by Martha Long
I pulled over a chair, sitting down next to her, blocking her vision of the window. ‘What’s wrong?’ I asked slowly and quietly.
Tears came rolling into the corner of her eyes, and I watched it drop onto her cheek.
‘Come on!’ I said, stroking her head.
‘Sebastian has dumped me. He’s not interested any more,’ she said quietly, lifting her hand to rub her cheek, then started sniffing, sounding like she had a cold. ‘We used to talk all the time. Go for walks, play table tennis. Now he just walks away, takes no notice of me when I see him.’
My heart was sinking lower as I watched Blondie. She really is collapsing. I hardly recognised the woman lying in the bed. She looked like an old woman. Someone who had seen better days. Fucking Sergei has done this to her. He’s an insensitive bastard!
‘I don’t think he’s worth it, Blondie,’ I said, feeling the weight of the world on my shoulders at not being able to dig her out of this. I sat thinking. Staring at her. Trying to work out if there was something, anything, that would get her going again.
I shook my head. No! I recognise this. Nothing on earth will shift her in that state. What she wants, I can’t give her. Neither can a filthy-rich old man. He can throw the world at her feet. Wrap her in furs, diamonds. Jaysus! She wants for nothing. But it’s all fool’s gold because she has nothing. No! He can’t compete with a fella like the monk. Throbbing with life, virile, he can give her a child. Challenge her! Ooze her insides with his energy. Share his passion. She wants to feel alive. But the monk? How deep is he really? I shook my head, not able to work it out. For sure, he has his life in the Church. For me, it was just a game. I needed the challenge to bring me back to life. But it looks like Blondie depended her life on him!
I felt heavy. I couldn’t work out what to say any more. So I stood up, pushing the chair against the wall.
‘Listen, Blondie,’ I said, bending down to kiss her on the wet cheek. ‘Don’t give up hope. There’s better days around the corner. We have survived this far. I’ll come back and see you. Then when we get out, we can start going out together. You can come down to my house for dinner. We can go out. Do anything we want! Have plenty of laughs. Maybe we can put a Mafia contract out on poor aul Dick! No, forget that. Listen! Leave it to me! I’ll work something out. But, one thing’s for sure, we don’t need the bleedin monk anyway! He probably thinks it’s for stirring his tea! Huh! Would you agree with me?’
She grabbed me hand, shaking it on the bed, letting a heavy sigh come out. It was supposed to be a laugh. I looked into her eyes, seeing the tortured pain. ‘I know what you want, Blondie! You can get that. But not the monk. So say a decade of the rosary, giving thanks to God you escaped him! Anyway, he told me he was, eh, gay,’ I said, thinking that was a good idea.
‘He did?’ she said, suddenly finding a bit of life inside herself.
‘Yeah!’
She stared at me, watching my face, not believing me but wanting to.
‘Course he bleedin did! Sure, wasn’t I only out with him just a few weeks ago. He brought me out to meet his boyfriend.’
She stared at me, letting her nostrils squeeze, beginning to doubt me.
‘Listen! Would I tell you a word of a lie, Blondie?’
‘Yeah, you would,’ she said, giving a half-laugh.
‘Well! Here’s what happened . . . Yeah! Stone drunk they got me! Then when I woke up – you won’t believe this!’ I snorted, letting heavy air out through me nose. ‘They were in bed together! Wrapped around each other!’
‘No!’ she said, letting her eyes hang out on stalks. ‘Were they doing anything?’
‘Eh! You don’t want to know, Blondie. Believe me! I was after him meself. You should know that!’
‘God! Who would have believed it?’ she said.
‘Tea time!’ Esther said, coming into the room, smiling at us. ‘So! You two are still thick as thieves!’ she said, looking pleased to see Blondie taking more interest.
‘Right! I’m off down to get me tea. Don’t want to miss anything. The good stuff is gone if you don’t get there early!’ I said, standing up, seeing her lifting herself, looking like she was just waking up from a sleep. ‘Give us a kiss,’ I said, bending down to give her cheeks a smacking kiss.
She grabbed me neck, saying, ‘You’re a treasure! Thanks! But I don’t know whether to believe you or not,’ she smiled, giving a little snort.
‘Right! I’ll prove it to you when we see him again.’
