and he will bring my mac n cheese to me once it is done. And that is what I do. I am still soaking in the tub when he brings me my food. He sits on the floor next to the tub and I eat. We also talk.
“I think we should go see a specialist,” he says.
He doesn’t have to tell me what kind of specialist, because I already know.
“Okay,” I say softly. “I’ll make an appointment tomorrow.”
That night when we lie in bed together, I’m afraid to initiate any contact with him. Afraid that it is too soon after our fight. Before I can contemplate it anymore, Charlie pulls me into his arms, caressing my body as he removes my pajamas and proceeds to make sweet, slow love to me.
And I don’t even need lube.
Chapter 7 - Lost and Found
Zoe - End of January
As I sit and listen to Mr. Harlan drone on about cost overruns, all I can think about is how it has been almost two weeks since Charlie and I have made love. Even though we have made up, we are both skittish around each other when it comes to sex. We have no problem kissing, groping each other or performing oral sex, but when it comes to the actual sexual act - we both seem to be scared. I can’t speak for Charlie, but I don’t let it progress any further because I don’t want him to reject me.
Long brown fingers snapping - like an inch from my nose - pull me from my musings.
“What?” I ask Mr. Harlan as he settles back in his chair - giving me an amused look.
“Have you heard a word I said Zoe?” he asks.
I sigh and look up at the ceiling wishing that it was four o’clock and I could go home and resume by binge watching of Game of Thrones. But alas, it is only a quarter after twelve.
“Yes,” I reply. I may be daydreaming, but I know the gist of what he has been talking about. So I summarized what he has been droning on about. He looks surprised.
“So, it’s lunch time. Do you have plans?” he asks finally after a lengthy silence.
Sadly, I don’t and I tell him such.
Turns out he is meeting his finance person, Vic, for lunch and invites me along. I don’t hesitate to accept as Charlie is out of the office for the rest of the day. He is meeting with some subcontractors and after work he is having dinner with his mom. So I am on my own until then.
We end up at a steak house in downtown Richmond. Vic is running late, so we order a few appetizers, waiting for him to arrive. And while we wait, Mr. Harlan flirts with me. Usually, I shut him down, letting him know that I am not interested, but I am feeling a wee bit needy of male affection today, so I let him flirt. I don’t stop him when he makes inappropriate comments nor when he runs his hand up the back of my neck and his fingers stroke me there.
When Vic finally arrives, I am shocked that it is a woman. Victoria Miller - or Vic as Mr. Harlan calls her - is a very attractive woman. She is older than me, but I can’t tell how much as she is flawless. Her peanut butter colored complexion is clear and free of wrinkles. When Mr. Harlan rises from his seat and gives her a kiss - on the lips - I then know that their relationship is professional and personal.
Over lunch, I learn that Vic has known Mr. Harlan since they were freshman in college and I am thoroughly entertained as they regale me with stories from their college days. I like watching them interact. I can tell Vic is smitten with Mr. Harlan by the way she looks at him. There is devotion and love in her eyes that I have seen in my parents’ eyes before. The kind of devotion where you will do almost anything for that person because you love them so much. It’s sweet.
“So,” I start, after giving the waiter my dessert order as they both order coffee. “How long have you two been a couple?”
I watch Vic look at Mr. Harlan, as if she is expecting him to answer. After a few awkward moments of silence, she speaks up.
“We’ve been a couple off and on since we were both thirty-five.”
I am a little surprised by this as Mr. Harlan and I messed around when when he was thirty-six. I am assuming that during that time, they were ‘off’.
Lord I hope so!
“Oh,” is all I can say.
I watch as Mr. Harlan grabs her hand, bringing it to his mouth and gives it a sweet kiss before he speaks to her.
“Yes, we have been off and on since then, but for the last three years, we have been ‘on’, wouldn’t you agree?” he asks her softly. I watch in fascination as Vic blushes before nodding - a dreamy smile gracing her lips.
