Signs of Life

by Melanie Hansen

  Finally Kai signed off for the night with, Gonna go jack off now to thoughts of your tongue in my ass. Thanks for that.

  Jeremy lay in bed, thinking about his new lover, wondering when everything changed in his mind from simply casual, good-time sex to a potential new relationship. He couldn’t deny that’s where he’d like things to be heading, and he realized the thought didn’t scare him. Well, didn’t scare him as much as made him sad. On impulse he picked his phone up from the nightstand next to the bed and dialed.

  “Jere!” Jase’s rough voice was a little extra gravelly, and the sounds of what appeared to be a wild party were in the background.

  “What the hell is going on, Jase?” Jeremy asked with a smile in his voice. “Sex, drugs, and rock n’ roll?”

  “Pretty much, man,” Jase said. “Lemme go somewhere quieter.” Jeremy could hear the muffled sounds of Jase’s phone pressed against his chest as he talked and shouted to people on his way to wherever he was headed. Suddenly Jeremy heard a feminine voice that sounded demanding, even if he couldn’t make out exactly what she was saying.

  “Yeah, Layla, I fucking know that label exec is coming,” Jase said impatiently, his voice coming clearly through the phone as he held it up to his ear again. “He can wait a few minutes while I talk to my friend. No, it’s not Carey, it’s my friend Jeremy. I did so tell you about him! Now go away.” By the time Jase snorted with exasperation and muttered, “Got rid of her, fucking finally,” Jeremy was shaking with laughter.

  “Your manager sounds like something else.”

  “She’s a pain in my goddamn ass,” Jase said darkly, though a thread of fondness ran through his voice. “Just got done with a concert, one of those see-and-be-seen things that Layla likes to set up for us. Label execs coming out the woodwork, man.”

  “That’s good, though, right?” Jeremy asked, propping himself up on his pillows.

  “Of course, although I hate the kiss-ass bullshit sometimes. Reminds me too much of the military, licking ass just because some dude has a gold star on his collar. You either like our music or you don’t. I shouldn’t have to make nice so you like me too.”

  “Nah, you love it. Admit it. You love everything about it.”

  Jase sighed. “I do. Dammit.” They laughed together, and then Jase said, “What’s up, Jere? It’s so good to hear from you.”

  Jeremy took a deep breath, and then blurted out, “I met someone, Jase.”

  “What? Oh my God, that’s fuckin’ fantastic!” Jase’s voice rang with delight. “Tell me about him!”

  Jeremy told him how he met Kai at that club and what happened there, the unbelievable coincidence of running into him again after the incident at Jeremy’s home, the time they spent together since and the different conversations they had, leaving nothing out.

  Jase was quiet until Jeremy finished, and then he said, “I like him already.”

  “I do too, Jase,” Jeremy admitted. “A lot. But don’t you think it’s too soon—”

  “Too soon?” Jase interrupted incredulously. “It’s been two fuckin’ years since Brent died, Jere. And I didn’t know him as well as I would have liked, but what I do know is that he would have wanted you to be happy again.”

  “He would have, because he loved me,” Jeremy said quietly. “And what I meant was I’ve only known Kai for a few months, and we spend a lot of our time together having sex.”

  He felt his face get hot as Jase chortled, saying, “Finally time you started getting laid again, man. Nothing wrong with that.” He sobered quickly, his voice serious as he said, “From what you just told me, though, you’ve spent a lot of time with him out of bed too. Maybe in the company of others and not always in ideal situations, but you’ve seen enough to get a sense of the kind of man he is, a survivor, a fighter. Someone that’s smart and self-confident, compassionate. See, I listened just now!”

  Jeremy gave a sort of watery chuckle, his throat tight.

  Jase went on. “And sometimes, Jeremy, with someone, they just—I don’t know, man, they just fit you. They fill those empty spaces inside you with stuff you didn’t even know you wanted or needed. You can’t explain it, but sometimes it’s just—right. Don’t question it, just grab on to it with both hands.”

  “But it feels sometimes like I’m trying to replace Brent and—”

  “No,” Jase said. “You’re not replacing Brent because Brent can’t be replaced. You can’t put Kai in the part of your heart that will always be Brent’s, man. Don’t look at it like that.”

