by Robyn Grady
‘You know what I said our first night here,’ she reminded him.
‘You needed to see what we started in that hotel suite through to its natural conclusion. But it’s gone beyond that.’
Her throat closed and, despite everything in her system warning caution, a tiny hopeful smile lifted the corners of her mouth. ‘You’re really serious.’
He rolled onto his side to face her, up on an elbow, his head resting in his palm. ‘You also said you wanted to let go. Have fun. We have had fun, haven’t we, Eden?’
She couldn’t deny it. She shrugged one shoulder. ‘The best time of my life.’
A muscle in his jaw pulsed as his gaze intensified. ‘But you said you didn’t want anything…lasting.’
Eden blinked. Well, yes, she had said that. But that was before they’d reconnected in this incredible way—a way that surpassed by leaps and bounds their previous relationship. But perhaps he was about to point that out too, so she wouldn’t interrupt. Instead she merely nodded.
‘And yet saying goodbye now seems like an impossibility,’ he reasoned, then studied her still harder. ‘Doesn’t it?’
Her sigh was a silent blissful release. They were on the same track.
‘Yes,’ she said, barely able to believe this was happening. ‘I agree.’
His lidded gaze roamed her face as he curled hair behind her ear, as if the action might help him over this last important step. ‘I’ve done some soul-searching, going over our past relationship in my mind, where we went wrong. We’re different people now.’
Building emotion blocked off her air in the most wonderful way. Dying to hear his next words, feeling the tingle of sheer happiness filling her like much-needed rain filling a well, she nodded again.
‘Then we’ll take this to the next level. The level I know now we’re both comfortable with.’ A frown pinched his brow. ‘I’m not misreading you, am I?’
Her heart was hammering, sending an overload of heat to her cheeks and her neck. She hiccupped out a laugh. ‘Guess it’s pretty hard to miss.’
Yes, she wanted to take this to the next level. She wanted them to get back together. As he’d said, he wasn’t the same person. He’d matured. She’d never forget the way he’d cared for her after her accident. At last he must appreciate a little of the worry she’d endured three years ago.
But what they’d shared here felt better than right. It felt fated. The words she’d longed to hear must come next.
I love you, Eden. I love you with all my heart.
Lord above, she loved him too. Trying to hold back the tide had been useless, particularly when Devlin couldn’t deny it any longer either.
His head tipped closer and he kissed her gently. That one simple caress—the barest touching of lips—promised her the world.
He drew away and smiled into her eyes. ‘Then it’s settled. We’ll continue letting go—having fun—when we return to Sydney.’
Eden’s surroundings seemed to lock in freeze-frame. Even the relentless roar of crashing waves seemed to stop. Let’s continue to have fun hadn’t been what she’d expected to hear.
‘You’re a special woman,’ Devlin went on. ‘We were at odds when we broke up three years ago but now we seem to connect close to the middle. And, given we want the same thing, there’s no reason we can’t enjoy ourselves for however long it lasts.’
When she grew dizzy, she began to breathe again. He wanted to continue this affair. Wanted to continue the good times. But that was all? That was it? And how could she hate him or argue with his train of thought when he’d merely followed hers to this apparently logical conclusion?
She had wanted to let go. Have fun. She’d vowed she wasn’t after anything serious. And the crazy, difficult, tempting part was…
If she couldn’t have his love, if she couldn’t have the wedding vows, would having his sexy smile and companionship be better than nothing? That was what Sabrina was enjoying now with Nate. Her sister was happy to go with the flow and make the most of what she had while she had it.
He lightly squeezed her shoulder. ‘You’re unsure?’
A part of her wanted to reassure him, but the words stuck in her throat. She did want to see him again. He’d opened up the possibility and if she said goodbye, this time the door would close for ever. God help her, could she bear to live with that?
His hand slid a sensual path down her arm. ‘I’ll go tell Greg and Tianne to come back in a couple of days to give you more time to decide.’
