Fred’s story wasn’t really anything special. It was just an everyday story like any other in this world. Everything would end one day, and no one could stop that. At the very least, Lawrence wanted to do everything he could to keep her smiling until that day came. He hoped God would show mercy to this foolish merchant, who even the moon was too embarrassed to face on this night.
Wolf and a Gray Face
They were having another argument. This time it was because Miss Holo was given less meat for dinner. Mr. Lawrence had said, “it’s because you ate some meat during the day, so you’re getting less now,” she shot back with “you seem quite sure of that, but where is your evidence?”
But Miss Holo really did eat some meat earlier. I saw her chew on some of our dried meat provisions in the wagon as she combed her tail, back when Mr. Lawrence had left the wagon to go book us a room at the inn. Of course, he doesn’t know when she did it, so now he’s at a loss.
I could end this dispute right now by telling him the truth. But I won’t, because I know Ms. Holo doesn’t want me to.
“So where is your proof?”
She’s backed him into a corner. He looks down as he replies.
“I have none.”
She stares at him for quite some time before making a loud “hmph” noise, then snatches some more meat with a look on her like it’s her birthright. It’s always like this with them. They’re always arguing about something, be it a careless word or some basic misunderstanding. Miss Holo always starts it.
When I first joined them, their bickering terrified me. Now I’m used to it. It’s like water off my back. It’s the same result for them, too. I hear Mr. Lawrence sigh, then Holo turns away looking irate. She doesn’t think what she’s doing is bad at all. If they think so differently, they should really just talk it over.. I wonder why they never do?
Maybe after shrugging their shoulders they feel like their argument has brought them closer or something, even if they don’t want to look at each other afterward. I never saw anything like this in my hometown.
Speaking of towns, they always have so many places to eat, like pubs and inns.. but Mr. Lawrence always wants to stay in and eat. He’d rather buy ingredients and cook them himself using the common stove wherever we stay. When I asked him why, he simply said it was cheaper. How did he put it?
“We won’t overeat this way, since it’s too much effort to cook more ourselves. Especially if we’re already full enough. After all, we’re with someone who will eat until she explodes.”
He said that with a sad smile. Miss Holo understands his reasons for not going out more often. That’s why she treasures every drop of wine. When we eat in, she’ll never get any more wine than she’s been given no matter how much she begs. Mr. Lawrence just gives her water.
When they really have an argument, they’re not like normal villagers. They don’t throw things at one another, they just stop talking entirely and each pretends the other doesn’t exist. In my hometown, arguments were like storms, and people would nervously watch and make sure that everything valuable was safely out of reach.
Not so with these two. They don’t blow up like that, they just smirk at each other after one of them lands the killing blow. Then when they wake up the next morning it’s like it never really happened. Even if they completely ignored each other for the rest of the previous day.
Say for instance that Mr. Lawrence starts a fight and won’t back down, putting Miss Holo in a bad mood. She’ll just forget all about him while joking around with me with a big grin on her face. I can feel the wrath between them, but they’re all smiles when they talk to me. It’s chilling at first, until you realize just how childish they’re really being.
Dinner’s over, so I gather up the kitchenware and take it back downstairs. As I return, I see Mr. Lawrence heading outside to refill our water jug at the well. I finally have a chance, so I tell him that I know Miss Holo ate the dried meat earlier. As usual, he replies like they never fought at all.
“Ah, so she did, did she?”
“Yes.. I couldn’t hide the truth from you..”
The Church teaches that God can see everything we do, so lying is useless. People don’t have God’s eyes, though. They can’t see everything. Villagers believe that lightning strikes liars, that “the tiniest lie could end up worse than getting stuck in the snow and eaten by bears or wolves.” I’ve been cheated so much since I left my home, but still want to make good by my mistakes. That’s why I tell him that I ate a piece of meat when Miss Holo gave it to me.
“Oh, I know.”
