by Nadia Lee
The main lobby is also a waiting area with tons of chairs. People are filling out paperwork, and a couple of receptionists in pale lavender coats help the ones who come over to their desks. The cheap clothes some of them are wearing remind me of what Ava and I bought in that bed and breakfast town, and I scowl in spite of myself. I would’ve traded everything I have for a forever with Ava. But she didn’t want that.
Toxic.
“Let’s talk about what I can do,” I say, needing to think about something other than her. Toxic. Toxic.
Nate takes me on a circuitous route, showing me the different wings for cancer care, regular pediatrics, maternity and so on. Once we’re back to his office, he closes the door. I take an armchair by the desk and stretch my legs out, crossing my ankles.
“I’m thinking about a year-end charity function,” he says, sitting across me. “People tend to be more giving in December.”
“Okay. So who am I helping?”
“Actually, you’ll have to spearhead this one. Robbie’s great at managing hospitals, but he’s not that great at raising money.”
Is this the same guy Elizabeth was talking about? “Who’s Robbie?”
“He’s the administrator in charge of operations and capital investments. A great guy, just not great at fundraising. He probably never had to do much of it in his previous positions. But he’s swamped right now, so most likely he’s going to have his assistant do the work with you. I heard she’s quite diligent.” Nate smiles. “Pretty, too. If she weren’t working here, I’d probably ask her out.”
I uncross my ankles and sit up straight. Nate is exceptionally partial to blondes. As a matter of fact, to the best of my knowledge he’s only ever dated blondes. “What’s her name?” I casually ask, even as my heart pushes into my throat.
“Ava Huss. She came highly recommended by a friend who’s working here as a nurse, and also by your sister. It was really Elizabeth who sealed the deal for me. I know she’d never refer someone who wasn’t good.”
Fury explodes in my chest, and it’s all I can do not to break something. I stand, my entire body shaking.
“Are you okay?” Nate asks.
“I’m fine. I just remembered I have an appointment. Can we discuss the rest of the fundraiser thing later?”
“I’m actually flying to Chicago tonight, but you’re welcome to call or meet Robbie anytime. He knows about your involvement.” Nate hands me a card with Robbie’s contact info on it.
“Fantastic. Thanks.”
I shove the card into my pocket. My gait is uneven as I hurry. If I slow down, I can hide the limp, but I don’t bother. If I could wish for any superpower, it would be to instantly appear in front of Elizabeth.
Making my way to my car, I call her. Before she can say a word, I spit out, “How dare you!”
She gasps. “Lucas?”
“I told you to stay the fuck out of this.”
“What are you talking about?”
“Ava Huss. You got her a damned job.”
“Oh. That.”
“Oh. That. Yes. That.”
“She lost her job—probably because she had to give it up to come home with you. So I thought I’d help.”
The way I maneuvered Ava into her unemployment status makes my conscience squirm. Think of the two million bucks. “She didn’t need your help.”
“Lucas, the economy is horrible. It’s not like her résumé is stellar. But I figured if she got an interview, she’d be able to impress the guy. And she did.”
“She didn’t need a job, Elizabeth. I gave her money.”
A short pause. “You gave her money.”
“Yes.”
“How much?”
“Two million. More than enough for her to live the rest of her life in comfort.”
She sighs. “There’s more to life than money, Lucas. Jobs give people pride, self-esteem.”
“You don’t get it. I gave her the money so she can be a writer, like she said she wanted. She never needed your help. I certainly never needed your meddling. Now things are worse.” I climb into my car and shove a hand into my hair. “If you hadn’t interfered, I would never have gone after her. And if I hadn’t, she wouldn’t have lost her job in Japan. I would’ve found someone else to marry, and you would’ve gotten the portrait anyway. It’ll almost serve you right if I don’t marry anybody after all, and nobody gets them.”
“I’m not doing this for Grandpa’s painting.”
“Then why? Don’t tell me it’s for my own good. That’s bullshit.”
“You can believe whatever you want, but know one thing. Women on their own can be vulnerable.”
“She has foster parents.” Who are old and have a child of their own to look after. Surely their own flesh and blood come before Ava.
“I only wanted to make sure she’d be okay.” She sighs. “If you don’t like how I did it, then undo it.”
“A little too late for that.”
“No, it’s not. Talk to Nate. I’m sure he’ll fire her for you.” She hangs up.
I smack the steering wheel, hard. How dare she try to turn me into a villain? I did not abandon Ava. I did not leave her helpless and vulnerable. I—did—nothing—wrong.
I’ve been trying to put my life together after the accident. Rehab sucked, and trying to prove to myself that part of me didn’t die when Ava dumped me the first time…
Being with her the second time proved I’m not dead. So now all I need to do is learn that lesson and move on.
Get Nate to fire her.
My head swivels toward the hospital. He’ll probably do it if I ask…although he’ll want to know why, and I don’t want to discuss my reasons.
I inhale and exhale deeply a few times. There’s no need to talk to Nate. I can get her to quit on her own. Surely I’m the last person she wants to be around. After all, I’m toxic.