What he meant was give him more time to persuade her, to make love to her and strip her of any final shreds of opposition.
Torn, she looked around and, weird, but the room had taken on a slightly different aura, as if the tall wooden birds were disapproving of the possibility of her surrender. She’d thought herself so strong. In many ways she was, but where Devlin was concerned she could be an emotional weakling. Still, as agonising as it was, as much as she wished it were different, the reality was clear.
They couldn’t hold onto what they’d found here. Their time, as sweet as it had been, was over. She needed to leave with her memories.
Leave and save what was left of her heart.
She forced her rubbery lips to move. ‘I’m sorry, Devlin, I really am,’ she croaked over a suddenly dry throat. ‘But we’ve been here before.’
Three years ago, to be precise, when he’d choked at any hint of lasting commitment. Nothing had changed.
He blinked several times and then smiled a crooked smile meant to melt. ‘I’ll go and tell Greg he needs to come back on Thursday, or Friday—’
She set a palm against his chest and almost regretted it. He felt strong and hard and right. So very tempting.
Shoring up her strength, she withdrew her hand. ‘We both needed this—to have this final time together—but I can’t pretend. I don’t want to be anyone’s permanent goodtime girl. Who I am—my heart—hasn’t changed. I want to settle down and find my happily-ever-after. One day I want a family of my own.’
His brows fell together. ‘I don’t understand. I thought we were agreed. After these last couple of days and seeing how happy your sister is with Nate, happy to just enjoy their time together—’
She was shaking her head. ‘Truth is I’m not Sabrina. Nate isn’t you. They might be happy to see how things pan out between them, but your offer just now proves to me like nothing else could that I need more. If I accepted—’ She swallowed against the suffocating rising ache. ‘If I continued to see you,’ she went on, ‘I’d only end up hurt again and it wouldn’t be your fault. It’d be mine for not being stronger.’
His gaze changed and the dark blue of his eyes turned almost cold. ‘You want marriage.’
At his tone, pride rose up, goading her to quit sounding like some manipulative desperate spinster. She was an intelligent woman with great prospects and good friends and family. She didn’t need a man to make her whole.
But she did want what most people wanted. To share her life with a special someone. She wanted children and walks with a stroller to the park. She wanted anniversaries and to grow old with someone who would never turn his back on her. Who would defend and love her until they said their final goodnight.
As tears banked up, closing her throat, her mouth quivered into a wistful smile. ‘Yes, Devlin. I want marriage.’ I want the dream.
His nostrils flared. She pictured his mind thrashing over her confession as he pushed up higher on his elbow.
‘I can’t do that.’
‘I know.’ Hell, she’d always known. ‘I’m not angry.’ Please don’t be angry with me. ‘For these last couple of days we did find common ground. Now it’s time to let go.’
‘Nothing will change your mind?’
Nothing except a sincere admission that marriage was at least a possibility in their future. But that wasn’t going to happen.
She shook her head slowly. ‘I’m afraid not.’
His eyes challenged hers, testing her resolve. Then somethin
g shifted in their beautiful blue depths…as if he’d lost the battle and was prepared to lay his heart on the line too. He came a little closer and his head angled as his eyes swept over her face.
Her fingers itched to touch his bristled cheek, graze the soft bow of his kissable mouth. Perhaps if she said the words first, told him she’d loved him for such a long time—could never love anyone else—then he’d have to see what they had together was more than fun. It was real. And it could be lasting. He only needed the courage to accept it. Accept that committing himself to another didn’t need to mean entrapment and hurt as it had for his parents.
She and Devlin could be happy.
But then he inhaled sharply, tugged his ear and came up with a casual smile. ‘Well…hell, what can I say?’
She swallowed back tears. She could think of at least three words.
‘I respect your decision,’ he said, finding her hand. Gaze lowered on the action, he kissed each knuckle, holding the last against his lips for a long torturous moment before he murmured, ‘Can’t say it wasn’t nice while it lasted.’