This time the smile on his face is a happy one.
“Huh? But you-”
“Yeah, I can’t prove it. But there are still four pieces missing. I’m sure Holo gave you one and took the other three for herself, right?”
I felt ashamed to hear him say it so plainly. He might not be God, but he can see what’s going on around him.
“.. I’m sorry..”
I cast my eyes downward, knowing that I would be stripped naked and whipped all the way home for this back in my hometown. Mr. Lawrence just smiles and rests the water jug on my head.
“She gave it to you on purpose, though.”
He’s right about that, but it’s the way he can see through me that worries me.
“Or am I wrong?”
I cast my eyes down again, shaking my head.
“I know I can trust you; you wouldn’t have done it on purpose.”
He’s still smiling when I look up.
“Holo isn’t dumb, after all. She knows I keep track of how much food we have.”
“Oh?”
I can’t help but respond as he lifts the water jug back up and starts walking away. He waits for me to catch up to him before answering.
“I’m not really bothered by what she did. We’re hardly in the red right now.”
We walk outside, and are struck by the wind. The lanterns are probably going to be blown out tonight.
“But we can’t let ourselves get too complacent.. otherwise we’re just dooming ourselves to future problems. This way it’ll just be that much harder for her to go without when we are in the red, won’t it?”
I nod, and so does Mr. Lawrence. It’s a very prudent way to look at things. But my reaction makes his expression sour a little.
“And yet she’s too stubborn to accept that. She just goes straight to acting childish, and yet if I ever dare to point that out, she’ll fly off the handle for sure.”
A Wisewolf really shouldn’t be that childish, I agree. And yet, Lawrence is already shrugging.
“Listen, Cole..”
He draws his face near to mine.
“Suppose I had forced her to tell the truth. Then the next time I gave her a snack, she’d surely say ‘but this is bad behavior, is it not?’ or some-such. She’d probably even say ‘surely you jest?’ or turn to you and say ‘tis surely a trap,’ wouldn’t she?”
When he talks like Miss Holo, it’s usually with a tired look in his eyes. I can’t say with certainty that he’s wrong. In fact, he’s probably right on the money. I’m always impressed by the strong appearance he puts on. He’s obviously quite exhausted, but there’s no trace of malice in his eyes.
“So I can’t force the issue. It’s not like it’s worth reminding her that I count our supplies. She isn’t dumb, she just needs me to gently point out her behavior, and she’ll quit doing it for a while. I can’t win by attacking her dead on, so why waste the effort? After all..”
He yanks the bucket up from the well and pours the water into our jug.
“If I blow things out of proportion, she won’t want to ask me for more food or wine anymore, will she?”
I nod, impressed by his deduction. He truly understands how emotional she is.
“It’s such a pain. Deep down, she knows how scary it is to be unprepared when the worst happens, and yet she always ignores it..”
He sighs as he holds up the almost-full jug.
&nbs
p; “I sometimes wonder how she’d manage if I wasn’t traveling with her.”
Just then, as if something wanted to stop him from saying anything further, Mr. Lawrence spots a familiar face down the hall and asks me to take the water jug back to our room for him. As usual, Miss Holo is taking swigs from her bottle of wine as she combs her tail.
“Oh, did you fetch water?”
“Would you like some?”
She nods, which implies that she doesn’t want to get drunk tonight (despite being the one who always says “I do not care if it makes me more thirsty, I only want wine. Only fools drink water when there is wine.”) I search for a cup to pour her some water, but she takes the jug from my hands and drinks from it directly. She strikes the same pose she would to drain a bottle dry, but without spilling anything: she isn’t drunk.. yet. Normally, Mr. Lawrence has to wipe her mouth for her after she drinks like this.
“Whew! Nothing beats chilled water!”
With a hiccup, she hands me the jug and laughs. I set it on the table, noting her good mood.
“Where is that foolish mule?”
