Faking It

by Christine d'Abo

“Grady.”

  “No! I’m tired of everyone telling me what to do. What they think I should be doing.” The muscle in Grady’s jaw jumped. “We’re having a simple conversation. My father is trying to get his own way by being a bully. I’m not going to let him.”

  “This isn’t completely about you.” A strange mix of disappointed sadness welled up inside him. “Grady, I know we haven’t known each other long, and I have no business telling you how to live your life. But my business, my friends are also involved. Whatever we do, I have to keep them in mind, to ensure that they’re not caught up in this.”

  “Of course you do. But that doesn’t mean you have to sacrifice your own happiness to do it.”

  Max grabbed Grady by the shoulders and held him still. “Lower your voice.”

  Over the short time that they’d known one another, Max had seen just about every side of Grady there was: drunk, embarrassed, happy, mischievous, loving. He’d born witness to his anger as well, but he’d never been on the receiving end. “Don’t tell me what to do.”

  “We have an audience. I just didn’t want you to—”

  “I know you’re here because I asked you to be. That doesn’t mean you get to be in charge. Even if we were in a real relationship, I’d be damned if I’d let that happen.”

  Max let his hands fall away. “I thought you knew me better than that.”

  “You said it yourself: I’ve only known you a few weeks. I’m as familiar with you as you are with me.”

  Max couldn’t be sure if the reporters were paying attention to them now or not. All he could focus on was Grady and the overwhelming grief he felt bubbling inside his chest. “I know that you roll your eyes when you’re trying not to laugh. I know that you love your brother and would do anything in the world for him. I know that despite hating how your father treats you, you’d like nothing more than to win his approval. I also know how I feel about you.”

  He snapped his mouth shut then, uncertain if he dared say the words out loud. Grady’s mouth was clamped shut, and he was breathing hard through his nose. Not that he needed to say anything, because Max could read the emotions as they danced across his face. Grady had clearly never been in this position before; hell, neither had he, though that didn’t make what he was feeling any less powerful.

  Grady cleared his throat and gave his head a shake. “You found me puking in an alley. The only thing you should be feeling for me is annoyance and frustration.”

  “And what if I’m not? What if, despite how we met and what’s happened, I care for you? Would that make a difference?”

  “Max, I . . .” Grady looked away. “You don’t have a clue about what my life is like.”

  “Are you kidding me? You’re seriously going to say that after everything we’ve been through this week? I spent last night in jail for you!”

  The sound of someone clearing their throat had Max look over Grady’s shoulder toward the reporters. A camera was fixed on them, the red light indicating that the entire thing was being recorded.

  “Shit.” Max physically turned Grady toward the cameras, and spoke against his ear. “I’m aware of your life. I don’t give a shit about it. I’m falling in love with you.”

  He felt rather than heard Grady suck in a breath. “No.”

  “I know you might find this hard to believe, but I am.”

  Grady pulled away and turned his back to the camera. “No.”

  How could one word be so painful? “So your father is going to get what he wants after all? I go away and you’re back under his thumb.”

  “I’ve never been under his thumb.” But he didn’t make eye contact. “I’ve done just fine on my own.”

  Max had seen a car accident once. He’d been standing at a crosswalk waiting for the light to turn and saw two cars coming toward one another. It was clear that they were going to T-bone and there wasn’t a damn thing Max could do to stop it. Instead, he watched helplessly as the vehicles slammed into one another, metal twisting and glass smashing.

  Here he stood now, in the middle of his own figurative car crash, watching helplessly as the end result rushed toward him. Memories of their earlier lovemaking squeezed his heart and brought tears to his eyes. There was no way he should be in love with Grady; there were too many things going against them. But he was, and if this was going to be the end, then there was no way he’d walk away without saying what he needed to say. “You’re a coward.”

  “Excuse me?”

  “You heard me. A coward. You like to think that playing the part of the asshole, of pushing against everything your father wants, makes you some sort of hero, but it doesn’t. Do you know what makes someone a hero? Doing hard things for the right reasons. Sometimes that means sacrifice, or standing up for yourself and your beliefs. Sometimes that means listening to the other person, seeing their perspective before you say no. You didn’t talk to your father about this engagement; you simply came up with a plan to thwart him.”

  “Do you honestly think I haven’t tried talking to him?” Grady stepped back. “Since mother died I’ve needed him, and he’s never been there for me. He didn’t care.”

  Max couldn’t help but picture his own dad. “He’s your father. No matter what happens between you, he cares.”

  “Like you’d know.”

  Everything seemed to screech to a halt. “I do, actually. I know what it’s like to have problems with my family. To have to deal with outside forces trying to tear my world apart. I’ve had to pick up the pieces and move forward. Life isn’t fair or always kind. You need to take the opportunities that come your way and run with them. You need to accept love when it’s given.”

  “You sound like a fucking Hallmark card.” Grady wiped tears from his eyes.

  “And you sound like a reality show washout.”

  “Please. My mother killed herself when I was fifteen. There’s nothing worse than that. I was a kid, and she left me alone to deal with Father.”

