by Adele Huxley
“Definitely. And just think,” he said wistfully as he brushed my hair behind my ear, “maybe we just conceived another son.”
I couldn’t help but grin. “Maybe! Now there’s a thought.” I turned and pressed my ear to his chest, his steady heartbeat slowing as he cooled down.
“We should name him Kris,” he chuckled.
“Kris?” I asked suspiciously.
“Kris Kringle?” he clarified. I gave him a swat and rolled my eyes. “No? Rudolf? Dasher?”
I pinched his ass and pushed him away. “Never in a million years,” I laughed.
“He would’ve been conceived while his father was wearing a Santa suit on Christmas Eve. Come on, Liz. I’m not being unreasonable,” he laughed.
“It could be a she,” I replied tartly as I pulled my hair back.
“Frosty is an ambiguous name,” he countered with a wink.
I stood on my toes and kissed him one last time, a lingering kiss we hadn’t been able to share downstairs. “You’re impossible, Marsh,” I smirked.
It was a little past 8 a.m. and I already wanted Christmas Eve to be over. With only a few hours of fitful sleep, everything grated on my nerves. I slipped on my headphones, plugged my phone into the outlet to charge, and tried not to feel guilty about stealing the tiniest amount of power. I consider it a gift to everyone around me, I thought. If I’m listening to music, I’m less likely to fly into a murderous rage.
Bryan-slash-Santa traipsed around the Great Hall getting all the kids riled up and overexcited, which I thought was a great idea. It went from a relatively calm morning to complete chaos. So I pulled the hoodie tight and tried to become a part of the scenery. But all the music in the world couldn’t soothe the savage beast that growled as I saw Marie approach. Like some weird Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, she was perky and all smiles as she walked over.
“Hey,” Marie whispered as she knelt in front of me. “We’re gonna go to the rental shop and get drunk, you wanna come?”
I didn’t really want to drink, especially before nine in the morning, but I’d use any excuse to spend more time with Miah. Plus, I wasn’t about to let her hang out alone with him. “Yeah, sure. I’ll have a drink or two.”
Marie flung her arm around my shoulders and chuckled softly. “Thatta girl, I knew you’d be into it. Maybe when you’re done you can throw up on a few people, for old times’ sake,” she said, putting an elbow in my ribs.
“I’ll aim for you first,” I said, jostling her back. Maybe I will drink just so I can puke on her…
With thinner walls and more windows, the rental shop was the coldest room in the lodge by far, so no one had camped out. It was the only place we could find that wasn’t tightly packed with sleeping bags or had a crying kid complaining that Santa Claus hadn’t given him whatever piece of shit he desperately wanted. It was actually kind of a cool spot. Most of the area was glass, so it felt like we were sitting in the middle of a snow globe shaken by a giant.
We settled into the same positions we’d been in yesterday, picking up where we’d left off. Only difference I could see was the body language between Drew and Trig. They shared looks; she’d laugh after he whispered in her ear. They were much more touchy feely than the day before and I got the sense theirs was a new relationship.
Marie passed around a flask of whiskey, the five of us taking sips. I didn’t mind a little of that, at least it wasn’t a full bottle of vodka like last time. At one point, I leaned over and nudged Miah. I’d considered telling him what had happened with Marie in the bathroom, but thought better of it. I still didn’t understand the dynamic between the two of them.
“Did your mom and grandparents get up here in time? I heard they aren’t clearing the road up here anymore, not until the storm ends.”
Miah shook his head but didn’t meet my eye. “No. Before the cells went down, Mom texted to say they were all right, though, so I’m not worried.”
“That’s good. Did you get any sleep last night?” I asked.
“Eventually, though it took a while.” His gaze burned as he glanced at my mouth. “Couldn’t get you out of my mind.” He laughed as I stammered out a nervous response. I didn’t know what to say. I was so much better talking to him through my phone. Speaking face-to-face was a little too honest. The darkness, and his intense kiss, had taken away a lot of the awkwardness. Luckily, I think he sensed my nerves and took it easy on me. We sat on a bench, quietly taking part in the conversation. But my attention was elsewhere.