Chapter Fourteen
Ava
I paste on a big smile as I walk into the medical center on Monday in my pink blouse and forest-green pencil skirt. I chose them because they’re my “pick me up” outfit, and I could really use one today.
I stop by the break room to grab a coffee before going to my desk. My laptop boots up in no time, and I review the day’s and week’s agendas and mark everything that requires my or Robbie’s immediate attention.
At least I’m being somewhat productive at work. I was worthless at home. I sat in front of the blank TV and stared at nothing for most of Sunday. None of the items on my long personal to-do list got crossed off. I even begged off meeting Jon for lunch, mostly because I’d have made lousy company, and he deserves better.
I sip the steaming coffee as quickly as possible. My eyes feel like they’re packed with sand, and caffeine’s the only thing that will get me through this day. Faye and Lucas in each other’s arms kept popping up in my dreams, disturbing my sleep. They definitely had it off after going home. You don’t kiss like that unless you’re planning on more.
She’s with him because you didn’t fight for him.
Elizabeth’s words circle around my head. I imagine them as a halo of vultures waiting for my sanity to draw its last breath. The doubt she’s sown wants to feast on my pride, my sense of self-worth. And that’s about all I have left.
The first step to fixing a problem is admitting you have one. Well, obviously I have one—my inability to let go of Lucas. If he hadn’t shown me what we could have had together, then it wouldn’t hurt so much. After all, I survived the first time. But this second time was more… He made me hope for a shared future.
Your future does not have to have Lucas in it, I tell myself forcefully. I can date around, find some other man to love. Who says you can only love once? As a matter of fact, Jon might be the one—the man who could love me, who I could love back openly.
And to that end, it’s better that I make sure Lucas and his family don’t want anything to do with me. Elizabeth didn’t mention Mia just to be chatty. God, my head is a mess of j
umbled thoughts and emotions. I have to pull myself together…or I’m going to do something to irreparably damage not only myself, but possibly Mia’s safety and future as well.
I finish the coffee and stand up to get a second serving before checking in with Robbie. Then I see…
Lucas.
The impact of his presence slices me like a scalpel down the belly. He’s stunning—scars or no—and he looks well rested and calm. Blood roars in my head, and my vision feels hazy for a moment. After what I saw at the opening, I’m not prepared to face him.
The expertly tailored button-down shirt and slacks—both in black—emphasize the breadth and leanness of his tall, strong body. Silver cufflinks wink when he checks his watch, and I shake my head, willing the apparition to vanish.
My heart thunders. What the hell is he doing here? Is he here to see me?
Part of me almost sobs in relief and need, even though my head tells me he’s probably here for something else. But if he does approach, I can’t be weak and crumble. I have to stick to what I told him in Virginia.
He stops two feet away. My mouth dries, bees buzzing in my stomach. I wish I hadn’t gulped down that first cup of coffee so fast.
“You’re Robbie’s assistant?”
This Lucas is nothing like the one I remember. His voice is neutral, and the rigid lines of his body say “hands off.” Under his cool, hard scrutiny, something inside me shrivels as though I’m the one who screwed up back in Charlottesville. “Yes.”
“Okay. Did he tell you you’ll be working with me to organize the year-end fundraiser event?”
“No. I haven’t had a chance to talk with him.”
Lucas’s gaze flicks over me, making me die inside. There’s zero warmth, zero recognition. This is what you wanted. It’s as though I’m a stranger.
“I was under the impression you would be up to speed,” he says.
“I just got in.”
“Had time to finish coffee.” He cocks the eyebrow.
My back stiffens. I’m not going to apologize for having a morning java. “We’ll go in together. I need to check a few things with him anyway.”
“Ladies first.”
He gestures me ahead. I can’t decide if this is a way of mocking me or not. I’m pretty sure “lady” isn’t the first word he associates with me.
I lead him to my boss’s office, all the while praying this is a prank or some kind of huge mistake. There is no way Lucas can be involved with the medical center. Google said he donates to causes, not that he gets down in the trenches himself.
Robbie smiles when he sees us walking in. “Thrilled you could join us today, Mr. Reed.”
“Glad to be here. And please, call me Lucas.” They shake hands.
“Have you met my assistant?” Robbie asks.
“We’ve met.” Lucas gestures at the seats. “Shall we get started?”
I hear the words between the two men, but my mind barely processes anything. The shock of seeing Lucas is still reverberating through me.
I don’t understand what he’s doing here. Why do we need him? Surely, there are other people—more famous people—who can draw in the crowds to benefit the medical center.
“That’s wonderful.” Robbie’s voice penetrates my miserable confusion. “I’m sorry I can’t be more involved. Operations is taking more of my time and effort than I expected. But I’m sure Ava will do a great job.”
I almost drop my pen. “What?”
Robbie frowns, while Lucas studies me like an insect on the other side of a magnifying glass. “Do you have some objection to the new task?” Lucas asks.
My internal sensor screams “trap.” I inhale and gather my thoughts before saying, “Not at all. I’m just surprised I’m the one who’s being tapped for it. I’ve never done this kind of work before.”