  Max wanted to scream at him. He settled for sighing. “You don’t get to say that I don’t understand. Don’t you dare think that you have a monopoly on shitty childhoods. It’s hard, a struggle, and a lot of people have it a hell of a lot harder than you did. You have money, a brother who loves you, and you never want for a god damned thing. You need to address this with your dad or else you’re going to live the rest of your life angry.”

  “No.” Grady crossed his arms. “Father doesn’t give a shit about me.”

  He couldn’t do this anymore. “I’m leaving.”

  “Fine.”

  “I mean I’m leaving Vancouver. Tonight. This is over.”

  Grady nodded but said nothing else. If that was how he wanted things to play out, Max was more than happy to comply. Moving down the hall past the reporters, he caught sight of Justin standing off to the side, holding the plane ticket out for him. Max marched over to him, glared for a moment before snatching the paper from his hand. “I guess you got what you wanted.”

  “Believe it or not, this brings me no joy.”

  Screw this family and everything it stood for. Max turned his back on Justin and strode away.

  Max went to the room, threw what little he had with him into his suitcase, making sure to leave behind the new clothing Grady had bought him, and headed for the limo waiting out front. “Take me to the airport.”

  “Of course.” The driver took his things and put them in the trunk.

  Max pulled the ticket Justin had given him from his pocket and looked down at it. There was no way he wanted to go back to Toronto and his empty apartment. No way he could face Zack and Nolan, their happy relationship on full display. He needed time to calm down and lick his wounds before he went back to playing the happy best friend.

  He pulled his cell from his pocket and dialed the airline. “Hello. I’m scheduled to fly out tonight, but I’d like to make a change to my destination. Is that possible?”

  “Where would you like to fly, sir?”

  “Calgary.”
>
  He needed to go home.

  Wedding in T minus three days . . .

  Grady spent the next two days avoiding everyone. He didn’t give a rat’s ass about wedding preparations, business meetings, calls for comments from the press—nothing. Lincoln had tried his best to get through to him, telling him to ignore the clips of Max breaking up with him that had made their way online on the gossip television shows, telling him that Max was an asshole. Grady hadn’t bothered to tell him about their father’s ultimatum or the horrible position he’d been put in.

  None of that mattered, because in the end Max had left him.

  He sat on the floor of his room’s balcony overlooking the spot in the garden where they’d first fought. Grady had been nursing the same beer for over an hour, running the words over and over through his mind. Max had said that he loved him, then he’d proceeded to break his fucking heart. It had to be lies. Grady wasn’t a coward. He’d been fighting everyone and everything since his mother took her life, and that made him strong. Max had been the coward, the one who’d left, despite Grady saying that he’d be there for him, would fight for him. Max just had to be the one to do the saving.

  Grady was tired of being the damsel in distress. Max knew that, had been the first person in a while to not treat him differently. So how could he walk away and leave him alone?

  Because you didn’t give him a reason to stay.

  A knock on the bedroom door echoed through the room.

  “Go away.”

  After a few moments, another knock. “I said go away!” The door opened, and without looking, Grady knew it was Justin. “What do you want?”

  He turned to see Justin standing in the doorway. “Your father needs you to come downstairs.”

  “No.” He took a drink.

  “Stop acting like a child. There is someone in his office that he needs you to speak to.”

  Grady knew it was Les Bouchard and Ryan, without being told. There was no doubt that with Max now out of the way, his father would see it as an opportunity to take control once more. He should go down and lay into him, scream and shout and do everything he could to embarrass the man who professed to have his best interests at heart.

  Coward.

  “Only one beer? I’m surprised that you’re not drunk already.” Justin leaned against the door, his gaze more than a little cold.

  “It’s only eleven in the morning.”

  “That hasn’t stopped you before.”

  “God, you make me sound like an alcoholic.”

  “Aren’t you? I’m sure you’re due for a rehab stint like many other rich people your age.”

  Grady put the bottle down and jumped to his feet. “What the hell is your problem?”

  “You are.” For the first time since Justin had come into his life, Grady was surprised to see his keeper angry. Not annoyed or frustrated, but truly angry. “You’ve spent the last two days sulking in your room like a spoiled child while everyone around you is trying to get ready for the wedding.”

  “Lincoln and Serena understand.”

  “Of course they understand. They’re used to making allowances for your little moods.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  “It means that I’m not surprised at all that Mr. Tremblay left you.”

  It wouldn’t have hurt Grady more if Justin had punched him in the mouth. “You’re the reason he bailed in the first place.”

  “I’m not and you know it. I knew as soon as your father told me to threaten Max that it wouldn’t work. I could tell by looking at him that his feelings for you were strong. Jail wouldn’t be a problem for him. I wasn’t certain even going after his business and his friend’s gym would be enough to get him out of your life. I should have known that I wouldn’t need to do anything at all. You’re more than capable of screwing things up on your own.”

  All the pent-up rage exploded from Grady. He shoved Justin hard, sending him stumbling out of the room. “Asshole!”

  Justin sneered, but made no move to defend himself. “Because I’m willing to tell you the hard truth?”