  “How do I look at it, then? How?”

  Jase blew out a breath, obviously marshaling his thoughts. “Look, when I was sixteen, my mom was pregnant with her seventy-trillionth kid. And one of my little sisters asked her if my mom would still love her when she had the new baby. I’ll never forget what my mom said, about love being like the flame of a candle. It glows brightly, but yet it can light many more candles, a roomful of them, without losing its glow. And the other ones it lit glow just as bright without taking one single thing away from the original candle. Does that make sense? My mom said it a lot fuckin’ better than that, man.”

  Jeremy swallowed past the giant lump in his throat. “Yeah, that makes sense. Thanks, Jase.” Jase grunted, then a short silence fell before Jeremy whispered, “How did you get so smart, knowing just how to deal with my fucked-up mess?”

  “Us fucked-up messes need to stick together, right? Love ya, dude.” Jeremy didn’t even get to reply as Jase suddenly shouted, “Okay, for fuck’s sake, Layla, I’m coming!” And then the line went dead.

  Jeremy held the phone in his hand for a second before opening up the Brent folder and pulling up his favorite pic of him, one Jeremy had taken at the beach their first weekend in San Diego. They weren’t married yet, but had just gotten engaged, and they were staying at the Hotel del Coronado while they waited for their household goods to arrive from Florida. Brent had finally gotten away from his oppressive family, and he was in love, about to be married. He was looking out at the ocean when he suddenly turned and caught sight of Jeremy walking toward him, and the sheer happiness on his face was breathtaking to behold. Jeremy managed to snap a picture, and he looked at it now, the memory warming him instead of hurting him.

  “You’d like him, I think,” Jeremy whispered. “And I’ll never let him take your place because I want him to have his own place. You don’t mind, do you? Because you know I’ll always love you.”

  And it had to be a trick of the light, an illusion created by emotion and tired eyes, but Jeremy could have sworn Brent’s lips, stretched in that beautiful smile, pursed up in a kiss.

  KAI WIPED his sweaty, grimy hand over his equally sweaty and grimy forehead. The boys were all in rough shape, hot and filthy. Jeremy had texted that morning and asked them to come out to the cabin instead of the new house, saying, I really do need my attic cleaned out. Sorry!

  The boys groaned when Jeremy led them up a set of narrow stairs to the attic that made up sort of a third floor of the cabin. It was full of old, broken-down boxes, stacks of yellowed newspaper, and other detritus Jeremy said he thought had been there for years, well before his ownership. He had handed out face masks to block the dust and other airborne particles, providing rubber gloves, buckets, scrub brushes, and mops. Before he left to run some errands, he told them once again he had lunch for them downstairs, and to please respect his bedroom and study as off-limits.

  And then he went, leaving them to it. Kai was warmed to know he trusted him, trusted them enough to leave them basically with the run of his house. During lunch Kai showed the boys around a little, enjoying the awe on their faces as they took in the glass-enclosed patio, the fireplace, the comfy outdoor furniture, the covered Jacuzzi.

  Now Kai stood with his hands on his hips, looking around the attic. He wouldn’t say it was sparkling clean by any means, but they’d made a definite improvement. He and Loren had hauled bag after bag of trash out to the end of the driveway, and Loren had even found a tar
p to cover the old boxes with to keep them from disintegrating into a sodden heap courtesy of the steadily falling rain. When the room was cleared out, the boys had swept, then mopped, using the scrub brushes to try and remove what look like dried bird shit from the floor and part of the wall, the origins of which were confirmed when an ancient-looking birds’ nest was spotted up in the rafters.

  Lunch was good, turkey wraps and potato salad, and then they touched up the paint in the bedrooms they’d been working on, making it a good and productive, though exhausting, day. Kai felt like he had grime in his nostrils and ears, he was so dirty. As he directed the boys to stack the cleaning implements in a neat heap in a corner, he caught movement out of the corner of his eye and turned, almost falling over when he saw Jeremy leaning casually in the doorway. He was dressed in a sharply tailored black suit and pearl-gray dress shirt, a silver tie with ice-blue accents pulled loose and hanging around his neck, the top buttons of his shirt open and revealing the hollow of his throat.