His hand slipped from mine and circled around my back, very slowly snaking its way up my shirt until it reached bare skin. I involuntarily shivered at his touch, both from excitement and his cold fingers.
“Sorry,” he whispered into my ear.
His eyes glittered in the morning light. Another shiver passed through me. I smiled and leaned closer, my wordless encouragement.
Marie had obviously been sampling from the flask long before the rest of us had. We kept having to shush her, afraid that we might get too rowdy and draw attention to us. I’m sure no one would be too happy about finding a bunch of drunk teenagers before breakfast.
“We should play another drinking game!” she declared in a loud whisper.
“We don’t need a game to drink,” Trig said, rolling his eyes.
“No, but it makes it better. I know! Let’s play truth or dare. When the hell was the last time you played that was?” she slurred.
“Great English there, Miss Tri-lingual. Probably junior high,” Miah responded. His hand crept up my back, his palm flat and sliding against my smooth skin. I couldn’t believe the tiniest touch was driving me absolutely out of my mind.
“Seriously. Why don’t we play spin the bottle next?” I joked at her expense.
“Oh, I bet you’d love that, wouldn’t you?” she sneered. “Come on, let’s do it!” Marie gestured wildly. “I’ll ask first. Trig? Come on, please?”
Trig and Drew shared another look. He leaned back on his hands and nodded. “Fine.”
“Yay! Okay, truth or dare,” Marie asked dramatically.
“Dare.”
Without missing a beat, she threw out the command. “I dare you to run around the lodge naked.”
“Nope, try again,” Trig replied calmly.
“You can’t negotiate the terms.”
“It’s so cold out, my dick will snap off. Come up with something else.”
“Run around here naked, the whole perimeter of the room.”
“Accepted,” Trig replied as he pushed to his feet. I couldn’t believe how casual he was with it. He tore off layers of shirts until he was topless and shivering. Just as he unbuttoned his jeans, he paused and looked at the group. “I’ll remind you, it is cold in here.” And with that, he kicked off his shoes and dropped trow.
With a little shout, he jumped and ran to the edge of the room, holding one hand in front of himself while he jogged. Drew was on her back laughing. I bit my lip and laughed, pressing my face into Miah’s chest so I didn’t have to watch.
“Your skin is blindingly white,” he yelled out to Trig as he rounded the third corner.
“But isn’t my ass spectacular?” Trig replied.
“It’s somehow even lighter than the rest of you!”
I couldn’t stop laughing, wanting to watch and look away at the same time. Miah pulled me close and whispered in my ear. “Your ass is spectacular,” before giving my side a little tickle.
I giggled and squirmed under his touch. Peering over his arm, I saw Marie looking like a disappointed child on the brink of a tantrum. I’m not sure if it was Trig’s willingness or how close Miah and I were obviously getting, but it made me wary. After the night before in the bathroom, I treated her like an unpredictable animal. But sometimes poking the bear was irresistible.
Trig returned, dressed in record time, and clapped his hands together as he looked around the circle. “Gets the blood flowing! Now, my turn.”
Marie was deliberately trying to get under
my skin, but in a subtle way the others weren’t noticing. Little comments here and there followed by pointed looks, inside jokes between her and Miah meant to keep me on the outside. To list them all would make me sound petty, but truly, she was acting like a complete bitch. I think because I was the newbie in the group, we played that stupid game for over a half an hour before it finally landed on me.
“All right, Marie, truth or dare?” Drew asked.
Marie shook her head, curls bouncing in protest. When she spoke, I could already hear a slight slur to her words. “No. I’ve already gone too much. Princess Dani here needs a turn.”
“Oh, okay. I didn’t meant to leave you out! Truth or…” Drew started as she shifted onto her knees.