  “Because you chased him away.” It didn’t matter that Grady knew that wasn’t true. He was beyond tired of Justin meddling in his life. “Why the hell are you still here? I’m not a child who needs a minder anymore.”

  Justin opened his mouth, but no words came out. Something changed in his expression, something that Grady couldn’t put his finger on.

  “What’s the matter with you?” He wanted to shake an answer out of Justin, but there was no way it would accomplish anything.

  Instead of saying whatever was on his mind, Justin made his way over to the bed and sat on the edge. He looked around, and for the first time since he’d walked into Grady’s life, he didn’t look as though he knew what to do. That was disconcerting to say the least and took a fair amount of the steam out of Grady’s anger. “Justin, what’s wrong?”

  “Did you know I didn’t want this job? That the last person in the world I wanted to work for was your father? I’d read nothing but horrible things about him in the press, same as everyone else.”

  The strength slipped from Grady’s legs, and he fell into the chair opposite the bed. “So why did you take it?”

  “You. Specifically, I saw a picture of you in the paper at your mother’s funeral. You looked so lost and alone. You stood apart from your father and brother and you were looking at your mother’s casket. It was then that I decided that I’d take the job so I could help you.”

  All this time he’d spent hating the man who watched over him and Justin had simply wanted to help. “I was miserable to you.”

  “Of course you were. I would have been worried if you hadn’t been.” Justin reached up and pressed the heel of his hand to his eye, rubbing. “I didn’t like you much at first, but over time I grew to care for you.”

  There was that slight hitch to his voice that Grady had noticed a few times before. As well as Justin knew him, Grady had learned just as much about him. There was something that he wasn’t saying. “What do you mean? And don’t give me your normal bullshit. I’m not a kid anymore. Haven’t been for a long time.”

  Justin sighed and clasped his hands together. “I told you. I grew to care for you.”

  Grady knew he wasn’t always the most perceptive of individuals at times, and maybe his relationship with Justin was colored. But it took him far longer than it should have for Justin’s meaning to click in.

  “Wait, you’re telling me that you have feelings for me?” Yes, Lincoln and Serena and Max had pretty much told him that, but hearing the confession from Justin himself . . . it somehow finally registered.

  A light blush covered Justin’s cheeks. “I have to say I admire Mr. Tremblay and the way he handled not only me, but this family. Lesser men would have walked away from you with far less provocation. When I saw him kiss you back in Toronto, in front of the restaurant, I’ve never wanted to punch someone as much as I did then.”

  Grady’s mind couldn’t keep up. Not only was Justin apparently in love with him, he was jealous. “I . . . I don’t even know how to respond to this.”

  “Last week I would have convinced you to forget him and let me take care of you. Even a few days ago I believed that all I needed to do was get Max out of the way and you’d see that I was the man for you.” Justin pushed himself to his feet and came over to stand in front of him. When he bent forward, Grady knew he was going to kiss him.

  Their lips met briefly, and the kiss was surprisingly not offensive. But neither did it spark Grady the way it had the first time Max had leaned over him for a kiss. There was no fluttering in his chest, or catch of his breath. The smell and feel of him was simply Justin, and that came with too many years of baggage.

  Justin must have felt the wrongness of it as well. When he pulled back, there was a sadness to him. “That’s what I thought.”

  There was a tightness to Grady’s throat. “What?”

  “I saw you k
iss him, nothing overly passionate from the outside. A little kiss like I just gave you. But there was this . . . I don’t know. Current? Something that ran between you, even from that little contact. I never understood why you never looked at me that way when all I ever did was care for you.”

  Grady had never seen Justin as anything beyond the man his father had hired to manage him. There’d been resentment from the moment they’d been introduced, and nothing Justin could have done would have changed that. But now, sitting there staring up at him, it was as though he were seeing Justin for the first time. Not some gargoyle who haunted him, controlled him. He was simply a man, in his late thirties, who wanted nothing more than to find someone to love.

  “I’m sorry I can’t be that person for you.” Grady got to his feet so they were eye to eye. “Maybe if our relationship had started off differently.”

  Justin nodded. “Maybe.”

  There was too much left unsaid between them, too much that Grady had no clue how to address. Despite the frustration, Grady didn’t wish Justin any ill will. He had always been there, even when his own father hadn’t. Never good with words, Grady pulled Justin in for a hug. He was stiff in his arms for a moment before relaxing.

  “I’m sorry for everything I did to you when I was a kid. I know I was a nightmare. You’re a good man, and you need to find someone who will love you for you.”

  Justin tightened his grip on him for a moment before he stepped back. “I will.” He smiled, and for the first time in maybe years, it reached his eyes. “I think I have something I need to do.”

  “What’s that?”

  “Hand in my letter of resignation.”

  “What?”

  “You’re right. I don’t need to be here anymore. You don’t need me, and your father uses me as little more than a lackey, rather than take advantage of my skills. I need a fresh start, and I have to do that before I get too old to make the change.”

  The thought of Justin not being around was going to take some getting used to. “With Lincoln and Serena getting their new place across town and you leaving, I might have to consider moving out as well.”