Then, without meeting her gaze, he flung back the sheet and sauntered to the bathroom while Eden bit her lip and closed her eyes, detesting that she couldn’t stop the tears from falling on her pillow.
Couldn’t stop her heart from breaking all over again.
CHAPTER TWELVE
EDEN tried to make the rest of their time together light, even while Devlin’s mood remained flat. But that wasn’t quite right. He seemed detached, shut down. He was still polite, but his eyes whenever they met hers were blank, as if he refused to see her—refused to acknowledge her feelings—and that hurt more than anything.
Had she been wrong to come here? Were the memories worth the pain of losing him all over again?
Eden wondered what Tianne and Gregory thought of Devlin’s remote air when they asked about their time on the island. Gregory was the consummate professional, letting nothing negative bleed through to his expression. Tianne, on the other hand, couldn’t contain the concern from showing in her deep brown eyes.
Once in the air and on their way back to Sydney after refuelling in Noosa, Eden felt too disheartened to be scared and too preoccupied to appreciate the scenery drifting below. The time seemed to both drag out and crunch into a compact finite state that ended when his Lexus pulled up outside her apartment block.
As the engine idled she looked straight ahead as did he, her heartbeat ticking by the seconds.
‘Thank you,’ she murmured.
His tanned hands twisted on the wheel. ‘You’re welcome.’ He added, ‘Look after yourself.’
‘I will. You too.’
He reached for his door handle. ‘I’ll see you to the building door.’
But her hand caught his hard thigh and she felt his steely limb stiffen beneath her touch.
‘Please,’ she said, dragging her hand away. ‘Don’t.’
His jaw clenched, but he closed the door and nodded. ‘As you wish.’
Eden did a double take. This wasn’t the Devlin she knew. This man didn’t even sound like Devlin. But this was all there was. He was making it crystal clear. His no meant no.
She took air into her lungs, opened her door, hooked her overnight bag over her arm and hobbled on her heel through the gate towards her building.
Her heart wrenched when his car’s engine roared away.
Sensing some movement above her head, she lifted her heavy gaze to a nearby tree branch. A sparrow looked down at her, as still as still, his pretty black eyes glittering as if he could feel her pain and wished he could help. But nothing would help. Nothing but time.
And now she had so much of it.
Eden saw the note on the table as soon as she entered her apartment five minutes later. Sabrina had left it along with her keys and some cash. She wanted to contribute to this coming utility bill and wrote that she’d almost called Eden about it but knew she would’ve only told her to keep the money.
Mystery surrounding Nate’s text message to Devlin solved. Nothing bad, only Sabrina being considerate, as usual.
Sabrina also wrote that she had two assignments due that week, so it was head down and she’d call soon.
Eden folded the note and, although devoid of energy, she grabbed the house extension and punched in Temptations’ number.
Tracey squealed down the line. ‘You’re back! How was the dirty weekend away? I want to hear all about it.’
‘It was fabulous.’ Eden hoped she sounded convincing. She didn’t want to get into a heart-to-heart with Tracey now. She only wanted to curl up into a ball on her bed and stay there until this time next week.
‘I hurt my foot though,’ Eden added, setting up her excuse.
‘Oh, no! Are you all right?’
‘I’m going to take the rest of the week off to let it rest.’
‘Well, sure. No problem. Everything’s under control here.’
Tears she’d kept at bay all day crowded the back of her throat, as if her body knew it was almost time to lower its defences and let all that pent-up emotion out.
‘Eden,’ Tracey murmured, ‘are you okay?’
‘Perfectly wonderful,’ she cried, with as much false enthusiasm as she could muster. ‘But I do need to pop a painkiller. My foot’s beginning to throb.’
After goodbyes, she hung up and set her mind to a final task. She limped to her desk, drew out her diary and began to write.