“No! I’m doing it,” Marie declared. The anger in her tone rattled the group to silence. Her dark eyes pinned me to the spot. “Truth or dare.”
Miah pulled me close, his hand now hot on my bare skin. I mulled over the choice and decided I wasn’t ready to strip down in front of any of these people. Plus, I just knew that’s when Liz would walk in and find us. I made a point of holding her eye while I snuggled up against him.
“Truth.”
“Does the carpet match the drapes or are you a bottle blonde?”
I wasn’t put off by her question and thought to up the ante. I slid my hand up Miah’s flat stomach and chest as I responded. “I can’t remember. I’ve been waxing since I was thirteen. But cute question.”
As she watched, he and I grew closer, and her eyes burned brighter. “Truth or dare?” she asked again.
“You already had your…” Trig trailed off when she glared at him.
I knew I couldn’t back down from this challenge. “Truth.”
“Why do you think you’re so much better than us?” she slurred.
I felt like I was finally getting somewhere. I peered up to Miah and pressed against him further. The arm curled around my shoulder was my reassurance. “I don’t…”
“Truth or dare?” she asked, her face growing red.
“I’m flattered you want to know so much about me,” I chuckled. “Truth.”
“What’s your price?”
“My what?”
“Your price. You’re a fucking whore and every whore has a price. I’m just curious what yours is.”
“Marie!” Miah gasped. “What the fuck?”
“What? It’s just a question,” she replied innocently. “Judging by your figure, I’m guessing a little coke in exchange for the cock? Or do you just flat out refuse to eat anything?”
“That’s a little much,” Drew added.
Sensing that all the right cards had fallen in my hand, I pressed my lips together and stayed silent. I judged the situation correctly because my lack of response only enraged her. Soon, her cheeks nearly matched the ruddy hue of her hair.
“I think that concludes the game,” Trig declared.
“You wouldn’t be defending her if you’d heard what she said about all you last night,” she spat.
I didn’t need to feign surprise with that comment, but I felt the group’s support falter slightly. With one sentence, she’d pushed me back on the outside.
I leaned into Miah and whispered in his ear. “She’s had a lot to drink. I think maybe we should take her…”
“Don’t you see what she’s doing?” Marie shouted. “She’s trying to weasel her way in, act like she’s some… townie! All she’s got is a loose claim to fame with her last name.” Even though she was spitting mad, her accidental rhyme sent her into a fit of giggles.
“Lemme go talk to her,” Miah said as he jumped down from the counter. The absence of his hand left a cold spot on my back and a void by my side. She fought a little as he pulled her to the side of the room, but went quietly enough.
I didn’t know how to react. If I walked away, she’d win. If I rose to her taunts, she’d win. I literally didn’t see how I could gracefully get out of this situation without the little brat getting her way.
“So… after the storm, maybe we can all go boarding sometime?” I asked Drew and Trig. Perhaps if I concentrated on befriending them, Marie would look even crazier by comparison.
Drew smiled kindly at me and nodded. “Sure, totally.” She was placating me. I recognized those fake promises from a lifetime of living in California. The negative yes. Before I could let my disappointment show too much, Miah returned.
His gorgeous eyes were tight, the friendly twinkle all but gone. “She said you called us a bunch of backwater redneck hicks.”
My mouth worked but nothing came out. All I could see was Marie’s smug face over Miah’s shoulder. I’ve never wanted to hit someone so fucking badly in my life. I couldn’t believe no one else was seeing her for who she really was!
I looked in his eyes, earnestly hoping he’d see the truth in it all. “She cornered me last night in the bathroom, after you and I… She’s a psycho, I’m telling you. Whenever your back is turned, she’s horrible to me.”
He looked over his shoulder, touched my elbow, and guided me further away. “Dani, she’s going through a lot right now with her mom and everything. I think…”
“She doesn’t even give a shit about her mom! You care about her more. All she’s doing is getting drunk and high any chance she gets.” That doesn’t sound like anyone we know, doesn’t it? the dark voice inside said. I ignored it, having well and truly lost my temper. I needed to open his eyes to how manipulative and shitty she was.
