by Noelle Adams
His eyes devour my face, full of love and anxiety and hope. And also genuine confusion. “Are you crying because you have to break my heart now?”
It takes a minute to get a word out, but I shake my head as I try to swallow back the emotion. “No.”
“No?” More hope blazes out from his chocolate-brown eyes.
“No. I’m not going to break your heart, as long as you don’t break mine.”
“Never,” he whispers roughly. “Never again. I swear.”
Neither one of us is entirely controlled as our lips meet in a kiss, so it’s not the most skillful or graceful of embraces.
I wouldn’t have it any other way.
Some minutes pass. I have no way of processing how many. I live them in a state of hazy bliss as Liam kisses me so eagerly and passionately that we end up sprawled together on the trim leather couch against the far wall of his office.
I’m perfectly happy, lounging against his chest, his arm wrapped tightly around me, when I finally have the mental composure to form a few words. “Why didn’t you say anything last night?”
He takes a deep breath. His chest rises and falls slowly with it. “Like I said before. I was scared.”
“If you were scared, you could have said something. I wasn’t expecting a declaration of undying affection or anything like that. You could have just told me you were scared.”
“I know. I should have. I hated myself for retreating the way I did. I promise I was going to make up for it. I was planning to take it slow. Call you tomorrow and see if you wanted to go out with me. Then date a month or two before we did anything... anything serious. I thought it would be good to get some distance from working together. At least that’s what I was telling myself. But maybe it was just an excuse. I was scared of taking what I really wanted because I couldn’t stand for it to be taken away again.”
“I understand that. I would have understood.” I tilt my head up so I can see for myself, only to be blown away by the tenderness in his eyes. “You could have just told me.”
“I know that. I should have. I blew it. I don’t deserve for you to forgive me.”
I give a little shrug. I can’t seem to stop smiling. “I’ve messed up too. I’ve been too scared to say things that I should have more times than I can count. I almost didn’t come here today because I was too scared. Like my mom said, it was one moment. And it wasn’t unforgiveable. You were just scared. You didn’t betray me or anything. As long as you don’t keep doing it, I don’t see why it should destroy what we could have.”
“Yeah?” he asks, soft and gruff.
I smile up at him. “Yeah.”
That evidently earns me another kiss that leaves me limp and breathless and beaming like a fool.
“So you talked to your mom about me?” Liam asks.
I giggle. “Yeah. I was really upset, and she was worried. And since you obviously talked to your mom about me, I don’t want to hear any comments about it.”
“I didn’t really talk to my mom.”
“Liar.”
“Well, it’s not like I went to her for advice. She just kept nagging me. For the past month, she called every single day to ask about you.”
“She did not.”
“Yes, she did.” He strokes my hair gently. “Every single day.”
“What did you tell her?”
“As little as possible. But she knew from the beginning that I was crazy about you.”
My eyes widen as I crane my neck to stare at him. “You weren’t crazy about me from the beginning.”
“Oh yes I was. Just ask my mom. All I did was tell her that I had a new temp, and she somehow sensed I was interested because she gave me a full-on interrogation about you and from that moment on assumed that you were the woman for me.”
I giggle helplessly and bury my face in his shirt.
He gives me a squeeze. “It was highly unnerving. It was hard enough not to lust after you all the time while you were working for me. Then there was my mom acting like we were already a couple.” He pauses a minute before he adds, “I think she must have known I was looking forward to your last day. That I was hoping that maybe something would happen afterward. So she called yesterday evening and was all worried that I was still at work. She must have sensed something was wrong because she called three times this morning and finally just came over here to tell me to get my head out of my ass.”
“I know. I saw her as she was leaving. She ordered me to come here and let you fix things.”
He’s smiling as he leans his head back against the couch cushion. “She was so mad at me.” He pitches his voice higher in an obvious imitation of his mother. “It’s been four years, Liam Cunningham. You can’t hide away forever. It’s time to start living again.”
“Well, she’s right,” I say with a little laugh. “It is time. It’s long past time.”
“I know.” He pulls my head closer so he can press a kiss into my hair. “I’m going to try.”
“Me too. I’ve been living a temporary life for too long. I want to live for real.” I pull out of his arm so I can turn to face him. “I don’t know exactly where we stand, so maybe we can... we can talk about it. I’ll be in Milford for another month or so. Then I’ll need to go back to Charlottesville. I know that will make it a little—”
“Charlottesville isn’t that far away.”
I search his face and see nothing but affection and excitement. No reluctance. No disappointment. “So you think we can make it work? The long-distance thing?”
“It’s not that much of a distance. I’ll drive up to see you every weekend if I need to.”
With a mushy smile, I say, “Well, that’s going to put a damper on your workaholic habits.”
“I’m going to work on those habits too.”
“Plus I’m sure I can come here some. If I can get my teaching schedule on Tuesdays and Thursdays, then I can probably spend more time here than just the weekends.”
“That would be nice. But whatever happens, we can make it work.”