“Then that is all that matters.” He kisses her hand again before setting it back on the table, but he keeps their hands clasped together.
Their interaction is making me miss Charlie, so I excuse myself, telling them I am going use the restroom. I call my husband instead as I loiter in the restroom hallway.
“Hey,” I say when he answers the phone.
“Hey Baby. How is your day going?” he asks me. I can hear loud construction noises in the background, but they begin to fade as he moves away from the noise. Over the phone, I hear a door open then close. More than likely he has sought some quietness in the construction trailer.
“I’m good. I am just out to lunch and I wanted to hear your voice.”
“Oh yeah?”
“Yeah,” I murmur back softly, nodding my head even though he can’t see me.
“So who are you out to lunch with - Ivy?”
“No. I’m with Mr. Harlan and his girlfriend Victoria,” I say almost gleefully.
“Really?” he sounds surprised.
“Yeah and they are so cute together.”
We talk a few more minutes, before someone comes into the construction trailer, saying that they need him.
“Don’t forget I will be eating dinner with Ma tonight, so I will be home a little later than usual,” he says.
“Yeah, I remember. Have a good time with your mom and tell her I said hello.”
“I will. I love you Baby.”
“I love you too Charlie,” I respond before we hang up.
********
Charlie
I take a seat at the table, digging into the cheeseburger casserole that has always been my favorite. I glance up at my mom when she sits down at the table across from me with a glass of white wine.
“Where’s your plate?” I ask after swallowing a mouthful of casserole.
“I’m not very hungry,” she responds before taking a sip from her glass.
I continue to shovel food in my mouth as a comfortable silence settles between us.
“So, I have something I need to tell you,” she says when I have only a few bites left on my plate.
I finish chewing and wipe my mouth with my napkin – looking at her.
“Yeah?” I ask. I drink down a couple of swallows of water from my water glass. “What’s that?” For the first time, I notice that my mom looks stressed.
“Your father wants to see you.”
The big plate of cheeseburger casserole that I just consumed instantly feels like lead in my gut.
I let out a derisive chuckle as I idly move my fork around the little bit of food left on my plate.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “It sounded like you just said my father wants to see me. You know the guy who walked out on us when I was five-
years-old. Surely you can’t be taking about that person.”
She just nods at me, looking a bit leery.
“Really?” I am getting pissed. “The same guy who left you – us – so you had to raise me on your own? The same guy who was somewhere doing God knows what as you finished your nursing degree and then worked nights for almost seven years so you could put food on the table and clothes on my back – is this the father you are referring to?”
I don’t give her time to respond before I continue. I look down at my plate trying to control in my temper, but I can’t so I let it all out.
“The same guy who wasn’t there while I was growing up – the same guy who wasn’t there when you and I needed him the most - is that the guy?”
“Char-,” she starts, but I cut her off, standing up from the table; my chair threatening to topple over with my sudden movement.
“The same guy who hasn’t had contact with us in thirty-three goddamn years – is that that guy?” I all but yell at her.
“I have been in contact with your father,” she says softly.
This stuns me and it takes me about a full minute before I fully process what she has said.
“How long?” I grit out - my voice straining with anger.
“Since you were ten; since we moved to Richmond.”
She’s been in contact with him all these years and she is just now telling me?
I look at her and suddenly I don’t want to be in her company anymore. I pull my keys from my pocket as I leave the kitchen and heads towards the front door.
“Charlie!” I hear her leave the table and she is behind me. “He wants to see you. All those years ago, he was sick. He left us because he was - is an alcoholic.”
I turn and look down at the woman who struggled when I was a kid and sacrificed so much for me.
“He’s better now. He has been sober for eighteen years,” she continues.
I don’t know what to say, so I do the only thing I can do.
I leave.
I hear her calling after me as I open the front door and head towards my truck. Once in the truck, I crank up my stereo, not caring that I am breaking all sorts of noise ordinances in my mom’s neighborhood. The music does nothing to soothe me.
Love & Happiness (Sexy Secrets Book 3) Page 9