by S A Gardner
And you know what? He’d probably meant for all this to go on inside my mind when he’d given me that smile! He probably exerted that mental force of his on me, set off the chain reaction of thoughts and rationalization that had me talking myself into being content with his new position and responsibilities. Though I couldn’t tell for sure.
Would I ever know anything for sure with him? I asked.
He smiled again. “You can be sure of one thing. I’m yours.”
And I was his. It was as simple as that.
Which led to what seemed like the perfectly logical next question. “Since that’s the case, will you marry me?”
It took a minute. Then I realized what I’d said. I only did when I saw Damian sporting a heretofore unseen expression. Terminal incredulity.
What had I said?
Marriage? Where did that come from? What did marriage mean, beyond what we already had? How many husbands and wives would do anything, turn the world upside down, would die and much worse for each other, like we did?
How about living for each other?
I smacked that inner voice silent. This was out in our situation, now more than ever. We had so much more to live for than our hearts. I had so many things and lives to put right. And he’d just become the high and mighty overall TOP and PACT chief. Fitzpatrick had talked about weakness-free leadership. What was I doing asking him to even consider creating the weakness that had made his bosses and colleagues sell out humanity for?
But he’s already told you you are his only weakness, that he’d do anything for you…
No way. I wasn’t having it this way.
I turned away, trying to block out the sight of him, and that of his explicit reaction to my moronic offer. “Just forget I ever said anything so stupid, OK? It’s my medications talking. I’m having a word with Matt about what he’s been dumping into my drip.”
His arms gathered me from behind, one over my right shoulder, the other around my waist. I hadn’t even felt him move. “I won’t forget this. Never will. Even if you chicken out now and go back on your offer. And it isn’t stupid.”
“Yes, it is stupid. I don’t want to get married. I don’t even know what getting married is or where the question came from. I’m not wife material. And then what is marriage anyway? In our situation? We wouldn’t have a home and children. It’s just not possible. So why shove our relationship into a mold it just doesn’t fit in, when none of the terms and expectations others understand and live by apply where we are concerned?”
“Do you trust me?”
I blinked. There he went again with the cut-and-paste leaps in conversation continuity. Where did that fit in right now?
And then, he’d asked me to trust him once before and when I said I couldn’t, he’d walked out on me. Was this some sort of test again? I really wasn’t in the mood for ultimatums.
I turned in his arms. “You in need of some memory-boosting medication, De Luna? You do remember that delightful debate we had a few minutes ago, don’t you? I trust you with my life and all the huge stuff, but with lesser things—which make up most of life matters—I sure don’t. I’m not that trusting!”
And I would have swallowed my tongue if I could have. That flash in his eyes—oh, God, I hurt him…
Next second I went out of my way to hurt him. My smack connected with his steel arm in a satisfying whack.
He was laughing at me!
“Doesn’t this make me far more stimulating?” He took two more smacks before he caught me to him, murmured the rest against my lips. “This edge of uncertainty?”
It sure did, damn him. “Any more stimulating and I wouldn’t let you out of bed except for survival matters.”
Satisfaction dripped from eyes and lips that had been created to compromise my sanity. “Just be warned, amada. I’m holding you to your proposal. I’m bringing it up periodically. Sooner or later, you’re going to make an honest man out of me.”
Now this was snort-worthy. “Honest and you exist in different dimensions, buster. And then what are you thinking of, even considering entering the matrimonial cage? You should be way beyond such trivialities now you have a global-scale role and reach with almost infinite power and its accompanying responsibilities. And I can’t be your weakness…”
“You, my weakness? A warrior as tough as I am, as fearless, as mercurial, as invisible? What do you think marriage vows would do to you? Turn you into a vulnerable housewife? When we marry, mi vida, we will make our own kind of marriage. It will be unprecedented.”
“Don’t give me that, Damian. When you weren’t selling me on this, the truth came out—for a change. You did admit I was your weakness. You can’t afford weaknesses, now more than ever.”
“That wasn’t the truth, Calista. That was me being absolutely wrong.”
“We’d just won our most dangerous war, Damian, and…”
“And we won it counting on each other, completing each other. When I said weakness I meant what it does to me, loving you, worrying about you. It drives me insane, drives me to extremes. But this just keeps me ready for anything. You keep me panting for more. I was powerful without you, but having you by my side makes me invincible. You’re not my weakness, mi amor. You’re my greatest strength.”
And he was mine. And that said a lot, everything really, when I was blessed with so many incredible allies.