‘How?’
‘Just wait and see,’ I said, thinking, I wonder what I’ll come up with? Ahh! I’ll think of something ‘Right! Bye, Blondie! Don’t go getting into any trouble without me!’
‘Go on, out!’ Esther said, pointing me at the door.
Right. I was out the door, galloping down for me tea. OK! I should be home by this time next week. I’m nearly sure of it, I thought, flying into the dining room, getting the smell of lovely grub.
53
* * *
I was walking along the orangery on my way up to the top ward to see the girls. Blondie is still not out of her depression. She has good days, then she collapses again, poor thing. But she will get there; it’s just going to take time. Mabel is still in lock-up. She is getting worse. Now she has given up completely. She won’t eat or drink and keeps screaming and trying to get out. She’s determined to kill herself, so now they have her under constant sedation. Jesus! She’s so young and pretty, with everything to live for, including a family and a husband. I wonder why the thought of her little baby waiting for her doesn’t give her the strength to live? But at least Katie is on the mend. She’s down here with me. Two out of four – it’s something, I suppose.
I was just turning the corner when the consultant with his helper, the registrar, stopped and grinned at me. ‘How are you now?’ asked the consultant, beaming at me.
‘Oh, very well, Doctor, thank you. I’m anxious to get home and get on with my life. I think I’ve been here long enough, don’t you?’ I asked, smiling at him.
‘Yes, yes, I do,’ he said, smiling, his eyes narrowing, watching me closely.
I waited, letting him see what he wanted to see and come to his decision. There was a long silence, then he looked at the other doctor, murmuring with his head turned away from me.
I stepped back, giving them some privacy. The other doctor grinned at me, then straightened his back, giving his shoulders a jerk, then blinked, waiting for the consultant to speak.
‘Yes! We are going to let you go home next week. This is Wednesday! Say Sunday or Monday. How does that suit you?’
‘I’m delighted!’ I said, beaming at them. My heart started racing. Oh! I am so glad to be going home at last.
‘Are you over that nasty bug you caught?’ the other doctor asked me.
‘Yes, I’m much better now, thanks,’ I said. ‘It knocked me flat, but I’m up and running now.’
‘I know! You had a fever of one hundred and two.’
I shook my head, remembering.
‘Nasty business,’ the consultant said as he moved off, anxious to get going and get out of the place as soon as possible. ‘Well, good luck now! Take it slowly. Do not go trying to take on too much at once,’ the consultant said.
‘No! Absolutely not!’ I said, waving them goodbye.
I beetled back to my room, getting money for the phone to ring Sister Eleanor, dying to let her know the good news.
‘Oh, that’s wonderful news, Martha. I’ll pop in this afternoon, or maybe tomorrow, and take the house keys from you. I can run up and air the house before you get home. Oh, it’s marvellous to see you back to your old self!’
‘Yeah, Sister! It’s wonderful to be able to enjoy life again,’ I said happily.
I rushed back to my room and started to pack away my things. Jesus! The amount of stuff. It’s going to take a freight train to get me out of here!
Then the door of my room opened. Sergei came in slowly, closing it behind him. I stared at
him. He was looking a little pale. I hadn’t seen much of him for a while. Not since that last time, when I ended up legless. He’s been missing lately. No one has seen him around the place. People said he was out sick.
‘So, you will be going home,’ he said, seeing me taking the stuff out of the wardrobe and land it on the bed.
‘Yes! That’s it. I’m going home. Back to a new life.’
‘What will you do?’
‘Oh, options galore!’ I said. ‘The world is a big place. I can do anything, go anywhere.’
He shook his head, listening, agreeing with me.
‘So! What happened to you?’ I said, seeing he looked a bit under the weather.
‘Oh, I am OK. I had some sickness. I was in bed rest for a time. But now I am OK,’ he said, shrugging, dropping his mouth. ‘What is happening with you?’
‘Oh, I was the same. But now I’m back on me pins again. Fighting fit!’ I said, half-laughing.
‘Yes, I called to see you, but you slept, so I left.’
‘You did! When?’
‘I don’t know. Some time, a week ago, maybe. It is not important.’
‘How is Blondie? I was going to go up, see how she is, but I met the doctor.’