“Mr. Lawrence? He’s downstairs talking to someone.”
Normally I would add, “should I fetch him?” but I’ve learned a little bit about how Miss Holo operates.
“Ugh. Let us hope he does not get swept up into another business disaster..”
She looks at her tail, pulls out a curly hair, and blows it into the air. The way she yawns and stretches always looks so relaxing.
“Ahh.. so then, Cole my boy.. what did you two discuss about me?”
She cuts to the chase as usual, and my eyes lift up from the ground. I can’t be like Mr. Lawrence around her. I’m already leaning back a bit in shock.
“Oh ho.. I am not angry.”
Her smiles are rarely genuine, and while I still struggle to tell her smiles apart, this time it seems sincere.
“Well? Out with it!”
She sets her cup (which had been behind her all along) on the floor, and then kicks it onto its side.. her usual ritual when she’s about to go to sleep. However, this time she lifts her legs onto the bed and sits there, her face in her hands and her elbows on her knees, and shoots me a bored stare.
“Um..”
I haven’t understood Mr. Lawrence’s words, of course, but if I spill the beans now it will only lead to another argument between them. But I’m not a very good liar.. the best I can do is offer a half-truth.
“Mr. Lawrence said he has no proof, and is aware of that fact..”
I did my best, and meet her stare as she thinks about what I’ve said. She then turns away with a “hmph.”
“Really. The foolish mule.”
She sighs and goes on.
“He understands nothing of my intentions.”
“..Huh?”
“What? Are you saying you also thought I was merely hungry?”
Miss Holo’s ears can hear anything, so she’ll know if I pause too long to find an excuse. I have no choice but to nod back and swallow my fear.
“What..? You males..”
She falls forward with a frown, like she’s suffering a headache. I panic that she might hurt herself, but of course it’s for naught.. she lands on her hands, then picks up her cup and sits back down on the bed.
“Of course I know what he told you. I was being wasteful and my actions can only lead to trouble, yes?”
She says it like she’s read it off my face, so I can only nod back like I’m being scolded.
“Obviously I realize such things, I simply feel he is being too stingy. We are suffering no shortage right now, and what I took was hardly substantial.”
She’s right too. Mr. Lawrence only has good intentions, but if we do things his way we’ll feel like we’re suffocating. In my village, those who were considered the best hunters were the ones who could tense up at the drop of a hat, but also relax enough to sleep well at night. Even the Church warns to not be overly frugal.
“I only wish for him to relax a little. Back when we first met, he could not pass up the slightest object that someone had dropped on the road.. not even a nail. He cannot even enjoy food. He puts his all into his business, his entire life. If he carries on this way, he will exhaust himself and make a terrible mistake someday.”
She opts to take a long drink of wine, enough to have to take a deep breath afterward. It’s her favorite drink, but you wouldn’t know it from the look on her face right now.
“You humans do not live long. If you cannot enjoy life when you are able, you will die with a frown on your face.”
She clicks her tongue, then takes another swig. I stare at her, quite moved. I truly am.. she’s lived for a long time, so she’s probably seen many people leave the world the way she described. It’s always the people who try too hard who die before their time.
In fact, if my own experiences have taught me anything, such people never get to enjoy the fruits of their labor before they pass away. Every time Miss Holo drinks wine like water, or eats until she’s bursting, Mr. Lawrence frowns.. but only for a moment before he joins her, like he’s thinking “alright, I can’t let you hog all the fun!”
It’s not that Miss Holo is trampling Mr. Lawrence, it’s that she wants to correct his all-too-strict perspective. I feel a bit bad for not realizing that until now.
“But there is no point in saying that to a male who fancies himself clever. Oh no, he will simply try to make me see things his way. I can only pretend to be a fool so he will give in and relax. He truly does not understand the pathetic things he is making the Wisewolf do..”
She complains as she takes another swig of wine. I wonder where I’ve heard that kind of sentiment before? It finally hits me after she finishes her thought with a hiccup.