  Kai knew he was gaping, but he couldn’t force himself to look away until he heard Loren mutter sotto voce from close by, “Close your mouth, dear.” Kai snapped his mouth closed in chagrin, but the boys hadn’t noticed anything, too busy cleaning up and focusing on leaving. Jeremy’s eyes were filled with amusement and heat as he looked Kai over, taking in his disheveled state, quirking his lips.

  The boys were complaining of wanting to get home, and Loren said briskly, “Okay, come on, guys. Mr. D will stay here and finish up a couple of things while I get you home. Mr. Speer, will you drive Mr. D to pick up his car later?”

  “I will,” Jeremy said, still holding Kai’s eyes with his. Loren herded the boys out and down the stairs, and Kai heard the distant sounds of the van doors opening and closing, the engine starting up, and then fading into the distance.

  “Come here,” Jeremy murmured, still leaning lazily against the doorframe. Kai walked toward him slowly, stopping just inches away, his heart thundering. Jeremy reached out and caressed Kai’s cheek with the backs of his fingers.

  “You’re a mess,” he said almost tenderly, drifting his fingertips over Kai’s lips and then around to the back of Kai’s neck, cupping him and pulling him in closer.

  “Your suit,” Kai breathed, and Jeremy slid his other arm around Kai’s waist and pulled him flush against him.

  “Fuck my suit. Kiss me.”

  Kai melted against him, wrapping his arms around Jeremy’s neck and diving into the kiss, his senses full of Jeremy’s hot mouth, the scent of his subtle aftershave, the feel of his aroused body pressed firmly against Kai’s.

  “A week is too long to go without seeing you,” Jeremy whispered between kisses. “I’ve missed you.”

  “Mmmm,” Kai moaned, tilting his head back to give Jeremy access to his throat, threading his fingers through his thick hair. He felt Jeremy bring his hands down and squeeze his ass, and then Jeremy eased him gently away.

  “Let me change, and then I want to take you out someplace,” Jeremy whispered, leaning down and giving Kai one more lingering kiss. “I’ll run you by your place to shower and change first too.” Kai was expecting to be hustled straight into bed, and his surprise must have shown because Jeremy chuckled and said, “I want to hear how your week was, and I’m starving, so let’s go somewhere for an early dinner and talk.”

  Kai felt a pleased warmth spread through him, and he reached out and smoothed his hands down Jeremy’s once-pristine shirt, pulling it free from his waistband and unbuttoning it slowly.

  “I’d like that, but I was looking forward to undressing you with my teeth,” he teased huskily. “You look amazing in this suit, baby. Took my breath away.”

  Jeremy gripped Kai’s hands and stilled them, pressing a light kiss to the filthy knuckles before moving determinedly away, saying over his shoulder in a rough voice, “Meet you downstairs in fifteen.”

  Kai stood there a moment longer, his body throbbing with sexual frustration but a cautious happiness was starting to take root as well. He could tell Jeremy was trying, trying to elevate their relationship above that of just sex, making it clear he wanted to spend time with Kai outside of bed. As much as Kai wanted to be beneath Jeremy at that moment, feeling him moving inside him, he wanted that too.

  He went downstairs to the powder room and washed his hands, then waited at the kitchen island, scrolling through his phone until Jeremy reappeared, dressed in neatly pressed khaki pants and a pale green shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. His hair was damp and he was still slightly flushed from the heat of the shower. Kai groaned under his breath, renewed desire surging through him. He tamped it down ruthlessly, determined to put Jeremy’s needs ahead of his own, and while Kai knew if he pushed it he could be bent over the island in minutes, being fucked into oblivion, he also understood what a monumental step this was for Jeremy, the way he was indicating with action rather than words he truly was trying to move on with his life.

  Jeremy pulled on a brown leather jacket, and Kai shrugged into his hoodie and followed Jeremy out to the garage. He whistled when he saw the sleek black Land Rover. He climbed inside and ran his hand over the buttery-soft leather, wincing at his own filthy state. Jeremy winked at him before starting the engine and backing out of the garage. Kai gave him directions to his house, thrilled when Jeremy reached over and linked their fingers together as he drove.

