by Troy Hunter
After a while and the slightly annoying announcement that the game was over, Mason glanced down at Cole. He leaned back a little and saw his eyes were open. He reminded him of one of the deer he frequently saw in the woods. His eyes were wide, innocent almost, like he was unsure of the world, himself and his place in it, and he was ready to bound away at a moment’s notice if something frightened him.
“Are you OK?” Mason asked the question softly, but it was enough to jar Cole from whatever faraway place he was lost in. He was sure Cole was engaged in some internal battle over the feelings he was having because of the kiss. Mason would be foolish to think he wasn’t trying to cope with what this meant because of his deceased wife and even Olivia. Mason had no intention of pushing things further, all Cole had to do was tell him if he wasn’t OK, but Cole surprised him when he nodded his head, yes.
“Just kind of shocked at myself,” he whispered into Mason’s neck.
Mason’s back was beginning to ache sitting in this position, but he really didn’t want to move. “What do you mean?”
Cole sat up and back. Mason found his arms ached, but not with the relief he’d expected, instead it was the way he wanted to reach out and draw Cole back into his embrace.
“Umm, I was never the one to…you see, I’ve been with…there were other…” He was stuck on what he was trying to say. Mason could take a stab at guessing, but he thought it might be better for Cole if he got it out himself, so he remained silent. It came out in a rush of words that took Mason a minute to comprehend.
“My wife and I used to invite home men because I was bi and she didn’t mind so we spiced things up.” The blush on Cole’s cheeks almost matched the burgundy shirt he’d been wearing yesterday.
“OK.”
“OK?” Cole looked confused, like he was trying to figure out why Mason wasn’t running for the front door.
“Yeah, OK. Of all the things we’ve been sharing with one another, that’s the one that doesn’t surprise me much.”
“It doesn’t? You aren’t freaked out?”
“Umm, who just kissed whom?”
Cole thought about that for a moment and Mason grinned, waiting for him to catch up. When the light bulb lit up, heat flooded Cole’s eyes and took his breath away. The shy, timid demeanor was sexy as hell, but this was something different and it set his teeth on edge in all the good ways possible. And it made him want to lift his hips and rip off his jeans so the throb between his legs would have some relief.
Cole looked like he was ready to launch himself at Mason, but Mason saw the warning sign before Cole did. They needed to progress this slowly. Like, snail’s pace slowly. Especially since it was almost certainly going to raise a lot of emotions Cole, and himself, probably never expected to have.
“We could…” Cole started but Mason was already shaking his head. “Why?” Cole whispered. He was tense, ready to either pounce on Mason or run.
“It’s not that I don’t want to,” Mason started. “But we just met and there are other things to consider before we jump into this together. I think it will be all the better if we don’t just jump in because of lust and instant attraction.” Cole looked hurt but Mason kept his mouth shut, waiting to see if he would work past the rejection to see he wasn’t really rejecting him at all, but simply asking him to set a pace.
After a few moments Cole nodded, frowned, then stood up. Mason wondered if he was being dismissed, or if this was a sign that he should leave, but Cole took the empty beer bottles into the kitchen and Mason let him go. He sat on the couch staring at the glowing screen, not really hearing or seeing what was playing. He was about to get up and leave when Cole walked back into the living room and sat down next to him.
“I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“That’s cool because neither do I.” Mason looked over at him and Cole seemed surprised.
“Have you ever, um, been with…”
Mason was beginning to realize that whenever Cole was either uncomfortable or unsure of something, his sentences trailed off. Or he avoided saying whatever it was altogether. Like his wife’s name. He’d seen some of his students do it before and he knew it was a personality trait he could work with. He waited a moment before answering, giving Cole a chance to finish his sentence. He usually tried to correct it with his students and instill confidence in them, but Cole might just be set in his ways and he didn’t want to change him. He found he liked Cole, quirks and all.
“Yes, I have.”
“And you don’t have…you don’t have a friend, or someone in your life?”
“I told you in the kitchen there is no one.”
“Right, sorry. I assumed you meant a girlfriend or wife because we were talking about having kids.”
“Yeah, I know what you assumed.” Mason grinned and leaned over to nudge him with his shoulder.
Cole smiled and then thought about it for a moment, and returned the grin. “This day and age, I shouldn’t assume stuff like that.”
“It’s alright. I get it a lot. I think humans have been hardwired for so long to think the only people that should or could have kids are heterosexual couples.”
Cole nodded and turned his attention back to the TV. Mason thought this might be the closest thing to an open, honest conversation he’d had with an adult since his wife passed away. He was sure he’d interacted with people before, but Cole was the kind of man that always had a reserved nature about him. If it was Olivia’s grandparents, there would always be the taboo subject of Penny that kept them all from being open with one another. Mason thought maybe that was the way things went with a lot of adults. He thought about his students and how he encouraged them to be open, curious, and ask questions. Then he thought about the process they went through and how adulthood then taught them to be reserved and mind their own business. It was a vicious cycle.