“Okay. Thanks. I know we’re just starting out so—”
He stops me by adjusting my body and bringing it closer to him. He meets my eyes without wavering. “We’re not just starting out. Not as far as I’m concerned. I’m all in here. I’ve fallen for exactly two women in my life, and you’re one of them. You understand that, right? This isn’t casual dating to me.”
“Me either,” I admit after swallowing hard over a swell of emotion. “It’s not casual to me either. I’ve been into guys before, but not... not like this. This is the first time for me.”
His face relaxes, and he drags me into a deep kiss. “All right then,” he mumbles when he finally breaks the kiss. “Then everything else we can work out along the way.”
SIX WEEKS LATER, I’M driving back to Milford from Charlottesville on a Thursday evening.
It’s been my first week back, and overall it was good. I had a good meeting with my dissertation director, and I got a lot of research done. I talked to Liam every night, but I missed him more than I realized I would, and I’m really looking forward to a long weekend.
Liam’s mother was right about him. All he needed was to get over the hump. Now that he has, he’s the most committed, loving boyfriend I’ve ever imagined.
I can’t wait to see him again.
My mother got her cast off two weeks ago, and she’s been thrilled to be back on her feet. I call her as I’m getting close to Milford.
“Hey, sweetie. You’re not planning to come here tonight, are you? I’ve got people here.”
I snicker. “Some welcome you’re giving me.”
“I just assumed you’d go to Liam’s.”
“I am. That’s what I’m going to do. But we can hang out tomorrow. Maybe go shopping and have lunch.”
“That sounds perfect. I’ve blocked off most of the day for you since Liam will be working and he won’t be able to monopolize your time. I figure I’ll hardly get to see you over
the weekend.”
“Mom—”
“I’m joking, Polly. I’m so happy for you. You should spend as much time as you want with him. We’ll have tomorrow and then Monday morning before you leave.”
“That’s right. We’ll have plenty of time.”
“Now you should focus on driving and not talking to your old mom. I’ll see you tomorrow morning.”
“Bye.”
She was already hanging up. She had people there. I’m not sure what it means that my mom has a more active social life than I do, but she definitely does.
Ten minutes later, I’m parking my car in Liam’s driveway and grabbing my purse and weekend bag before I hurry into his house.
He’s got a nice three-bedroom brick house in one of the older neighborhoods in Milford, only a couple of miles from the college.
It’s almost eight o’clock in the evening. He used to always still be at work at this time (and I suspect that sometimes he still is), but tonight his car is in the garage.
I wouldn’t be happy if it wasn’t. It’s been four days since I’ve kissed him, and I don’t want to wait any longer.
Liam gave me a key to his house a few weeks ago, so I tap on the door before I unlock it and go in. Part of me thought he might have been waiting for me—as anxious to see him as I am to see him—but he doesn’t greet me at the door. The living room and dining room and kitchen are all silent and empty.
I’m frowning as I drop my bags and head into the bedroom.
Surely he’s not in bed already. It’s way too early for that.
I’m looking around when a motion from the connected bathroom catches my attention. Liam is just walking into the room, wearing nothing but a towel around his waist.
His face lights up when he sees me. “You got here earlier than I thought. You didn’t drive too fast, did you?”
“No,” I tell him, toeing off my shoes. “I drove exactly the right speed to get here exactly now.”
He’s smiling when I launch myself at him. He tries to brace himself against my momentum, but our balance isn’t exactly stable as I wrap my arms around him and kiss him hard. He manages to move us over to the bed, where we tumble down, and that works out much better because I can climb on top of him and really kiss him good.
We’re so eager that we don’t even manage to get most of my clothes off. I’m wearing the skirt and top I taught in earlier in the day. I’ve got one Introductory French class for this first summer term, and it meets for two and a half hours on Tuesdays and Thursdays. The skirt ends up being very convenient since all we need to do is get my panties off and push it up.
Liam’s towel came off in the tumble to the bed so he’s completely naked as I straddle his hips and he fits his erection inside me.
I ride him eagerly, huffing out sounds of pleasure and excitement. I’m so into it that I come quickly. Liam is gazing up at me with both heat and awe in his eyes as I shudder through my release, and then a kind of feral possessiveness takes over and he rearranges our bodies so I’m on my hands and knees and he’s taking me from behind.
He fucks me until I come again, and then he comes too, muttering out a lot of helpless endearments that go right to my heart.
He falls down onto the bed afterward and draws me into the cradle of his arms, pressing little kisses against my mouth, my cheeks, my forehead.
“I missed you this week,” I tell him after I’ve caught my breath.
“I missed you too. That’s why I didn’t last very long just now.”
I gasp out my amusement and nuzzle his bare chest. He smells like soap. Like Liam. I breathe him in deeply. “You lasted more than long enough. You have ridiculous standards for your own performance if you think that wasn’t long enough.”
“Well, we hardly had any foreplay. Usually I do better than that.”
“It was more than enough for right now. Other times, you’ll have to step up your efforts.”
“Noted.”
“You just got back from work, didn’t you?”
He clears his throat. “A little while ago.”