Lost for words for once, I let him take me back to bed, tuck me in, then settle down beside me, curve himself around me. He played with my hair for long minutes, pressing kisses and endearments all over my face.
I resurfaced from his last kiss with the urge to voice my fears reaching unbearable levels. “Damian—what I wanted to say before was, we won a war, but in doing this, we just upped the ante. You’re entering a new phase and totally uncharted waters. And after all the losses we’ve suffered, all the massive changes that had been forced on my team the last few months, so am I. I’ve come a long way from helping the helpless on backstreets and decimating average to medium-sized scum. While you’re going from retail to wholesale. We’ve risen up in the world—hell, we’ve just shot up into the stratosphere. I can only foresee even more impossible challenges and bigger wars.”
“And you’d be right. And the point of all this is—what?”
“I don’t even know what my point is. I just have a feeling that we’ve just opened Pandora’s Box, that we’ve battered through a wall of fire and will fall into an inferno. I’ve never felt more uncertain about the future.”
“You’re grieving, amor. You’re shaken emotionally and physically. You can’t bring your friends back, you can’t even give those who remain alive their lives back. Everything seems insurmountable right now. But it isn’t. We’ll take this one challenge at a time, one war at a time.Together. Sí?”
God, he understood. And how. I tugged him to me by his long hair, crashed his lips into mine. “Sí, you impossible, incomparable man.”
He winced as I tugged on his hair harder. “You’d better take your fill pulling my hair, amor, fast. I’m cutting it.”
“Don’t you dare! I love it long. It gives me so many things to do with it—and with you.”
“Well, in that case, I may be convinced to grow it even longer. And if you’re into new looks, I can even go red.”
At the image of him in red hair, I just had to splutter.
Sobbing at the pain my giggles shot through my healing shoulder, I realized what he was doing. He was taking me away from grief and morbidity. And succeeding.
Though I still ached with the wounds and losses, though I still shivered at the ominous clouds gathering in our horizon, I no longer felt desperate with anguish or crushed under the weight of possibilities and responsibilities.
I felt ready to turn loss into empowering history, into a steadier future. I felt able to fight through whatever came crashing down on us. I felt ready to face anything.
Together.
I pulled his face down to me for a fierce nuzzle.
“Gracias, mi amor. Por todo. Te amo.”
He shuddered against me. “Madre de Dios, mi vida—do you know what you do to me when you speak Spanish?”
“If it’s the same as what you do to me when you do, I’d say we’re even.”
Our gazes meshed, said everything.
Then he smirked. “So—still chickening out? Still taking back your marriage proposal?”
“Oh, definitely.” He pulled a face at me. I smirked right back at him. “I was under the influence, still am for that matter. But just for future reference, if one day I reconsider, will you ask for a solitaire?”
“I’ll ask for one, all right. A one-in-history one.” He pulled me into his great body, into his power and cherishing. “This one.”
I relinquished his gaze, unable to withstand the intensity, the totality of his passion, my eyes and heart overflowing as I borrowed into his chest.
If one day he asked, I wouldn’t be able to deny him anything.
But that day might never come. We might not even survive long enough for it to be an option. All the more reason to take whatever we could, give all we could, every moment we could. We must stock up on all the love and life we could, for the wars we might have in store for us…
Might? Who was I kidding?
Those wars would come.
I squeezed Damian back with all my returning strength, welcoming the sharpness of pain, the proof of yet another chance at life I’d been granted.
As long as I had him, I’d be ready for anything.
Let the next war come.
From the Author
I hope you enjoyed LETHAL REACTION, the third installment in the adventures of Dr. Calista St. James!
If you enjoyed the books, I’d truly appreciate it if you spread the word!
As an indie author, reviews mean everything to my success, as they’re how other readers consider giving my books a try. Even a one-line review on the book’s page on Amazon especially, and also Goodreads and Bookbub would be amazing.
Although the books can be read as standalone, I’m sure your enjoyment will be maximized if you read the series in order. If you haven’t yet, please read the previous two book in the series, LETHAL TREATMENT, and LETHAL CURE.
I hope you’ll continue to enjoy Calista’s adventures, and I’d love to hear from you at [email protected]
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Thank you for reading!
S. A. Gardner
About the Author
S.A. Gardner was a surgeon, a world traveler (at least before COVID-19) and now she’s a writer who loves writing stories for others to enjoy, as much as she enjoys writing them.
To get in touch with her please write her at [email protected], or visit her website at sagardnerauthor.com
Also By S.A. Gardner
Lethal Treatment
Lethal Cure
Lethal Reaction