“You don’t say Penny’s name.” He figured it was now or never to push Cole a little bit. He jumped and flinched at the sound of her name.
“What?”
“Penny. You don’t say Penny’s name when you talk about her.”
“Yeah I do.”
Mason just raised an eyebrow and cracked the beer Cole had brought back with him. He knew he wasn’t playing fair, but he was also taking into consideration that his gentle pushing had been taken fairly well so far, so why stop now?
“OK, well, maybe I don’t. But why is that a big deal?”
“I don’t know, you tell me.” He took a swig from the beer and watched Cole who looked confused again. The man had no clue his emotions were written on his face as plain as day.
“Because it doesn’t seem fair that I get to be here, with Olivia, and she doesn’t.”
Mason wasn’t expecting that answer. He was expecting him to say it hurt too much to talk about her, that he didn’t want to upset Olivia, but this answer told him Cole had an empathetic side that probably very few people got to witness.
“I know very little about Penny, only what Olivia has talked about in school and what you’ve told me tonight, but I wonder if she was the kind of person who would really want you to keep punishing yourself for that?” Mason softened his voice, wanting Cole to know he felt for him. It wasn’t always easy being a man and talking about your feelings. Men weren’t usually wired that way and Mason had only just come to a point in his own life where he accepted who he was as a person, witch, homosexual, and all the other things that made him who he was. Once he’d figured that out, he was more comfortable in his own skin and he was more ready, willing, and able to discuss how he felt about it. He hurt for Cole as he watched him battle with his own reactions and feelings, because Cole clearly wasn’t comfortable with himself yet.
He jerked his head a moment later. “No, she wouldn’t have wanted that.” Mason could tell he’d pushed far enough, but he thought maybe it wasn’t a bad thing. Cole had begun opening up to him and he wanted that to continue.
“Your team won,” he gestured to the TV with his be
er bottle.
“Yeah, not surprising,” Cole grinned and took a sip from his own beer.
“Well, since the game is over, I better head out,” Mason stood and Cole looked up in surprise.
“You can stay if you want. I have DVR and we could watch the race or something.”
“That’s nice of you, but racing isn’t really my thing. Witch, remember? All those fumes being dumped into the air isn’t really my bag, man.” He shrugged and turned to the kitchen. Cole rose and followed after him and it took all Mason’s willpower not to turn around, drag him back into his arms and kiss him again. He knew then he wouldn’t deny him and he would end up staying.
“Sorry about that.”
“You don’t need to be sorry,” Mason turned around and saw Cole rubbing the back of his neck. He wished he could help him out and explain to him about chakras and healing energy, but he thought that might be information overload for Cole. That, and he wasn’t entirely sure if he got his hands on Cole, he’d be able to stop from going further.
“How about we do this again soon?” He wanted Cole to know that despite the enormous effort it was taking him to restrain himself and not seduce him into bed right then and there, he was still definitely interested in pursuing him further.
“Alright,” Mason stood again and made his way to the front door. “Hang on, your nacho tray,” Cole stopped off in the kitchen and grabbed it. When he came back, the tray was clean. He must have washed it off when he needed his space earlier.
“Thanks,” Mason took the tray and turned to the door.
“Hey, are you OK to drive?” Mason felt Cole’s hand on his arm.
He turned back around. “I told you, I walked through the woods.”
“Right.” Cole looked at his socks and Mason smiled. He got it. He let the tray prop against the door jamb and tilted Cole’s chin up again. He leaned in and brushed his lips across Cole’s, just enough to get his attention and reassure him he really was interested in seeing him again.
“Good night, Cole.”
“Night.”
It took an enormous amount of willpower to turn around, pick up the tray and walk out the door. He wasn’t sure he was going to be able to continue with that level of willpower the next day, because he was already trying to formulate a reason to have to go back to the bookshop and see Cole.
5
Cole Armstrong
Cole’s gut felt like it had been doing flip flops all night. He wasn’t entirely sure that was good for his health, but the mere thought of Mason made him squirm. When Mason first kissed him, he experienced a war within himself he was sure was going to tear him apart. The instant arousal he felt was debilitating, but was quickly stamped out by feelings of guilt and uncertainty. He’d had to convince himself he wasn’t doing anything wrong with Mason, but he somehow still wondered if he was betraying Penny. Was seeing someone else after two years long enough? Was there even a time limit for this kind of thing?
Cole needed to back off for a bit and retreat to the kitchen so he wouldn’t run and hide in his bedroom, which he recognized would have been a stupid thing to do. He’d managed to calm himself down enough to go back to the living room but when he did Mason started pushing him again. He’d called him out on his inability or hesitation to say Penny’s name. Cole found he didn’t mind that. It was like he’d been waiting for Loretta and Bill, or even Olivia, to do it, but because they had all been just as close to Penny, they hadn’t said anything.