‘The same. She is going to need time.’
‘Maybe it would help if you gave her a little time,’ I said, staring at him.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, it seems you are not helping by just dropping her, she doesn’t understand why.’
He shrugged. ‘It is part of the problem,’ he said. ‘I cannot allow her to become dependent on me. It would not be good for her recovery.’
‘But surely you can at least talk to her. Show a little bit of interest?’
‘No, now I must keep a distance. This is normal. I am used to this. She must find her own way.’
‘Oh, I suppose you’re right. But, by the way, how did you know I was going home?’
‘Bah! I am part of the hospital. It is my job. So!’ he said, wanting to say something but taking his time, thinking about it. ‘Would you like to meet later, maybe for a coffee? We can go out, if you prefer?’
‘Oh, I don’t think so, thank you, Sergei! Not after the last time.’
‘What do you mean?’ he snapped.
‘You pair of creeps got me drunk!’ I hissed, remembering it all over again. Jaysus! Even me head is starting to remember. It feels like it should start up paining again.
‘Don’t be ridiculous!’ he boomed. ‘You drank. It is normal. But you disgraced yourself!’
‘What?!’ I screamed. ‘The cheek of you. I’ve a good mind to give you a good kick up the arse! How dare you?’ I rushed at him, snorting.
‘Control! Take it easy!’ he whispered, throwing his head back with a half-grin on his face, holding out his hands.
‘Fuck off, Sergei! Before I do something you will regret!’
‘Tut, tut! You will be escorted back upstairs. No, calm! Let us sit and talk. It is much more fun. I will meet you later. Don’t be late!’ he grinned.
‘SERGEI! Go and piss in the wind!’
‘I like a woman with passion! You remind me of my mother!’ he said, blowing me a kiss. Then he smacked the door shut.
I snorted air in and out of me mouth. What an arrogant bastard. Hell will freeze over before he gets me to himself again!
‘Are you ready, Martha?’ Sister Eleanor puffed, hopping around the room, grabbing at big plastic bags stuffed with my things.
I looked at the long line of bags, suitcases and boxes. ‘Bloody hell, Sister! I didn’t know I owned so much stuff!’
‘They must have thought you were going to take up permanent residence here,’ she laughed, struggling with two heavy bags bigger than herself.
Katie breezed in the door and stood staring. ‘Where’s the pots we robbed from the kitchen?’ she laughed, springing for the bulky-looking bags.
‘What?’ screamed Sister Eleanor.
‘Shrrup, Katie! Ah, don’t mind her! That’s only her sense of humour!’ I laughed, glaring at Katie.
‘Ah, Martha! You wouldn’t?’ Sister Eleanor wailed, lifting her neck in the air, then screwing up her face at me like she was going to cry.
‘Of course not! I wouldn’t do any such thing.’
‘Gangway!’ Katie shouted, pushing past us, clanking pots and pans. My face reddened.
‘Ah, what did you take?’ Sister Eleanor cried, dropping the bags.
‘Nothing, Sister Eleanor,’ I sniffed, listening to Katie cackling down the corridor, banging the bleedin stuff, making enough noise to wake the dead.
‘They will only come after you! For God’s sake, put back whatever you took.’
I thought of the egg-poaching pan and the lovely big frying pan, reluctant to part with them. ‘Who’ll come after me?’ I burst out.
‘The Brothers! They know where you live!’ she laughed, then looked pained, her face not knowing whether to cry or laugh. ‘They have been very good to you,’ she breathed. ‘Think about it! You wouldn’t be so well now if it wasn’t for them,’ she said, her face looking sanctified at the thought of the wonderful Brothers.
I thought of Sergei. ‘Yeah!’ I snorted. ‘Well! They got well paid for me. They’re not keeping me for charity, ye know,’ I snorted, grabbing two heavy bags and dragging them out the door.
I could hear her muttering her disgust behind me. So I shuffled faster, wanting the distance. We landed down in the entrance hall, with Katie coming to meet us, pulling a big trolley to take my luggage.
‘I’ll load up with you, Katie,’ Sister Eleanor said, springing down to heave the stuff onto the trolley.
‘It’s just as well we have the second car, Sister,’ I said, eyeing her car sitting next to my Daisy, waiting to be loaded up for the big exodus home. A bit of a crowd was gathering at the front. People were stopping to see the back of me out the door.