Dear Diary,
I’ve done it again. I’m in love with Devlin up to my silly little neck. In the back of my mind I always knew this would happen. Maybe that’s why I contacted him. Not to ask him to warn Nate away from Sabrina, but to see him again without losing face. I could’ve said no anywhere along the way, but my heart kept saying yes.
If I wasn’t so certain that we’d both regret his suggestion to continue the affair, I might have relented. But the simple truth is that I need more, and he’s nowhere near ready for a gold band. But I still believe in him…that one day he will be ready to settle. Just wish it could be with me
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
THAT Thursday morning, ten past eleven, Eden hadn’t eaten breakfast, was onto her fourth cup of coffee and didn’t think she’d get changed out of her PJs again today.
What was the point? She wasn’t seeing anyone. There’d be time enough next week to scrub up. She would brush her hair, dig out the lip gloss, when she went back to work.
If she went back to work next week.
She couldn’t seem to rouse enthusiasm for anything. Except weepie movies. That particular form of sensory overload was her way, she’d decided, of weening herself off Devlin. And she would succeed.
He hadn’t called once. In fact, this morning’s Yahoo items included a photograph of Devlin in a dinner jacket escorting a buxom redhead to an opening at the Opera House. She’d held back the tears for an hour before they’d sneaked up and surprised her when she was folding the laundry—a far cry from her life of leisure in paradise. Despite his fancy words that last morning, how much had that time meant to Devlin? Had he taken that redhead home to his bed last night?
She was pouring a glass of orange juice when the intercom sounded. Her heart leapt, juice splashed over the counter and her mind jumped to conclusions. But, of course it wasn’t Devlin. Clearly he had put her, and their experience, behind him. He’d moved on.
How she envied him that.
Eden shuffled to the intercom by the door and depressed the speaker key. ‘Who is it?’
‘Sabrina.’
Eden slumped. They’d spoken briefly on the phone since she’d arrived home, but Sabrina had had those assignments to finish and so hadn’t come to visit. Good thing, Eden thought, casting an eye around the dirty dishes on the coffee table, the magazines strewn over the floor near the couch. The place was a sty. She was usually such a tidy bug. If Sabrina saw this mess she’d know something was up.
She didn’t feel like sharing yet, particularly not when Sabrina was o
bviously so happy with Nate. She didn’t want to prick her sister’s balloon.
She chewed her lip, searching for an excuse. ‘Sabrina, I’m, uh, not feeling so well—’
‘Sorry. Not listening,’ Sabrina cut in. ‘You didn’t sound like yourself on the phone. You were tight-lipped about your time away with Devlin. You’ve taken time off work. Now you’re opening up and letting me in.’
Eden raised her brows. ‘I thought as the older sister it was my place to boss you around.’
‘From this point on consider it a shared responsibility.’
Giving in to a grin, Eden hit a button and let Sabrina into the building. A moment later, Sabrina stood at the door, her expression pained. ‘Eden, you look awful.’
‘Nice to see you too.’
Sabrina took her hand in both of hers. ‘Oh, Ee, what’s happened?’
Eden pushed out a sigh. ‘You mean everything or only the really bad part?’
As they moved towards the couch Sabrina held her up. ‘What’s wrong with your foot?’
‘I’ll get to that.’
After heaping magazines out of the way, they sat side by side. Eden started with how she’d phoned Devlin last week, wanting him to talk to Nate about letting Sabrina off the hook.
Sabrina paled. ‘I can’t believe you’d do that.’
‘Looking back, neither can I. I’m sorry. I only wanted to protect you.’
‘You can’t protect me from every bruise.’
‘That’s what Devlin said.’
Sabrina seemed to think it through, then nodded. ‘What did he say about the two of you? I take it the weekend didn’t go well.’
‘The weekend went brilliantly! I felt as if I were living a dream. He was charming, of course, and sexy and making love was like—’ She let her shoulders drop and lowered her eyes. ‘You don’t need to hear that.’
‘You’re in love with him,’ Sabrina said simply.