  Fifteen minutes later they were pulling up to the curb in front of Kai’s house, a small bungalow in a pleasant, neatly kept neighborhood. Kai led the way inside, watching Jeremy as he looked around, taking in the eclectic blend of furniture and carefully chosen decorative pieces. Never in a million years had Kai dreamed he’d one day own his own home, and he was inordinately proud of his little space, pouring every spare cent and every spare minute into it.

  “I like it, Kai. It suits you,” Jeremy murmured, running his hand down Kai’s back and leaning in for a kiss. “And when we’re done with dinner, maybe you can show me your bedroom.”

  Kai groaned against Jeremy’s lips, giving him a little nip with his teeth and reveling in his sharp gasp. “Count on it,” he breathed, loving the way Jeremy’s eyes darkened with promise.

  Kai pulled away slowly and backed toward his bedroom, closing the door softly in Jeremy’s yearning face. He couldn’t believe how much he was enjoying this mating dance, the anticipation thrumming under the surface, making his skin feel hypersensitive. When they did come together later, it was going to be explosive. Kai couldn’t fucking wait.

  He made short work of his shower, pulling on a pair of his nicer jeans, ones that weren’t white in places from wear, and a snug black Henley. No eyeliner or piercing tonight, but he fastened his favorite leather bracelet around his wrist, sliding a few rings on his fingers before pronouncing himself ready.

  When he emerged from the bedroom, he saw Jeremy standing with his arms folded, weight canted on one hip, looking at a cluster of photographs Kai had arranged on one wall of his living room. Kai walked over and slid his arms around his waist from behind, resting his chin on Jeremy’s shoulder.

  “These are from various hikes I’ve taken over the years,” Kai explained softly, looking at the mountain scenes and waterfalls depicted in the pictures.

  “Did you take these? They’re beautiful.”

  “No, Loren did. He’s an amateur photographer, and we did all of these hikes together.”

  Jeremy turned in Kai’s arms, resting his hands on Kai’s shoulders, stroking his collarbone lightly with his thumbs.

  “Are you in love with him?” he asked seriously, looking searchingly into Kai’s eyes.

  Kai shook his head, saying softly, “No. Not anymore.”

  Jeremy cocked his head as if trying to analyze the truth of that statement, clearly wanting to say more, and Kai continued, “I’ll tell you anything you want to know about me, Jeremy. Just ask.”

  Jeremy leaned down and feathered his lips across Kai’s, his tongue painting just a hint of dampness along them befo
re he pulled back.

  “I want to know everything,” he whispered. “But right now let’s go eat.”

  Chapter 13

  JEREMY FOLLOWED Kai into a small grill and pub, a locally owned and operated place, rustic and charming. Kai claimed the food was outstanding and the restaurant had a great selection of the microbrews Oregon was famous for. When they walked in, Jeremy could see heads turning and eyes snapping in their direction, and he felt a wave of possessiveness surge through him, a feeling he hadn’t had in years. It wasn’t a sense of ownership or wanting to claim, but pride in the man he was with, knowing others in the room might want him but that man was here with him. Jeremy savored the feeling, letting it warm him.

  Kai spoke to the hostess, and they clearly knew each other, flirting lightly, the woman giggling at something Kai said. She had just started to lead them to a table when Jeremy heard a voice call, “Kai, over here!” He turned his head to see a large table full of women and a couple of men, one of the women beckoning to Kai eagerly.

  Kai gave an unobtrusive sigh and turned to murmur to Jeremy, “Crowd from work. It’s kind of a once-a-month thing that we like to do, get out and socialize a little, vent about work, whatever. I totally forgot they would be here, shit.”

  “Let’s join them,” Jeremy suggested, intrigued at the idea of getting to know Kai’s coworkers and friends, having a chance to see how Kai interacted with the people who were such a huge part of his life.

  “I don’t know,” Kai hesitated. “I kinda wanted you all to myself tonight, if I’m being honest.”

  Jeremy couldn’t help but smile at that. “Ditto, but hey, we have all night. I want to meet your friends.”

  He knew what a big statement that would make to Kai as far as what his intentions were for them going forward, and he saw Kai register that, his eyes glowing with warmth and happiness.