“If he was not with me, God knows how he would end up.”
* * *
I wake up the next morning to find that Miss Holo has beaten me to it and opened a window. She’s setting small morsels of bread down on the ledge to attract some birds. She’s really a giant wolf that could swallow an ox, and even in her human form she’s very intimidating when angered, but right now she’s gentle as can be.
I know first-hand just how gentle she is. She helps me complete thoughts, sometimes even voicing things I can’t quite bring myself to say. She tricks me, too, but even when she does she’s always earnestly smiling.. in fact, she might not even think she’s tricking me at all. I think she’s the same way for Mr. Lawrence, and doesn’t really mean to trick him at all.
Right now, Mr. Lawrence is still sleeping. If you want to know why his hair is still tidy, you will need to ask Miss Holo.
“Oh? Cole beat him to it?”
She still seems quite sleepy. As she speaks, the birds finally realize she’s there and fly off, startled. She watches them, relaxed, then stands up with a weary look on her face.
“Very well.. let us rouse the foolish mule so we may eat.”
She slowly rolls her head around and cracking is heard. She then sighs, expressionless but clearly happy.. probably because of how we’re going to wake up Mr. Lawrence. I pretend not to notice her wagging tail as I pour water onto him from my water skin. Moments later, he jumps up, shocked, only to see Miss Holo laughing at him.
* * *
“Who’d’ja see?”
Miss Holo finally asks Mr. Lawrence a question as he walks back to the room. The kitchen won’t be ready for a while, so she’s slurring her speech as she chews on another piece of dried meat. It hasn’t been a day since he argued with her about that, but she still boldly goes ahead anyway.
Thankfully, Mr. Lawrence has a handle on her. He knows it’s “her” piece of jerky. She even pulled it out of her mouth with a grin a moment ago to proclaim that. She was obviously hoping to chastise Mr. Lawrence if he brought it up again, but lucky for him he knows better than to fall for the same trap twice. Her tail sadly stops wagging.
“I met a merchant downstairs yesterday who asked for my help.”
/> “Go right ahead.”
Miss Holo’s already moved on to combing her tail. She combs it several times daily, so it’s really beautiful. It’s amusing how much like a princess from those old stories she is, acting illogically and defiantly.
“You’re not upset, are you?”
Her ears shoot up like a warning to not press the issue, so he just shrugs and continues.
“Um.. is there anything I can help with?”
I’ve got nothing to do, and I feel obligated to help those who’ve taken care of me. I don’t mind doing the manual labor; in fact, I prefer something that’s straightforward like that.
“Oh? Well, if you really meant it, then by all means.”
“Okay!”
It’s rare for me to get a chance to help them, so I take to my feet with gusto. By the time he’s finished waving at Miss Holo, I’m already in my coat and rushing to the door.
“What will I be in charge of?”
Mr. Lawrence answers right away.
“Nothing major, just counting coins. There’s a lot of them, but you’re good with numbers so you’ll do just fine.”
He’s trying to praise me, but that sort of thing embarrasses me. Before I met Mr. Lawrence, I was always just treated like an idiot or fooled like one - sometimes both at once.
“I’ll do my best!”
“Hehe.. no need to be that serious. You’ll see.”
He suddenly stops as we’re leaving the room.
“What’s this?”
He asks that casually, but he’s wearing a grin on his face. I look back and see why: Miss Holo has stopped combing her tail and eating and is putting on her robe.
“I fear that you may die of loneliness if I do not join you.”
Mr. Lawrence and I exchange a glance and chuckle. There’s no way she wouldn’t hear it, and sure enough her first step out into the hallway is taken directly onto my foot. With that, the three of us are off to pay that merchant a visit. It’s nice and warm outside, and the town is full of life. Everyone’s in high spirits since it’s close to lunchtime.
Spice & Wolf XVII (DWT) Page 10