Maybe this will give me an excuse to bow out. I’m certain Lucas doesn’t want us to spend time together. He did everything possible to force me to take the money and give him the closure he said he needed to move on. Faye is the one in his life now.
So why does this hurt so much?
“First time for everything.” Robbie grins broadly. “I wouldn’t have picked you if I didn’t feel you were a quick study.”
I give him a weak smile in return.
“And whatever help I need, I’m sure my sister can deliver,” Lucas says. “She’s world class at this kind of stuff.”
“We’re grateful for your help,” Robbie says. “Both you and your family. I’ll make sure to adjust Ava’s work schedule so she can assist you and learn exactly what’s needed to pull an event like this together.”
“Excellent.” Lucas stands up. “Then let’s get started. I have a lunch meeting.”
I have no choice now. The only way I could possibly get out of this is by explaining my history with Lucas to Robbie, but I’d rather die than behave unprofessionally. I can handle this. It’s just one job, and the close contact with Lucas will be over soon enough.
Lucas and I move to a small meeting room, and he dictates a huge list of tasks. Not even once during that time does he regard me with anything other than cool detachment.
I’ve imagined it would be nearly impossible to handle if Lucas came back to me with love in his eyes and told me again that he wanted to be with me. But this coldness is so much worse. It is as though everything I suspected is true…that I don’t matter.
Every second fillets a little bit more of my heart. Even though I’m following along on autopilot, my head is full of contradictory thoughts and emotions.
What’s wrong with me? This stranger treatment is what I told him I wanted. I even put him through the “test” so he would realize the truth between us. But it still makes my heart ache.
Elizabeth words come back to me, this time with an undertone of accusation.
She’s with him because you didn’t fight for him.
But how can I fight for nothing?
I’m in love with you.
A last-ditch effort to get me to change my mind. He’d never said those words before. And there were plenty of opportunities.
Gifts. Words. They never mean anything. Just look how easily Dad threw them at me and Mom. And how gullible we were to take them at face value.
Finally, Lucas stops his dictation of tasks. “All that needs to be completed by close of business tomorrow. When you’re finished, let me know so we can move on to the next phase.”
I place my pen on the yellow legal pad full of scribbled to-do items. “Are you staying in L.A.?”
“For a while. The weather’s better, and my family’s here.”
There goes my hope that he’ll return to Charlottesville and we can work long distance.
“Let Robbie know if you can’t handle the work. I’m sure he can find me a suitable replacement.”
“A replacement… Is that what you want?”
Lucas studies me. “Isn’t it what you want?”
“I’m a professional. I can handle it.”
He smirks. “That would’ve been more convincing if you didn’t look like you were sucking on a lemon when you said it.” He gets up. “Don’t forget. COB tomorrow.”
The second the meeting room door closes, the charge in the air vanishes, leaving me deflated and drained. I drag a hand through my hair, then look at the mountain of tasks that just got dumped in my lap.
Something about Lucas’s demeanor said he expects me to fail…and fail badly. I’d rather drink hemlock. This is just a lark for him, but it’s my life.
Firming my jaw, I get up and march toward my desk. I have work to do.
Chapter Fifteen
Lucas
Carrying a couple of bottles of excellent wine—one white and one red—I go to Elliot’s home for dinner later on Monday. It’s better than eating alone. Blake is out of town, probably trying to figure out which new ventures look the most promising.
But there’s more to my visit than just not wanting to eat alone. I’m curious about E
lliot’s wife—what she’s like—plus how marriage is treating my brother. He didn’t marry for love, but the few glimpses I had of them at Blake’s place made me suspect they have feelings for each other. Whether they’ve admitted as much to themselves is another matter.
I’d like some evidence that a union entered into with cold-blooded calculation can lead to something other than a lifeless…life. I need at least that much reassurance to marry Faye.
In fact, I have to convince myself of it. And then do what I need to do if I don’t want to be the pathetic kid I used to be.
Earlier today Ken Asada came back with the report I requested—social security number, photos, credit check, criminal record and everything else he could dig up on Jon Barkley, Ava’s date from the function. The results were incredibly disappointing. The guy is too damn nice. A good, stable job. Normal family. No criminal convictions or arrests. Decent-looking, too, I have to admit. Certainly no scars. He’s exactly the kind of guy I wouldn’t mind seeing my own sister hook up with.
At first I assumed I was let down because I wanted Ava to date jerks so she would realize how good she’d had it with me. But later I realized it was much simpler and dumber. I was harboring a secret wish—that I’d have a reason to swoop in, save the day, and she’d fall into my arms again.
Such a clichéd setup…it sounds like something from a third-rate romantic comedy. Shit like that doesn’t happen in real life, and I should know better.
It’s time to get my head screwed on straight and think about what I’m doing.
Elliot’s penthouse is still the same—a bachelor pad. The pricey electronics, leather couches and minimalistic interior decoration are just the way I remembered. But the mantel and shelves now have framed photos of him and his wife Belle. Not many—they haven’t been together that long—but certainly more than what I have of Ava. The selfies we took while we were at the bed and breakfast are on her phone. She never had a chance to send them to me.
Not that I would’ve kept them.