‘Bye, Rory! Bye, Maggie!’ I hugged and kissed them, looking into their faces, feeling a little sad I wouldn’t be around to torment them. ‘Bye, Henry!’
‘Now you be good and take care of yourself!’ Esther warned, pointing her finger at me, giving me a big hug.
‘I’ll be very good, Esther. Thank you for everything!’
Jam-jar came over and shook my hand, then suddenly grabbed me, giving me a tight hug, then pushed me away, saying, ‘I’ve done my penance in this world, thanks to you! Now off you go and give them hell out there! Don’t ever set foot in this place again! We’re already under way. Busy putting up an electric fence to keep you out.’
I screamed laughing. ‘I knew it!’ I said, thinking about the barbed wire. ‘Ah, your bark is worse than your bite!’ I shouted, giving him another hug.
‘Are you right so?’ Sister Eleanor asked, puffing back in, with her head already turning, rattling back out the door again.
‘I’m on my way,’ I shouted, making for the door.
‘Ohhh! I’m going to miss you so much!’ Katie said, wrapping herself around me.
‘I’m not far. We can meet.’
‘You have my home address?’ Katie asked, eyes wide in case I lost it.
‘Yeah! Course I have!’
‘And my mother’s telephone number? That’s the place you’ll get me. I spend more time there than at home.’
‘We won’t lose contact, Katie. I won’t let it happen,’ I said, hugging her tightly. ‘Now, you make up your mind to go home next, Katie! Get yourself well.’
‘I am!’ Katie shook her head happily. ‘I’m well on my way to going home.’
‘Bye! I’m off!’ I shot out through the door, seeing Sister Eleanor already driving off. I jumped into the car, fighting with a plastic bag wanting to sprawl itself over the steering wheel. Then I started the engine and took off slowly, waving and honking the horn at everyone standing and waving me off. I felt sad, and nervous, and happy, and looking forward to going home – independence and being my own person again.
‘That’s the lot,’ S
ister Eleanor puffed, putting the black plastic bag next to the long line of bags neatly lined against the wall in the hall.
‘Thanks, Sister! I don’t know what I would do without you,’ I said, heading into the sitting room and looking around at my old familiar life. The fire had settled down to a rosy glow, with the goals glowing red-hot. The heat was lovely, giving me a warm feeling deep inside myself of security. I reached over, putting the plug into the socket in the alcove, and switched on the lamp. It gave out a warm cosy glow to the room.
‘Goodbye now, darling! I’d better be off. They’ll be wondering in the convent where I got to,’ she said, reaching over and giving me a hug.
‘Goodbye, Sister,’ I said quietly, a momentary flutter of fear flapping in my chest.
‘Will you be OK now?’ she asked, staring at me for a minute.
‘You go on, Sister. I’m perfectly all right. I’m home now,’ I said, laughing and encouraging her towards the door. ‘Don’t you worry yourself about me! I’m perfectly fine.’
‘You’re looking very pale now,’ she said, looking worried, staring at my face. ‘Why don’t you go on up to bed?’
‘Yeah, I probably will,’ I said, thinking it was a good idea. I am beginning to feel banjacksed.
I shut the door and looked around the hall, staring at the plastic bags. A testament to my having left the old life behind, and I’m now starting out on a new journey.
I woke up hearing an awful racket. Me eyes shot over to the window. Jaysus! I stared at two little birds having an almighty row over a piece of twig. They kept dropping off the windowsill, then flying back to steady themselves. One was trying to hold it, while the other kept making a run to grab it. I laughed, then stretched, feeling the heat from the early-morning sun. It flooded the bedroom, lighting it up in a blaze of golden sunlight. Ohh! First day home!
I looked around, seeing my old familiar surroundings, smelling the garden scents wafting in through the open window and hearing old and familiar sounds. Right! Breakfast!
I sat munching over toast and a soft-boiled egg, thinking, OK! What’s first on the agenda? Open the post, see to the bills. Sort all that stuff out. Then collect Bonzo. Ahh! I can’t wait to see him. Then catch up with people! Make a few phone calls. Ring Charlie! See what he’s up to. Cook something nice for him.