He licked his lips and stared at the floor. “You just don’t know her well enough. Obviously, I wasn’t there last night, but she also said you practically attacked her. Told her to stay the fuck away from me?”
I groaned and glared at her as I responded. “She was the one warning me to stay away,” I replied through gritted teeth. I threaded my fingers with his and deliberately softened my voice. “I know we only just met, but do you really think I’m the kind of girl who would say something like that?”
He gave my hand a squeeze and pulled free. “I have no idea. That’s the truth. You have to admit, you do act a little weird sometimes.”
For the first time in my life, I was so furious that I was at a loss for words. I could only hang my head. “The worst part is, you know every other word out of her mouth is a lie! You said it yourself.”
“She wouldn’t lie about something like this.”
I had a moment of clarity. Though my chest hurt at the injustice of it all, I finally gave in. Why keep fighting when it was all going to go to shit anyway? What was the point? “You know what? I don’t even know why I care. You fucking deserve each other. In a couple months, I’ll be out of this backwards hick town and you’ll be stuck here. Whatever.”
I clenched my jaw and stormed out of the room, refusing to cry in front of them. All I could think was, This is what I get for trying.
Angry tears pricked the corners of my eyes. Adrenaline carried me on a winding path around the lodge. There was no way I was going back to our spot in the Great Hall, returning only to have Liz throw her kid on me like an unwanted puppy. But I needed to keep moving, putting distance between the heartache and myself.
I found myself standing at the front entrance staring into the windswept snowy scene. It looked fake, like the movie set from The Shining. The wind howled through the covered sidewalk, whipping around the building like a vortex. I wanted to rage and scream at the injustice of it all. For the first time in a very long time, I’d met someone I not only connected with, but also felt comfortable around. I couldn’t believe I’d let him get so close, close enough to hurt.
And suddenly, the vast lodge felt too small, too crowded. I was trapped. I couldn’t breathe and I couldn’t stand the idea of going back into the crowd and seeing Marie’s smug, punchable face beaming at me from Miah’s side. Even the thought of it enraged me.
Nothing ever worked out, no matter what I did. I tried to open up to someone for the first time and was shut down. Taking Bryan’s talk to heart, I tried bein
g kinder to Liz but that only opened the door to her walking all over me. I was just a stupid kid, hers to boss around and ignore as she saw fit. She probably bragged about how awesome she and Bryan were for taking in such a troubled child. I was surprised they hadn’t thrust me in front of a camera to talk about what an incredible human Liz Croyden-Marsh was.
All the anger and walls I used weren’t strong enough to keep me from getting hurt over and over again. No matter what I did, life just got worse and worse. Was that the moral of the story? Fuck trying?
My fingers curled around the cold metal of the door handle. I could feel the murmur of the crowd behind me, still all worked up from Santa Claus’ appearance. I mourned the life that died when Dad was hurt. Once, in another time, I would’ve laughed and cheered along with them. But now… I felt like a husk, filled with nothing but anger and a vast ability to disappoint.
I pushed through the first set of doors and the second without pausing. The wind buffeted me, ripping through my clothes as if I were wearing nothing at all. I didn’t care. I welcomed the cold. It was inviting. It was exactly what I deserved. A part of me wanted to wander off into the white blindness and succumb. I’d always heard dying of hypothermia wasn’t bad, just like going to sleep.
You have to understand. I didn’t actually want to die… I just wanted the peace that comes with it.
The scream coming from deep within was impossible to stop. It demanded release, and I was afraid of what might happen if I didn’t let it out. With my fists clenched at my sides, I screamed into the wild wind. I wanted to shatter the world with my pain. The wordless cry was pulled from me and swept away. Even the universe didn’t care. I screamed and screamed until my throat was hoarse. For my family, for my future, for every horrible reality about life I couldn’t bear to face. Violent shivers wracked my body as the snow stung my skin.