Cole made his way upstairs as he thought about Mason and their kisses. His skin still felt hot whenever he thought about them. He stripped naked, something he didn’t do when Olivia was home, and he slid between the cool sheets. The coolness felt good, like it was soothing the ache he felt. He’d wanted Mason to touch him and continue to kiss him. The sheets felt great, until the fabric began to caress him in a way that was making him crazy. He turned onto his side, so his dick wasn’t in direct contact with the sheets, but that didn’t help either. He wondered if it would be wrong if he just…Cole reached down and grabbed himself, and his whole body jerked. He didn’t usually do this, but he didn’t think he was going to get any sleep tonight if he didn’t relieve some of the tension.
He looked at the table next to the bed and groaned. No tissues. Cole kicked off the sheets again, glaring at them because he needed something to blame for aggravating the situation. He stomped into his bathroom and flipped on the light, then switched it off because it was too bright. He found what he needed and returned to the bed, lay down on top of the covers, and palmed himself again.
He usually forced himself to be quiet when he did this. Like it was disrespectful to Penny even though his mind had been blissfully void of anyone in particular since she passed away. He usually forced himself to think of nameless, faceless bodies to get the job done, but tonight there was no denying who was front and center in his mind’s eye. He recalled the feel of Mason’s lips, soft and full. They weren’t feminine, but possessive, and he imagined how they’d felt on his own lips, jaw and neck. He imagined how they would feel trailing down his chest and stomach, and Cole had to use the tissues when he pictured Mason’s dark head between his legs, as he bent over, and his mouth made contact with…
Cole jerked on the bed and almost howled, his release felt so good. Most of the time, his orgasms were just a biological response to the action of his palm. There was no feeling or emotion behind them except a mild tingling and sense of satisfaction. Cole twisted onto his side, panting and wanting that satisfaction again, but knowing something was still missing from how intense that orgasm had just been. He wondered how powerful it might be if Mason was actually in bed with him, giving him the orgasm he just experienced, and he whimpered into the pillow because the thought sent heat racing to his already over-sensitive dick and it was suddenly borderline painful. He shouldn’t have gone so long without sex or at least contact with someone.
It wouldn’t have been right with anyone else, but Cole felt, with Mason, that wasn’t the case. He lay on his side, breathing hard and fighting to keep his eyes open. He had a routine, but right now he was blissfully unaware of it as a blanket of drowsiness overcame him. He didn’t remember falling asleep, or setting his phone alarm to go off to wake him up in the morning. He didn’t even remember where he put his phone, until the next morning when he woke up and realized it wasn’t on the nightstand.
Cole jumped out of bed and ran downstairs looking for it. His heart raced and terror made his throat close up. He always kept his phone with him when Olivia was away. Always. He looked at the screen. Loretta knew to text or call him every day just to check in. The text was there and with shaking fingers, he clicked on it and read it. The more he read, the more his heart calmed down and stopped racing. Olivia had a great night and she was happy playing on the beach with Bill. She went down for the night at her usual time and she was doing just fine. She couldn’t wait to see him tonight. Cole breathed a sigh of relief and sat on the couch. He looked around, the beige walls suddenly seemed foreign to him, like he’d become trapped in a spell last night and the feeling of home, happiness and friendship had kept him rooted in a state of sub-consciousness he hadn’t been familiar with for a very long time. He hated how plain the house was, he’d always liked color on the walls and the whole house was this one bland color. The only thing that gave it any sort of life or character, was Olivia’s pictures hanging sporadically on the walls throughout the house.
Cole rose from the couch and checked the time. He still had time to get ready for work and go open the shop so he went about his normal routine. Once he’d showered and dressed, he responded to Loretta’s text. It felt strange to walk around the house naked and to respond to his mother-in-law in the nude, despite the fact that she had no idea he was. Cole couldn’t help but blame Mason, after all he was the cause of all this confusion. He had pushed Cole’s comfort zones, but Cole discovered he didn’t really mind. He was grateful for it, because despite the single moment of blind terror when h
e woke, he’d gone about his morning routine feeling more refreshed and rejuvenated than he had in a long time.
He whistled as he opened up the shop, something he’d almost forgotten how to do. Then he paused when he walked the stacks and ended up in the back, near the occult books. Mr. Savage certainly had placed a spell on him. He grinned at his own private joke and thought if Mason could have heard him maybe he would give him one of those stern looks usually reserved for wayward kids.
He spent the morning helping customers and thinking about how he couldn’t wait to see Olivia. The afternoon crowd was dying down. He always closed at five on Sundays, because he just didn’t have the customers. People wanted to be home relaxing before the Monday madness and he was no different. Monday mornings were pretty slow too, with everyone being at work, but today he found himself up front sitting on his stool at the counter at four-thirty when the bell over the door rang. He looked up with a pleasant smile ready to greet whoever was entering, and there stood Mason in jeans and a white t-shirt. He was holding a pizza box in his hand.
“You said you wanted pizza last night, and we never got it. So, presto, pizza dough! I even delivered it for you too.”