“A little while? Like two hours, which is what it should be? Or ten minutes, which it probably was.”
“More like fifteen minutes. Just enough time to grab a sandwich and take a shower so I’d be ready to see you.”
I stretch up to meet his eyes. “Don’t get too used to working late every evening I’m not here. You don’t just get to do better when I’m around.”
“I know.” His expression is sober, and I know he’s telling the truth. “I worked late on Monday and today but none of the other days this week.”
“I suppose that’s an improvement even though I know you’re into the office by six every morning.”
“Well, I wake up early. What else am I supposed to do at that time of the morning?”
“Not wake up so early.”
“You’re kind of bossy. You know that, right?”
“Only because you need a lot of bossing.” I kiss his chest. Then the pulse in his throat. Then his lips.
He holds my head so I’m looking down at him. “Hey,” he says.
I frown, since his tone is strange. “Hey.”
“I love you. You know that, right?”
My breath catches in my throat. I open my mouth to try to respond, but nothing comes out.
“It’s okay if you’re not ready to say it y—”
“I love you too!” I burst out.
“Yeah?” His eyes blaze with joy.
“Yeah. You just took me by surprise just then. I definitely love you too.”
He kisses me hard. “I love you more than I thought I was capable of loving anymore, Polly, and I don’t think it’s going to go away. So I was wondering... I was wondering...”
When he trails off, my whole body tightens. “You were wondering what?”
“I was wondering if it would be okay for me to... to start thinking of this as... long-term. I know we’ve only been dating for six weeks, but I feel like... I...”
“I feel the same way!” I give him a quick, hard hug. “I love you too, Liam. I’ve never really been in love before. I thought I was, but I wasn’t. Not like this. As far as I’m concerned, this is it for me. So if you feel the same way, I would be... be...”
“Be what?” His voice is raspy.
“Be ecstatic.”
He makes a guttural sound and wraps his arms around me so tightly I gasp. “Me too. Me too.”
We lay together in a sappy haze for a while. I really can’t think of anything that could make this moment any better.
Then Liam starts to kiss me again, so it gets better after all.
Epilogue
IT’S AN EVENING IN December of the following year that I’m standing in front of a mirror, brushing my hair and wondering if my clear skin and rosy cheeks have more of a glow than usual.
Am I glowing?
Surely not.
Not so anyone would notice anyway.
It’s way too early for a visible glow.
I’m wearing new boots, dark jeans that make my butt look good, and a V-neck sweater that makes my cleavage look particularly impressive. My cheeks are definitely pinker than they should be. Since I’m going out this evening for a girls’ night with my friends to celebrate my recently completed PhD, I definitely do not want any embarrassing questions to be aimed at me.
Especially since I haven’t even told Liam yet.
We’ve been married now for eight months. I just graduated last week. It’s not like the timing is bad. It’s actually really good.
But still...
The idea of being pregnant makes me jittery, which is why it’s six weeks in and I still haven’t mentioned it to Liam.
It’s time.
Right now is time.
He’s going to be so happy. I know he wants to be a father, and there’s nothing in our lives at the moment that will make this complicated or particularly worrisome.
I need to tell him.
Tonight.
As if in response to my resolution, he comes into our bedroom just now. He’s just gotten out of the shower, and he has a towel slung over one shoulder. Otherwise, he’s completely naked, so I give his lean, toned body an automatic look of appreciation.
My eyes widen when I see that he’s halfway erect. “What exactly were you doing in the shower?”
“Nothing.” He waggles his eyebrows at me teasingly. “Just thinking about you. Got a little excited.”
I laugh as he comes over to stand directly behind me, wrapping his arms around me from behind. “Well, your excitement is now poking into the top of my butt.”
He tilts his head down to murmur into my ear, “You have a problem with that?”
“Yes, I have a problem. I just got dressed all pretty, and I don’t need you to get me all hot and sweaty.”
Liam scowls at me in the mirror.
“I mean it.” I turn around and wrap my arms around him. “You are not to mess up my outfit just because you got horny in the shower.”
He gives an exaggerated huff before he kisses me. “Fine. My excitement will go unsatisfied.” After a pause, he adds in a tone that’s obviously teasing, “Unless you want to give it some love in a different way.”
Amusement spills out of me as I tighten my arms around him. “I didn’t realize when we got together that you’d be such a horndog.”
“Did you really just call me a horndog?”
“Hey, if you act like a horndog, you get called a horndog. I don’t make the rules.”
He loosens his arms so he can kiss me softly. “If I’ve somehow turned into a horndog, it’s only because you’ve made me so.”
“Or maybe you’re just making up for those years of deprivation before we got together.”
“That could be it.” His chocolate-brown eyes are warm and soft. “But I think it’s mostly you. Did you know you’re looking particularly scrumptious this evening?”
I swallow. “It’s the boots.”
“No, it’s not.” He’s peering at my face. “What’s going on?”
“What do you mean, what’s going on?” I don’t know why I’m stalling. He’s obviously noticed something. Now is the time to tell him.